--- Alan <chibipoe@mindspring.com> wrote:

All comments appreciated. :)

Good, good.  Though I must warn you they do not call me "the Iron
Claw" for nothing.(1)

Much better with the formatting fix.

The huge problem I see with this story, based on this first chapter,
is the nature of the crossover itself.

Now, both the Naruto and Harry Potter series feature a trio of
youngsters learning special skills that ordinary mortals do not
possess.  A story which allows the writer to compare and contrast
these two groups sounds very interesting.

However, there's a severe clash of worldviews.

The Harry Potter series takes place in what is essentially "the real
world", with a secret subculture of wizards, magic and monsters
hidden from view.  

The Naruto series very much does not take place in our world.  Modern
technology has somehow come about without modern weaponry.  There are
no such things as standing armies; the history and geography of
Naruto's world is very different from ours.  Moreover, while the
ninja villages are "hidden", the civilian population is fully aware
that ninja exist and have a vague idea of their nifty powers.  Ninja
are feared or loved based on their individual reputation, rather than
being lumped into one category.

I am not clear on the existence of "magic" as opposed to "ninja
abilities" in the Naruto world, but wizards would hardly need hide
more than the ninja in such a place.

So, this requires a drastic change to the nature of Hogwarts if it
exists in the Naruto world (which all the dialogue about it would
seem to indicate.)  It's either the school where the
British-equivalent ninja children train, or a village that
specializes in "magic"-like ninja abilities.  Either way, the Harry
Potter characters are going to have severely different histories, and
possibly even different personalities.

What I fear is that you're planning to take Hogwarts and Diagon Alley
as though they've come straight out of the books, "Muggles" and all.

Another concern is the number of characters in this chapter alone. 
They seemed to come in big clumps, with little way of distinguishing
them from one another (admittedly, I am only up to the introduction
of Rock Lee in the manga), and it looks like you'll have another
character explosion as soon as the ninja hit Diagon Alley.

Honestly, I'd suggest trimming the cast severely, and acknowledging
that the two worlds don't actually work together.

For what it's worth,
SKJAM!

(1) I have to pay them.






	
		
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