At 22:08 1/27/2004 -0500, David McMillan wrote:
There are some fics that just MUST be C&C'd.
And this is one of them.
Thank you, Dave. From my heart.
Edward Becerra wrote on 1/26/2004, 7:57 PM:
>
> It was quiet. Too quiet.
>
> Anyone who has ever served in the military knows the unease
> that this phrase causes. When the situation is normally chaotic,
> sudden silence is a sign that things are about to go drastically
> wrong.
aka "The calm before the storm."
Got THAT right.
> Seamus was dead certain that they were already well into TARFU,
> and headed quickly for FUBAR.
And beyond FUBAR there is... Nerima.
Or maybe the Pentagon. Words cannot *describe*....
Been to the Pentagon. Nerima wins.
> That wasn't unusual. Happi would often leave Nerima for reasons
> of his own. But when he did, the number of panty thefts in the
> neighborhood would drop to zero. At the moment, panties were still
> being stolen, but Happi was nowhere to be seen. Worrisome. Happi
> NEVER stole panties without allowing himself to be seen doing it.
> (The old pervert seemed to enjoy the commotion as much as he enjoyed
> the panties.)
I'd suggest maybe dropping the parens -- that last line seems almost a
natural progression from the preceeding ones.
And that's an interesting observation -- is Happi *really* just
addicted to undies, or does he, perhaps, really just enjoy causing
trouble? I've never considered that dimension before...
Hmm.. I'll consider dropping the parens..
> "Once you mess around with magic, it'll always pull you back
> in. So don't start unless you really want to make a career of
> it."
>
> - Park Cooper in 'Everything I Needed To Know About
> Life I Learned From DC Comics'.
Obviously a Hellblazer reader.
*nods* It's a real page on the web.. the contents are VERY funny.
> Rin came running down the stairs, her face white. Ran followed
> close behind, clutching her san jeh gwun (three link staff).
The parenthetical translation seems a tiny bit awkward. But I haven't
got any constructive suggestions for a way to do it better, so feel free
to ignore...
I'm not happy with it myself. Anyone else got a suggestion?
> Seamus nodded. "Thank you. I'll take care of things. Sorry to
> bother you." He pulled his head back in. "Don't bother Master
> Splinter, Rin. Or his students. That goes for you too, Ran."
Splinter? Waaaaait a second....
HEH! GOT'CHA!
> The young Amazon stared at the American grandmaster. "But...
> but... there's a giant RAT on the roof!"
And HERE the dime finally dropped. "Heroes on the half-shell."
T-U-R-T-L-E-Power! T-U-R-T-L-E-Power!
So, are these the "manga" TMNTs, or the TV version? It's been a while,
but IIRC the written version had Splinter start out as a rat, while the
TV version started out as a human ninja master.
I'm going with the movie version, mostly, and a few bits of
the first cartoon series mixed in. (I'm eclectic, I am...)
> "Flattery will get you almost anything," grinned the healer.
> "But they're YOUR guests, and you're STILL paying for all the
> okonomiyaki they eat."
<snerk>
Poor Seamus. His pocketbook may never recover. Gives a whole new
meaning to "Japanese Pizza," though, don't it?
Ukyo must be *rolling* in cash before long, though.
Wait til you see the "Konatsu's busy, so Ucchan delivers" scene,
coming to a mailing list near you, Soon! Mwehehehe...
> Right about then, he heard a knock at the side door. Frowning
Need a comma.
Second person to tell me, I really must fix that.
> Seamus nodded, curious. "Be welcome to this house." He grinned.
> "Columbian, or Kona Gold?"
>
> Sasuke's eyes lit up. "You have Kona Gold? HERE?"
Coffee freaks. Gah.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning...
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.
I AM IN CONTROL OF MY ADDICTION!
> "None needed." The master of Construction Martial Arts waved
> them into the hallway. "And who is this young... lady...?" Seamus
> cocked an eyebrow, then extended his senses, passively reading the
> chi faintly emanating from Sasuke's companion, mildly surprised
> at what he was detecting.
That last line is a bit of a run-on. Maybe: "...senses to passively
read the chi aura of Sasuke's companion... and was mildly surprised by
what he detected."
Glaah. Hadn't noticed. I'll try fixing that.
> "Forgive me, McGyver-sensei. I am the Kunoichi Konatsu."
No family name? Seems odd, given who polite and proper K always is.
