Ucchan wrote:

DB -

Believe it or not, I've been reading this story recently (as well as going
through the archives of the old Dirty Pair fanfics of the early to
mid-90's)

While the DP was written about early on, there was never that much out
there, and it's dwindled to nothing now. It's a pity, because I always
thought it was a good series.

, and I gotta tell ya, I've really enjoyed this story.

Cool.

Granted, I

know Iria/Zeriam from *nothing*,

Ought to watch it. Only 6 eps, and they're enjoyable. I've always regarded
it as a classic, especially for the time period it came out in. Both the
story and animation have withstood the test of time for me.

 but the way this is written, you really

don't *have* to know about that - I take it Kei was to Iria like, say, Ed
was to Spike Siegal?

Not really. More like a genuine junior sidekick by the end of the series.
Basically, Kei and her buddy Komimasu (sp?) were orphans on a planet Zeiram
landed on, Iria following close behind. Kei eventually becomes Iria's ward
as they both try to whack Big Z.

Anyway, rather than just say 'hey, I like this, write more,' I figure I
might as well do a *little* proofreading, even if I'm all-too-aware of my
lack of ability to comment on the characterization.

Can do it on the DP's side, though the idea of family for either Kei or Yuri
wasn't really used in the series, to my recollection.

 Granted, this'll slow

down my latest convention report, but I've gotten the impression that very
few folks out here even knew there *was* one last weekend, so it's not

like

anyone's holding their breath.

And Nekocon is coming up as well. Eager to go to that.

"Oh yes. Definitely like Kei," Iria agreed. "They're penchant for getting
themselves in trouble is exactly the same, even if nothing else is."

That would be "*Their* penchant..."

Got it.

"Oh, that big meenie. It was really annoying the way he nearly came
out right on top of us."

I think it would be 'meanie', unless it's a sort of verbal misspelling

that

just augments Yuri's 'ditzy girl' act.

You're right. Should have remembered that.

Geez, I never expected to play spelling maven to you, DB...

I make lots of mistake. Only reason 'Things' doesn't have more is because I
have actual proofreaders for that.

The searcher made a face at a small rectangle wrapped in puss green foil
that was in her belt pouch. "Ugh, KCR Rations?"

Dare I even ask what shade 'puss green' is?  I've never seen a green cat,
and I don't *want* to see a yeast infection *that* bad...

Oops. Should have been 'pus'

He looked it over. "Your vid-cam is broken."

"I know, that's why I'm bringing it along. I'm getting it fixed while I'm

on

the station."

"I just didn't want to get blamed for it," the man insisted. He turned to
his commander. "She's clean."

Ah, CYA, the mark of a true professional.

I know I do it all the time. :)

Killgore noted that Campion's agitated stated had infected his squad,

"agitated state," right?

Yep.

"If you were this bitchy back then, I'm not surprised he dumped you."

"He did not dump me I dumped him!"

I've probably read too many authors who occasionally lapse into
stream-of-conciousness or omit punctuation or grammar to indicate a
character's speech patterns, but somehow I doubt that you meant to leave

out

anything (whether comma, period or exclamation point) between 'me' and

'I'.

Yep. Missed it.

Anyway, as always, a fascinating read, and one I hope to see continued

soon.

Am in the middle of doing a one shot for someone else that is flowing better
than anything has in a while. (25k in two days). After that, the plan is to
see what Kei is doing. Then I might have the energy and enthuseasim to
finish 'Things' which is in its final 5 chapters or so. That one has gone on
much longer than I expected. Not sure about SOABF. The chapters are keeping
themselves under control and not expanding on me. Hoping it'll be done in
another 500k or so. Really need to start finishing some of these stories up.
I know I hate going to an archive with good stories that are never finished.
I really want to avoid becoming one of those.

Thanks for the feedback. It's usually limited on this, so it's appreciated
more than normal.

DB Sommer

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