Subject: [FFML] [con report] AnimeIowa: First Class All the Way
From: "Ukyou Kuonji" <ucchans@ameritech.net>
Date: 10/19/2004, 8:59 PM
To:
CC: <dleach@cocoa.plala.or.jp>


It isn't easy to be romantic anymore when your anniversary falls so close to 
September 11th as ours does.  Then again, romance never really *was* 
Konatsu-chan's style.  It probably doesn't help that I'm the main 
breadwinner (no, I'm not gonna say 'okonomiyakiwinner.'  Mou...) of the 
family.

Not that 'Natsu-chan ever *forgets* the day - as if anyone *could* any more. 
But this year, our anniversary has wound up being overshadowed by AnimeIowa. 
"Think of this trip as our anniversary getaway," my kunoichi says.

Still, the two of us will be away from Dan-chan for three whole nights, and 
with none of the sempais attending (for the first time in memory - 
Dave-sempai in particular has been a volunteer at AI from its inception in 
1997, but he's working the otaku's dream job, teaching English to kids in 
northern Hokkaido, which he describes as being "like Figure 17 without the 
aliens.") we'll be sure to have the room to ourselves... well, this might 
have possibilities yet.  Of course, we *are* still being joined by a 
thousand or so of our closest friends in the otaku community...

Actually, that may be stretching the matter.  AnimeIowa has grown so much, 
and so quickly, that one suspects they'd like to actually shrink down a bit. 
While part of the reason they've relocated to Des Moines from their 
traditional Cedar Rapids haunt is to make room for more attendees, the fact 
that it *is* another hour and a half west will probably discourage those 
coming from Chicago and points east, and its scheduling in mid-September 
(rather than late August) puts it well within anyone's school year.  My 
guess?  AnimeIowa may actually *shrink* in size this year - but I don't 
think the organizers will actually *mind*.  It's tough to keep that 
friendly, everybody-knows-your-name atmosphere when your ranks are swelling 
so much and so constantly, and that is, after all, AI's main selling point.

And even if the crowds are smaller, thanks to their sponsorship program, 
they can still maintain solvency, what with otaku like us opting to go...

===================================
FIRST CLASS ALL THE WAY
an AnimeIowa 2004 convention report
by Ukyou Kuonji
===================================

Okay, so maybe *that* will help with the whole romance thing, ne?

***

If only I was in a better *mood*, though.  Wednesday finds me trying to 
print out the video schedule for AnimeIowa, just to get an idea of what we 
may want to see.  Trouble is, Acrobat Reader bombs every time I try to call 
it up.  Fine... it's just as well, since the little balloon in the lower 
right corner of the screen keeps insisting that automatic updates are 
available for Windows xp; maybe whatever's there will help me out with this 
situation.

Any of you guys watch horror movies?  This is where y'all would be screaming 
at me NOT to do that, I'd reckon.

Not that I'm listening, here.

So I download the updates, and reboot the system.  And let me tell y'all, 
the Security Updates really work!  Not only can't I access sites that might 
have questionable material, or download stuff that might contain viruses... 
I can't access the Web AT ALL on that computer any more!

You can see why I'm not in a particularly lovey-dovey sort of mood, now, 
can't you?  And yes, I believe I'm just joined the ranks of Bill Gates 
haters (up until now, I've generally been able to give the guy the benefit 
of the doubt)

It's actually not a complete washout.  For one thing, the other programs I 
have accessing the Internet, such as mIRC and BitTorrent, still seem to work 
just fine... I'm just gonna have trouble finding new torrents in future.  At 
least, on *that* computer.  That's the other decent thing: the Ucchan has a 
few other, older machines that hook up just fine.  Of course, they lack the 
hard drive space and CD burner capability, but torrents don't take up tons 
of room on a floppy - I can just transfer those upstairs to the now 
'malfunctioning' machine... I hope.

Meanwhile, 'Natsu-chan is working on packing... and giving me 'that look.' 
I'd best get crackin' and start packin'.

***

So, you're wondering why we're packing up late on Wednesday night, ne? 
Well, the fact of the matter is, if we left on Friday, it'd take us 
five-plus hours to drive out there.  By the time we show up, we'd lose most 
of the first day.  We're already pretty resigned to losing much of Sunday on 
the ride back; if we're only gonna have one full day at AnimeIowa, is it 
really worth it?  So we're gearing up to leave on Thursday instead.

Leaving on Thursday has certain other advantages, too.  For instance, we 
don't have to race out the door at the dawn's first light, in order to miss 
as little as possible.  Sure, we'd *like* to leave by 9:30 or 10 am, but if 
we don't manage until noon, that's cool.  It isn't as if there's anything 
we're going to miss out on if we show up late today.  Besides, we still have 
to mix the batter as near to departure time as possible, so that it stays 
fresh.

But by the time the batter is prepared and the van is packed, it's past 
noon.  Past one, even.  Part of it's our normal lack of organization - I 
have to run out at one point for flour - part of it's waiting for S-ko to 
show up - she'll be watching Dan-chan today, then handing him off to 
Jeni-imouto-chan overnight, after which L-chan will take care of him for the 
weekend.

And part of it's Dan-chan himself, home from school today due to a teachers' 
insititute day (I think - it *is* Rosh Hoshanah as well, but that may not be 
the official reason).  Fact of the matter is, it's harder to let us go when 
he's home to watch us prepare and pack up.  If he was at school, and came 
home to a house empty but for S-ko, it might not be so bad.  Although it's 
another thing - he's *not* that fond of S-ko; she's a bit of a gloomy type 
for whom nothing ever goes right, at least, if you listen to her.  She's 
accurate about that, but too much is due to that pessimistic streak of hers. 
And while he loves L-chan dearly, he won't be with her for at least the next 
30 hours - and you know kids, that's a virtual eternity.  We hug him and 
make it as plain as we can that we love him, and will miss him, and we'll 
call him when we get into Des Moines - imagine that, parents promising their 
*kid* that they'll call, instead of the other way around - and eventually, 
he stops whimpering like a spanked puppy, and heads for the bedroom to play 
on the computer.

Even then, S-ko actually gets a little chatty as we pile into the van. 
She's clearly nervous about keeping an eye on him, especially as she's 
handing him over to someone other than us.  But it is my little sister, 
after all, so that shouldn't be such a big thing.  On the other hand, S-ko 
and Jeni-imouto-chan don't get along, either, so that may be part of it, 
too.  Finally, Konatsu diplomatically closes the conversation - and the van 
door - and we drive off.

***

To be fair, once we're on the road, the ride proves pretty smooth, if rather 
dull (Konatsu likes to pass the time with a Twenty Questions kind of game, 
wherein we guess what anime character the other is thinking of.  I used to 
be reasonably good at this, since I was the otaku of the family.  Nowadays, 
we generally watch stuff together, so we're on a level playing field - 
except that my kunoichi has always been much better at logic and memory 
puzzles than I.  I spend most of the trip doing the guessing, and 
occasionally getting completely stumped), and we pull into downtown Des 
Moines - don't laugh, it's not as much of an oxymoron as all that, complete 
with high-rise office buildings and the like - at about half-past six.  All 
we need to do for the moment is to find something to eat...

...any minute now...

...say, hasn't anyone working in Des Moines heard of a lunch break?  We're 
taking Grand Avenue straight through the heart of the downtown area... and 
straight *out* of the downtown area.  And nary a restaurant meets our eyes. 
Of course, that may well be because of the sun.  Whoever came up with the 
romantic notion of 'riding off into the sunset' had little to no grasp of 
reality.  Even with the visor down as far as feasibly possible, it'll still 
make you go blind a helluva lot quicker than certain activities that are 
rumored to do so, that much I'll say.

And turning around, now that we've left downtown, isn't as easy as all that. 
Grand Avenue's a one-way street, so we have to jog around a bit to find its 
counterpart and head back east.  On the other hand, Ingersoll is a bit 
luckier in the restaurant department, and we find ourselves in short order 
pulling in to a gyro stand.  What can I say?  I haven't had a decent gyro 
since the Athens Olympiad.  Not that we were *there*, mind you... it's just 
that it's been that long, is all.  True, it isn't exactly local color-type 
food - Konatsu, looking over my shoulder at my notes, asks what would *be* 
local color, corn-fed beef? - but it does hit the spot.

As promised, we check in with Dan-chan and S-ko as we finish eating.  He's 
in better spirits at this point, to be sure, but he's every bit as reluctant 
to surrender the phone as he was to let us go in the first place.  Once 
again, we promise to contact him in a couple hours, when he's handed over to 
Jeni-imouto-chan.

***

The return trip to the hotel is relatively easy, but where do we park once 
we get there?  There is a parking garage, but who knows what they charge? 
Then again, it's gotta be better than Rosemost, and we really don't have the 
luxury of being picky.

Check-in is smooth, although from looking around at the lobby, it seems hard 
to believe that they could hold a convention in here.  Compared to the 
Collins Plaza, this place seems positively cramped, right down to the 
elevators.  We barely manage to fit the luggage cart in (at least, we manage 
to bring everything in in one trip.

However, when we open our room up, it turns out that 'cramped' is the *last* 
word on could use to describe it.  The king size bed is essentially in the 
middle of the room, but it seems tiny compared to the space we've been 
given.  Well, the application asked if we would be hosting a room party, and 
we had affirmed as much.  So this is what a room on the 'party floor' looks 
like?  As the customary expression goes: "Sw33t!"

Not only that, but there's a kitchenette alcove by the door, incloding a 
microwave, a coffee maker, and a sizable college-style cube fridge.  And 
it's not a minibar, either, so we have all the room in the world for 
unloading our collection of beverages.  True, the vegetables and batter 
won't fit as well, but that's what the electric cooler's for, anyway.

When we had established our room party status, we were asked to provide 
dates for when we planned on holding them; we had locked in Saturday after 
the cosplay, as is the traditional time, with a possible Thursday pre-con 
R&R setup for the volunteers.  Now, to find some volunteers, and let them 
know...

...or get roped into volunteering ourselves.  Whatever.  The hotel, 
understandably, doesn't take kindly to advertising posters being taped to 
the walls or pillars; what the con organizers are setting up are large 
modular cages around the support pillars.  That way, folks can attach their 
posters to the cages, and not disturb the hotel fixtures.  Hey, *I* wouldn't 
have thought of this sort of thing.

***

Even as we lug the cages around, we find time to chat with some of the other 
volunteers.  One of them, a lady maybe ten years my senior or so (or more - 
she talks about having grandchildren at one point) turns out to be one of 
the admins at mediaminer.org.

Now, if I remember correctly, there was quite a flap a few years back on the 
FFML about mediaminer.org.  Apparantly, a number of the old regulars had 
discovered their work being hosted there when they had not given permission 
for it to be there - or something like that.  Now, I'm hearing 
mideiaminer.org's side of the story.  Turns out, one or several fanfiction 
sites had merged or folded, and in so doing, they either gave or sold their 
caches of fanfiction to mediaminer for their use.  Essentially, mediaminer 
replaced another site (or sites), so that the fics that had been posted 
would continue to be posted.

Fanilia goes on to talk about how mediaminer is discontinuing a certain form 
of fanfiction, something she describes as CYOA.  Cover Your Own A--?  Oh, 
no, it's Choose Your Own Adventure.  Apparantly, certain younger writers are 
creating stoies written in second person that ask for readers to send in 
suggestions as to where a story should go next, which they send by way of 
reviews.  So a story may have hundreds of 'reviews,' none of which give any 
indication that the fic is any good or not; they're just votes as to which 
way a story should go.  And most of the time, it's a self-insert inserting 
themselves (ifyaknowhutImean) into their favorite anime and characters 
(although presumably the characters may insert themselves into the 
SI-avatar, depending on gender, of course)  Needless to say, this decision 
hasn't been entirely popular, Fanilia speaks ruefully about the hate mail 
she's received: "Only two viruses, though," she says, as though this should 
be consolation.

It's fitting that we're working in the Art Room at this point, as she shows 
me a 2005 calendar they've put together for sale.  It's dedicated to one of 
the featured artists, a girl who was killed a couple years ago by a drunk 
driver late in 2002.  I think I detect a hint of wonder in her voice as 
Fanilia remarks that "the girl still gets critiques on her fanfics" still 
held by mediaminer.org.

Fanilia has her own fanfiction, as well, and shows me a short story in the 
Lovecraft vein about what form inspiration may take.  I can relate to her 
about having nightmares that turned into fanfiction, but this is a bit 
beyond my usual nightmare, that's for sure.

***

Somewhere along the way, either Konatsu or I mention the problem we've just 
been having with the new system overprotection from Microsoft.  Actually, it 
may be our attempt at jumping into someone else's conversation about the new 
System Pack release.  One of the fellows offers us a piece of advice to use 
when we return; something having to do with the 'Custom' settings in 
Internet Explorer.  It's worth a shot.

Meanwhile, we introduce ourselves, and offer our place as an R&R venue. 
Turns out, Kale and his girlfriend Lauren are here with a group from 
Minneapolis representing the staff of Anime Detour.  They've got plans to 
hold a room party of their own - they've even gotten projection equipment 
and an external hard drive, in addition to the by-now-requisite laptop 
computer - but at the moment, the room they have is... kinda small.  We 
offer to consolidate (although Konatsu seems a bit dismayed, especially 
given the collection we've brought - it seems a waste for two sets of 
viewing material to be reduced to one), and show them up to our room.  Sure 
enough, they admit that our place is huge, and ideal for their plans.  We 
swap cell phone numbers, and promise to keep in touch.