I talked to Gary and the others.. he seemingly has no last name.
Kenzan, the one most often used, isn't really a family name, but a title.
Perhaps I should use it anyway?
> "I ... see. Forgive me for staring, Konatsu-san." Seamus waved
> the pair to a table. "Kona Gold for me and the Runt, and what would
> you have, Konatsu?"
Not sure "runt" should be capped, although it is in dialogue, so...
He's using Runt as a nickname, like Shorty, or Red. So, capped.
> "Green tea, if I am not imposing?"
>
> Seamus poured two western style mugs full of steaming coffee,
> passing one to Sasuke, who accepted gratefully.
He doesn't replay to K? It's not vital, but the lack of mention jars
me a little bit.
Okay, will fix.
> "Ahhh.. I've missed this," sighed the Kuno family retainer.
>
> Passing a delicate cup of green tea to the younger ninja, Seamus
> continued. "Working for those tightwads? I'm not surprised,"
> he stated. "Never did understand why you returned to work for the
> Macadamia Nut."
Odd nickname. Story behind it?
Kuno Senior, Hawaii-obsessed. Macadamia nut, originally from
Down Undah, currently grown in huge quantities on Hawaiian plantations.
Sort of says it all, if you're familiar with the snack food.
> "Family honor, McGyver-san. That, and I did promise Mistress
> Kuno that I would do my best to care for her children." Sasuke shook
> his head sadly. "I fear I have failed her in that charge."
Depends -- how much worse would they be if he wasn't around?
He's holding himself to an unrealistically high standard.
> The rooftop was empty and silent. A normal person would have
> insisted that this was true.
>
> A normal person would have been absolutely wrong. Silent, it
> was. But FAR from empty.
If a ninja falls on the roof, but no one can hear it, did it make a
noise?
No, wait, that doesn't work....
Argh.. that one made my head hurt.
> "Sarugakure Sasuke, Master Splinter. Konatsu and I are two of
> the last ninja left in Nerima."
"The others all sold out to Ninjaburger, and then got transferred to
Juuban after the local franchise got wrecked for the umpteenth time..."
That reminds me, I have to start setting the scene for the Ninja
Burger joke in chapter nine...
> "Indeed," rasped the rat. "You have said that you bring
> greetings, and a warning. I have heard the greetings."
Seems a bit cold -- I always thought of Splinter as being more genial.
But that's just me.
He is, he's just concerned. At the moment, he's in what he considers
to be an imminent combat zone.
> Sasuke nodded. "You are the last of the original Foot, Master.
> All that otherwise remain of the Foot clan are the corrupt who follow
> Oroku Saki."
Sounds like TV-origin Splinter.
Movie, actually.
> The diminutive ninja let out a weary sigh. "He has returned,
> Master. He was injured, badly injured. But he has returned to Japan
> to heal. And he has brought new recruits with him. Gaijin that he has
> recruited from the street scum in America."
Oh, THAT'll make great raw material.
Hey, if you're training a hero (and some one is!), you need plenty
of gunsels and mooks for him to practice on...
> "He's trying to rebuild his faction of the Foot clan... in
> Nerima, Master Splinter!"
Oh. One could almost feel sorry for poor Shredder....
To misquote Rebecca from "CHEERS", He is just TOO STUPID TO
LIVE! ^_^
> And with that statement the little ninja, who'd loyally served
> the Kuno family for so long, totally lost it. He fell down on his
> butt, shaking with uncontrolled laughter at the utterly dumbfounded
> look on the face of the mutated rat.
And that explains the odd narration previously. Heh.
> 'I wanna know what the HELL is going ON!'
What, they missed Sasuke's announcement?
They haven't QUITE figured out the Nerima dynamic yet, and
Splinter hasn't told them. (Lesson in pride reduction here, he wants
them to take a lump or two for humility's sake..)
>
> "I have often wondered... why Combat Engineering Martial Arts?"
>
> "You mean _besides_ the fact that large wandering lizards,
> enraged martial artists and deranged supervillains tend to ignore
> little things like stone walls, skyscrapers, and large natural
> terrain features when those things get in their way?"
"Think of it as job security in action."
I wonder if Seamus ever subcontracts to Damage Control, Inc?
On occasion, yes.
