Foreword: I was challenged to do this one-hour fic. Blame Jorge Pratt. :P
Disclaimers: Azumanga Daioh is the creation of Azuma Kiyohiko, and is the
property of JC Staff, Mediaworks/Dengeki Daioh, ADV, and a whole lot of
other people who aren't me. No permission was obtained to create this work,
which is intended for fun and not for profit.
VOLLEYBALL TRAINING
Sakaki slumped into her room, exhausted. It had been a trying day. First,
that cute kitten had bitten her again--twice--when she tried to pet it. When
she arrived at school, she found that Yukari-sensei was in an even more foul
mood than usual. That didn't tend to bother her--she usually refrained from
doing anything that would set off the volatile teacher's temper. The same
could not be said for Tomo, Kagura, and Osaka, each of whom had earned
eraser-shaped bruises on their foreheads.
Gym class had not been an improvement. Kurosawa-sensei had made the mistake
of trying, once again, to get up a volleyball match. Chiyo had been taken to
the nurse's office with a nasty cut on her face; Osaka's nose was swollen
but an ice pack and a bit of sport tape had taken care of that problem. The
behaviour of Tomo and Kagura during the match had put Kurosawa-sensei on
edge; Yukari's appearance toward the end of class had driven her right over.
==========================================
"Come on girls, show some spirit!" Yukari had called.
"They're showing ENOUGH spirit already, thank you," Kurosawa had replied.
Yukari cast a sidelong glance at her former classmate and longtime friend.
"You're just jealous because you lost Kagura to me, and because she and
Sakaki dominate ANY sport."
Kurosawa stared at her. "Wh-what's that got to do with the way these girls
are acting in my class?"
Yukari laughed, putting her hands on her hips. "Admit it! Your homeroom
wouldn't stand a chance against mine in a volleyball match!"
"Great idea, Yukari-chan!" Tomo called, pumping a fist in the air. "Korean
Barbecue and Juice Volleyball Cup!"
"WH--HEY--*NO!!* ABSOLUTELY *NOT!*" Kurosawa cried, staring from Yukari to
Tomo. "I've had enough of your nonsense challenges, Yukari!"
"Nyamo's just afraid to be beaten, girls!" Yukari yelled.
"Hey, are you gonna take that from her, sensei?" Kagura asked, striding up
to Kurosawa.
"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?!" Yukari yelled, grabbing a volleyball out of the
bin and hurling it at the tanned girl. Kagura reflexively smashed the ball
hard in return--right into Yukari's face. She flushed.
"Gomen, Yukari-sensei!"
Yukari peeled the white ball from her face and glowered at the athlete. A
large red welt had formed in the centre of her face, making her resemble the
Japanese flag. "You get this one for the match, Nyamo," Yukari declared in a
flat voice.
"But..."
"REVENGE!" Yukari shrieked, planting a foot on the formerly ballistic
volleyball and pointing dramatically at Kagura. "Even though you're part of
my team now, I still owe you for the swimming race, AND for THIS--" she
pointed at her abused face-- "so you'll be on Nyamo's team when we beat the
snot out of her homeroom!"
Kagura sighed. "Hai, sensei."
Kurosawa stared back and forth between them. "Now wait just a minute, I
never agreed--"
"TOMORROW!" Yukari bellowed. "It's Saturday, so we only have a half-day of
classes. After that, it's game on! Losing team treats the winning team to
lunch."
Unnoticed among the girls, Yomi took off her glasses and massaged the bridge
of her nose. "There goes my allowance..."
Kurosawa frowned. "Alright, I guess there's no harm in it--IF both our
classes agree to it. And since you gave me Kagura, there's no chance for you
to win. Maybe that'll let some of the wind out of you for a while. By the
way, I'm in the mood for okonomiyaki and yakisoba, so I know just where your
team will be taking mine for the victory lunch."
"We'll see who takes who out for--" Yukari paused. "That new place that just
opened? The one that's supposed to be really good?"
"Yeah, that one."
"YOSH'! It's settled! Tomorrow after classes, volleyball! After that,
okonomiyaki and yakisoba! Losing team pays!"
"YAY! GANBATTE YUKARI-CHAN!" Tomo cheered.
"She won't actually be playing, you know," Yomi pointed out.
"Work with me, Yomi!" Tomo complained. Yomi just sighed.
==========================================
After school, the girls--minus Kagura, who had elected to go on her evening
run early--had gotten together and gone to Chiyo's house. The younger girl
was very nervous about the bet, having heard about it later in the day.
"We're no good at all, though," she complained. "Except for Sakaki and maybe
Yomi, none of us can really play volleyball well."
"It won't be a problem," Sakaki said confidently, hoping to raise the
younger girl's spirits. "We'll all be on the same side. Their side will be
evenly matched with ours."
"Yeah, so as long as we don't let Tomo serve, we should be okay," Yomi said.
"Right! --HEY!" Tomo glowered at Yomi, who just smirked.
"But we don't get any time to practise," Osaka said. "We don't even have gym
class tomorrow."
Chiyo frowned...then brightened, an idea forming. "I've got a net and a
volleyball! We can practise a little right now!"
"YOSH'! LUCKY, Chiyo-chan!" Tomo cried.
And so, the girls had all gone outside, set up a volleyball net, and started
practising. Sakaki had stood off to the side, switching in with Chiyo when
the younger girl got tired, or with Osaka when she managed to intercept the
ball with her face. By sundown, the girls had shown some improvement...but
would it be enough?
==========================================
Sakaki peeled off her uniform, slipped into her favourite flannel cat
pajamas, and dropped heavily into bed. Thoughts of volleyball ran through
her mind as she drifted off to sleep...
