"Getting lucky tonight, are we, Sir?" the maitre'd said drolly.
I think 'said, drolly' or 'drolly said'
noted her head was turned away as she examined one of the nearby paintings.
However, it was turning back toward him.
While that technically works, it seems to dehumanize Kachiko, and
rings oddly. I'd suggest 'she was turning back'
I liked Tarou and Kachiko's conversation in the bathroom (particularly
its ending).
The hold continued to fill with water as Tarou flew up to the hole. It was
large enough to accommodate his massive, bovine shoulders. Now it was his
turn to have superior maneuverability.
This middle sentence felt clumsily worked in.
I'm sorry I don't have time for more detailed criticism; but I enjoyed
this chapter. I thought the fight with Tarou was good in terms of
length (there were several places, like the hold issue above, where I
thought needed information felt a bit out of place as presented), but I
can see the argument about the pain at the end going on a little long.
(On the other hand, I am tired as I write this, which affects my
tastes :-) Kachiko's emotions helped seal that this situation is in a
real pickle; just when I was starting to think a happy ending was in
sight, too :-)
Looking forward to the next part.