> Seamus grinned. "If you think it's bad in Nerima, you should
> visit Gotham City or Metropolis if you get the chance. I'm not the
> sort who's happy in a city, but if I were, I'd be so rich, I could
> probably be able to BUY the Kuno family."
This suddenly puts Lex Luthor's activities in a whole new light....
Yep.
> "Don't underestimate Tatsu, old man," noted Lilac as she toddled
> into the room to join them. "He may be Saki's shadow, but he's an
> excellent sensei in his own right. Brutal, ruthless and cruel, but
> highly skilled."
Genma and Shredder: seperated at birth?
Nit: Lilac calls him "Tatsu," but Seamus calls him both "Saki" *and*
"Saki's shadow' in the previous paragraph. Accidental name swappage?
No. Oroku Saki is the Shredder. Tatsu is his burly, bald second in
command who served as training sensei in the movies. Played by a famous
Japanese actor with a grim face that would make a slab of concrete feel
nervous.
> Sasuke snickered. "Academia nut... I'll have to remember that
> one."
Me too. Consider it stolen. (:)
Feel free. ^_^
> "Saki is said to be sending a dozen of his rank and file
> followers, Master, along with a single member of his Elite to command
> them until he and Tatsu arrive," the little ninja noted. "They're
> to establish a base to work from, then more will be sent to hold it
> and to 'take control' of Nerima before he arrives."
I've seen French battle plans with better odds of survival...
I've seen the Three Stooges with better battle plans, actually...
> Seamus laughed. "And you were able to say that last bit with a
> perfectly straight face, too."
>
> "Wasn't easy," Sasuke reluctantly admitted before sniggering.
Note: don't play poker with Sasuke.
Actually, you'll be seeing Sasuke and Seamus playing pai-gow with
Lilac and Cologne later on in the story...
> The elderly rat shook his head. "I cannot believe Saki being
> so foolish. I knew he was without honor. I did NOT think he was
> stupid."
Well, being locked in Dimension X with a talking brain whose
outstanding characteristic is a severe Napolean complex will do that to
a guy...
> "It wasn't entirely his fault, Master. For some reason, the Clan
> Elders of the other families seem to have forgotten to brief Saki on
> the... ahh.. _difficulties_ of serving in Nerima."
Giving him enough rope to hang himself, eh?
> "Ouch!" winced Seamus. "They're that pissed with him?"
>
> "Somewhat irritated might be a good description, McGyver-san,"
> interjected Konatsu. "Perhaps they feel that a period spent in Nerima
> would be educational for him, after his part in the destruction
> of the original Foot clan."
If there's any place that could beat humility into Shred-Head, it'd be
Nerima.
> "Oh, he'll get an education, all right," Lilac snorted. "I doubt
> it will stick, though. Never does, with that sort."
>
> "How do you wish to handle this, Seamus?" Splinter asked.
>
> McGyver hmmm'ed thoughtfully. "Konatsu has a point there. It
> might not stick, just as Lil says, but I think Saki has a lesson
> or three coming to him." He grinned evilly. "Let's educate him as to
> the facts of life in Nerima."
Fact 1: Getting involved with Ranma will get your butt kicked.
Fact 2: You can't avoid getting involved with Ranma.
Fact 3: See 1&2.
> He turned to Sasuke. "Is Tatewaki still caught up in that
> delusion of his?"
>
> Sasuke frowned sadly. "I fear he is even worse, Seamus-san.
> His obsession with being a samurai has grown even stronger."
>
> "But his skills with the sword haven't lapsed, have they?"
>
> "To the contrary, they have only grown with time, and his near
> constant battles with the young Saotome lad. Despite his problems
> with the watermelons."
>
> "Watermelons? What on Earth.. Oh, forget it. I'm sure I don't
> want to know. Okay, then let's USE that," grinned Seamus. "Konatsu,
> if you would be so kind, I'd like you to inform your mistress of the
> upcoming arrival of the Foot clan. Sasuke? Tell Tatewaki the same
> thing, but phrase it in terms he can understand. Evil ninja, come to
> challenge the might of the Magnificent Whatever that he's calling
> himself these days, yadda, yadda..."
That sounds just about Kuno's speed. Be good exercise for him.
> Lilac's face wrinkled up in a cruel smirk. "Oh, you're being
> NASTY, old man."
>
> "And why not?" Seamus pointed out. "If anyone deserves a hefty
> dose of Nerima-sized insanity, it's Oroku Saki."
