Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Wed, 10 Dec 2003 14:31:44 -0500 DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

And also Angcobra is now storing some of my older fics, at
http://dbsommer.web1000.com/dbsommer.html

He's moved your stories to
http://www.hostultra.com/~AngCobraFics/dbsommer.html

Forward: Most of the events in this take place after Chapter 19 of
Quantum Destinies.  It also relies on information given in the QD side
story series 'Path of the Warrior' and while not a direct {sequal :
sequel}, it gives a lot of information to the main series as it relates
to the Arena, which becomes more important in Ranma's life.

"It Monday.  The meat should no arrive until Wednesday," Shampoo said.
New fighters to the Imperial Arena always arrived on Wednesday, since
their last fight was usually the Friday before in the Hong Kong Arena,
and they needed time to rest and recover before packing and heading to
Japan and the crown jewel of the Empire's entertainment industry, The
Tokyo Imperial Arena, a.k.a., The Battledome.

I usually see that as AKA.

It didn't take long for the pair to make their way to the Arena itself
and head toward the stadium's seating.  Even empty, there was a feeling
of being swallowed by some titanic whale out of {: a : the} Biblical
text.  It was a huge structure that could seat over 70,000 spectators
and felt like nowhere else Shampoo had ever been.  It even made the
Hong Kong Arena look small.  Her entire village could fit in it a
thousand times over, and there would still be room for more.  Truly it
was one of the greatest modern marvels of the world.

Despite the drawbacks, Shampoo had adapted {quiet : quite} well.  She
wagered she was something of an exception.  It wasn't a terrible way of
life for someone raised to respect a warrior's tradition, such as
herself, though she could have done without the controls placed on both
her life and her matches.  Fame and respect were hers already, and
hopefully citizenship awaited her in the future.  It was her personal
life that lacked fulfillment.  Even with Running Deer as a friend, the
Amazon wanted something else.  She was simply uncertain as to what that
elusive thing was.  Most of them gave nothing more than a casual look
in the group's direction before returning their attention to the person
conducting the tour.  One of the men made an obscene gesture toward the
shouter.  Odds were he had a quick temper, something he had best learn
to curb before it got him into trouble.  It was unwise to make more
enemies than friends early in one's life in the Arena.  {Truly : True}
lone wolves were few, and most fighters had a circle of friends, or at
least alliances going with other fighters to help protect one another.
Those that chose to walk a path alone frequently found themselves the
targets of the more bullying cliques, like Tarou and his lot.  While
actual fights off the Arena floor were rare, there were other ways to
ostracize and erode the moral of a fighter who had little more than
himself to rely upon.  It was a form of unconventional combat, but so
was much in life.

"The blonde girl is '{Park Ji-hyun : Ji-hyun Park}."  Running Deer
pointed to a smaller girl.

I would expect Park to be her family name and you seem to be using
English order for names.

The Amazon's musings were interrupted as a girl poked her head into the
locker room and shouted, "There's a fight in the weight room!  Tarou's
working over the new Impie!"

You use Impy further down, but I like Impie better.

Chiang elbowed Shampoo in the ribs.  "I guess we know why she was so
insistent you're not interested in Kumon, eh?

"Shampoo knew all the time," the Amazon said with an uncomfortable
laugh.

Uh, yeah.

Instantly, Tarou stopped fighting and the crowd began to disperse at a
signal that was universally known among the fighters.  One of the
Director's {pet : pets} (in every sense of the word) enforcers, either
Ana or Uni, had entered the room, undoubtedly to check out the cause of
the disturbance.

By the time she exited the room, Tarou had managed to regain his
vertical base, though he still held his stomach tenderly.  His own
minions gathered around him, Park being one of the first to console
him, and Mina being conspicuous by her absence.  They exited the weight
room, his entourage congratulating him on "Putting that {Impy : Impie}
piece of shit in his place."  Shampoo noted that in spite of accepting
the accolades of the others, he still shot Ryu a look even more evil
than usual.  It appeared Tarou was blaming the Impie for his dressing
down.  That was going to be even more trouble than usual.

Apparently Park didn't take Shampoo's warning.

Had it not been for her early, negative experiences in giving Running
Deer advice on men, Shampoo would have been quick to put him down and
highlight all of the bad points Ryu demonstrated.  Instead, she
remained silent, shaking her head pitifully for her friend.  It was a
good thing Shampoo knew she was more rational than this.  If she had
her sights set on a man, it would be someone that was less of a jerk.
And if Shampoo tried to comfort him and he reacted the way Ryu had,
she'd be quick to drop him in a heartbeat.  She wouldn't make a fool
out of herself setting her sights on a guy that was obviously not
interested in her.

So when does Ranma show up so she can fall for him?

Once out of sight of the girls, Ryu smashed his fist into the wall hard
enough to nearly break both masonry and bone.  A white fury beyond
anything he had experienced before inflamed his entire being.  It
wasn't just the casual beating so easily inflicted on him by that
insufferable asshole, Tarou.  No, what enraged him was that it happened
in front of her, the only woman who had ever consumed his thoughts; the
Amazon who had gotten lucky and defeated him, imprisoning him in this
hellhole in the first place.  That he lusted after Shampoo more than
any girl he had ever met only {confounded : compounded} the matter.
He knew she wanted someone strong, that could tame her wild, barbarian
spirit, and that he was the man destined to do it.  But no matter how
hard he tried, he was constantly shown as being weak.  He cursed his
luck.  He needed her, yet she remained out of reach.  It was like a
perverse form of torture.

Shampoo felt a headache being brought on by the {musack : muzak} as it
blared from the hidden speaker in the elevator she was taking to the
floor her apartment was on.  She tried shutting it out by considering
the events from earlier in the evening.  Ryu's brusque rejection of
Running Deer had served to depress the Apache enough that she
{cancelled : canceled} the evening they had planned to spend together.
Shampoo shook her head sadly.  She would have tried to help matters
move forward by tipping Ryu off to his secret admirer's feelings, save
that she didn't consider the {Impy : Impie} worthy of them.  While the
Amazon wouldn't stand in the way, she would not condone the
relationship either.  Running Deer could do much better for herself.
Shampoo was certain she'd realize it in time.  Until then she would
have to wait until her friend came to her senses and gave up on the
guy.

Mina just continued smirking.  "You don't know how thrilling it is to
smack them around, and have them pay a huge price for it.  I have them
twisted around my little finger, begging their beloved Mistress for
more.  They can't get enough.  I've had many of them try to buy out my
contract and serve them exclusively.  They shower me with gifts.
Jewels, bonds, credit accounts, and even a car.  Anything and
everything anyone would want, and I take them for everything they'll
give.  And you know what the funniest thing is?  I enjoy smacking those
{Impy : Impie} pigs around so much I'd do it for nothing.  They think
they have power over me, but I'm the one in charge.  I can leave them
whenever I want without thinking twice, but they can't live without
their Mina.  They're the prostitutes, not me.  I have real power, which
is something you'll never have, little girl."

--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.


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