On Thu, 10 Mar 2005 07:31:51 -0500, DB Sommer <sommert@connecttime.net> wrote:

Made a mistake last time out. The prologue should have been labeled
chapter 7, not 6

Ah... Haven't been replying much to fanfics, but I've been keeping track, in any case. Let's see if my C&Cing skills are still intact after such a long time...

<snip prologue>

Quite... good. Typical DB Sommer work, I would say... especially since quite a bit of your work deals with lemony subjects from mere mentions to outright lemons, so there's nothing awkward or weird about you writing fics like this.

The prose can easily get into the heads of the characters, which is always a good thing. Human interest is maintained that way. Also, you're working on what your forte IMO is... Comedy. Usually people couldn't take seriously a fic named Sextacular, and, well, you take advantage of it. But the coherency, the plot, and most importantly the fun factor is still there, so kudos on writing one of the more readable lemons.

Oh, and Pink (or was it Link... O_O) was hilarious as usual. Loved her paranoid self in your Shampoo warrior fic, and now she's being quite... Pink as usual. 

You have penchant for writing dialogue in the way it was meant to be written... loose, informal, can be used for everyday conversation. And the prose that doesn't take itself so seriously. Honestly, the dark and stormy night thing was hilarious. Let's see if anything else 'fun' will happen, before I get on C&Cing Avenging. ^-^

Early morning light shone through the window as Genma sat alone at the
breakfast table, wringing his hands in a mix of nervousness and
agitation. He removed the bandanna from the top of his bald scalp and
used it to wipe the thin sheen of sweat that had trickled down to his
eyes. His gaze shifted furtively back and forth, not focusing on any one
thing despite the fact he was obviously seeking something. Finished with
removing the sweat, he placed the bandanna back on his head. Unable to
sit still, he began squirming at the table, playing with the crotch of
his gi, where a projection could be clearly seen through the white of
the pants, and winced.

Technically sound. The content is disgusting, though... but it seems like everybody has equal opportunity in getting 'exposed', so to speak, in this fic. This is certainly not fanservice for anyone, that's for sure. Or it could one of those 'people think it's one thing, but it's actually another thing' type of scene.

"Of course," Soun said, adjusting the crotch of his own gi and showing
that he too had a tent present.

I have a feeling that I'll be skipping scenes quite soon.

Since Kasumi's head was still in the refrigerator, she was unaware of
the fact his eyes were glued to her bottom as it shifted under her robe.

Ah. They're being voyeurs. What exactly did the ol' troll do to them?
 

Soun noticed, and responded by punching Genma solidly in the ribs. That
shifted his friend's attention away from Kasumi's bottom. Barely.

Heh. (sighs in relief) Soun's protecting his daughter. Good. It's not one of _those_ lemons.

Soun elbowed him in the side again. "Be that as it may, don't get any
ideas," Soun said in a low hiss.

Intentional or unintentional, this is very dub-like.

I find it funny how Viz has made 'Be that as it may' such a prerequisite in Ranma 1/2 fanfiction.

Genma's eyes glazed over and a line of drool trickled from his mouth. He
rose to his feet, almost shambling forward as he said, "I'd like a piece
of your-"

"Toast!" Soun completed as he grabbed Genma in a tight headlock,
clamping his jaws shut. "However, there is something Saotome and I must
do this morning, and we will be forced to miss breakfast." To emphasize
his point, he began dragging Genma toward the door leading to the hallway.

Heh. Lemony genius.
 

"There are other recourses," Soun assured him, keeping a tight hold on
his head.

Strange that Happosai did this to Soun and he still couldn't handle his wife. What a wife.

Genma slapped his hand affectionately across Soun's shoulders. "That's
my Tendou. I should have known you'd have a plan. Lead on. I shall be
close behind."

The two raced down the street toward their destination.

Ah. Good plan. And what a way to start this fic... usually, people leave off the parents in their Ranma lemons. Seems you have intentions of having all the Ranma cast participate in the lemon parts of this lemon. Very over the top and hilarious.

The girls looked at one another. As he drew close, he saw they were
identical twins, and cute ones too. Not at all the typical dyke female
truckers he was used to. He sure wouldn't mind fertilizing these two
cuties.

Fertilize, eh? Meh.

Also... Pink and Link survived? Wow. 

They were easily the most magnificent pair he had seen
all year, largely because he hadn't seen any the entire year.

That's half-way an insult, it'd seem.
 

"It'll be between you and me." And she meant it. Having Akane tip Ranma
off regarding Sayuri's true nature would ruin Nabiki's fun, after all.
One of the driving forces in her life was the need to keep herself
entertained, even if other people weren't. Besides, if Ranma became
truly irritated, she could always fall back to the old stand by and blow
him. 

One of the cool things about this fic is, though it's over the top, it's plot isn't unbelievable and laughable as, say, some hentai anime or the other. It's... coherent and, more importantly, very Ranma-ish.