***

Unlike the Collins Plaza, the pool is tucked away on the 6th floor, and is 
only accessible by key card entry.  Not only that, but the pool is glassed 
in from the entrance, and raised up such that if you *could* see through the 
glass bricks, you'd find the water level to be at your eye level.  With all 
that, and the fact that we're the only ones here, it's almost enough for 
Konatsu-chan to suggest the possibility of skinny-dipping, just like at the 
Five Seasons in 2000.

There are, however, windows looking down on the natatorium, and while we're 
not sure, they just might be placed such that folks on the seventh floor 
could look down on us and whatever we're doing.  Granted, the hot tub (come 
*on* - those of your familiar with him know that Charles Piehl would *never* 
allow AnimeIowa to take place at a hotel that didn't have at least one hot 
tub) kicks up quite a froth, so anything happening below the water line 
would not be visible...

...at which point, the door clicks open, and several new arrivals walk in, 
inspect the pool and surroundings, and walk out.  With the glass wall as it 
is, we have time to stop what little we were doing, and look perfectly 
innocent by the time they actually enter the pool area, but once they leave, 
the mood has once again left us.  Besides, there's still those windows above 
us.  A lap or two across the pool (which, while it might be Olympic length, 
is only 3 feet deep the entire way across) to cool down, and we head back 
out.

***

Somewhere alone the way, we meander past a room that appears to be (or 
rather, that it *will* be) the dealers' room.  The doors are wide open, as 
the exhibitors are just hauling their wares in and setting up their booths. 
I doubt we're really supposed to be here, but no one shoos us away, so...

In fact, to an odd degree, we seem to be quite welcome.  A couple guys 
setting up for a shop called Fast Food Anime enthusiastically tout their 
wares as they bring them out of the boxes.  They've got a fair amount to be 
enthusiastic about:  all manner of Pocky and what have you, and at prices 
that are actually less than what we pay at our local Mitsuwa!  Equally 
astonishing is that they're quite aware of what Mitsuwa charges - one of the 
guys has a day job in Rolling Meadows, which is effectively across the 
street from the Ucchan.  I can't help myself or my curiosity: I have to know 
where they get their stuff from so that they can sell it so cheaply.  They 
give me an answer, but all it really boils down to is essentially "ancient 
Japanese secret."  Well, fine: at least we make a note to drop by when the 
room is open and they're actually selling stuff.

***

I mentioned before that we'd planned on inviting what volunteers who'd like 
to join us back to our room for a little R&R the night before all hell 
breaks loose.  Thing is - and this should have occurred to us - most of them 
are either resting up so as to be at full strength when the storm hits, or 
working through the night on the last-minute preparations.  As a result, we 
are joined by only two others, Fanilia and a guy named Tony, who sports an 
AnimeIowa T-shirt reading "Established 1997"  You were there at the 
beginning?  No, and as it turns out it wasn't the shirt they used at the 
inaugural con in any case.

For all the different anime titles I've brought - seven full spindles chock 
full of fansubs - what we end up watching are anime music videos and 
parodies.  It's great for those with a shorter attention span, and it always 
amazes me as to how few people are familiar with the parodies in particular. 
But that's probably because I've seen most of them gosh knows how many 
times.  It's like leaving a restaurant after a sumptuous meal, and 
wondering, "what are all these people doing coming in here?  *I*m full." 
Their reaction to the likes of Neon Genesis South Park and Fast Food Freedom 
Fighters remind me why I get so annoyed at the likes of Sherbert (who may 
make good parodies, but no one will ever know) and Sokodei (whose 
perfectionism precludes any distribution).  There's too many otaku who will 
*never* see these works and would enjoy them given the chance.

But y'all have heard me rant about this before.  I don't need to bore you 
with this sort of stuff yet again, and it isn't as if it's gonna change 
anything.

***

One thing I should mention about our 'party room' status.  When we were 
asked to provide approximate dates and times when we planned to hold court, 
we were also asked whether we had any intention of serving alcohol (and as 
such, bear the responsibility of 'carding' any drop-ins - another thing that 
hadn't occurred to me).  We're not exactly what you'd call heavy drinkers - 
in fact, we drink more at anime conventions than the entire rest of the 
year.  Just in case y'all think I'm some sort of Misato Katsuragi type - but 
we had planned on serving adult beverages.  We had also planned on showing 
adult titles, which I mentioned to the inquiring staffer.  Turns out, that 
was something *they* hadn't considered.  Anyone planning to host a party at 
future AnimeIowas, be warned: you will be asked about both age-sensitive 
items.

That said, neither adult beverages nor anime are brought out of their 
lead-lined cases tonight.  At least, not until the others have said their 
thanks and bid their farewells - Fanilia in particular had the misfortune of 
not booking a room until the Fort Des Moines was filled up.  She's happy to 
be in a hotel that charges half the rate, but it *is* twenty minutes away in 
Altoona.  So as soon as her son checks in with her (he's getting in his 
volunteering early on, and apparantly plans to work the night), she heads 
out.  At one a.m.  I can't say as I envy her the drive, but at least the 
traffic is light.

***

We aren't *quite* awakened by the call of "Housekeeping!" but for all 
intents and purposes, it marks the boundary between half-awake coasting and 
'might as well get up now.'  On the other hand, it is only 8:30.  Videos (do 
people even watch 'em anymore) don't start screening until 4, and the first 
panels don't begin for another five hours.  Even registration isn't set to 
open until noon.  So we've got time to kill.

We take in a dip in the pool, and chat a few folks already sitting around in 
the hot tub.  One fellow, in particular, confesses to being no more than a 
'casual' anime fan - what he's really here for is to meet up with some 
friends from ConVergence.  And for this he's driven four hours from the Twin 
Cities.  Apparantly, they're planning a room party of their own, and, like 
Kale and Lauren, they're a bit strapped for space.  Once again, we mention 
our room, and he takes note of it.  Whether we see him again or not remains 
to be seen.

With so many hours to kill, Konatsu points out that, while we've brought a 
whole bunch of Japanese snacks, they aren't necessarily to Americans' 
tastes.  Not much got opened or consumed last night, for instance.  So why 
not head out to WalMart or some such and get something a little more... 
well, American?

Sounds like a plan.

We don't get very far out of the pool before coming across one of our own 
friends (and as it turns out, one of the only ones we know here) - Greg 
Sandborn, freshly arrived and looking for his room.  He informs us that Zen 
and Nesse (and Jerry) will not be coming this year, or for that matter, any 
other year from now on.  For one thing, even the drive to Cedar Rapids was 
terribly long, about twelve hours from their place in Franklin, Tennessee; 
Des Moines is just that much further.  For another, AnimeIowa is getting too 
big for their tastes; it's just too much these days.  Even Greg admits that 
if it gets much bigger, he's considering making this his final trip to AI. 
And he's no more enthused about the hallway layout of the Fort Des Moines 
than we are; the Collins Plaza atrium really spoiled us, frankly.

By way of example, he offers up Anime Detour as a perfect small convention, 
"the best damn [facilities] I'd ever seen.  Pity they're being thrown out."

How's that?

Turns out, Anime Detour had made plans with the convention center in 
Minneapolis for an attendance of about 400 people.  They got a little more 
than twice that.  Needless to say the place, and the staff, were 
overwhelmed.  But Greg certainly gives them high marks, and may yet be back 
there, despite the distance.

When he discovers we've sprung for AI sponsorships this year, he welcomes us 
to the club: "It's worth the extra money," he says.  We're certainly looking 
forward to finding out about what the privileges of membership entail.  Of 
course, with the room we have (although Mr. Sandborn's place is quite ample 
and airy, as it so happens), we're already living a bit larger than we'd 
expected.  This should be a fun time, regardless of how many or how few show 
up.

Speaking of which, Greg and I are in disagreement about whether the move 
will slow or accelerate AnimeIowa's weed-like growth.  A lot of it probably 
comes from... where we come from.  By moving westward, AI runs the risk of 
losing the Chicago-area contingent, like myself and Konatsu, but Greg's from 
Kansas City - this is an improvement for him.  And then, there's the 
locals - some of the folks from Cedar Rapids might not bother anymore, 
although there's always folks from Des Moines who might be interested enough 
to drop by.

I also contend that not only will this slow AI's growth, this would not come 
as a disappointment to the staff.  They, too, have seemd to be a bit 
overburdened by AnimeIowa's burgeoning size.  A little respite would 
probably be welcome.

***

We've actually gone and brought our shop curtain this year; we'll see if we 
can't hang it outside the consuite when we get around to setting thngs up. 
Of course, as it hasn't been used for a couple of years, it's gotten pretty 
wrinkly around the folded spots.  So I start writing down a few notes (yes, 
as usual, I'm getting way behind in recording the weekend's activities - and 
to think, it's not even *started* yet!), while Konatsu hauls out an ironing 
board and proceeds to press the curtain into presentability.

And in case you were gonna ask, no, it wasn't concealed in my kunoichi's 
voluminous kimono or anything like that.  It came with the room, stashed in 
a separate closet within the kitchenette.

But anyway, we've gotta get going.  We wanna be back in time for when 
registration starts, after all.

***

Looks like we may have been misinformed.  That, or the convention is so well 
organized, and set up so thoroughly, that they've decided to open 
registration an hour early.  Well, why in the heck not?  We get our badges 
beforehand, and *then* head out.  Now we have an extra hour to spare.

And it turns out we need it.  It completely slips our minds to bring our map 
with us, so we have no idea where we're going, or how to get back.  At least 
I'm willing to stop and ask directions.  The gal behind the gas station 
counter points us straight on (well, it's actually a turn from the direction 
we're going, but it's a straight shot on this road to a WalMart... in, of 
all places, Altoona - where Fanilia's staying), and we load up on goodies...

...including breakfast stuff.  Turns out, the consuite isn't permitted to 
have the normal morning staples such as donuts and bagels, because the hotel 
sells those in the lobby, and they don't want the convention horning in on 
their racket.  Wonder if this means Steven (the pancake guy) will be out of 
work this weekend.

***

Des Moines is a funny town, I'll say that much.  On the road, we encounter a 
semi carrying small-scale earthmoving equipment, with the brand name proudly 
emblazoned across them: "Putzmeister."  Is that really something to brag 
about?

Elsewhere, one of the exits going into Des Moines note that it leads to the 
local zoo.  Pretty normal stuff, except they apparantly never decided on a 
name for the place, and consequently, the exit leads to "Blank Park Zoo." 
It's like they were playing the Match Game, and never bothered to come up 
with an answer.

Finally, once in Des Moines proper, and driving on the local town streets, 
we encounter a church with the following sign posted outside: "Sign broken: 
come inside for message."  Gotta give 'em full marks for cleverness, I tell 
ya.

***

Just as well we had the extra hour.  As it happens, we don't get back until 
after one, and the first panel of the con has already started (and no, it's 
not the opening ceremonies.  *That*s not until four pm - go figure).  It's 
simply entitled 'Japanese Snacks:'  does that mean they'll be serving them, 
like a short-term consuite thing?

Well... not exactly.  When we slip into the main programming room, the guy 
up front (I discover later his name is Evan - but at this point, I just 
recognize him as the host of Anime Improv) is explaining about Ramune and 
how it was developed in Kobe, and how Kobe is where the foreigners tend to 
congregate in Japan, and that it's a darn good place to go on a date because 
of this massive ferris wheel there, and "what are you folks doing in the 
back there?  I'm not gonna throw anything that far back!"  He's not planning 
on throwing Ramune bottles into the crowd, is he?

Thankfully, no, he's not throwing Ramune soft drink bottles.  What he does 
throw are little plastic replicas of Ramune bottles, which contain candy 
that turns out to taste rather like Bottle Caps available here in the 
states.  But they don't come in such a cool container.

A bag of Milkys get thrown out to the crowd, followed by a tin of Sakura 
Drops (popularized in the 'Grave of the Fireflies' movie).  The latter 
container cannot be opened, however - it's built like a tin of cocoa, or a 
flask of whiskey (Evan refuses to make the latter comparison, but I have no 
such compunctions), and the top has to be pried off with a screwdriver or, 
lacking  that (which we are), a key levered until the lid.  We never *do* 
get to find out what they taste like, despite the fact that the audience is 
politely taking one of each thing it gets and passing each item on.

A bag of curry crisps is displayed, and Evan talks about the role of curry 
in Japanese society: most prominently, game shows in which the contestants 
are challenged to eat plates of progressively hotter curry, and how the 
truly macho reaction is to take a bite, chew, swallow, have sweat pour off 
your face, and stare into the camera with a face straining to stay calm, and 
announce in a level voice: "That's hot."  The crisps he's waving as he talks 
about all this are a comparatively mild flavor, and when he asks for 
volunteers, I raise my hand.  He tosses it my way, and I make a fingertip 
catch of the bag, to great applause - evidently, no one's managed to 
actually *catch* what he's thrown out thus far.

It's at this point that he realizes who I am.  After seven years of 
attending AnimeIowa, and three previous years behind the griddle in the 
consuite, I've gotten rather a reputation - and the convention staffers 
(being regulars to the con, naturally, and involved in certain preparations 
as I am) know me that much more so.  He actually has me take a bow and - 
after making sure that yes, I *am* going to be making okonomi-yaki again 
this year - makes a plug for the tradition (with the stipulation that I save 
him one).  After all, okonomi-yaki is a Japanese snack in its own right.

