Thanks for taking the time to comment on my fanfic!

Gun-Knight wrote:

--- hkmiller <hkmiller@theeddy.com> wrote:
 

The Peace of the Ten-Year-Olds
 A Noir fanfic
     by hkmiller
       2 March 2004 - prereader draft
   

*sniff* I wanna be a prereader!
 

I'll add you to the list for the next story, then.

The first fight scene is eerily reminiscent of the gunfights from the anime itself.  You've
captured the feel perfectly.
 

Thank you.  I did work hard at that, so it's nice to know
that I succeeded.

Their doll wasn't anything like her own had been, Mireille noted
absently.  It was a poseable plastic figure, like a Barbie, but
dressed in a green t-shirt, suspenders, and hiking boots, with
twin holsters at its hips.  What kind of little girls played with
a doll like that?

   

*groan*
 

Heh.

After crashing through brush deliberately for twenty meters,
Kirika stopped.  This tree looked good; it would appear
unclimbable to those men.  She would have to get very close;
she dare not trust the second gun at long range.  Her briefs
would serve as a good decoy; they were shiny enough.

   

Did you intentionally make that Happosai joke?:)
 

No.

Mireille's eyes and mouth rounded in astonishment for a moment,
then she rolled her eyes heavenward.  "You think it's now our JOB
to risk our lives protecting the peace of ten-year-old girls,
without getting paid for it?"
   

"Since we're the heroes of this fic, yes."
 

heh.

"Are you guys detectives?" Aditi asked eagerly.  "Or secret
agents?  Or superheros?"

"No, they're millionaire archaeologists who travel the world
righting wrongs and befriending girls like us everywhere they go!"
Tati replied, waving her doll around in the air.
   

*sigh* its kind of funny twice, but please don't make this a running gag.
 

I wasn't planning on it.  This particular idea of Tati's struck me
as kind of inevitable, given the doll, but any other guesses the girls
make will be different.

"Can we help you beat up the bad guys?  We've had judo lessons."
   

"Alone against the underworld, you travel the world, beating up
bad guys, protecting the innocent, stealing from the rich and
giving to the poor, forsaking romance, relying only on each other
and your faithful apprentices, Tati and Aditi!" Tati pronounced
proudly, darting behind a tree to fire imaginary bullets at
Aditi, who fired back from beneath a bush.

"No!  We're not like that at all!  And you're not going to be
our apprentices!  We don't have apprentices!"  Mireille
shouted desperately.

   

For some reason, I keep seeing this scene in SD.  PLEASE bring these girls back for chapter two!
 

Oh, they're in it.  And in three, at the least.

"You've got to be kidding," Mireille said loudly and peremptorily.
"Do we look like lesbians?"  Mireille rolled her eyes, her voice
dripping with scorn.  Mireille pointed to herself while glaring at
the girls.

   

Yes.:)
 

Heh.  Now, now.

"We can't eat these yet.  We have to wash our hands first," Tati
explained.  "Grandpa always insisted on it.  He said if we
didn't, we'd get smallpox and die horribly."
   

"And he used to say that if we ate our spinach, we'd grow up to
be as hearty and long-lived as anthrax spores."
   

This is ... an interesting bit of humor.  What scares me is it fits perfectly into a Noir fanfic.
 

I'm glad you think so.

Kirika looked about herself for a moment.  Cliff, stream, track.
An idea occurred to her, and she again began taking off her
clothes.
   

Noir fanservice.  Thank GOD for the FFML.
 

Heh.

"They're following us again," Kirika remarked as the pair moved
carefully forward through the ancient stone sheep-pen towards the
main house.

"Damn it!  How did they get loose?  We can't afford to go back
and tie them up more securely; we're too close!"
   

... words escape me.
 

Heh.  I'm rather proud of those two paragraphs, if I say so myself.

Mireille came into the room at a run, headed straight for the
shoulder holster.  Her two bullets took out the two men facing
her, then she threw her gun into the face of the third.  The
fourth man was her target.  He was still getting up and turning
when she reached the gun.  She flicked the safety off and fired
through the holster into his foot, causing him to stumble badly.
Mireille stepped past him and calmly shot the third man through
the heart, then spun and nailed the gun's owner.

   

Another good scene.
 

Thanks.

Notes:
 This will almost certainly be continued in further fics.  I
haven't settled on a series name, though at the moment I'm
leaning towards "Apres Noir".
   

Kudos, man.  Great fic.
 

And thank you again!  I'm glad you enjoyed it.




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