hkmiller wrote:

Hmmm...  Change of tone here.

This has always been a mix of the two, but it was always going to end on a
serious note.

That makes for interesting reading, but,

to be
honest, my first reaction is that parts of this are overwritten, and
could benefit
from some editing down.  I found the fight with Tarou on the ship a bit
tedious,
and the never-ending pain at the end with Kachiko to be likewise.

Hmm. Will consider it, then. I didn't want the fight to be over too quick,
since Tarou isn't a pushover. I can probably cut back on describing the
pain, though.

DB Sommer wrote:

"Yes, alcohol makes everything better," Kachiko slurred slightly as she
drained her glass for the sixth time in a half hour and set it back down

on

the table.

Heh.  Six glasses of wine in half-an-hour?

"That's nice to know," Ranma said weakly, hoping the food would arrive

soon

and, better yet, without food to accompany.  No wonder Kachi's hammered.

Yep. She does have a high tolerance, so I needed to show why she's so tipsy
now.

"Nah, I'm being silly," Ranma decided as he looked over his shoulder

just in

time to see Tarou head through the swinging doors to the kitchen with
Kachiko slung over his shoulder.

Heh.  Had me fooled here; I thought Ranma would sit here for hours
before he began looking.

Nope. He needed on the case right away.

Towards the end, it began to seem like you're really going to send Kachi
back,

Well, technically she was back. Just not for long.

whereas the earlier parts seemed like you might go in the direction of
having Ranma
break up with Akane and really marry Kachi, permanently exiled from her
own time.
So you're still got me curious about where this is going.

Oh, I think in hindsight now it's been obvious from the attacks increasing
in intensity since they first appeared that this was eventually going to
happen. The only question is what the end result will be. You'll find out
soon. Two more preaders to be heard from and I'll post the next part.

As to where it's going, well, I admit the ending is the one thing I've been
a bit leery of, but I knew how it would begin and end from the start.
Hopefully it'll all come together in a satisfactory manner, but you might be
a bit surprised. Hopefully in a good way. It's hard for me to judge, since I
don't think I'm telegraphing it, while at the same time trying to keep it
from 'coming out of nowhere' so to speak. Hopefully everything ties up
together well.

Thanks for the C+C.

DB Sommer




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