>
> "You're suggesting that we deliberately point the most violent
> members of the Nerima Wrecking Crew at Saki?" wondered Sasuke slowly.
> "That's so... so... so hideously appropriate."
MemberS? Plural? So far, they've only mentioned one. Unless he's
including Ukyou in that category, which doesn't seem right to me. Then
again, I need to get up to speed on the previous chapters.
He's also warning Ucchan, and she's no slouch herself. Also,
Konatsu will fight the Devil himself to keep her safe.
> "Be a damned shame if someone happened to drop a hint that
> beating Saki to a pulp would earn him a name change, wouldn't it
> now?"
Now that's just uneccesarily mean. I don't like Taro any, but I
wouldn't play with his vulnerabilities like that. Not unless I really
needed to.
Backup plan.
"Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan."
-- Senator Fred Thompson as "Admiral Joshua Painter"
I'm military, even if it doesn't always show. Our need
for backup plans, and backup plans TO the backup plans is almost
pathological.
> The two ninja from Nerima were now staring at Seamus with wide
> eyes.
>
> "Truly, Seamus, you are a MASTER at this. You should have been
> a ninja yourself," said Sasuke, shaking his head slowly.
Or on "Mission: Impossible."
Oh, shame on you.. didn't you catch his last name? Seamus
_McGyver_. ^_^
> At the moment, Ryouga was experiencing something very rare.
>
> He wasn't _quite_ lost.
That takes doing.
Damn STRAIGHT! You have no IDEA how long it took me to come
up with the plot device I eventually used.
> When Akane led him back to the Tendo residence (admittedly,
> at the end of a rope), Nabiki had been waiting and had gotten all of
> the facts the two of them possessed. Quickly adding them to what her
> assistants had already gathered, the middle Tendo had quickly
> formulated a plan.
Sug: middle Tendo *daughter.*
Hmm.. I thought that was implied, but perhaps you're right.
Good idea. If all the women stop wearing underwear, Happi would
eventually have to go somewhere else.
Of course, things *would* get drafty in the meantime....
Geeze! (And I thought Happosai was filthy minded...)
> Now, whenever any woman spotted Ryouga wandering AWAY from
> Nerima, he was taken by the hand and either gently guided back in the
> direction of the Tendo dojo, or - if the woman in question didn't
> have the time - bundled into a taxi-cab with instructions to the
> driver to take him there.
Okay, NOT like I said.
Actually, this is quite an idea. I'm surprised no one over thought of
it before.
Of course, it *is* very man-- er, womanpower-intensive.
Thank you. It DID take a while to come up with it.
> Normally, the second choice would have been impossibly
> expensive. Tokyo taxi drivers were among the most predatory,
> rapacious, money-hungry creatures on the face of the planet. They
I don't buy it. Nobody holds a candle to NYC cabbies. Even Chicago
cabbies are more civilized.
> were one of the few life forms Nabiki respected. (Sharks and piranha
> also figured highly on that list.)
One wonders how Nabs feels about Xenomorphs and Predators.
A wistful sort of envy, really. ^_^
Stole the idea for the drivers from Granberry's great fic,
"Comes the Cold Dragon". Should attribute that, now that I think of
it.
> But now the cabbies faced an insurmountable threat. Their own
> wives and daughters. The threats they'd received from the female
> members of their families had reduced them to quivering masses of
> fear willing, even eager, to give free rides to Ryouga.
And people keep saying that men run the world. Bakas.
Hey, Aili runs my life, first, last and always. And she even
manages it from a hospital room hundreds of miles away. That sort of
says it all, I think...
>
> From the ladies, "Let me show you the way home."
>
> From the cabbies, "Want a ride? MY treat."
Being not-totally-lost for a while should get Ryoga to loosen up a bit.
Take some stress out of his life.
Exactly, and that's something you're going to see more of in
future chapters.
> By the time he'd gotten cleaned up and dressed, every stitch
> of clothing he owned (except for what he'd stripped off in the
> bathroom and his bandanna) was undergoing the cleaning of its life
> at Kasumi's determined hands. She'd washed, patched and mended
> everything even vaguely cloth like - even his pack itself - then
> cleaned up his cooking pots and utensils. Her tenacity gave Ryouga
> mild chills.
Kasumi, on a roll, can be intimidating, like a sweet-natured glacier.
Yeah, you can push her around until you're right where she wants you.
Heh.