"Yo."
Sakaki blinked and looked around. Osaka, Tomo, Chiyo, and Yomi were all
standing beside her on a sandy beach, wearing camouflage one-piece swimsuits
and combat helmets. She looked down and found herself similarly attired.
There was even a pair of dogtags on a silver chain dangling around her neck;
one gave her name age, height, and measurements (she blushed), while the
other had a Neko-Koneko stamped on it.
"It's time to whip you girly-girls into shape!" a deep voice boomed. Sakaki
looked around; there was a volleyball net stretched across the beach, and in
front of it was...*HIM.*
Chiyo-chichi.
But for some reason, he was olive drab in colour, and wearing a cap with a
sergeant's stripes. Under one of his spindly arms, he held a bright red
volleyball.
"Are you TOMATOES ready to learn to play VOLLEYBALL?"
"SIR, YES SIR!" the other girls chorused.
Chiyo-chichi pulsed an angry red colour and floated over to Sakaki.
"Soldier, I asked a question! Are you ready to learn to play VOLLEYBALL?!"
"...sir, yes sir?" Sakaki hazarded.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!"
"SIR, YES SIR!" Sakaki repeated, raising her voice far more than she cared
to.
"That's better." A whistle materialised in the cat-thing's free 'hand'; he
gave it a sharp trill. "ALRIGHT! PASSING DRILLS! LINE UP!"
The girls lined up. Red volleyballs appeared at their feet. They spent
several minutes passing the ball back and forth. Sakaki stared hard when one
of the volleyballs smacked Osaka in the face and burst, splattering her with
pulp and juice.
The balls were tomatoes.
Chiyo-chichi blew his whistle. "YOU! DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!"
Osaka obediently fell to the ground and tried to do pushups. By the time she
got to five, she collapsed face-first in the sand and began making
sand-angels.
Chiyo-chichi pulsed red, and threw his own tomato-ball at her, exploding it
against her derrier. "PATHETIC!" he roared. "ALL OF YOU ARE PATHETIC!" He
began floating up and down the girls, who had once again formed a line.
"YOU'RE WORTHLESS! YOU DISGUST ME! YOU SHOULD ALL BE *RED*!"
Immediately, all five girls turned bright red, like tomatoes.
"That's better! Now you look like the useless tomatoes you are! You'll never
amount to anything! You might as well turn yourselves into sauce right now!
You'd do more for the world on a dish of spaghetti than you would on a
volleyball court!"
"SIR, YES SIR!" Tomo, Yomi, Chiyo, and Osaka shouted, saluting.
"But I'm going to teach you to be more than useless tomatoes! When I'm
through with you, you'll be hard, mean volleyball machines!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
"Until I say otherwise, you are LESS THAN THE WORM IN THE APPLE!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
"THE APPLE IS ALSO RED! YOU ARE RED-LOVING WORTHLESS WORMS!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
"YOU ALL CAME OUT OF A DOG'S REAR END!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
"THE DOG'S REAR END WAS ALSO RED BECAUSE IT HAD A RASH!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
Chiyo-chichi blew his whistles again. "SERVING DRILLS!"
The girls took turns trying to serve tomatoballs into a large wicker basket
on the other side of the net. All the while, as various balls either landed
in the basket or bounced off the sand, Chiyo-chichi barked out insults,
admonitions, harsh comments, and generally kept up an abusive diatribe.
"YOU CALL THAT A SERVE? YOU'D BE FIRED FROM ANY CAFE IN JAPAN!"
"THE IDEA IS TO GET IT OVER THE NET, YOU REJECT FROM THE VINE!"
"IF YOU SERVED LIKE THAT IN A REAL GAME, YOU'D BE LAUGHED OFF THE COURT!"
"PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT! WHAT ARE YOU, A SEEDLING?"
"EVEN FROM A USELESS RED THING LIKE YOU, I'D EXPECT BETTER!"
"THINK OF THAT BALL AS A RIPE TOMATO AND JUICE IT!"
It went on for what seemed like hours. Finally, Chiyo-chichi blew his
whistle again, and the girls lined up. The cat-thing put his arms behind his
back. "Better. Much better. Not great, but you've definitely graduated from
tomatoes to..." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Penguins."
Sakaki blinked as she suddenly felt heavier. She looked up and down the
line, and found that all five of them were wearing penguin suits.
Chiyo-chichi saluted. "TRAINEES, DISMISSED!"
The other girls saluted as best they could, and began filing off into the
tide. Sakaki stared after them, then, not sure what else she could do,
followed...
==========================================
Sakaki rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she sat up in bed. *What a
strange dream...*
Her mother poked her head into the room. "Hurry up, breakfast is almost
ready."
"Hai." Sakaki stood, put on her houseshoes, and shuffled into the hall to
perform her morning ablutions.
When she arrived at the table, fresh and dressed for school, her mother
placed a plate in front of her.
"Something a little different this morning," she said. "Since you have that
big volleyball match today."
Sakaki blinked. On her plate were two slices of toast, three strips of
bacon, some crisp lettuce...and two slices of ripe, juicy tomato.
"You DO like BLTs, don't you?" her mother asked.
"Ah...hai." Sakaki assembled her sandwich and ate quickly and quietly. She
reached for her orange juice--and nearly dropped it when she saw the
cheerful, cute penguin pattern on the glass.
"Are you alright this morning, dear?"
"Iie...I'm fine. Just had a weird dream." Sakaki flushed, finished her
breakfast, kissed her mother goodbye, grabbed her bag and her shoes, and
left.
Volleyball, she decided, wasn't such a terrible thing, and she was confident
her class could win.
She just hoped the game wouldn't be very...red.
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