AN: Something that came to me the other day. Don't know what to do with
it beyond this, to be honest.

Absolutely nothing, because it's terrible.

rest of the Inner Senshi to her, found the Ginzinhozou crystal, and

What the hell's a "Ginzinhozou"?

defected by then. The Queen told me before she sent Artimes and I into

"Artimes"? Who's that?

*snip the rest*

Okay, you've got a shaky, uncertain plot. It'd be a lot better if the pacing
were less forced. The setup would be more plausible with a little more
polishing, and the establishment of the crossover needs a lot more fleshing
out. Pacing is important--you can't rush through very important scenes in a
blurt of half-formed, stilted narrative.

All in all, there'd have to be a HELL of a lot of improvement to the overall
pacing and setup of this before I'd consider reading it, and I likely
wouldn't consider reading it at all, because frankly, the old "let's turn
the heroes into an ultimate corrupt evil force" shoe is hard to pull off
without turning them into nasty, nasty cliches. From what I saw here, you're
well on the way to doing precisely that, and that kind of villain just isn't
interesting to read.

--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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