All three Tendo girls, united behind one cause... Damn. You could take
over the world with that family, if you could just get them all pointed
in the same direction at one time.
Scary thought, man, SCARY thought... make the bad thought go AWAY,
Mommy!
> At the moment he was somewhere outside the Tendo home, and had
> asked one of the very polite women to lead him to Fred Yamada's
> Genuine American Hamburgers yattai. He wasn't hungry, though. He had
> a plan.
Hmmmm...
Hey, wait! Does Kenko know that Fred is moonlighting for you? (:)
His idea, actually. With his permission, too. ^_^
>
> His curse might keep him from finding _places_, but people were
> another matter entirely. When Ryouga first found himself becoming
> regularly lost, he'd discovered that the harder someone tried to
> avoid him, the harder the curse would work to place Ryouga directly
> in their path. In some cases, he'd literally dropped out of the sky
> onto the person trying to hide from him.
Usually Ranma.
> It didn't work when HE wanted to find someone, mind you, which
> Ryouga found damned irritating. But when someone else was desperate
> to stay away from him, the curse just seemed to kick into overdrive.
Oh HOoooooo.
I'm hoping others will pick up this idea, as I intend to release
it into the fanfiction wild. I honestly think it's something that really
WORKS with the canon story.
> He turned to Fred. "One triple cheeseburger with extra onions
> and pickles, Yamada-san. To go, please. But NO bacon."
Heh. No.
Yeah.. that's DEFINITELY forbidden.
> "Woooohooooo! Girlies!"
>
> "NO, Apprentice! Panties first, THEN you may grope. The basics,
> always."
Darth Sidious never had these problems with Vader, that's for certain.
Then again, Happi can't make your head explode by just contemplating
the Force...
> "Yep," said Ryouga. "Keep it warm for me, please?" He checked
> his position as Fred put his burger on a warming tray. Butt firmly
> seated on one of Fred's stools? Check. Bandanna? OK. Battle aura?
> On. Chi reserves? Full to the brim. Time to make the doughnuts,
> as that silly American commercial put it. Only one thing left.
Sug: "...Bandannas? Lots. Battle Aura? Hot...."
Dunno about the first, but I like the second. I'll use that if
you don't mind.
> "NORTON! PREPARE TO DIE!"
>
> Didn't have _quite_ the same ring as his usual battle cry,
> thought Ryouga, but it did have a certain pleasant sound all its own.
Ranma: <sniffle> "He... he's found somebody else! HE'S DUMPED
MEEEEE!!! Waaaaah!"
*snort*
This is NOT going to be a yaoi story. No way. Nuh-uh. Nope.
> Norton was feeling put upon. All he was doing was gracing the
> lovely ladies of Nerima with his gloriously manly presence, and
> people kept attacking him! It was SO totally unjust.
Even for a lawyer, this guy has serious reality issues.
You have NO idea...
>
> "Ahh, never mind. Drop the panties and surrender now. If you do,
> I'll beat the snot out of you."
0_o
> "That's supposed to be an offer?" goggled Norton.
>
> "Well, the other choice is, you _don't_ drop the panties,
> and I simply kill you." Ryouga idly twirled a bandanna in one hand.
> "Your choice, I don't mind."
Ah. Now it makes sense.
Heh. Didn't want it to be good choice/bad choice, I wanted it to
be bad/worse.
> "I think I'll choose... TORT TOSS!"
>
> Norton threw the blazing pieces of paper faster than he'd ever
> thrown them before. And the gunpowder he'd taken to wrapping inside
> the folded papers would CERTAINLY knock this person out, leaving
> him in peace to plunder panties!
Look, Ma, alliteration! And everyone said that English Comp course
would never come in handy! (:)
Actually, that happened entirely by accident. Didn't even notice
I'd did that until you pointed it out.
> He ripped a pair of bandannas from his head, and a split-second
> later, both had taken a form not unlike that of traditional
> Japanese war fans.
He already had one in his hand when he was exchanging words with
Norton earlier.
Argh.. must fix. Thanks.
>
> Getting a light dozen of the his Master's ninja across the USA
> and into Tokyo, unnoticed by the law enforcement officials of either
> nation was apparently one of those jobs. (It also got him out of New
> York city and away from a certain TV reporter who could identify
> him to the police, a useful side effect.)
April, I assume? Dunno who the guy is, though.