Guys acted like that was the best form of apology a girl could
give. While most people's mouths got them into trouble, Nabiki's had
gotten her out of more predicaments than she could count.

Devious, but there will be guys willing to get into trouble with Nabiki only to get her apology afterwards.

Yuka gave a cursory greeting to Nabiki, then turned her full attention
toward Ranma. She stared coyly at him as she openly flirted. "I've got
two tickets to see 'The Romance of Rita,' tonight and I thought you
might want to come along. I simply love romances. They put me in a
romantic mood, especially when I go with a handsome man." She batted her
eyes at him.

That's rather direct. Nabiki picked a winner in Ranma, since he's about as sensitive as a cinder block sealed in a lead box.

"Sometimes it's just too easy." Nabiki grinned to herself. She was in
the mood to read something light, like Machiavelli. She always became
wet when reading that.

Heh. She would.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once free of the school, Ranma ran quickly to meet Sayuri at their
rendezvous in front of a nearby coffee shop. He was plenty early, and he
knew girls were always late. As near as he could tell, it was a test
they liked to give to men to see if they were prompt and patient when it
came to dealing with the girl. 

(shakes head)

Ranma was surprised to see Sayuri already waiting patiently for him. He
looked at his watch, fearful he had made the cardinal mistake. Much to
his relief, he was a bit early. Sayuri's inexplicable behavior threw him
off. What did it mean when a girl was early? Maybe she was so enamored
by him she wanted to spend every second she could in his presence. That
made sense. He'd be more than happy to do that. He'd be more than happy
to do lots of things both for and to her.

(shakes head)

"No problem," Ranma assured her. Obviously she didn't want him to think
she was an easy lay, which was fine with him. He could afford to be
patient. A nice piece of ass like Sayuri was worth the wait.

What's amusing to Nabiki really does seem amusing this time, as opposed to something that would make people think that Nabiki is devil incarnate. 
 

They walked inside. It was a small place, neither run down or

neither rundown nor

Ah, at last. A grammar correction. ^-^ FYI, you can use rundown, it's a word. And it's always "either or, neither nor"

"How about we get something to eat?" Ranma suggested. "I recommend the
'Mountain o' Pork' hamburger. There's almost as much pig as there is cow
in it."

Thought he'd order a teriyaki burger.
 

Sayuri's attitude became icy. "I am a vegetarian. I do not eat meat."

"Not even if it's charbroiled to perfection with barbeque sauce
slathered on it?"

I can't say he's going down, since he never had a chance to scale the wall in the first place.
 

"No." Acid dripped from Sayuri's voice. "I believe in animal rights and
would never murder some poor, defenseless animal."

Rather than backing off, Ranma's eyes narrowed slightly. "Ever have a
Doberman use you as his personal chew toy?"

Heh.
 

"Ah, No," Sayuri said.

"Been thrown into a pit of starving cats?"

"Can't say I have."

*g* Man, now I remember why I read so many of your fics...

"Just as I thought. You don't get out much. Take it from someone that's
actually been out in nature, the only right animals are interested in is
getting something to eat, and frequently that means eating another
animal. Not only do I respect that right, but I follow their example.
Take it from someone who's had some personal experience. The next time
you go to the zoo and pass by a Bengal Tiger in a cage, remember, while
you may look at him and think of him as a proud and noble beast, he's
wondering if he could start dining on you by ripping your leg off, or if
it would be easier to start gnawing on your ankle and work his way up."

LOL

The best comedies are the ones that make a point, and makes you think. Ranma has a point. Very cool.
 

Ranma sighed and began to tell her all about 'Ranko', wondering why the
hell she was so interested in his alter ego anyway.

If it's _that_ kind of lemon, Ranma wouldn't have a problem with that. Of course, it'd be much funnier if things went the DB way, I think. ^-^
 

desire to be treated like a freak. He'd never be able to score with the
chicks if they knew he lost his balls with a little cold water, Shampoo
being a notable exception. 

Ranma: (stars aligned correctly in the universe, lunar eclipse in Zimbabwe, gets a clue) Aw, shoot, not again! Not another dyke! (face-palms)
 

"That's actually very thoughtful of you," Sayuri admitted. From what
girls said, they were lucky if a guy bothered to find out their last
name, which further convinced Sayuri that her sexual orientation was for
the best. Girls treated each other far better than guys treated them.
However, Ranma was proving a bit different. How unfortunate he wasn't a
girl, or maybe they could go out on a real date.

M'well... she's half-right.

Ranma asked, "Master?"

"Oh� did� I� say� master? I� meant� the� masterpiece� display. Yes� the�
masterpiece� display� waits� for� you."

Heh.

