I've been following this for quite sometime now (convenient, since the earlier chapters are mostly easily-accessible reposts), so I'm just going to comment on this second-to-the-latest one (since the latest one didn't quite catch my fancy, with all those references I couldn't get anyway).

Elsa Bibat wrote:

Set in the "Pulp Hellsing" timeline _not_ in the "Dances
Set To The Music Of Time" timeline.

I have to ask... where are your comprehensive archives? The Lost Library of Florestica is still editing and polishing most of your works, so I am curious where are your other works, particularly your enjoyable essays. If not, (shrug) I'll be diving nose-first into the FFML archives again.

  Chapter 7 
   History

   Then they went down.

   To Ceres, one of the more irritating properties of the Helsing
mansion was the fact that some of its rooms and passages were, for lack
of a better word, invisible to her sight. She could have sworn that the
corridor that led to this spiral staircase did not exist. She had passed
the spot where Walter had led her so many times during her stay that she
was quite sure that it was a blank wall. This had also happened several
times during her stay when she occasionally stumbled into corridors that
led to nowhere and brickwalled

Suggest: brick-walled (because MS Word claims that it isn't a word)

rooms that were suddenly serviceable

rooms only when she was in the company of either Walter or Integra. Her
discomfiture must have showed since Walter favored her with a light
smile.

Ah, cool. Like a haunted house thingy.

   "The occult defenses of the mansion are much more formidable than
the physical, Mistress Victoria. Though, they are far more subtle

Suggest: subtler (but if it's a stylistic preference, then never mind)

   "You can call it so. Though the Helsing mansion itself was
constructed in the age of Mad King George,

Is he George the III with the (googles some info) arsenic laden wigs, sufferer of the rare hereditary disease of porphyria? Nice. Reminds me of that S.I. thingy you wrote a whiiiile back. It's all well-researched and authentic sounding... like Da Vinci's code. 

   "We are going to one of the two most important places in Hellsing
history, mistress. Also, like the Ritual Vault, the Library can be used
against the House of Helsing as easily for it. The Library is...
protected by the subtle nuances of its magical defenses and the veins of
silver ore and silvered mortar that surround it. And for that to work,
the Helsing family used the Night Guard's deeper structures. Very deep.
This stair is the only way in or out and if you were not a Knight of
Hellsing, mistress, you would be a pile of ash from the enspelled

You invented a word. ^^; Again, if it's stylistic, fine... but might I suggest 'enchanted' and the like? Or does _that_ sound too childish for your tastes? ^^;

   They finally came to the bottom of the stairs and she saw the door.
It was an ugly thing of silvered metal with rather sharp protrusions
that she suspected weren't there for decorative purposes. Three
demonically beautiful faces peered from the door's upper frame like
arrogant guardians. Grooves in mysterious swirling patterns were set
into the door's face. Ceres followed them with her eyes, they reminded
of something Celtic, why that would be she could't

couldn't

put a finger on. She

noted that the patterns each led to a particular face.

   "The Three." Walter answered her unvoiced question. "Urthr,
Verthrandi and Skald. The First of your kind, mistress."

   "Hmm? Aren't they from Norse Mythology?"

Well, that's a bit of vampiric back-story that keeps things interesting. Enjoyable, I assure. ^-^

   Running upwards the silver chins, the blood finally entered into the
gaping mouths and disappeared into a trio of silver-metal throats. The

Stray 'The'

For a moment, Ceres could swear that the unliving

Suggest: non-living or lifeless

eyes of the three

argent faces glowed red. The blood flowed for a few moments then tapered
off, disappearing completely and cleanly as if it had never existed.

   "A very old and very well-defended crypt. Over two thousand men and
three vampire ordinates died storming it back during the Restoration.

Gee, Intregra could really make of his crypt as a haven. (thinks) So why doesn't she?

   Ceres finally noticed that they had entered a circular chamber, well
lit by strange globes hanging, as if by nothing, on thin air. The
chamber's cracked stone walls exuded an atmosphere of agelessness that
permeated the room. Entranceways to other part of the crypt could be
seen periodically spaced in the wall.Scrolls

wall. Scrolls (it was missing a space)

   It was a woman, a vampire, short and slim, sprawled upon a
comfortable looking chair reading a very thick book with a rather
elaborate hardcover. Bespectacled and with long curly black hair that
disappeared into the flowing robes that she wore, she radiated an aura
of sensuality that almost brought the younger vampire to her knees.

<<snip 'Hanna'>>

   Don't you _dare_ pity me. Don't you _dare_, those eyes screamed at
her. Hanna had left immediately afterwards but that incident would stay
with Ceres for the rest of her life and be one of those moments that
flash on in those vague moments of epiphany that plague one's life.

   One of which she was having now.

   This woman looked just like Hanna.

   Only older and much deadlier.

   And she was the most beautiful woman that she had ever seen.

Er, I dunno... I must have missed your point. Why bring up 'Hanna' if the woman is nothing like Hann and only had a passing superficial likeness to Hanna?

   She noticed Walter smile as he noticed her reaction.

   "Do not worry. Sappho has that sort of effect on women, especially
on the first encounter. You're doing as well as Lady Integra did."

Not that Dame Integra is doing so well with Ceres, anyway.