Second movie. Her intern/cameraman who turned out to be a
spy for the Foot.
> "I told you, you are _tourists_," he hissed. "Tourists do NOT
> glare at the people around them as if they expect to be attacked
> at any moment. You fools will make the police suspicious. You WILL
> relax, or at least _pretend_ to. That is an ORDER. Otherwise,
> you will be sent back to our master in disgrace!"
"You're not acting naturally. Try harder!"
*snicker* I'll have to use that somewhere..
> The troop, dressed as a vacationing tour group, nodded in
> unison. This made Freddy want to flinch again. They might as well be
> wearing neon signs reading "ATTENTION! DANGEROUS NINJA!"
I dunno, I've seen weirder tour groups.
Sad thing is, you're probably right...
> "Chili-cheese fries, double cheese with some sour cream on the
> side. And a cola."
"Man doth not live by pantes alone."
> Fred blinked, looking from Happi over to the (small) battle
> raging just yards away in the middle of the street. "Shouldn't
> you be.. I don't know.. assisting your student or something along
> those lines? He seems to be getting his butt kicked."
Ryoga got off the stool, huh?
Yep. He's a LITTLE less scared of moving around, now that the
ladies help keep him from wandering off.
> This didn't stop Fred from accepting the yen from Happi, and his
> spatula-chucks swiftly moving into action. Frozen sliced potatoes
> were shoveled into a small frier, cheese and chili were readied,
> and a paper basket prepared.
Hey, Fred's a proffessional, after all. And yen's yen.
> The senior statesman for lechers across the planet smiled.
> And oddly enough, it wasn't a perverted smirk, it was a warm and
> friendly smile between comrades.
Proffessional courtesy. From *Happousai.* To someone who's *not a
pervert.*
Somebody check and make sure the planet hasn't stopped spinning...
Actually, yes. Again, from Granberry's fic.. "No such thing as a
free lunch" and "You don't leave unpaid bills behind if you ever intend
to come back." And Happi LIKES Fred's chili-cheese fries. Fred's an
Artist, and Happi _respects_ that. Cooking Artist, that is.
> Happi watched eagerly as Fred ladled red chili over the fries,
> then covered both with shredded cheddar cheese which quickly melted
> into a gooey, tasty mess that was topped with a generous dollop of
> sour cream.
'scuse me, gotta go eat....
heh. Stole that recipe from the local restaurant in Haxtun.
They get my business regularly.
> * * *
>
> Oddly enough, while Ryouga was angry, he wasn't feeling ANGRY.
> The usually incendiary rage that consumed him during his battles
> with Ranma simply wasn't there. Instead, he was feeling like...
> like...
>
> He was feeling a lot like Ranma, actually.
Heh.
> For once in his life, HE was the faster, more agile combatant.
> And even more important, the more CUNNING one.
Gotta feel good.
Damn straight!
> Norton, despite his newly acquired skills, seemed less focused,
> less able, and Ryouga was leading him through the battle as if by the
> nose.
>
> Ryouga found he enjoyed it.
>
> This must be how Ranma feels like when he pulls a fast one on
> me, thought the Lost Boy. I _like_ it! I could get to enjoy this!
> Let's see, what would Ranma do next? Something flashy? Yeah!
Damn. Next he'll figure out that that's why Ranma keeps goading him.
And after *that* he'll decide to keep a handle on his temper. And after
*that,* Nerima will become Dullsville. Say it ain't so!
Well, he and Ranma will learn and grow some. That's WHY this is
happening. The Nerima Wrecking Crew is growing up and moving on up. So
the junior varsity is warming up.. ^_^
> I really should send Palma-sensei a nice 'Thank You' card, mused
> the Lost Boy. Maybe a nice bottle of sake, as well. It's the proper
> thing to do.
Ryoga in the PGA? Good grief.
^_^
> He stopped next to Norton, made certain his feet were placed
> properly, adjusted his grip on his umbrella, and swung.
Ooooh, this is gonna HURT....
> "FORE!"
>
> Norton went flying through the air, clutching his groin and
> moaning softly.
"Moaning softly"?? You're writing this, but a hit like THAT would seem
to warrant a more extreme reaction. Like, face chalk-white, eyes
bulging out, near-silent strangling noises due to pain too severe to
breath... that kind of thing.
He's hurting so bad, he's passed beyond pain. Trust me, that's
HAPPENED to me.
