Sent: Saturday, October 23, 2004 8:50 PM
Subject: Re: [FFML] Re: Raves, Rants,Reviews and Requests

"Usagi carried in the plate of food."

Ok.  What's the deal here?

If it was, "Usagi shielded the plate of takoyaki with her arms -- she

just

*knew* that one of the othersssss would try to get sssssome of the
preciousssss itemssss from her before she could indulge herssssself,"

*then*

I could believe it.  :)

         I disagree here.  The best way to improve a story often is to
eliminate words, and even scenes.  Over describing every little action
detracts from the important parts.  If what's important is establishing
Usagi (or the food) was present, that's enough to do so.


                               ("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._
       Bastet's Chosen          `6_ 6  )   `-.  (     ).`-.__.`)
bastetschosen@comcast.net      (_Y_.)'  ._   )  `._ `. ``-..-'
                              _..`--'_..-_/  /--'_.' ,'
                            (il).-''  (li).'  ((!.-'

I think the point is that people who have never been exposed to Sailor Moon
will *not* know that Usagi will be drooling over the food from the time she
first sees it.  Anyone who has seen or read the series will know that Usagi
is a human vacuum where food is concerned -- but newcomers won't know that.

A certain amount of stage-setting is necessary here.

--Steffan


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