Disclaimer: It's ONLY my opinion. Keep what you find useful, ignore the rest.


OVERALL: Good idea. I really need about 3-5K words to offer detailed C&C.
 The bit that's provided feels a bit sparse to me. 
 I'll offer one suggestion concerning "voice" or
"characterization". A rule of thumb is to look at the naked dialogue, w/o
any narrative, names or other identifiers. Can a reader tell which lines
of dialogue belong to which character? Does the dialogue convey emotions?
Does the word choice/usage/phraseology reflect the "character" of the speaker?
Or does it all "sound" alike?

An online resource that I've used is:
http://teenwriting.about.com/library/weekly/
Try the character building & dialogue exercises.

A useful (if rather labor intensive) book is:

WHAT IF? 
Writing Exercises for Fiction Writers.
by
Anne Bernays and Pamela Painter
ISBN: 0-06-272006-6 PB
ISBN: 0-06-270038-3 HB

I hope this has been useful. :)



NOTE: For anyone interested. I'm not dead and I'm still
writing. Real Life has been a bit too real lately, so I haven't
gotten much done nor have I been answering e-mail. ^_^;;;;;
I hope to correct that in the near future, but no promises.

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