   "You could have warned me!" Ceres' voice

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe it's allowable syntax to go with "Ceres's voice" since Ceres is singular (as opposed to plural, i.e. "The bisons' land" or some such.

   The tension in the air eased, replaced with what Ceres could only
call as surpise.

surprise

   Walter grinned, a sight that was quite horrifying for the
unprepared.

Heh. Aptly descriptive. I'm impressed.

   "I assume that you are called Victoria?" Sappho stood a few inches
under Ceres' five foot six inches and thus looked up at her, her
entrancing eyes a fearsome few inches away from her face.

   "Yes. My name's Ceres, actually. Ceres Victoria."

   At the mention of Ceres' name,

Again, I believe it's "Ceres's name"

Sappho's face was preternaturally

still. Then she arched an eyebrow and glanced at Walter, who just gave a
'no business of mine, don't look at me' shrug.

   He was enjoying this. Victoria suspected that if it weren't such a
blow to his reputation, the man would have been rolling on the floor
with a belly laugh.

   Ceres would have jumped over and strangled him, it it weren't for

if it weren't for...

   "Your name... _your_ name... your _name_ ...YoUr NaMe!?!"

   Ceres thought that it was quite musical how her elder lurched from
drawling questioning wonderment to screeching bewildered outrage.
Especially with her accent. The way that she rolled the two words in her
mouth like clothes in the dryer was enviably well done.

(blink) She was no idea Sappho's a bit... I dunno, "UpSeT"?

   "Your master,",

There's an unnecessary comma there.

   "Er... he hasn't taught me _anything_ at all." Ceres was frankly
embarassed.

embarrassed

   Sappho turned to look at Walter, who only shrugged again. Ceres
joined in, just glaring at him. In response, his lips twitched and his
eyes had that sardonic twinkle in them. Ceres suppressed the urge to try
and break his neck like a twig.

There you go... three ways to say, "Walter smiled again, and Ceres wanted to strangle him" without sounding repetitive. Nice. 

   Sappho calmed down and returned her gaze to Ceres. She had that
satisfied look that the young vampire equated to all the irate matrons
of her short stint as a street bobby. They had succesfully

successfully

   "Obviously tearing his testicles off the last time did the trick."
Sappho's declaration made Ceres' eyes widen, but she ignored the younger
vampire's reaction and continued. "A history lesson for our young
ordinate, Walter?

(wince) A misandrist, are we? There we go. Something even Anderson wouldn't stoop to.

   "If you were older, yes. A Name is like a pearl." Walter gave her a
meaningful glance through his monocle. "It is a speck of dust and it
gathers your sins to yourself. Two, three hundred years and your name
would be a thing of power. Sappho and your master take care not to
reveal their names since they are old and powerful.

Fascinating how, once upon a time, the fansubs didn't quite get the connection between Alucard and the famous son of the dragon, claiming that neither of the two were related up until the very last episodes of the OAV.

   Ceres' look was blank as he regarder

regarded

the Helsing butler. "I'm going

to ignore the fact that half of your explanation was as clear as mud to
me and proceed to the next question: what is another elder vampire doing
under the Hellsing roof?"

   Walter quirked his lips in a moue of ...Ceres didn't have the word
to describe it in her vocabulary,

Though in her character-narrative, she was able to make use of the word 'moue' ^^; Either that, or the omniscient narrator can give her a word, since she knows the word 'moue.'

So it's a wry face/pouting grimace of _____, eh? (blinks) Shouldn't a wry face be enough description? 

   Walter chuckled, a sonorous sound in the loneliness of the
underground chamber.

   "Hypatian vampires are obsessed by books. Similar to some Eastern

Hypatian, eh? They must especially like math books, then.

Anyway, as always, the back stories you have are half the fun of reading your fics.

   "Tell me, childe, has your master regrown 

How about 're-grown'?  Or perhaps 'regenerated'?

   "Trying to change the subject? Childe, you have as much sense as a
virgin goat at a bacchanalia."

....

   "It seems you are as good as Walter says you are. He maybe acting a
little ... how do you moderns call it?...fruity and you yourself are
feeling the effects of my glammer

Er... I think you meant 'glamour'.

   The elder vampire stopped and stared Ceres straight in the eyes. The
fearsom

fearsome

Roland's death two decades ago. I think they have this painting of him
here as a sort of ghoulish tribute towards that occassion."

occasion

   Ceres blinked and then, after a few moments of consideration, she
chuckled. Sappho arched an eyebrow and the young fledgeling

fledgling

   "Interesting." Walter voiced his thoughts as Ceres turned away
hurriedly in embarassment.

embarrassment.

   Ceres noticed Sappho sharing a look with Walter as they gazed at the
portrait of Roland, with his wild, sandy blonde hair and azure eyes, and
she noticed the secret glance that they shared as they returned their
looks to her.

   Then, Ceres heard the ancient Hypatian vampire's voice whisper in
her ear with an eerie, predatory tone.

   "_Very_ interesting."

I concur. ^-^ Anyways, other than grammar corrections a thorough spellchecker can easily fix, it's superb writing as always. Undoubtedly, I'll be lost by the time the Shadow references and references on obscure BBC programs appear, but it's still high quality reading nonetheless.

Keep on writing.




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