On Dec 15, 2003, at 5:46 AM, David McMillan wrote:

It has been said that if an evil is defeated, it leaves a hole that
must be plugged.

Woe to those who go forth to battle evil.

For they may become that plug.

    Well, THAT doesn't bode well.

I finished this at four in the morning--which I need to quit doing, 
writing when you're tired never turns out well--and thusly, it may be a 
tad disjointed.

It was inspired by Uncle at the end of Jackie Chan Adventures Season 1 
when he told Jackie that Shendu's destruction left room for a newer, 
stronger evil.

I was thinking of something along the same lines.

Guilt is a slave driver on a road paved with good intentions.

    Oh, dear.

Yeah. Not good. The line sucks though. I recall not being happy with it 
but couldn't figure out a way to make it sound right.

Somehow, Mercury, clever, clever Mercury, had managed to strip Jadeite
of most of his powers and then didn't even bother killing him, but
rather turned him out into the city.

    I'm half-surprised Mars didn't keep him around for a plaything.

That's assuming she knew.

He had joined Luna and Setsuna, and between the three of them, they
somehow managed to survive on the forgotten rooftops and high places 
of
Tokyo.

    Why the rooftops?  Those buildings must be rather dangerous, by 
now.
What's wrong with the streets?

The buildings may be dangerous, but I imagine the streets are worse.

    Sug:  "Even pooling their powers (resources?), the three outcasts
couldn't muster enough to attack even one of the minor defensive 
bunkers
scattered about the city."
    Or something like that -- a bit more descriptive.
    And I notice Luna's not thinking about how *she* got kicked out of 
the
Palace.  Nagged Usagi one time too many, eh?
    Suddenly, I wonder what happened to Artemis... and I'm not sure I 
want
to know the answer.

One of my original ideas on this had Luna and Artimes pooling their 
powers to escape, but only one of them could do so. Artimes knew 
Serenity would have had a backup plan in case the Senshi failed for 
some reason. Since he hadn't been told the plan, Luna must have been. 
But it seemed too contrived.

Not to mention the fact that there was no resistance. Mercury could
detect so much as a flashlight being turned on, and unpowered weapons
were no good against the Senshi's powers or the legions of troops they
had assembled out of the dark side of society.

    No prob -- wait 'til she's drunk or "distracted."  People whove 
given
themselves over to debauchery, even superpowered ones, inevitably make
fatal mistakes.

Actually, despite many lemon fics portraying Ami as a repressed 
Nymphomaniac, I can't see it. If I ever went forward with this, I think 
she would instead channel that energy into science and technology

Standing nearby was a young woman, perhaps sixteen or seventeen. She
had cotton candy pink hair and wore what seemed to be combination of
armor and clothes. In one hand, she . . .

    Chibi-Usa.  Ohhhh, boy.  If *she's* our last, best hope, somebody
please shoot me now.

I figured there should be at least one Senshi in the resistance. Even 
if it is Chibi-Usa.

Luna's heart caught in her chest.

In one hand she carried Setsuna's staff, and in the other, the Moon
scepter, the Ginzinhozou glittering in the light of the setting sun.

    Ginzuisho?  Heck, I dunno how that's spelled.

Me either. I just wing it.

Usagi sat straight, knocking away the man who up until that point, had
been trying very hard to make her happy and not suceeding very well.

    Okay, ew.

Heh.

"Nerima," Serenity said levelly. "Jinnai Misata. Nineteen-Ninety."

    Ah, *that* old time-traveller trick.  I could speculate about what 
that
*means,* but it doesn't really matter.

Not really, no. Some cliches are worth using though, I think.

Usagi obliterated the man she had knocked off the bed and looked at
Serenity. "Fine. You're the future me. What of it?"

    Ouch.  Although it makes sense.  You have to keep that "proof" 
secure,
in case you meet you future self again...

Not to mention it shows how ruthless she is. I was going to have a 
little bit where Serenity eyes the guy's remains and asks if Usagi's 
going to clean that up. Usagi asks why and Serenity reminds her of that 
it's sanitary.

Or something along those lines, but I decided against it.

"Who?"

"You'll find out. I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise."

"Gee, thanks."

    I can *feel* the oozing sarcasm...

Yeah, hate at first sight.

"Anyways, we have a common goal, twit. If she kills you, I'm dead too.
So have Mercury find that crotch dropping and then kill her before she
becomes a nuisance."

    Wow, neo-queen Serenity really has a potty mouth.

I figure it was more of how corrupt and hate-filled she was. The term 
"crotch-dropping" is from a group on livejournal called "Childfree" and 
some of them really, really, hate kids.

"We are. But even warriors need something to work with. Armor, 
weapons,
an edge. We can't take on Tokyo with out some sort of tech-"

    "Tech" seems like an odd thing for Jadeite to reach for -- his
background would suggest magical resources would be his first thought.
Sug "leverage" or something.

Tech and tek sound the same when spoken. He was going to say technology

"That's it!" Luna shouted. "I remember! I remember!"

"What do you mean?" Jadeite asked. "Then he frowned. "Wait . . . that
was destroyed. I supervised it myself."

    He catches on almost too quick, here.

I dunno, as much as I don't like him, Jadeite's not stupid or slow. 
He's had plenty of time to get to know Luna and how she thinks.

    "Envoy" usually implies *diplomatic* contact.

Well it was. Think of it as agressive negotiations. :)

"The war devastated Jupiter's moons," Jadeite said, and destroyed a
planet, turning it into an asteroid belt."

    Missing quote.  Also, Jadeite would probably use the planet's name 
--
he probably would have learned it in school.

I couldn't come up with one, to be honest.

"The Sailor Senshi were created soon after," Luna said. "As a force
powerful enough to meet the Tekkamen if they returned, or any other 
foe
for that matter, on an eqaul footing."

    SP:  Equal.
    Point of order:  if the Senshi were created to go up against the
Tekkamen, then how are three Tekkamen supposed to do any good here/now?

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future."

Seriously, I thought five Tekkamen would be a bit much. Particularly 
with Chibi-Usa in the mix.

The three people looked at each other nervously. None of them could
explain why they had followed the strange feeling that had led them to
this place. Nor could they explain the strange looking pods, or that
Usagi's pet cat was talking to them. But it seemed right, somehow.

    Almost too surreal.  How would Luna have drawn them, anyway, when 
none
of them have SM connections?

Don't they? Why those three people? Why were they in the right place at 
the right time. Why did they have those qaulities that enabled them to 
be friends with Usagi? Coincidence. Or placing by Serenity as backup?

Luna stared at him for a moment. Umuino had been the top brain at
school before Ami had transffered in. It was possible he could do it.

    That's not necessarily saying much, but desperate times...
    They could really use Prof Tomoe, about now.

I didn't even think of him. Besides, wouldn't it be too much?"

    Of course, she better have a plan in place to deal with any of 
them if
they end up going over the limit.

I don't think Luna cares at this point. She's desperate.

    Overall:  interesting, but pretty rough.  It could make a decent 
story,
with some work.

Yeah, but Lurker was correct when he pointed out that this wasn't 
exactly a new take on an old idea.

-Steve "Komodo" T.
http://livejournal.com/users/pandoras_closet
http://aberdawnknights.keenspace.com
http://www.fanfiction.net/~pandorascloset



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