You failed to make a point.
Actually, judging from the volume of your vitriol, not only did he
succeed in making his point, but he did so with _flying_ colors.
From the Book of Usenet, 5:12 - "YHBT. YHL. HAND."
I figured Fermy would hang himself quite neatly if I gave him enough rope.
:)
LESSON #1: Speed-reading blurs the distinction between content and
grammar. For a quick-paced spamfic (with lots of whitespace) this can be
a big advantage. For a slower-paced serious fic with much twisting and
turning, grammar and style would be much more noticeable.
*nod* I'd NEVER write the way I wrote "Banana March" if I was trying to be
serious. Even in my usual brand of comedy, I wouldn't go to the extremes I
went to here; this was merely a tongue-in-cheek satirical expression of
disgust at a discussion that had progressed past the point of absurdity.
And then, looking up, I realized the source of the 'off' feeling I'd
gotten - 'said' was being avoided with a passion, and so for that matter
was repetition of any _other_ verb following dialogue.
Precisely. The whole point of this exercise was to use any dialogue tag I
could think of other than the standard ones. It actually was harder than you
might think--I caught myself trying to use a standard dialogue tag more
times than I can count.
LESSON #2: 'Said' is your friend. 'Said' will not bite you or throw you
in the basement. If you find your dialogue wearing thin, you can just as
easily rearrange the sentence structure as pick another verb out of a hat.
*nod* Very true. However, it should also be noted that a good writer doesn't
rely exclusively on "said"...there are far too many good, solid, narratively
exciting speech verbs out there to limit yourself to the most basic of the
lot. There's also absolutely nothing wrong with avoiding speech tags
altogether if the narrative calls for it.
For example, a few different takes on a short passage depicting an everyday
event:
#1:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
"I have your wife's prescription right here, Mr. Johanssen,"
the pharmacist said, placing a small paper bag on the counter.
"Thanks," said the middle-aged man as he pulled his wallet
out of his pocket. "How much?" he asked.
"Ten dollars even," said the pharmacist, ringing up the purchase
on the cash register.
"Okay," said Mr. Johanssen, extracting a bill from his wallet. "Hey,
wait," he said, examining the paper slip attached to the package,
"this isn't the right prescription!"
The pharmacist blinked. "I'm sorry, sir," he said. "Let me figure out
what happened."
"Please hurry," Mr. Johanssen said. "I need to get home with the
right medicine as quick as I can; my wife's a real bitch when her
cramps are acting up."
"I can well imagine," the pharmacist said, chuckling.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
#2:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
"I have your wife's prescription right here, Mr. Johanssen,"
the pharmacist said, placing a small paper bag on the counter.
"Thanks," replied the middle-aged man as he pulled his wallet
out of his pocket. "How much?" he asked.
"Ten dollars even," answered the pharmacist, ringing up the purchase
on the cash register.
"Okay," said Mr. Johanssen, extracting a bill from his wallet. "Hey,
wait," he exclaimed, examining the paper slip attached to the package,
"this isn't the right prescription!"
The pharmacist blinked. "I'm sorry, sir," he said. "Let me figure out
what happened."
"Please hurry," Mr. Johanssen implored. "I need to get home with the
right medicine as quick as I can; my wife's a real bitch when her
cramps are acting up."
"I can well imagine," the pharmacist replied, chuckling.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
#3:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
"I have your wife's prescription right here, Mr. Johanssen."
The pharmacist placed a small paper bag on the counter.
"Thanks," replied the middle-aged man as he pulled his wallet
out of his pocket. "How much?"
"Ten dollars even."
"Okay...hey, wait," Mr. Johanssen suddenly cried, examining
the paper slip attached to the package, "this isn't the right
prescription!"
The pharmacist blinked. "I'm sorry, sir. Let me figure out
what happened."
"Please hurry. I need to get home with the right medicine as
quick as I can; my wife's a real bitch when her cramps are
acting up."
"I can well imagine," the pharmacist chuckled.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
All three of the above examples are technically correct, regardless of what
a number of members of this list would have you believe. The first is the
least narratively interesting, as the only variation on "said" used is
"asked". The second is both the most technically correct and the most
stylistically pleasing, as it conveys the same information, but adds spice
by changing up the dialogue tags, creating extra information and emotion for
the reader. The third employs both nonstandard speech tags AND
non-attributed dialogue; while stylistically correct and easier to
speed-read through, it also eliminates quite a bit of narrative detail, such
as the pharmacist working the register and the customer taking a ten-spot
out of his wallet.
Which style works best for you as a writer is entirely up to you, but it's
important to understand that there are several correct ways of expressing
the same ideas, and minor variations can make a big difference in what the
reader interprets from the narrative.
But I digress...let's get back to the reply...
And _because_ repetition was consciously being avoided, it looked,
especially near the end, like one of those Tinkertoy constructions you
build as a kid to 'use up' the whole barrel - it didn't fit together
well at all.
*nod* Not surprising, given it was pure satire, done in ten minutes, and
wasn't even meant to fit together well...it served its purpose nevertheless.
;)
LESSON #3: Dialogue tags both are and are not characterization. It _is_
necessary for them to match with whatever characterization you have in
mind for the speaker, but by themselves they do not constitute
characterization. People do things other than speak, after all.
Exactly, which is why tags such as "smiled", "nodded", and so forth ARE
correct in modern English narrative prose. Regardless of what anyone's
rulebook tells you, they supply information to the reader that helps set the
stage...it's tantamount to adding the stage directions of a script to the
narrative of prose. It puts motion on the stage in a quick, comprehensive
way that the intuitive reader can pick up on and assign the proper image to
mentally while reading, eliminating the need to bog the narrative down with
extra sentences describing the act of, say, smiling or nodding. Technical
correctness, stylistic correctness, and narrative efficiency are rarely ever
in agreement, and narrative efficiency should always be considered first and
foremost when attempting to tell a story. I'm not saying that it's not
important to follow the rules, but it's important to know which rules to
bend and which to break--otherwise, you might inadvertently put your reading
audience to sleep with plodding narrative.
But that, of course, is the point. The fic is patently absurd in its use
of dialogue tags and deliberately so, to illustrate a point by reducing
to absurdity.
Yup. ^_^
LESSON #4: You learn more about what works or doesn't work,
stylistically, when you look at what doesn't work, as opposed to what
does.
Again, yup. ^_^
ADDENDUM TO LESSON #4: Assuming that what an author _writes_ is what an
author _condones_, and saying so in public, makes you look bitter and/or
stupid.
And once again, a hearty YUP! ^_^ In Fermopile's case, he pretty much
walked right into a trap, which highly amuses me after the recent...dischord
his usual brand of C&C tends to cause. Perhaps there's a chance that
Fermopile might walk away from this with a bit of wisdom passed down through
the ages...
...look before you leap. ^_-
--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com
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