> * * *
>
> Ryouga looked about, uncertainly. "Someone help me follow him!
> It's not completed until I follow him!"
I'd lose the comma after "about."
> A woman - one of many that hovered around Ryouga recently,
> nodded. "Well, I can help - I saw where he landed. But why?"
You've got an aside seperated with a dash on one side, and a comma on
the other. It should be consistent on both sides.
> "I have to make the putt!"
>
> "The what?"
>
> "And I'll need someone to open a manhole or something..."
<facefault> you have GOT to be kidding me!
Nope.
> Odd. That was almost gentle. Hardly painful at all. What was the
> crazed bandanna boy doing... and why was he in freefall? Oh, that was
> why. He was falling into a- DAMMIT, THAT'S NOT FAIR!
ROTFL
> * * *
>
> Back at the yatai, Fred was distracted by his cell phone (a
> nearly universal feature of Japanese life these days.) He answered,
> listened, nodded, and disconnected. And then coughed.
>
> "Ladies, Ryouga-san got a birdie. If you care."
Palmer would be so proud.
> The women cheered. One of them kissed Ryouga on the cheek. Which
> caused him to collapse onto one of Fred's chairs, sporting a small
> nosebleed.
Wait a minute -- Ryouga is some distance away, "putting" Norton, isn't
he? Or was this a loooong putt?
Got to fix this, this was supposed to be a hole in one, with
Fred explaining that Ryouga doesn't NEED to make the putt...
> One of the Nerima sanitation workers heard the splash and set
> down the manhole cover he'd just pulled up. Going over to check,
> he looked down the hole.
>
> "Damn. Somebody just threw away a perfectly good white boy..."
Heh. Ed, your UF influences are showing again.
What? Where? I thought I tucked that into my pants...
> His partner wandered over to take a look.
>
> "Oh, crap. Give me a hand, we have to drag this guy out of the
> pipe before he contaminates the sewage."
<snerk!>
> "Huh?"
>
> "That's the new pervert in town. Happosai's new apprentice."
>
> "Oh. Do WE have to clean him up?"
>
> "Nah. He's probably cleaner now."
<snicker>
*bows* Thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
Remember to tip your waitress.
> "Yes there was, Akane. I dunno know what. I dunno know WHY. But
> I know I had to hit him now to get it out of the way. And I'll do it
> a lot. It's fate."
Someone needs to have Ranma read "MacBeth."
Somewhere in Juuban, there's a priest saying that it's
"..most ominous."
> "Oh, yes! That silly little man who said he was King of the Moth
> People? Or was it the Butterfly People?"
>
> "Don't remember. B'sides, he looked more like the Shobijin,
> anyway. But he sure got a lesson when he tried to kidnap Kasumi for
> his bride."
Lemme guess -- Akane kicked his butt for grabbing the wrong Tendo?
Must've been a nice change of pace for Kasumi, though.
Nah, he simply assumed that a Japanese housewife with a frying
pan in her hands wasn't dangerous. He's since changed his mind.
> Butterfly people? I have relations in Japan?, was Irwin's mildly
THANK you, Ed. I am now having a bad MSN flashback. (LSD has nothing
on this....)
Saw the commercials, and HAD to throw that in...
> Ryouga smiled as one of the helpful women led him back to the
> Tendo dojo. It was kinda fun to play Ranma's role for once... which
> reminded him. Where exactly HAD Ranma been for the last week? Except
> for meals at the Tendos and school, he kept vanishing.
Tendos'.
Will fix. Thanks.
> Happosai gave a good-natured grumble as he headed towards his
> student's 'splash-down point'. While he found the extra effort to be
> something of an annoyance, he was certain that Norton had learned
> an important lesson about crawling before you learn to walk, and
> walking before you learn to run.
"splashdown" can be a single word, if you like.
I prefer hyphenated, but I'll consider it.
> They never learn, he thought to himself. Though I shouldn't
> expect too much. After all, I was over-eager and greedy once myself.
<splort!> ONCE?!????
*evil smile*
> Both workers rolled their eyes, but they were Neriman born and
> bred. They realized the futility of trying to argue with Happosai
> unless you possessed at least a dan ranking in some martial art. (And
> even then, you were likely to get badly beaten. Unless Happi was in a
> good mood at the time.) So they dragged the younger lecher over as
> Happi directed, and laid him out on the street near the hydrant.