Well... it's a snack the way *I* make 'em.

***

The next item Evan brings out isn't exactly a snack, either, and he's making 
it clear that he's not about to simply throw it out into the crowd - among 
other things, it's in a little glass bottle, but that's hardly the main 
reason.  He gives a little background on this item by talking about the 
post-WWII Japanese work ethic, and how Japanese folks can work to the near 
total exclusion of all else.  Having worked in Japan for a while himself, he 
recalls berating a co-worker for staying at the office until ten o'clock at 
night (why was Evan there?  Well, it wasn't as though he had anywhere better 
to go, and he was simply curious as to how late this particular colleague 
would actually *stay*): "Haven't you got a home, man?"  "..yes.."  "A wife? 
Kids?"  "..yes.."  "Do you *love* them?"  "..well, yes.."  "THEN WHAT THE 
HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!"  And as admirable as it was that the fellow 
was trying to get his project done ahead of time, the fact that the project 
wasn't due for *two*months* just blew Evan away.  He had to bodily drag him 
out of the office, buy him dinner, and send him *home*.

Long story, yes, but those of you who read this column are familiar with 
this sort of thing by now, no?  The point is, *something* has to *fuel* 
these people to make them never seem to want or need rest.  And that's what 
he's about to bring out, if he can find a volunteer to drink the stuff. 
Someone who's at least 18 years old (what, is this alcohol?), who got less 
than five hours of sleep last night (that rules Konatsu and I out), and who 
doesn't mind staying awake for the entire convention (which probably doesn't 
rule anyone out).  Our volunteer, who gives as his moniker "Bull" (as in 
"Red..." - rather appropriate), is handed a bottle of LipoVita (I hope I got 
that right), also referred to as the 'genki drink.'  Evan is surprised that 
Bull downs it without a flinch - Evan warns that the stuff tastes pretty 
nasty - and that he nonchalantly pronounces it 'pretty good.'  Hey, it's not 
as if you can expect him to be bouncing off the walls right off the bat.

As Bull returns to his seat to measurable applause, Evan lists some of the 
ingredients of this particular 'genki drink' (and apparantly, there's over 
fifty different varieties of the stuff, each geared to a different target 
market): a full day's supply of all the B vitamins, along with a strong dose 
of nicotine (ah, that's why the over-18 stipulation) and 50mg of caffiene. 
And this is evidently standard equipment for most of the LipoVita varieties. 
Scary; makes me wonder how the Japanese still manage to outlive us.  We may 
consume more fatty foods, but that nicotine and caffiene *can't* be healthy.

***

As if in answer to just such a question, the next few items are 
health-oriented.  With one of the latest worldwide diet fads being the 
discovery that green tea is good for you, the Japanese have produced all 
sorts of foods with the flavor and (presumably) the goodness of green tea. 
The hard candy is, at least, more sweet than bitter, but the *idea* of green 
tea candy is still something that I'd need more time to get used to than I 
have.  The next item is something called 'Calorie-Mate' - at least, that's 
what's written on the box, in English, no less.  Apart from the name, 
though, there's very little on what Evan refers to as 'the most boring 
packaging I've ever seen' to give one any idea of what's inside.  His 
discription of the stuff isn't particularly encouraging:  "All right, who 
wants a cookie that tastes like dust?"  Actually, he admits it's supposed to 
be chocolate flavored, but under the circumstances, "this means that it 
tastes nothing like chocolate."  Some smartalecks in the back call for it, 
and for once, he obliges, heaving it like a shot deep into the room.  As 
usual, no one manages to catch it, so it's probably that much *more* like 
dust from crumbling upon impact.

The nasty healthy stuff out of the way, he brings out the Pocky (which, 
given that it needs no introduction, seems out of place in his 
presentation).  This, EVERYone wants; people are yelling "We love you!"  "We 
love you, too!" and "My room is number 806!" to get his attention - and, of 
course, his Pocky.  This last shout stops him cold in his tracks, and he 
stares at the girl from room 806 for a moment, before turning to a fellow 
staffer at the sound board.

"Hit me."  The staffer brings out a squeaky mallet, a la Kodomo no Omocha, 
and bonks Evan on the head.  "Thank you."

The decision is made to give the first box of Pocky to whoever came from the 
furthest distance, and a pair of girls from Brainerd, Minnesota (about an 
eight-hour drive, if I heard right) are brought onstage.  Believe it or not, 
Evan has to explain to them how to play janken-pyon for it, and they still 
have a couple of false starts before tying the next couple of tries.  On the 
fifth go, one of them finally wins the game and the box, and as they leave 
the stage, Evan announces that, given the fact that time's running short on 
the panel, he's gonna find out just *how* fast he can throw these things 
out.

He goes pretty damn fast; faster than I can keep up with in my notes.  What 
I *can* tell you is that Konatsu's taken a shine to the roasted-corn flavor 
Pretz (it's not bad, but I confess to favoring the pizza flavor myself), and 
the tiramisu-flavored mushroom chocolates are a lot better than they sound 
(except that Konatsu, who *despises* the flavor of coffee, refuses to try 
them).  And one candy is tossed into the crowd with this couplet: "It's got 
chocolate, and it's shaped like a nut/Better eat it all, or I'll kick your 
butt."

All he needs is to set that line to music, and Wayne Brady could appreciate 
that.

***

The badges we received when we registered earlier this morning designate us 
as sponsors, but we honestly haven't a clue what-all that entails.  Maybe we 
should check with the folks at registration.

Sure enough, once they look through the files and confirm our sponsorship 
status, they hand us each a bag with some Japanese candies (at least, none 
of them look familiar from the panel we've just left) a DVD box containing 
last year's cosplay production, a voucher for our complementary AI T-shirts 
(just go to the Dealers' Room to claim 'em, they tell us), and a note 
suggesting that we should go to the Hospitality Room (also known as the 
Recharge Room) should we have any further questions.

Turns out, the Hospitality Room is the penthouse suite, set up specifically 
for staffers and volunteers to relax between shifts.  By dint of being 
sponsors, we are allowed to spend time up here as well.  It's a 
well-thought-out plan; as nice as the place is, it's quite out of the way 
(especially given how busy the elevators can be) so that those neither 
volunteering nor sponsoring needn't know what they may be missing out on.

Of course, now I've blown their cover.

On the other hand, if anyone reading this is interested, all you have to do 
is either be a sponsor, or do some volunteer work, so...

It's really quite the spread up here.  Past a couple bedrooms in the hall, 
there is a full kitchen with two sandwich irons, two waffle irons, a huge 
crock pot with a barbeque simmering merrily away.  The table in the dining 
room is loaded up with sandwich fixings - meat, cheese, what-have-you - 
fruits, veggies... the whole nine yards.  It's actually a bit intimidating, 
given that we don't feel like we've earned the right to be up here.

Lynda runs the place from the kitchen, restocking where she sees a need. 
Not that anything's going anywhere - the place really seems quite empty, 
what with maybe half a dozen others up here besides us (and the parlor alone 
has furniture enough to seat at least twice that, never mind the chairs 
around the dining room table).

We had heard something to the effect that there was to be a brunch on 
Sunday, or maybe a dinner tonight, with the sponsors and the guests of 
honor.  Lynda straightens us out on that; it had been tried in the past, but 
scheduling conflicts have pretty much rendered this unfeasible.  Well, at 
least we know.  And it isn't like there isn't plenty to eat right here, 
after all.

***

We don't stay all that long, though.  As it so happens, there's another 
benefit to sponsorship (or maybe it's just a ploy to milk the high rollers): 
early entrance to the dealers' room.  It is kinda weird to walk past this 
huge line that's already queued up, and waltz right in - after checking 
Konatsu's tuckerbag at the door.

For all that, we don't actually do a lot of shopping during this grace 
period.  We spend perhaps too much of the time chatting with the guys from 
Fast Food Anime, who - since one of them drives past the Ucchan every day to 
his day job - offer to take our order for the final Abenobashi DVD (which no 
one seems to *have* here) and deliver it right to our door when it gets in. 
The dealer across the aisle - who'd been touting *his* wares to us, and sale 
prices a bit lower than FFA's on the titles he displays - admits he can't 
top their delivery offer, and so we go with it.

By the time we give them the delivery information, the floodgates have 
opened, and we aren't finished yet!  Someone is selling plushies of Kyou and 
Yuki from Fruits Basket, and we just *have* to have them... but where?  One 
of the dealers eventually takes pity on us and points us toward the long 
table that extends to right in front of the door.  We're gonna be like 
salmon swimming upstream to get there!

Well, we do have to get *out* of here sooner or later.  It takes us the same 
half-hour to get the plushies (the poor harried guy behind the table has to 
check each item's price in turn) and wiggle our way out the door as we took 
leisurely meandering around earlier.

It's at this pont that I discover that I seem to have lost my pencil 
somewhere between the Hospitality Suite and the Dealers' Room.  And it's 
only Friday!  Well, it isn't as if I haven't taken a whole bunch of notes 
already.  But still, I have to find something in the next half-hour, before 
the opening ceremonies kick things off...

***

At least the hotel, like any good lodging establishment, provides us with a 
couple of pens in the room.  So I'm not completely out of luck.  And this 
gives us an excuse to detour through the consuite en route to main 
programming, for a little bit more nosh (and a chance to compare it with the 
Hospitality Suite, I'll admit - there are more Japanese snacks, but the 
quantity, aside from the feed bag of popcorn kernels awaiting placement in 
the movie theatre-style popper, isn't quite as sufficient.  Then again, it 
may be the illusion generated by a larger room and lots more people).

One fellow complains to his companion that several of the video screening 
rooms are down (technical problems, I would assume), and consequently, he 
"might as well go to the opening ceremonies."  Personally, I find Charles' 
humor to be more than worth the trip, to which this fellow - who informs me 
that for all the conventions he's ever gone to, he's *never* attended an 
opening ceremony - asks if I'm referring to Charles Piehl.  I guess so - the 
last name sounds familiar - to which he murmurs that Charles isn't to 
everyone's taste.  Well, I suppose not, but I wonder what offends him to 
such an extent...

***

While I admit that I don't see the consuite killjoy, it's not as if we're 
*looking* for him.  Besides, we've got seats in the second row, right behind 
the guests of honor - and despite my own parents' assurances, I've never 
developed the eyes in the back of my head, even after eleven years.

Onstage, Charles asks for a show of hands as to how many folks are new to 
AnimeIowa.  There's a lot of hands raised - Greg Sandborn may well be right 
after all.  Equally impressive is the fact that most of those hands stay us 
when he asks how many people are attending their very first convention ever. 
He then goes into reminiscing about the con's beginnings in 1997 - and here 
I suppose I understand why this guy might tire of Charles' schtick: it's 
like the class in Evangelion listening to the teacher going on about Second 
Impact, which happened before they were born.

For us, having been there since the second year, it brings back memories of 
the really small and clubby crowds (and we're being charitable, here) of 
yore.  After all, he recalls of the origins, "how many anime fans could 
there *be* in Iowa?"  As of right now, it's at 1,250 and counting.

On to the usual announcements, including the lack of elevators - "*No* hotel 
*ever* has enough elevators," he asserts - and being very careful with 
costume weapons.  Also, glomping, at least in public areas where it can mess 
up traffic and cause dangerous collisions, is also verboten:  "We don't want 
to cause any heart attacks; we don't want to end up in the papers.  We just 
want to return you to your lives in the same number of pieces that you came 
in... if not fewer."

Long pause.  Then... "Who wrote that joke?!"

The stuff we *can't* do out of the way, he begins on the stuff that's 
*available* to us all.  In particular, one of the panel rooms is hosting a 
game called Apples to Apples throughout the con: "It's a sick, sick game, 
and I recommend it highly."  Donald Swentick and Evan join Charles onstage 
to announce that the program books have just arrived from the printers... 
and they look pretty good.  Maybe not quite as professional as AnimeCentral, 
but that's certainly praising with faint damns.  Evan plugs Anime Improv, 
and the need for 'audience' suggestions, while Donald takes a moment to 
point out a few changes that have already come up, to which Charles grins, 
"Are we accomodating, or what?"  He adds that the most organized anime and 
sci-fi fans in the country are here at AnimeIowa.  Why?  What else ya gonna 
do?  You're in Iowa, f'gosh sakes!

This year, AnimeIowa actually has a number of guests of honor, and Charles 
struggles to pronounce Kia Asamiya's name.  The poor guy gets wrenched 
onstage, and Evan translates for him.  It's his first time in Iowa, and it 
strikes him that it's a really strange place to drive in.  I don't know if 
he's referring to the whole right-side-of-the-road thing, or the 
empty-space-with-nothing-but-cornfields deal... personally, I find it kinda 
dull.  Maybe I should try to look at it the way Asamiya-sensei does, and it 
might be more interesting.

He has arrived here accompanied by his editor, Haru Nita.  While Nita-san is 
not compelled to climb onstage, he does say a few words about how he's here 
to help Asamiya-sensei, and exhorting us to all have a good time.  Even from 
the second row, the man is hard to hear.

The next guest is associated with anime in a much more oblique fashion.  Dr. 
Susan Napier is a sociologist who's written scholarly monographs on anime 
and fan culture.  She'll be handing out questionnaires throughout the 
weekend, so everyone's invited to give her their opinions of life as otaku.

