Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Mon, 24 Nov 2003 12:29:39 -0600 Richard Lawson <nouma@msn.com> wrote:

To celebrate the re-opening of my web pages, I thought I'd write a new
Ranma fanfic, once again based on my "Thy Outward Part" universe.  Yes,
yes, I know, subject's been done to death, get over it Lawson.  =) I'm
quite open to any and all criticism, including stuff along those very
lines.

It's a rich lode with many other viewpoints that could be examined, as
this story shows.

She stood there, looking very much the same as when he'd last seen her
all those years ago.  But also very different: the face was a little
softer with wrinkles around the eyes and the figure perhaps a little
more filled out.  Ranma had a sudden clear image of the woman in front
of him undressing in the darkness, and he felt slightly flushed.

Now I'll have to keep an eye out for who this is.

Later.  I didn't realize that the rest of the story was a flashback until
you came back to this scene at the end.

"Well, if you want, I can cut it for you."  {Houka : Houko} held
strands of Ranma's hair between her fingers as if preparing to begin
the operation that very instant.  "Have you ever thought about a
different color?"

The mirror perfectly reflected Maaya's and Houko's expressions of
shock.  And anger.  "What is the matter with you?"  {Houka : Houko}
said crossly.

Ranma took the {opportunity : oppotunity} to flee back to her seat,
relieved beyond words that that the ordeal was over.  The professor
went on, calling on other students to answer other questions; he seemed
to be content to let students teach the class for him.  Or something.
It was unlike any class she had ever taken, but she found that
constantly working through examples was very helpful for her.

Frowning, Ranma walked up and took the paper.  A thousand possibilities
{flas hed : flashed} through her mind, from love letters to notices of
expulsion.  With trepidation, she read it.  "Meet tomorrow Bresti Cafe
5pm.  Akane."

The woman also stopped and turned to look at her.  She was small with a
pretty face and a nice figure, {discernable : discernible} even
beneath the loose-fitting shirt and unremarkable pants.  Her hair was
bundled up behind her head and held in place by a hair stick, although
Ranma imagined it would fall to just between her shoulder blades if let
loose.  The woman's expression was sober and thoughtful, and the blue
eyes contained a hint of sadness.

"Welcome to the women's gymnastics team.  Here, you will learn to be
performing athletes.  We emphasize the mastery of dance and acrobatic
choreography, presented with feminine grace and artistry.  Over the
next few weeks we will {delvelop : develop} routines that are both
demanding and appealing.  Saotome, you don't agree."

--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.


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