On Sun, 3 Oct 2004 13:36:18 -0400
"DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

Drake looked at his watch. According to their pre-flight ETA, they should be
arriving at their destination in two minutes.

Your terminology is off. This should be "According to the mission plan,
they should be arriving at their destination in two minutes." I guess you
want this to sounds militaristic, and those guys really love acronyms,
they think in acronyms. However, it's difficult to work ETA into this
without breaking the reference to the mission briefing. The right way is:
"Drake looked at his watch. They were on/at 2 minutes ETA." You can do
"According to the mission plan, they should've been at 2 minutes ETA",
because he has to take the planned flight time and subtract the factual
flight time mentally. This carries a load of uncertainty though.

Using pre-flight as adjective sounds off as well, although maybe Brits
do it (Joker is Brit, right? Drake is only attached to him as a
reinforcement). A pre-flight is a procedure performed by the aircrew
to ensure safety of the flight (primarily inspection).

[...]
Drake didn't deign to respond.

Nice humour.

"With pleasure. My daughter made me listen to that !#$% song about a hundred
times before I lost it and blew up her CD player." Drake pulled back the
bolt on his rifle. To the three-headed abomination, he said, "Hey Ugly!
Mmmbop this!" and emptied his magazine into the beast.

Drake landed with the unloaded rifle? Surely you jest. Also, you could have
written "emptied his first magazine", or something. Otherwise it sounds
a little unwise for Drake.

The cultural references went right over my head, but it was a very solid
writing, there's nothing I can fix.

-- Pete

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