Greg Ayres is back this year, and so stoked to be here that he sold his good 
friend Monical Rial on the idea of coming; so here she is, too, along with 
her brother, who she mentions is single.  Well, I can't speak for any of the 
other fangirls, but *I*m taken.  Monica also plugs the voice acting panel, 
and notes that the rooms are generally designated with a letter and a name 
based on govermental levels (this being the capitol of Iowa, after all) such 
as 'State,' 'Capitol,' and so forth.  She notes with considerable mirth that 
the voice acting panel is to take place in 'F-City' - how appropriate for 
Hyatt!

The next two guests, Ron Kaulfersch and Mike Schwark (Charles is quite 
surprised when he is informed that he has pronounced both names correctly), 
are creators of the webcomic "Van Von Hunter."  I have to admit to not being 
familiar with the strip - I'm not much of a webcomic reader.  What I *am* 
surprised by is that these two young men seem amazingly clean-cut, wearing 
(nearly) matching green/beige polo shirts.  They're the kind of guys you 
could take home to mother - until she finds out what they do for a living, 
perhaps.

The final guest seems somewhat abashed to *be* a guest.  With 20 years of 
fandom under his belt, this is John Opplinger's first time as a guest at an 
anime convention, despite several years in the industry, most notably with 
AnimeNation as the titular author of the "Ask John" webcolumn within AN's 
website.  Those interested may now Ask John in person.

As we are thanked once again for coming, Greg interrupts, much to Charles' 
irritation, to update us on an old regular who isn't here.  Bob DeJesus 
sends his regrets, but what with Nan Desu Kon going on this same weekend, it 
was one or the other.  Oh, well... the summer schedule gets more and more 
crowded every year, doesn't it?

Charles makes one more plea for safe behavior - "yes, there's a hospital 
only four blocks away, but we don't intend to use it." - before asking for 
applause for the volunteers that make this whole thing possible: "it's not 
like this happens out of thin air.  Well... sometimes it *seems* like it, 
but they're the ones making it look so effortless."  And with that, and with 
a call for us listening to join the volunteer army if we feel so led, the 
convention is declared open.

And it's only 6:30 on Friday night.

***

We find ourselves chatting with Dr. Napier as the crowd begins to disperse. 
As it so happens, she'd been sitting a few chairs down from us during the 
Japanese Snack panel as well.  Not only is she a guest: this is all more 
research for her.  Basically, she's trying to find out 'what makes up a 
typical otaku, anyway?'

We're probably not the best folks for that sort of question; there's a lot 
about us that's not what one thinks of when one thinks of the stereotypical 
otaku.  For one thing, we're married; in fact, we didn't actually become 
otaku until after we got married (then again, one might assert that, were 
events otherwise, we wouldn't have gotten married if we had been otaku 
beforehand)

Dr. Napier explains that the concept of the 'typical' or 'stereotypical' 
otaku has turned into an oxymoron, as anime has gained in popularity.  No 
longer is anime the sole domain of collegiate males with nothing better to 
do on a Saturday evening than watch anime - and I mean no offense to those 
of you who are.  So really, we're as typical as anyone else attending here.

She goes on to explain that, while the concept of the 'typical otaku' has 
changed nationwide, there *is* a difference between the otaku one finds on 
either of the coasts as opposed to the Midwest.  It's to this end that she's 
doing research here.

Among the many aspects of fandom, she asks us if we know anything about 
fanfiction.  Do we?!  At this point, I stop taking notes for myself, and 
start writing down things on her notepad.  I'm a bit shocked to discover how 
little she seems to know about fanfiction; even sources such as 
fanfiction.net, rec.arts.anime.creative, and even the FFML are alien to her. 
Needless to say, I fill a page with all the usual suspects, including a 
short list of favorite authors and their web pages.  I don't make an effort 
to plug my own stuff, though; that's in bad form, like laughing at one's own 
jokes.  But I *do* mention the Lost Library of Florestica - after all, it's 
not just *my* work that's to be found there.

One of the differences between the Midwest and the coasts is apparantly a 
stronger sense of family and morality.  She's curious how that reconciles 
with certain aspects of anime, particularly hentai.  It's a fair enough 
question, and one we consider ourselves qualified to address.  I offer the 
opinion that good hentai ought to be the sort of thing that provokes the 
viewer to think "hey, I want some of that," and being married allows us to 
indulge in just that sort of thing, with no real moral compunctions.  So it 
even reconciles with our idenification with Christianity.  She actually asks 
if she can quote me on that.  Personally, it seems so intuitive to me that 
it surprises me that she's not met anyone else who's thought of it.

On the other hand, we once asked a group of older married couples if their 
experience together has been a long collection of inside jokes, and got 
nothing but blank stares.  Maybe we think more like Osaka-chan than I might 
have suspected.

***

We collect autographs from Dr. Napier and Monica Rial before heading off for 
another quick bite before attending the VerssenWerks panel.  This is a 
parody anime group that I've encountered on the Web, but haven't been able 
to obtain any of their stuff.  Tonight, we rectify that situation; all four 
of their parodies are offered for sale, and I snap them up.

Their latest work, the third in what they refer to as the 'Squeal' (think 
'Scream') trilogy, pays homage to Studio Sokodei several times in the 
credits and in the subtitled asides.  You know what that means: they 
consider themselves inferior to Sokodei.  And they are, to be quite frank. 
Their Utena parody, based on a Thumbnail Theatre-style fanfic, is quite 
amusing, but the episode of 'Squeal' that was screened is spotty at best. 
It does have its moments, though... "Is it over?"  "Not 'til the fish 
jumps."

The Q-and-A session afterwards isn't particularly enlightening as far as 
'how d'ya make these parodies,' but they're fun in their own right.  The 
audience comes up wih some of he weirdest questions - "What kind of fish do 
you like?" "Do you know the muffin man?" - and yet, it doesn't faze these 
girls - "Very long eels," "Yes, at muffinfilms.com."

Still, since VerssenWerks are the parodies to be shown at the 10pm to 
midnight slot in one of the video rooms, there's really no need to bother 
attending there at this point.

***

Kale and Lauren ran into us on our way to the VerssenWerks panel, and 
informed us that the guys from Anime Detour would manage all right in their 
own room on the eighth floor, thanks for offering, though.  But there's no 
reason why we can't drop in on their party tonight, especially as we're off 
the hook for the parody anime timeslot.

Although among their equipment they boast of a 200Gb hard drive full of 
anime music videos, we bring a couple of our own CD-ROMs with us to their 
room.  Just before the convention, I'd been surfing for AMVs, and came 
across a magnificent 8-minute opus that sets the trailers for the entire 
'Lord of the Rings' trilogy to Azumanga Daioh, complete with specific 
casting (Osaka as Frodo, Chiyo as Sam, Nyamo as Gandalf, Yukari as Sauron, 
Sakaki as Aragorn - and Kaorin as Arwen - but you get the idea).  For that 
the Anime Detour guys have, this is a new one on them.

We bring it.  We show it.  They copy it onto their drive.

They offer to provide us with a disk full of AMVs, should we so desire, in 
exchange (and we *had* bought a fresh spindle this morning on our little 
shopping trip), but I don't want to interrupt the screening.  Besides, they 
tell me that all of these are available on animemusicvideos.org - I'll just 
take down the particulars, and go from there when we get back.

There are a lot of particulars to take down.  Gendo Ikari does a turn as Dan 
Rather doing rap; one segment, where he speaks of 'a crook and a liar,' has 
arrows pointing at him.  I know the point is that *Gendo* fits the bill, but 
with the recent hoax that Dan Rather himself has been a part of, the 
sequence is eerily prescient.

Two versions of the "The system/is down" mix are shown, one based on an 
actual event from AWA a few years back (and we'd seen this at ACen this 
year, too, as a matter of fact - but *now* we know where to look for it), 
the other done to a collage of Azumanga scenes, with Osaka's wandering eyes 
beating out the time throughout.

And then there's this parody of a commencement speech, as performed by Il 
Palazzo, exhorting the viewer to buy sunscreen (and mentioning from time to 
time some of the other purposes of sunscreen you might not have 
anticipated).  It occurs to me that Il Palazzo would be perfect to narrate 
something like "Deteriorata;" hey, Excel Saga even has the Universe as a 
character to laugh behind everybody's back.  Anyone wanna give it a go?

There are a number of others - Kale is particularly impressed with a recent 
KareKano video rendered in sepia tones like an old movie; the song has to do 
with playgrounds, but the exact title escapes me at the moment - some of 
which are better than others.  I'm not taking the best of notes at this 
point; sometimes ya just gotta sit and soak it in.

Amazingly, they manage to wrap things up at just around midnight, give or 
take a few minutes, and we meander off to our room to take a stab at 
actually get a full night's sleep.  We may very well need it.

***

And we get it; we wake up just enough to shoo housekeeping away at nine or 
so.  I almost *never* get more than eight hours of sleep anymore... except 
on Saturdays, which my kunoichi is *so* kind to remind me that this is.

Actually, it's not like we'd get a lot more sleep in any case: compared to 
the waterbed we have at the Ucchan, most hotel beds are rather uncomfortably 
hard.  So by the time we get up, I know *I*ve got a stiff back - at least a 
nice hot shower is enough to work out the kinks.

And now that I've used 'hard,' 'stiff,' and 'kinks' in three successive 
sentances... we offer those of you who squick easily scenes of sunlit 
meadows and kittens playing with yarn to distract you from the obvious 
segue... and you can skip the next couple of paragraphs.  Join us at the 
next set of stars, won't you?

For the rest of you, you should understand that we aren't gonna have much 
other time to ourselves today, or even for the rest of the weekend.  We 
actually try, in the spirit of things, to put on a PWP-type hentai in the 
background.  Maybe we're just not used to having noise, though, but Anime 
Fiction is *not* particularly conducive to that sort of thing.  Those of you 
who've had better results, let us know, okay?  I won't use your names or 
anything.

Konatsu, in particular, gets distracted by the apparant fact that, while 
Spike Seagal is a natural greenhead, Faye Valentine dyes her hair purple. 
"Oh, no, wait a minute... it's just really dark."  My kunoichi is also 
dismayed by the sheer *size* of everyone's, ah, equipment.  I figure it's 
not that big (ah-heh... pardon the expression) of a deal.  You need that 
sort of size to get in front of a camera and show all the action; but for 
most of us real folks, the *last* thing we want is people watching us (or 
even imagining us... which makes me rather something other than normal, I 
suppose.  There are worse forms of exhibitionism, I should think).

***

Welcome back, everyone, although at this point there's not much going on. 
While some of the panels are rather interesting to consider, there are 
things that need to get done if we want to actually put on our usual show 
this afternoon.  Slicing the shiitake mushrooms, for instance.  But there's 
no need to be *completely* dull about it: we prop open our door, and let 
some of our favorites parody run while we work.

Sure enough, it attracts a couple of guys who haven't seen either "Bad 
Scottish Dubbing" or "Koko wa Otaku."  It never ceases to amaze me that this 
stuff is new to people.  Then again, I have to keep reminding myself that 
anime and Japanese culture itself is new to a lot of people even here.  The 
guys certainly enjoy it, in any case, and I tell them we will try to play 
the 'sequel,' "This Is Otakudom," at tonight's room party.  They seem 
enthusiatic as they head off, and we finish our preparations (including 
drawing up a couple of posters to hang up on the cages by main programming 
and the consuite).

Once they leave - and we're done with slicing and artwork - it occurs to me 
to actually *check* to see where I have the 'Otakudom' CD.  Much to my 
shock, I can't find it.  Seven spindles, three books of CDs, and I'm missing 
the *one* thing I've promised to play.  Damn.  Now, I *know* I have it in 
.asf format on my machine at home; I'll definately have to burn that to 
avoid this kind of embarassment in future.  For now, I'll just have to 
apologize this evening.  Then again, there's enough to keep everyone busy 
and entertained, I shouldn't wonder...

***

AnimeIowa has always been famous for its expansive consuite (one of the 
early founders once pointed out to me that, based on his experience running 
other, scifi-related conventions, "a convention, like an army, travels on 
its stomach"), but this year, they've really outdone themselves.  Instead of 
using a hotel room, or a suite, they're using two conference rooms and the 
inner lobby that joins the two of them.  One room contains several soda 
fountains, and at least a dozen round tables; it could seat at least a 
hundred otaku.  The other room has tables against the walls, loaded up with 
veggies and dip, several tubs of chips and more Japanese snacks, and a 
popcorn machine (one of the charwomen comes in at one point during the 
afternoon, and after a doubletake, grins that "I've been smelling popcorn 
for the last couple of days while I've been doing my rounds, but I've never 
seen any around.  At least now I know I'm not going crazy.")  It's in this 
room we plan to set everythiing up.

Well... not *every*thing.  The consuite 'lobby' is fronted by four wooden 
pillars, each topped with a lighted cube upon which the AI mascot girl has 
been affixed.  Since we brought the shop curtain (and we had no idea if or 
how we could display it when we did), we figure we'll hang the curtain from 
these lights.  Kale (yes, he and Lauren are already in the consuite - 
considering I'd told them about this, I know it isn't coincidence) helps me 
duct-tape the curtain to the lights, while Konatsu sets up the fixings.