"This job is definitely not worth another five a year."
No lie...
> "Thanks, boys! Here, have a panty. My treat!" Happosai tossed
> each of them a pair of cheap rayon panties. (He'd already drained
> them dry, but hey, it was the thought that counted, right?) Both
> workers reluctantly accepted the gift - it's never a good idea to
> insult a Grandmaster of the Anything Goes School - and found other
> places that they needed to be at the moment. Places where Master
> Happosai _wasn't_
Happi... tipping. Oy.
Hey, he's a good guy in his own eyes. We all are. We're all the
hero in our own story.
> "But as you ARE exhausted, we'll stop by the Tokyo Playboy
> Club for a quick recharge. I expect _that_ will pep you up, eh?"
>
> "WOOHOO!"
>
> "Thought so."
Pity the poor Bunnies.
Chaos ensues. And the Tokyo police tear out more hair...
>
> "He dresses like a CAN OPENER?"
You know, someday a supervillain will decide to dress like a Swiss Army
Knife, and the world will be doomed.
"I Am... SWISS ARMY MAN!"
> "No doubt the vile creature will essay to make common cause with
> the foul sorcerer Saotome, thinking to divert my attention at some
> vital moment. Set a watch upon the evil magus, loyal Sasuke, and thus
> we will discover the moment at which they would attempt to strike!"
Yeah, right, whatever.
Y'gotta wonder.. how MANY books of bad Japanese poetry does
Kuno own?
> "Indeed, my master." If medals were awarded for self-control,
> Sasuke was certainly going for the silver, if not the gold.
Deserves a Bronze Star, at least, for Perseverenace in the face of
Stupity.
Yep. And maybe a cluster or three.
> "And properly reward the commoner who has revealed to you the
> dark presence of this loathsome creature," Kuno continued in a
> portentous manner. "You may inform him that he may revel in the
> thought that he has assisted the Powers of Light in some small and
> unimportant degree."
On the one hand, I've always thought that Kuno would be a *tad* more
gracious than that towards commoners who had done him a service -- words
are cheap, after all. On the other hand, who cares?
Word!
> * * *
>
> Two figures departed the train. One, female. One, male. The
> male, a staggeringly handsome example of the breed, knelt and began
> to kiss the cement of the station's platform. "I was inside the
> train! THANK you sensei, for letting me be inside the train!"
Maybe "ride inside"?
Nope. Trust me, when you see the side story to this that Kenko's
currently writing, you'll understand WHY this word choice. ^_^
> "I always am, when it comes to battle," the woman responded.
> Her beauty matched that of the man's comeliness. "Now, go home, and
> rest. Tomorrow is another day."
I'd drop the "that of".
*nods*
> Aili's cancer has returned, and her doctors find that they
> cannot subject her to the levels of chemotherapy that they would
> choose, as often as they'd like, as she is having reactions to the
> most commonly used drugs. Her bone marrow shuts down under their
> impact, and her platelet levels drop, leaving her hemophiliac
> and in danger of bleeding seriously from even the most minor of
> injuries.
Well, I guess that's a better excuse for slow writing than most of the
FFML can claim.
Kidding aside, I'm rooting for the both of you. FWIW, you're in my
prayers.
Thank you. We need all we can get.
> They are, thereby, forced to delay her chemo in order to give
> her bone marrow time to recover.
>
> I am worried.
>
> Additionally, her father has been diagnosed with cancer himself,
> esophageal cancer in his case. As this is a throat cancer, and
> reasonably easy to reach, his doctors have high hopes, or so Aili
> tells me. She's more worried about her father than she is about
> herself. Is it any wonder I care for her?
Sounds like a classy lady.
At the risk of sounding as if I'm making light of the situation,
only one phrase comes to mind...
"Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her.
Either way, what bliss."
-- Raul Julia, "The Addams Family"
I love her so much it hurts, Dave.
> I'd like to thank Robert "Kenko" Haynie, who contributed
> outright many of the scenes in this chapter, and spent a lot of time
> online helping me to get the humor just right. He also allowed me to
> borrow the character of Fred Yamada, and his All-American Hamburger
> yattai from the wonderfully hilarious story, "Girl Days".
Now we just have to get him to write another chapter. Or twenty.
Or fifty.
Greedy? *moi?*
Not at all. Feel the same way myself.
Ed Becerra
"Dreamers may die, but the Dream is eternal..."
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