Hi. Back on the list after an extended hiatus...

--- Mark Shurtleff <gaijin@sfcmd.com> wrote: > 

At 11:47 AM 7/6/2004, hkmiller wrote:

Genma was, quite frankly, pissed.

Suggest changing to a simple "Genma was pissed"
here. To me, the "quite frankly" isn't adding
anything; if anything, it suggests the author
speaking directly to the reader, which disrupts
your tone a bit.

Good catch.

As an aside, I wonder if he has *any* idea just how
much trouble he is in (Ninja & Emperor &
Conglomerates, oh my!). For that matter, did he
actually know about the Yamada being Kunoichi? (My
guess would be NO.)
 

illegal pornographic pictures of the deceased

Tendo-

Plausibility problem here: topless shots hardly

count

as "illegal pornography" in Japan. Full frontal

shots do,

as would shots Nabiki would have no way to take,
as they would require Ranko to do things she

wouldn't

do. But as far as we readers are concerned, topless
is all Nabiki's ever taken, since you supply no

details.

Nabiki's pictures were taken without explicit
consent.  That *does* make a 
difference between "OK" and "illegal" in Japan
concerning pornography.

Also, has it occurred to anyone that this would be
Nabiki's *private* stock, which could well contain the
racier shots that she wouldn't actually sell - not
that the police are likely to believe that...
 
Finally, I'm rather looking forward to both the
Khronos - Usagi/Serenity meeting (Looks like Usagi has
the right idea - and she at least understands the
concept of trying to accommodate others), and when
Hotaru emerges (And Aiko finds out...). With any luck
Glaive might be slightly reassured that Setsuna's
replacement is a blood relative of its own guardian
who is not only unlikely to pull any Setsuna's stunts,
but to give Hotaru the physical training she'd need,
if asked.

Looking forward to the next...


Sam


	
	
		
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