While we've become rather famous among the convention staffers and other 
regulars here, there are, after all, a lot of people new to the whole 
concept of Japanese culture.  So we spend a fair amount of time explaining 
the whole concept of okonomi-yaki to the folks as they queue of to have one 
made for them.  It's fair enough, especially seeing as we fix them slightly 
differently (hopefully, with progressively more authenticity) each year. 
This year, we've added commercial okonomi-yaki sauce and bonito flakes (yes, 
they're available in our area.  Lucky, ne?) to our repertoire.  The bonito 
flakes, in particular, are a big hit, as they wriggle and curl on the hot 
okonomi-yaki sitting on the grill.  Of course, not everyone is prepared for 
me to sprikle dried fish on their food, so I do have to ask.

Konatsu monitors the fixings; one Dixie cup half full of various meats and 
vegetables we've laid out makes a snack-sized 'yaki, and we try to stick to 
that.  Of course, there are a few exceptions: we've made the 'mistake' of 
setting out edamame (soybean pods) alongside the fixings, and we have to 
explain to a few people that they aren't really supposed to go in the 
okonomi-yaki, but are just to be eaten right out of the pods (well, they do 
look like peapods, I suppose).  One fellow at least recognizes it for a 
separate snack, but actually takes a bite out of the pod itself.  When 
Konatsu-chan tries to explain how it's *supposed* to be eaten, he pulls an 
indignant face, takes yet another bite out of the pod, and walks off.

Even those you might expect to be familiar with Japanese culture either 
aren't paying attention, or are just full of surprises.  My kunoichi spots a 
couple of Japanese boys - maybe they're the guests, maybe they're Nisei, 
it's not like they speak enough to tell from the accent or language - 
scooping up some of the crabmeat from the okonomi-yaki fixings... and 
dumping it on a bowl full of cheese nachos.  Yukari-sensei, call your 
office.

Meanwhile, I'm pouring five 'yakis at a time on the griddle, and trying to 
keep pace with the growing line.  A runner comes up with three cupfuls of 
stuff, to be brought to various staffers that for whatever reason can't make 
it to the consuite this afternoon.  I recall Evan's inquiry from yesterday, 
and ask her to get in touch with him, if at all possible.  She sends out an 
APB on her walkie-talkie, but for the moment, he can't be reached, and no 
one knows why.  I hope he gets the word...

Some staffers *do* manage to get to the consuite, though.  Prominent among 
them is Charles Piehl himself: "Ukyou," yes, ever since I gave that as my 
'name' for the cosplay judging a couple years back, he calls me that, on the 
rare occasions I need to be addressed, "you rock."  He also takes the time 
to dress me down for downplaying my effort, because frankly, I don't 
consider what we're doing to be volunteer work.  It's not as if we're 
reporting to anyone on staff, performing any certain set duties to make sure 
that this or that panel or screening goes smoothly.  We're just showing up 
and doing something entirely on our own; that's not the same thing as 
volunteering, is it?  Charles is having none of the ol' humble bit: "What 
you two are doing here is important.  It's a valuable service to the 
convention."

Wow.

That doesn't make it any less embarrassing to hear, though.

Since the fanfiction panel starts at five (and the consuite is technically 
supposed to close for a few minutes for the hotel staff to clean it up a 
bit, in any case), we shut things down.  Actually, we manage to run out of 
just about everything by four-thirty, starting with the sauces, then the 
nori, then the various meats.  Finally, once the batter is gone, Konatsu 
offers to finish the cleanup while I take down the curtain and make a break 
for the panel.  For what it's worth, we've managed to serve 111 people in 
the space of three-plus hours.

***

Given the situation, it shouldn't be much of a surprise that I slip into the 
room a little bit late, but thankfully not so much that I've missed a lot, 
apparantly.  I slide in near Greg Sandborn, who's taken up a spot in one of 
the rear rows.  The only person further back is the wife of one of the 
panellists...

...Jeff Maxwell, who I believe I recall from a couple of AnimeCentrals ago. 
The creator of several fanzines in the day when that meant actually 
*printing* the things, he's also known for Tenchi fanfiction, specifically 
'No Thanks for the Memories,' which he doesn't seem particularly proud of.

His co-panellist, Mark Engel (Battle Angel Alita fanfic writer, and another 
familiar face I haven't seen in a while), tells Jeff, and the assembled 
group not to beat oneself up over writing a bad parody crossover.  "After 
all, if Neon Exodus Evangelion can survive for as long as it has..."

An aside as I'm transcribing these notes, if you'll allow me: Personally, I 
suspect more and more people know of NXE simply from its reputation rather 
than actually reading it - and I admit to being one of those.  *I* think 
that NXE *has* a reputation *because* it's been out as long as it has.  It 
was *the* pioneer Evangelion fanfiction, when it first came out.  And it was 
halfway decent, if I understand correctly - there is one glaring flaw, in 
the person of the notorious DJ Croft, but a reader could not argue that it 
wasn't well-written.  But at this point, Evangelion has developed a large 
base of writers: were NXE to be started *today,* written exactly as it is, 
it would swiftly dissappear, smothered by the weight of other, arguably 
better fics.  Just my opinion, gang, and you can take it for what you think 
it's worth.

Anyway, at this point Mark goes around the audience to discover who's 
written what, who wants to learn to write, and in cases like Greg and I, who 
needs a kick in the butt to get started writing again.  It pains me to admit 
that I'm in an odd form of retirement - and Greg looks vaguely sheepish even 
as he grins "Not much," to Mark's inquiry of what he's written lately.  He 
does mention Fox Squadron (and Mark is wearing an FS cap, as it happens) and 
Nabiki: New Horizons.

Turns out that Fanilia's here as well, and she explains her role as 
moderator of mediaminer.org, as well as the fanfictions she herself has 
written.  Mark is particularly impressed that she's now passing along the 
love of anime and fanfiction on to her grandchildren - although I'm hoping 
that she's never used that HP Lovecraft fic as a bedtime story.

On the subject of older stories, Jeff can't resist touting the advantages of 
the old-fashioned paper fanzines: "You could take these and read 'em on the 
john!"  It's pointed out that people *do* have laptops these days, but he 
counters that they get way too hot to leave on one's lap for long.  Can't 
argue with that.

Greg picks up on a point that Jeff must have mentioned before I arrived; 
that his daughter is following in his fanfic footsteps.  While Jeff had made 
it clear that these stories would be considered SI fics, Greg doesn't 
dismiss them out of hand; he considers those at least to be an excellent 
starting point for a young, fledgling writer.  His wife Mary, seated just 
behind Greg and I, points out that they aren't so much SIs as Mary Sues, and 
the difference is explained to those unfamiliar with the two concepts.

It occurs to me at this point that Dr. Napier would find this rather 
enlightening.  Pity she doesn't seem to be here...

While Mark invokes Sturgeon's Law (90% of everything is crap), Anna Johnson, 
another familiar voice in the audience, asserts that the quality of 
fanfictions has improved over time.  This is explained in the fact that the 
older fandoms have older (read 'more seasoned') fans, and therefore, their 
craft is better developed.  Anna admits to generally frequenting private, 
individual sites, rather than, say, fanfiction.net ("Bite your tongue," 
murmurs Greg), so she realizes she may not be seeing the real crap.

Mark has something to say about poor writing: it does get ones competitive 
juices flowing.  Like probably all of us out here who count ourselves fanfic 
writers, he started out *reading* fanfiction first.  It didn't take long 
before he came across stuff that got him thinking "Hey, I could do better 
than that," and then proceeding to go out and do just that.

In fairness to the much-mailgned (and mostly deservedly so) fanfiction.net, 
it should be pointed out that Anna's theory about certain fandoms is quite 
true.  As examples, I recommend the reader to visit there, and check out the 
fics available for Lupin III and Spirited Away; these anime attract an 
older, more sophisticated fan, and therefore writer, and consequently, the 
gold-to-dross ratio is considerably better than the average.

Jeff talks about the most recent addition to the Tenchi 'canon,' such as it 
is.  Evidently, the manga-ka has committed the unpardonable sin (to some of 
the old guard) of adding new women to the cast.  Jeff doesn't see it as any 
big change: "the number one issue here was, and still is, 'who's gonna get 
Tenchi?'"  He refers to his own story 'Cherry Blossoms,' in which Ryoko 
dies, leaving Ayeka as the one logical candidate (and he claims is was a 
tough one to write, as he doesn't do angst very well); by reincarnating 
Ryoko in Tenchi and Ayeka's daughter, he pissed off a few people.

He remarks that anime is a little bit like Shakespeare, without the heavy 
Elizabethan accent: "Everyone dies in a tragedy, everyone gets married in a 
comedy."

On a different subject, Fanilia (after acknowledging a fellow mediaminer.org 
staffer that she'd never met - and she's dressed up as Xelgadis, no less!) 
talks about the situation regarding the decision to cancel 'Choose Your Own 
Adventures' on mediaminer.org, complete with the hate mail and other 
repercussions of the decision.  Most of the old guard of fanfiction aren't 
particularly familiar with mediaminer.org - although I suppose that's a 
better fate than antipathy - and Anna Johnson, in particular, reiterates her 
unfamiliarity with even fanfiction.net (which is perhaps deliberate, to some 
extent).

With the mention of ff.net, the subject of Harry Potter and all sorts of 
attendant crossovers comes up.  Jeff mentions having written a short piece - 
shorter than a drabble; he calls it a 10-second fic - wherin Urd loses a 
drinking bet with Dumbledore, and finds herself teaching a class at 
Hogwarts.  "So, is this Potions?"  No, that's Snape's job.  "Hm.  So what 
class *is* this?"  You probably see it coming; it's Defense Against the Dark 
Arts.  "Oh, no sweat.  So... whaddya wanna know about Mom, anyway?"

Personally, *I* think the crossover that should be tried (and to the best of 
my knowledge has not been) is between Harry Potter and Mystery Science 
Theatre.  Maybe have Harry, Ron and Hermione locked in the Chamber of 
Secrets or some such, and be forced to read bad HP fanfics like the 
Satellite of Revolution did to Utena fics.  There's certainly no end of the 
material.  Hell, throw Gilderoy in for good measure, and have him be 
disappointed that he's not in most of these.  Greg agrees that there's 
plenty of fodder for such a series.

To Jeff's inquiry of "so, what are you writing NOW, Mark?" Mark stands up 
and exhorts the audience to "Write!  Write NOW!"  Because when you get a 
job, get married, get children, more and more of your precious time gets 
sucked away.  Translation?  He isn't writing much.  Hey, I can relate.  He 
mentions that he *is* keeping a journal, which is starting to turn into a 
story in its own right.  "To live is to write," he says, and encourages 
everyone to keep track of what they see around them and participate in. 
Observed detail, that's the key.

An interesting observation at this point; it turns out that Mark and Jeff 
have day jobs with two competing railroads.

Anna observes the fact that very few fanfiction writers make the transition 
from amateur to professional, and she considers it a shame, especially given 
that there are some very talented writers out there.  Mark mentions Lea 
Fernandez' panel on self-promotion held in this room earlier; among other 
things, it was discussed that apparantly, fanfiction does not look good on a 
writer's r�sum�.  That may be so, but Anna wants to point out that she's 
gotten a job working on a Yu Yu Hakusho-based anime game *because* of her 
fanfiction work and her familiarity with the series.  And now, Atari is 
apparantly familiar with us at AnimeIowa because of her work.  Jeff adds 
that Lea's antipathy is ironic, as her first work was in a fanzine, herself.

Jeff continues about fanzines, and magazines in general.  The truth is, 
publishers aren't as concerned about who writes well, as who can write on 
schedule.  If they need 20 pages of material within two weeks, they call on 
someone who can be counted on to crank that sort of material out in that 
length of time.  Mark laughs that only those who've established themselves 
as stars can get away with treating editors the way Sana-chan's mom does.

Now, the discussion turns to C&C, and as a prime example... "Who remembers 
the FFML?"  Sadly, Greg and I are among the few who do.  Mark holds it up as 
a great source for good commentary & criticism; although he also recommends 
friends and family for pre-readers, "They'll tell you if it stinks without 
hurting you."  Well, that's open to debate.

On the other hand, Jeff's wife Mary mentions the FCML, the Fanfiction 
Critique Mailing List (I'm not sure I got the acronym right, but...), who 
evidently have the motto "anyone who can be discouraged from writing should 
be."  You need a thick hide to write for the FCML, or else don't bother. 
Mary doesn't consider that the right attitude; discouraging the wrong people 
at the wrong time might really do damage to the potential fanbase: every one 
of us was a newbie at one time or another.

Jeff talks about reading in order to develop one's own style, "I learned 
erotica from Anne Rice novels," he claims.  What, no Ana�s Nin?  Confirming 
Mark's assertion regarding observed detail, he talks about stuff from his 
real life going into his stories, including one about a haunted house based 
on an actual house in the St. Louis area.  Mark breaks in that "we could go 
on all day about stuff like that," which is probably true.  Clearly, he's 
starting to wrap things up.

Which makes it an odd time to discuss longer pieces, and how he'd once 
written an El Hazard fanfic with a twenty-page outline, and eventually 
developed into a 167-page fic, only to be received with a large round of 
indifference.  "But I wasn't writing for everyone else."  He does recommend 
that long stories should not be left dangling (ouch); for his own part, he 
put together outlines before writing, thus leaving plenty prepared for 
continuous updates to keep the readers interested.

Along such lines, I make the claim that the truly long pieces are usually 
done by better writers, as consistency and stamina are difficult qualities 
to come by.  Jeff, in particular, disagrees, asserting that being pithy can 
be every bit as difficult.

Fanilia mentions the fanfic writer and artist killed by the drunk driver who 
is still getting commentary on mediaminer.org; several in the audience want 
to know who this late writer was.  She mentions the girl's name - Erin 
Kluuk, I believe - and gives out a plug for mediamner.org's Big-Ass Fanfic 
Contest, complete with the actual, tangible prizes and the opportunity to 
leave one's mark on mm's Wall of Fame.  Mark is duly impressed with the 
information.

He wraps up the panel by asserting that writing is, after all, a skill that 
will serve one well in the future no matter what you do.  Can't argue with 
that.  Jeff, too, dwells on the 'writing for one's own benefit theme' by 
telling us that writing comes from the heart, and what is truly important 
about a fanfic is not how many people read it or comment upon it, but that 
you can look at your own work and say "I did well on this."

***

It has become traditional for us to order pizza while we're waiting in line 
for the cosplay.  Konatsu has been looking forward to it more than usual; 
one of our favorite places, Papa John's, has just moved out of our area. 
But at the moment, we're not particularly hungry - hey, we were the *last* 
ones to have some okonomi-yaki, and that after the consuite effectively shut 
down, so there wasn't any line to speak of.

That, and I'm wondering when we'd have time to order, eat and still make it 
to the cosplay.  "Why not?" my kunoichi asks, "isn't it at 8 pm?"  No, check 
the program again, sugar.  It's at 7, less than half an hour from now.  The 
pizza will have to wait.

But *we* won't.  *This*, I'd say, is one of *the* perks of sponsorship. 
Rather than standing around in line for an hour or two to either get in or 
wind up in the overflow room (not that it was all that awful, either, but 
still...), we just get shown to a small, cordoned-off section in front of 
the doors until they're ready to seat us.  And I should mention we get 
escorted in with a level of panache - perhaps in an attempt to encourage 
those in the regular line to become sponsors themselves and enjoy the 
benefits - as the crowd-control expert, with the chiseled face of Scott 
Bakula and the boundless energy of Ty Pennington calls out "Hey, sponsors, 
are you ready to go someplace cool?!"  And we follow him in.

I should mention at this point that the reply we give is less than 
thunderous; there are less than ten of us in this little area waiting to be 
let in.  When we comment on this, another sponsor talks about three girls he 
left behind in the Hospitality Suite being rather obnoxious - we don't press 
for details, but we can imagine that minors don't generally pay for the red 
carpet treatment from their own funds.  Meanwhile, we're kind of embarrassed 
when we're up there, like we haven't really *earned* the right to be there, 
like here we are relaxing while the volunteers slave away at this or that 
(and if you're a volunteer, I know you can vouch for that).  At the same 
time, I'm sure that there are some sponsors that aren't down here - Greg 
Sandborn, in particular, comes to mind - we hope he doesn't miss out.

It does seem that there is plenty of time between our being escorted to the 
second row (right behind the judges, in fact, so this year's seat is on a 
par with 2002's; just without the notes), enough for several other sponsors 
to make there way in (I think I recognize the three girls mentioned earlier, 
and not just from the badges indicating that they're minors).  In fact, both 
Konatsu and I decide to take a restroom break before everything starts - 
Konatsu actually takes two, thanks to too much soda while working the 
okonomi-yaki fixings - and we won't be able to move.  I tell ya, when ya get 
back to the ballrom doors, that whole 'go right on in' freedom really works 
wonders.

Charles comes out, not doing his whole schtick, but he's still manages to 
make sound checks fun to watch, especially when he drops the wireless mike. 
Finally, things settle down, the speakers are working reasonably well, and 
he announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, stand by for opening the house."

Two years ago, when I sat in the front row with the other judges, we watched 
the crowds file in, orderly and quietly.  I remember Lea Fernandez 
commenting that it was like watching people entering a church service.  I 
must confess, I am not watching the crowds this time, but I can tell you 
that it's not *that* quiet this time around.  On the other hand, its no more 
chaotic than the fact that Charles has left to find out if the overflow room 
can hear him (after all, if they can't, how can they tell him, unless he 
goes over there?)

The judges talk amongst themselves about good and bad cosplay judging, 
preparing themselves for their duty.  The girl in the middle, dressed so as 
to look like Chii (we find out later it's Erika Door, our PeroPero creator 
[we have him perched on my cap until the room fills up] and last year's 
cosplay winner, and it's not Chii, but an obscure manga character that never 
got an anime) has very little good to say about Otakon, while Kevin (who I 
recognize from both ACen and AReactor as the creator of 'A Fan's View;' if 
anyone has earned the right to be a cosplay judge from a fan standpoint, he 
is it) counters about how Katsucon got it right.  For all my unintentional 
eavesdropping, I can't pick up on the particulars as to *why*...

The third judge intrigues Konatsu in particular.  Dressed in a lab coat, 
with wild hair, and a headgear reminiscent of Doc Brown's failed 
mind-reading device from "Back to the Future," he leaves my kunoichi with 
the distinct impression that we should know who he's dressed up as - except 
that we don't.  Well, Konatsu's not shy (anymore).  Upon being asked 
(interviewed is more like it, as I watch the two of them chat), he describes 
himself as a generic sort of mad scientist character (for the sake of 
identification, he refers to himself as "Dr. Retro"), adding that "I could 
just as well ask you what *your* costume is."

Well, given that we each still have part of our Ucchan's gear on, I suppose 
that might well count as a quasi-costume... never really thought of it that 
way...

***

Now, I've mentioned about PeroPero perched on my cap, but I should point out 
that we've brought about half of our collection of plushies to the cosplay 
to wave at the appropriate moments.  No, not Daddy-cat - there is such a 
thing as pushing our luck.  We get front-row seats as sponsors, but they 
aren't skyboxes or anything.

For all the plushies we own, though, there's always a new one we don't have 
and wish we did.  This time, a girl comes in with a Menchi doll sprawled on 
her head.  A guy sitting behind me cracks, "Doesn't it just make you 
hungry?"  And now that you mention it, what with foregoing the pizza and 
all...

But Konatsu is just hungry for *that*doll*, and it looks like we'll *have* 
to get to the dealers' room for that thing tomorrow - assuming the guys that 
sold us Kyou and Yuki still have any.

***

Konatsu strikes up a converation with the 'hungry' guy behind us.  He's a 
serious con slave, having been to C-kon in Indiana and ComiCon in San Diego, 
and all sorts of other ones along the attendance spectrum.  For all that, he 
says he's never been to a convention where the dealers' room required one to 
check their bags at the door.  This seems odd to me; it isn't as if 
shoplifting is unknown to conventions (unfortunately - I even know of at 
least one person in the fanfic community to have boasted of what they 
boosted - granted, not anyone I'd met in person, thankfully).  Unlike this 
guy, I'm more surprised that other cons don't do the same thing than get 
pissed that AnimeIowa does it.

Konatsu points out to me that even if a person enters a dealers' room 
without anything in their hands, once they purchase something, they have a 
bag in which to slip stuff, should they so choose.  I can't argue with that, 
except to assume that if one makes an honest purchase, they aren't going to 
turn around and steal stuff.  Call me na�ve, but still...

***

The minutes before the cosplay go on do tend to get the most ink per minute 
of any time during a convention.  There really isn't anything else to do but 
catch up on what been happening, and put down obsevations on what's going 
on: hey, Mark, I'm following your advice already!

Right now, some folks are trying to start the wave, but it's odd that 
they're starting from the row *behind* the sponsors, and move back.  Hope 
it's not something like the proletariat snubbing the borgeiouse, or such 
like that.

It's been about half an hour by now since they said the show would start in 
fifteen minutes.  Looks like Konatsu's gonna be right about that 8 o'clock 
guess after all.  But then, if we'd have bothered with the pizza, we 
wouldn't have gotten these great seats.  I guess Greg Sandborn's out of luck 
at this point.  Maybe this isn't his thing.

***

Finally, the lights go down, and... Belldandy?  opens the show.  Apparantly, 
Charles got ahold of the Goddess Relief Office.  Unfortunately, he seems to 
have thought he received *three* wishes - which proves he doesn't watch 
nearly enough anime.  So much for the winning lottery ticket and the hair 
implants.

Before getting to the thirty-five entrants (is that more or less than last 
year?  It's close, either way), acknowledgements are given to the judges. 
Dr. Retro is introduced as a local Des Moines costumer (let's face it - at 
this convention, the locals are *far* outnumbered.  So a local hero *is* 
worth mention) named Scott Ross.  Erika curtsies for the audience as she is 
promoted as last year's Best of Show (ah, so *that's* how it works these 
days.  Makes sense).  Finally, Kevin takes the opportunity to both plug his 
"A Fan's View" website, and to acknowledge that - since the statute of 
limitations has passed - that he was responsible for the pink elephant jokes 
at Charles' expense in previous years.

After mentioning the backstage costumer, Rochelle Herberts, by name, Charles 
adds that there are a lot of people without whom this event isn't possible. 
But if he lists them out, I don't have any notes of it, because without much 
further ado, we proceed to the cosplay itself.

The Magic Knights Rayearth crew "in downtime" come out; each of the three 
has a baby or child in tow (Umi merely has a boyfriend - I won't let fly 
with any feminist rant on how they're the same as children).  All the 
'families' are in Rayearth costumes, and the chibis, in particular, get loud 
'awww's from the audience.  Konatsu is vaguely dismayed at not having 
brought our stuffed Mokona to wave at the group.

Team Seven from Naruto is introduced, and as the music blares, the female of 
the crew belts Naruto.  Okay, whatever...

Charles points out that not only is the next guy participating in his first 
cosplay (the awards for AI are given out on a kohai/sempai basis, to give 
the less experienced cosplayers some form of a chance), this is his first 
anime convention, period.  But you wouldn't know it, as Vash the Stampede 
strides out in a beautiful red leather coat, and repeats the chant that 
cosplay audiences have come to expect and love, "The world is full of" all 
together, now, "LOVE and PEACE!"

A new character takes to the stage, Sora Nikeno(sp?) from KaleidoStar, and 
she lipsynchs the original opening theme while the audience claps in rhythm.

Just the name "Full Metal Alchemist" gets *huge* screams - mostly feminine 
ones - but when they stage a fight, it's the girl who gets the upper hand, 
chasing one of the others offstage, brandishing a wrench.

Another first timer, done up as a crossover: Yu-gi-...moto?  For whatever 
reason, he apologizes for the bad weather.

More screams as Ruroni Kenshin is introduced - these girls get *way* too 
excited.  Kaoru is doing an infomercial: Do you find yourself needing a 
Pocky fix, but the dealers' room is too crowded?  Do you need protection 
from yaoi fangirls?  Well, we have the solution right here... Neko-Kenshin. 
Sure enough, he's in neko-ken mode (ah-hah, I get it), and at the sight of 
Pocky, he sings the Meow Mix theme.  "Supplies are limited," grins Kaoru, 
"Order today!"

The Ninja Iron Chef doesn't look much like a ninja, but he does look 
impressive.  And as Charles describes he cooking technique, he interrupts 
himself - "I'm starting to get hungry, here... gotta remember to each before 
the cosplay in the future."

Excel and Hyatt enter with their own Menchi plushie stapped to Excel's 
shoulder bracers, and offer a "Heil" to Il Palazzo.

The next girl is introduced as Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Kakyuu... I think. 
The last word doesn't ring a bell, but I have to admit, it's quite a 
costume - what there is of it.  She lipsynchs breifly to one of the 
Sailormoon themes before exiting.

As she leaves, Charles crosses the stage, and notices... "Hm... Yu-gi-oh 
cards."  Well, they're his, now.

The next skit is introduced as "Why Cousins Shouldn't Sing," and since 
they're using characters from FFX2 (more screams - well, at least it's more 
heartfelt than the old "Dance! Dance!" chant), I have no clue about the 
characters.  All I can say is that the guy puts on rather a great display, 
singing and wriggling to great noise.  But only for so long, as the girl 
gets fed up, knocks him out, and takes the mike.  Donny and Marie, these two 
ain't.

"Is this really the name of this character?" Charles asks with some 
incredulty.  Apparantly, it is.  Ulala (pronounced 'oh-la-la,' and for good 
reason) from Space Channel 5 strides across the stage.  Konatsu is 
paricularly impressed by the use of 2-liter bottles to great effect as a 
rocket pack.  My kunoichi does not have a roving eye to speak of, 
thankfully.

A brief Utena sketch, with Miki asking Utena if Anthy can come and play with 
him.  Despite the tremendous amount of innuendo you could squeeze out of 
that phrasing, this trio plays it more or less straight, with Utena agreeing 
only if Miki will help them with their math homework.

A girl dressed as a Totoro (unlike some costumes of this nature, she wears 
this overall fashion, so you can see her face - and she can see where she's 
going), complete with a leaf balancing a chibi-Totoro plushie, comes out and 
does a rain dance.

Love Hina's Seta pits off against Futaba-kun's Mokota (was that her name? 
It's been too long since I've read that manga) in a wrestling match, as 
opposed to a swordfight with Mokoto, I suppose.

Our friend Victoria is part of the next sketch, in which Jongo (from One 
Piece) plays the part of a master hypnotist.  "Dance!" he orders Chopper, 
and she proceeds to do so, in a sort of crab-like fashion.

Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne waves the last pawn piece as she crosses the stage. 
She's looking for Sinbad; now that all the artworks have been collected, 
they can relax and play chess together.

The next entrant is billed as Musical Season Fairy Ginger, which reminds me 
of absolutely nothing.  But it's an impressive constume, complete with gauze 
wings, and a violin... painted purple?  She brings it up to her chin, and it 
turns out, she's not a half bad violinist, herself.  Charles gapes as she 
exits, "You know, if I had thought to paint my violin like that, I probably 
still... would be grounded for it."

Little Midori, from Midori no Hibi comes onstage, her lower half covered by 
what's supposed to be Seiji-kun's uniform sleeve.  Well, I was curious as to 
how that would be done.  Charles wonders if that counts as only *half* an 
entry.

The fangirl screams hit a peak when Charles introduces a sketch from 
Gravitiation, prompting him to mutter, "I gotta catch more anime."  An 
occasional male voice can be heard warning him away from this title, but no 
matter.  The girl (although I assumed both protagonists were male, the 
cosplayer's too busty to pass.  And maybe she's not trying to) is looking 
for the guy.  But he's holding up a stuffed rabbit, who tries to deny having 
seen him.

>From FFX (and to the inevitable screams, Charles asks, "Is that any good?"), 
Yuna walks onstage, posing and gesturing profoundly.

Anselm and the Heartless Guardian are introduced as being from Kingdom 
Hearts, "the game that has eaten the TV set."

The Naruto gang comes on, purporting to illustrate how Naruto became... oh 
crap, my notes are really messed up here... it starts with an 'H,' and I 
would assume it has to do with being the top ninja in his class or some 
such.  At any rate, each of the characters knock each other out in 
succession, until Naruto and his sensei (the one with the hat, anyway) are 
left.  Naruto flashes the guy, and as he's stunned, he takes the hat. 
That's not all, though, as a little kid shows up, stomps on Naruto's foot, 
and as he hops around in pain, the kid makes off with the hat.

The next entrants, for whatever reason, are not part of the competition; 
they're it just for the fun of it.  Fun definately describes the sketch with 
Vash and Wolfwood, which has the two of them recovering from a rather 
serious bender.  "When I get drunk, I get all touchy-feely, you know that," 
Vash explains, and to prove it, Wolfwood realizes he's wearing Vash's coat, 
but... Vash is wearing his boxers!  I'd say this sketch has a little too 
much love, and not enough peace.

A Chii, holding a bouquet of roses and wearing a dress with a frilly train, 
poses and spins for us.

For the next Final Fantasy costume, Charles begins with "Don't you just hate 
those damn midgets?"  Guess he's had troubles getting to a save point 
without getting killed by them.  It also looks like he may have some trouble 
onstage tonight, as one carrying a big, big knife backs him all the way 
across the stage.

Before the group dressed (elaborately, I might add) as the J-pop group 
Paradise Kiss comes out, Charles offers a bit of a prayer for "no more 
violence, no more pain, no more men in underwear, Amen."

Riku and Yuna, from Final Fantasy X do a little sketch about sword envy, and 
I don't think I have to explain how they're holding their swords as they 
discuss them.

Another J-pop character, this one dressed as Malas Miser (hope I spelled 
that right; J-pop is *not* my forte); the girl - at least, it *looks* like a 
girl, you never can tell, though - is beautifully done in the traditional 
white facepaint of the geisha, but a very gothic look to her.  She has one 
bobble, as her headdress slips off on her third spin, but recovers quite 
well.

One of the classic cosplay characters takes his turn onstage: CardCaptor 
Will, talking about having to deal with this weird thing between his legs. 
No, you perverts, he's talking about the tail hanging down from the back of 
his skirt!

Along those same lines, 'the greatest William ever,' Bill Gates, is pleased 
to announce that Microsoft will be releasing anime titles.  But... they've 
been watered down.  Go Nagai's 'Violence Jack,' for instance, will be 
released until the title 'Aggressive Jeff.'  He's even got promotional 
posters for this thing.  But to save the day, a hulking Chiyo-chan storms 
onstage - apparantly Mr. Gates has done Azumanga wrong somewhere along the 
line - and vows to "Kill Bill," to great applause.

Rick Hunter from Macross demonstrates that his outfit is, in fact, 
fireproof.  Maestra Daphne walks across the stage; her headgear is a work of 
art, I should point out.  And finally, a girl takes a turn as Rabi-en-Rose, 
waves to the audience, and expresses disappointment in the silent response; 
I don't know if the girl expected applause (that generally is reserved for 
skit punchlines) or if that's just being in character.

***

Anyway, that wraps things up.  The judges are bundled off to the traditional 
'undisclosed location,' and the backdrop curtain is opened to reveal a 
projection screen.  The intention is to show the anime music video entrants, 
or at least the winners, while we wait for the results.  Unfortunately, 
there seems to be some sort of technical problem, leaving Charles with the 
usual task of stalling.

He goes over a few rules once more; apparantly, it hasn't been clear to some 
folks.  Among incidents that may or may not have happened, judging from his 
remarks: someone must have taken a prop weapon outside, and while our 
generation may be somewhat antiestablishment, it's never a good idea to 
confuse a cop as to whether or not that's a real weapon.  I haven't seen any 
glomping or panhandling to speak of, but from the fact that we're being 
reminded once again, suggests it's still going on.  "Prove to the world that 
you're grownups," Charles exhorts us, "or, at least fake it."

Since the tech guys are still struggling with the AMVs, it's decided to set 
up the slide show of the Hall Cosplay entrants.  Before that, the winners 
are awarded their prizes.  A Yugioh with a very impressing hairdo takes the 
first medal, while sword-envy Yuna takes the second for another costume from 
earlier in the day - she hangs the medal on one of her spikes.  The third 
winner is apparantly no longer available, but at least we get to see them 
all...

...and really, no sooner is the slide show over, than the judges return. 
Kohai awards are given to the Naruto crew (the ones fighting over the hat), 
Ginger and her violin, and the Kingdom Hearts duo.  The sempai award winners 
include Paradise Kiss, the frilly Chii and Rabi-en-Rose (who, in a nice 
touch I didn't see earlier, has been carrying a spritz bottle of 'Fanboy 
Repellant' the whole time).  Sailor Kakyuu receives best individual, while 
the Gravitation pair are awarded best group.  Riku and Yuna earn Best 
Workmanship (evidently, the judges have sword envy, too), and the Prestige 
Award is given to... Maestra Daphne, from Last Exile.

And that's a wrap.  They make one more effort at the AMVs, but when the 
first one starts without sound, they decide to scrub it.  Hopefully, they'll 
have the bugs worked out by 1pm tomorrow, and give it another go then.

***

One of the drawbacks, if you can call it that, to being on the 'party floor' 
is that you find yourself competing for attention with all the other room 
parties going on.  It's a guest's market, not a host's.  People drop in, 
watch a little bit, have a few munchies and/or a drink, and wander on to the 
next place if what you're showing doesn't grab their attention.  I suppose 
it makes for good market research, but that's not our line.

Still, as long as we keep the door propped open, and the AMVs running, we 
can attract plenty of drop-ins.  One fellow introduces himself to Konatsu as 
having a name spelled with the number 3 in it: "the 3 is silent, you see." 
My kunoichi spots the reference, and has me play a couple of videos 
involving Tom Lehrer's music, to which he responds with surprise.  Clearly, 
he didn't expect to find anyone familiar with the artist - and to be sure, 
the songs date from before either of us were born.  Then again, so does 
Mozart... what does that really prove?

***

We don't break out the hentai until around midnight, and at that point, we 
shut the door.  It's one thing with alcohol and minors; not everybody in a 
room need be drinking.  But if you're playing hentai, everybody in the room 
is watching that stuff, ready or not.

And speaking of drinking, what with eighteen episodes of Ebichu, we run out 
of Irish cream long before we run out of stuff that is just too wrong to 
chug to.  And that's with only a couple of us actually doing Mihoshis, 
including myself.  It gets to the point where we just let our guests check 
out the fridge and take what they want.

That turns out to be a bit of a mistake, as one of our guests nicks a bottle 
of strawberry Ramune we'd planned to take home with us.  Well, we'd had 
plans to hit the dealers' room tomorrow for plushies, anyway, so what's the 
harm, ne?

After several hours of Ebichu (the group is amazed after each pair of 
episodes that we have more, but no one suggests that we stop and try 
something different), we switch to more comedic fare like Sex Demon Queen. 
It's a little like Slayers, a little like Excel Saga, and a little like 
nothing else you've ever seen.  We watch another title whose name escapes 
me, wherein a young boy (we're talking barely into high school here, but 
it's all cartoon, after all) is teased a little too far by his older sister 
and her, um, female partner.  All very silly, and I find myself MSTing the 
stuff as they play.  I do find myself apologizing, if anyone is actually 
watching this *seriously*, but I can't help myself - maybe I've had a little 
too much to drink, I dunno.

At this point, we field several requests for copies, so the computer is 
occupied with burning CDs while some leave and others chat.  Finally, one 
guy requests something a bit more hard core.  I'm not touching this request, 
as tentacle rape isn't my thing, but I offer him the spindle to look 
through.  He chooses something called 'Wet Summer Nights,' and while I 
consider dissuading him (I've not actually watched a lot of my hentai 
collection, but *this* episode I've seen), I find myself lacking the energy 
to do so; after all, it's past five in the morning.  So the others put it 
on.

For what it's worth, 'Wet Summer Nights,' or 'Suika,' has to do with and art 
student and his relationship with the daughter of his sensei - and her 
hatred of her father, for having let her mother die long ago.  It's an 
interesting story, if you're more wide awake than I am at this point, but it 
sure as heck ain't hard core, by any stretch.  It pretty much kills the 
evening.

Which at this point is a good thing, as it hasn't been evening for the past 
six hours.  Konatsu later sighs to the effect that at least settles the 
question of getting everyone out of there, so we could rest up for the trip 
back home.

***

Which Konatsu-chan decides not to bother with, anyway.  I get about three 
hours or so of sleep, but my kunoichi wakes up shortly after retiring, 
unable to fall asleep for all the stuff that needs packing and taking out to 
the car before the 11am check-out time.  Not only that, but Konatsu has this 
thing about hotel pools; they *must* be used.  Sleep, and you miss the 
chance.  Besides, three hours is the limit; anything less, and it's not 
worth even bothering.  So, I'm left alone in bed while Konatsu skulks 
around, packing and taking a swim.

Not that I *know* this until I wake up alone.  One thing about a king-sized 
bed; lost though it may be in the room's acreage, unless we're in *that* 
mood and *looking* for each other, we'll never know if the other's there. 
Of course, even on a smaller bed, Konatsu *should* be able to sneak off like 
that, as a kunoichi, no?

But I'm not particularly worried.  After twelve years together, I know my 
kunoichi's habits; although I *do* worry about how little sleep Konatsu's 
getting.  Of course, I'm a little concerned about the fact that *I*ve gotten 
only three hours shut-eye myself: after all, *I*m the one doing the lion's 
share of the driving.

All at once, I feel a little sorry that I didn't qualify to test that 'genki 
drink' the other day.

***

While a quick shower is refreshing, it's still not quite enough to wake me 
up fully.  Konatsu, on the other hand, is surprisingly genki upon returning 
from the pool, complete with stories to tell.  Didn't get to use the pool, 
evidently - a janitor was fishing around with a net - my kunoichi didn't 
ask, and didn't bother.

But there was plenty of company to be had in the hot tub.  Six of 'em at 
this early hour, Konatsu, two couples described to me as "head over heels in 
lust with each other" (evidently they'd been giggling about what-all they'd 
been doing last night, and although Konatsu doesn't really go into details, 
I get the picture.  Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more), and a rather burly 
friend of theirs that *they* refer to as their 'bulldog.'  And my kunoichi 
admits he was playing with the janitor's hose in a way that might be 
described as canine.  Evidently, among other things done last night, the 
'bulldog' drank quite a bit last night - the couples didn't have to, as they 
had other ways to amuse themselves - and he served as entertainment for the 
others as well, especially at the post-cosplay dance.  Trouble is, Ol' 
Bulldog is only nineteen.  He got busted, and they were asked to leave the 
dance.  Whoops.

>From there, Konatsu didn't head straight back to the room, either.  Checking 
up on the AnimeDetour gang, my kunoichi came across some folks on the eighth 
floor debating as to whether or not to contact security.  Seems a fellow 
otaku staggered into their room last night, and after a bit of driving the 
porcelain bus, passed out cold.  Thing is, it wasn't his room, and in fact, 
they don't know who he is, offhand.  Ah, the dangers of partying *too* 
hearty.

>From all these tales, I am impressed as to how my kunoichi gets around.  The 
lobby had a few people chatting into the wee hours (or rather past them, to 
be honest, considering this had to be considerably after six am) about anime 
and religion.  I didn't get the details of that, unfortunately.  You never 
know if that sort of discussion will be on comparing, say, Evangelion to the 
book of the Revelation (trust me folks, it doesn't track at all) or railing 
at the prudish fundamentalists and thier supposed campaign to censor anime 
or some such (which, being a member of a church that might be considered as 
such, strikes me as odd, but oh well).  And at this point, I probably never 
will.  There will be other such discussions though, in the future, and I may 
just report on them in excruciating detail (along with a ton of things I 
*should* have said at the time, I shouldn't wonder).

Less heavy is the scene in the consuite, where at some point, those within - 
for whatever reason - broke into a spontaneous chant of "the system/is down" 
from LostBoy's AWA music video, complete with all the contrapunctal rhythms 
that accompany it.  Wild.

***

Having been fortified with all this material, I'm about ready to head out; 
and none too soon for my kunoichi.  We want that plushie, after all, and it 
was Konatsu's Ramune that we're trying to replace.

Not that it's a straight shot to the dealers' room.  After all, we need to 
clear out of the room.  Believe it or not, we do manage to cram everything 
onto a single luggage cart, and wheel it across the street to the parking 
garage.  And we don't drop *too* much on our way.

Then, as we return to the hotel, we meet up with Kale and Lauren.  We can't 
seem to stop running into them, it seems (although I'm not complaiing about 
that - it's just funny that it keeps happening).  They really would like the 
two of us to come to AnimeDetour and do a panel on okonomi-yaki.  As 
tempting as that may be - especially given that AD appears to be the newest 
'clubby' convention on the AI model - that would still mean a seven-plus 
hour drive from Chicago to Minneapolis.  It doesn't really look like a 
likely prospect.

That said, I tell them that there's no reason why they can't whip up their 
own okonomi-yaki batter for their convention.  It's a simple enough 
concoction... and I scribble down our receipe for them to use.  Easy as 
that, and good luck.

Actually, we wish them good luck for more than just the cooking.  It would 
appear that Kale and Lauren will be getting married before the next 
AnimeDetour (as if planning a convention wasn't a handful enough, they've 
got a wedding to deal with?  Masochists  ^_^ )  They'd been introduced at 
the original AnimeDetour (in their capacity as staffers) as fiancees.  Well, 
they weren't at the time, but they weren't about to make a liar out of their 
MC, so... well, congratulations and hugs all around.

As they head off to prepare for their own trip home, we make our way into 
the dealers' room.  The Menchi is easy enough - although it comes in two 
forms, an actual plushie or a beanbag style.  The girl we'd seen wearing one 
was wearing the beanbag, but we opt for the more substantial pooch - a 
little more meat on the bones, if you will.

Then, there's the Ramune.  The one guy selling different flavors has a 
rather diminished stock, but there is one with the same white label and red 
fruit beneath the logo.  I buy the bottle, and hand it to Konatsu with some 
satisfaction - but then my kunoichi points out that I've made a mistake. 
This is lychee-flavored soda, not strawberry.  What of the strawberry, then.

The vendor shrugs.  Aw, of all the ones to be out of....

***

Well, this just about wraps it for us. Still, there is one more panel we 
must attend: Anime Improv.  What began several years ago as a stupid idea - 
and to this day, *remains* a stupid idea - has become one of the bigger 
events of the convention, barring the cosplay, of course.  Evan, MCing for 
the third straight year, knows the secret: "We offer hangover relief and 
cheap laughs," and who needs more than that on the third day?

A gem of a Freeze Tag scene winds up involving Gendo and Shinji Ikari, with 
Gendo demanding to know what Shinji wants of him - apparantly, his fondest 
wish is a Rei of his own.  So they check out the many models available in 
the Reiquarium.  "What kind of Rei would you like?"  "How about a 
personality?" "Ah, no... not in this show."  He finally offers one in a 
sailor fuku, "But be careful how you pronounce that."

Suddenly, the scene is frozen, and the fellow playing Gendo has to play 
Vash, confessing his sins to Nicholas Wolfwood.  'Gendo' does what he can, 
but it's clear he doesn't know the series.  This is one of the failures of 
Anime Improv: if the players don't know the programs, it's not gonna happen.

As if to prove this, I try to get into a game.  Four of us, doing an 
ordinary activity of... buying a tricycle?  Okay, and in the style of... 
Full Metal Alchemist?  Scryed?  Aw, geez.  We try casting a spell, but I can 
manage for humor is that we conjure up a very tiny tricycle, which I try - 
and fail - to pedal.  But otherwise, it falls pretty flat.  At least we were 
*all* out to sea on this thing.

On the other hand, there are times when it's hard to believe that a player 
*isn't* familiar with a given series.  In a 'Let's Make a Date' sequence, 
one of the bachelorettes is asked to play Chiyo-chan, from Azumanga.  She 
has no clue, and consequently, neither does the poor guy who's supposed to 
guess who she is.  Better to have the contestants pick out their own series, 
such as the other girl onstage during the same game, wearing a Hello Kitty 
stocking cap, playing... Hello Kitty (she hides the cap for the bachelor's 
sake, though - can't make it *too* easy), and doing it well.

The improvisational aspect of this event, combined with the whole third-day 
state of participants and audience (although with the audience in that 
sleep-deprived state, a lot more is funny than should be, come to think of 
it), mean that Anime Improv does tend to track all too well with Sturgeon's 
Law.  Still, there are some moments. Spike and Vicious, waiting for 
something to cook, decide "let's go into some pointless backstory to confuse 
the audience."  The character of Hyatt is good for a few laughs, as one 
complains that something was left out a little too long in the consuite (and 
you know what happens next), while another is praisedby Il Palazzo for her 
contribution to the local blood drive.  Goku complains about being hungry, 
to which his partner onstage retorts, "You're immortal, you can last 
awhile."  Ryouga threatens to walk offstage, to which the other responds 
with "well, let's see how long this'll take."  Three girls and a guy try to 
perform pole-vaulting in the style of Sailor Moon; the guy hangs back from 
the action, prompting several of us to call out: "C'mon, Tux-boy, you gotta 
participate, too!"

Somewhere along the way, someone gives Evan an Azumanga Daddy-cap, perhaps 
to make reference to the series that the girl playing Chiyo-chan is 
unfamiliar with.  He's as surprised as anyone that "I get to keep this?!" 
and he floats around the stage for a moment himself.  It's just a bit too 
much like Kimura-sensei for a moment, there.

***

We rest up one last time with some grilled cheese sandwiches in the 
Hospitality Suite.  Some folks are already giving the weekend a bit of a 
post-mortem, with the usual complaints about the elevators, and that the 
stairwell situation didn't help.  To give you a little background, there's 
only two (or is it three?) stairwells in the Fort Des Moines.  And after 
Friday, one of them was effectively ruled off limits, because it was 
reserved for the staff.

I don't need to tell you about the traffic problems that caused.

We actually used the off-limits stairwell a couple of times while we were 
hauling the okonomi-yaki fixings, but we assumed by 'staff,' they were 
referring to *con* staff.  At least we didn't get a chewing out from the 
*hotel* staff, who it was supposedly reserved for.

***

We take more time than we expect to by eating; by the time we get down to 
the main programming room for the music video presentation (and this time, 
everything seems to be working), the winners have already aired.  We catch a 
total of five videos - effectively half of them - and I have to admit, these 
aren't really my cuppa.  All of the ones we watch are dark, serious, 
somber... doesn't anyone do comedy here?  That whole 'Deteriorata' idea 
seems better and better all the time.  If I only knew *how*...

The AMVs wrap up barely a quarter hour after we show up, and we decide to 
take one more turn 'round the dealers' room: we've just realized that we 
haven't gotten anything for Dan-chan this weekend.  I mean, he likes the 
plushies almost as much as Konatsu does, but they aren't really *his*, after 
all.

Unfortunately, by this time, the place is getting either picked over or shut 
down.  Not much to be found that would appeal to Dan-chan.  We did get a few 
things when we were out at Walmart on Friday; maybe that will suffice. 
After all, Dan-chan's no otaku.

***

There's really not that much to do as we sit around, waiting for the closing 
ceremonies.  Even settling ourselves right in the middle of the audience 
doesn't produce the long chats with nearby strangers that we're used to.

At least it's not a *long* wait.  Charles banters with some staffers 
monitoring the sound board about the existence of a Lost & Found; someone 
seems to be missing abot 16 hours of sleep.  One of them asks about sanity 
and virtue, to which Charles counters that those were mislaid a long time 
ago.

Time to address the masses.  Holding a sheaf of tickets, Charles inquires 
about first-timers.  There's a lot of hands, and virtually all of them 
affirm that they plan to return next year.  So what *is* the final tally? 
Fifteen hundred fifty, just about the same as last year.  Guess both Greg 
*and* I were wrong.  What about the tickets you're holding, Charles?  He's 
holding forty ID badges that were never claimed - no-shows.  It's a bigger 
crowd of absentees than AI has ever had, but it's still small for a 
convention this size, he insists.

There are announcements regarding the art show and auction: there's 
apparantly a few people who haven't picked up their stuff yet.  He also 
makes one last plug honoring volunteers - "Stand and be counted," he calls 
out - and given his admonishion from yesterday, we stand with the others, to 
some applause.

Greg Ayres scrambles in - oh wow, a Guest of Honor manages to show up for 
the closing ceremonies - with one last bag of 'frsh swag' from the dealers' 
room.  He clambers onstage to thank everybody for treating both him and 
Monica (and her brother - although he doesn't go into details as to whether 
ototo-chan found a date or two) so well.

And that's it.  Fifteen minutes, and we're done.

***

Time to go, then?  We *have* got a long way to go, after all.  Longer than 
before, anyway.  Konatsu makes a few strategic phone calls, though - L-chan 
is planning on keeping Dan-chan occupied until at least ten-thirty tonight. 
We've got time to attend the feedback session.

Someone makes a wisecrack about "how can you have feedback without 
microphones?"  Which they really shouldn't do, as the staff are, to some 
extent, armed with mallets.  Squeak!

Pluses?  Registration has been smoother than ever,
 and the huge consuite garners praise.  The caution tape for the cosplay is 
remarked upon - evidently, the fellow in charge of crowd control actually 
*studied* the subject for months before setting up the barricades. 
Volunteers and sponsors alike offer kudos for the Recharge Room/Hospitality 
Suite.  One first-timer speaks happily of being glomped 227 times - wasn't 
Charles always talking about *not* doing that sort of thing?

Minuses?  These aren't as plentiful, thankfully, but one person begs AI 
please, not to schedule during the school year.  It's explained that the 
short notice (with regard to conventions and hotels, anything less than a 
year is short notice) left AnimeIowa with little choice as to time.  Indeed, 
it's a little cheaper
to hold the event at this time of year, too.  There is a complaint about the 
lack of a video game room this year; it would seem there wasn't anyone able 
or willing to run one this year.



There is big praise for the program guide (although there is some 
good-natured ribbing about the just-in-time delivery), while others have 
issues with the video schedule.  Granted, it's only natural that, as the con 
wears on, there will be more and more deviation from the schedule as 
originally posted.  Still, is there any way to update it on the fly?  Have 
someone tweaking the website (especially with the Fort Des Moines upgrading 
to wireless by next year), and maybe a kiosk to check out the changes?  Even 
something as low-tech as a dry-erase board gets a hearing.

The dance is mentioned, and since we weren't there, we can't speak for it. 
I guess it was rather dark, and the music needed a little more variety.  The 
ops admit to not having budgeted much for the dance; someone suggests a 
light-stick concession to handle both problems with one go - more light, and 
raises money.

Someone points out the artwork on the badges - at least the ones for the 
adults - is a little, shall we say... risque?  I mean, this babe in battle 
armor has her back to the artist, but she ain't wearing much in terms of 
battle armor.  The ops explain that Kia Asayama offered several pieces of 
original artwork to use, and it seemed rather ungracious not to put all of 
them to use.  Oh well.

***

On the subject of the badges Konatsu mentions the lanyards-cum-badgeholders 
that sponsors received last year as the panel wraps up; we didn't get them 
this year.  "What, you didn't get any?"  And the next moment has us 
following the head of con ops, first to the remains of the dealers' room, 
and then to the bridge in search of the elusive lanyards.  "If anyone 
deserves them, it's you two."  At the bridge, one of the other volunteers 
actually gives up her lanyard for one of us.

I've mentioned it before, and I'll say it again; we get a lot of this from 
everyone involved with the convention.  It's like being celebrities, and 
it's not like we put a lot of effort into what we do to deserve it.  It's 
really sort of embarrassing.

It also affects this report.  Seven years ago, I started doing these reports 
to give those of you who can't make it to AnimeIowa a taste of what the 
ordinary otaku experiences out here.  But we're not exactly ordinary otaku 
here anymore.  Sure, a lot of what we see and do can be seen and done by 
anyone who comes here.  But we wonder how much of how we're treated, both by 
staffers and fellow attendees, is... different... because of what we put 
into this convention.  Basically, this isn't the typical fan's report 
anymore; what we see and do is quite more than the average first-timer can 
expect to experience.

On the other hand, *no*one* experiences the same thing as anyone else.  So I 
probably should stop worrying about it, slap on a disclaimer that 'your 
milage may vary,' and let the rest of y'all enjoy at least *my* version of 
events.  And if it encourages y'all to check it out for yourselves, then 
hey, I've done my job.

And on that note, minna, it's about time for me to sign off (and really, not 
a moment too soon - by the time this hits the boards, it will have been 
exactly a month since we hopped in the car and headed home from Des Moines. 
It's a bit long to have y'all waiting for my report; hope it was worth the 
wait.

Until next spring - or if I get an actual fanfic idea (heh)...

Itsu mo,
Ucchan  ^_^ 


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