Oh, and there seems to be formatting errors in my mail client on the ellipses. Suggest finding an ascii solution to that or something.

other men and women had fallen victim to the vines as well. They seemed
to be from all walks of life, from the skinny to the obese, from the
tall to the short, from the attractive to the ugly. The one thing they
had in common was that the vines had inserted themselves in every
available orifice they could find, pumping in and out of them
vigorously. That was just wrong. Plants were not supposed to go in
places like that.

The plants aren't very picky, it would seem.

at the plant and said, "Get ready for some Saotome Style DDT, you
overgrown weed."

He can do that? To flora?

With a surprising burst of speed she lunged for him. He was barely able
to deflect the first couple of attacks aimed at his head. Her speed
seemed to double for a moment, and she landed a blow to his side.

Not only lemony goodness, but a bit of action too. What a lemon this is turning out to be.

He
winced in pain. Not only was she fast, but she was deceptively strong as
well. Ranma wondered if she wasn't a long lost relative of Ryouga's.

The so-called Ryoga sister that Ranma pretends to be from time to time? I doubt it.

<snip fight scene>

I'd almost  say that I expected more lemon in a lemon fic instead of fighting, but this isn't any ordinary lemon, and I didn't mind the fight scene. It fits in. The funny thing about this lemon of yours is the fact that it reads like most of your other fics, only that the limey parts have been increased without decreasing the plot parts. Kudos.

Sayuri's voice caught Ranma's attention again as she cried out, "Stop
it, you perverted thing! I'm not a plant, so quit trying to pollinate me!"

I wonder if Sayuri will still be vegetarian after this... Or rather, she might actually be more of a vegetarian than usual, for revenge.

Ranma cleared his throat, gaining their attention and ending the
argument. "Now, now, ladies. I would have beaten you anyway. This just
means I'll win even quicker." He considered the girls for a moment.
"Since you seem so much healthier than anyone else, I'm assuming you're
the masterminds behind this plot to use this giant asparagus to rape
everyone. Why don't you go ahead and brag to me about what your plans
are, since I'll be ruining them in a few seconds anyway?"

No Ranma, wrong fic. That's the M.O. of the villains of "Avenging".

Link translated, "The master says that your disbelief is typical of the
racism against plants and highlights his purposed to coming to
civilization."

LOL. Ah, very good. (waxing nostalgic of the villain in Those who hunt Ninjas)

Pink said, "Obviously you are unwilling to listen to reason, therefore
your mind will be opened just as the others were."

"Quit acting like it's a spur of the moment decision. You were going to
do that anyway!" Ranma shouted.

Heh.
 

Pink laughed. "In order for us to better serve the master, as well as
binding us properly to him, he has shared some of his vast energy with
us. 

How sentai-sailormoon-ish.

"Like anyone falls for that," Link said.

"I thought I saw something near that tree," Pink said, her attention
focused on something behind her.

Heh.
 

While Ranma finished off the pair, Sayuri's predicament grew direr as
one of the phallic shaped vines had drawn up near her face. "No, don't
do it! I'll respect plant rights. I'll swear off being a vegetarian and
only eat meat!"

Well, there you go.

It rested like that for a moment, than the plant roared out in pain.

The effect on Ranma was instantaneous as he felt a surge of energy flow
into him, burning the spores out of his system. His eyes opened wide and
he jerked at the sudden influx of power surging through his body. His
cock instantly turned into a bar of iron.

wtf?

The light glowed brighter as Ranma built up the charge by waving his
hands in a circle. "This is it, pal! Anything Goes School of Martial
Arts Final Attack: It's Only An Exit, Not An Entrance!"

X_x

Pink's hand slipped under her dress and she began to finger herself. "We
need another dose of that energy. I think if we get one more dose,
without it draining us at the same time, we'll be all right."

Well, it won't be a lemon without a stupid reason for sex with strangers... Still, at least it's a funny reason.

Ranma paused for a moment, savoring the sensations. Link was much
tighter than Keiko had been.

Yusuke Urameshi will be furious when he hears about this..
 

Ranma tried thinking of anything to distract him. While jackhammers and
pistons didn't seem to work, envisioning his father naked went a great
deal toward solving his problem. But even that vision of horror couldn't
hold his torrent of passion for long.

How about his father in panda form doing the naughty with Ryoga? That'd buy him he five hours he wants, at least.

The differences in the girls were more than just the tightness of their
pussies. While Link had been content to lay there and urge Ranma on,
Pink was for more proactive. She wrapped her legs around his back and
her arms locked around his neck in a tight grip, ensuring he couldn't
escape, not that he wanted to. Even Ryouga wouldn't have been able to
pry him off this eager fuck and her loose but comfortable pussy.

It'll probably not be flattering for him to mention it to her though, even with the 'comfortable' description attached.

She
rose her hips up, trying to keep his cock in her as long as he could.
The difference between the girls was night and day. Not that one was
better than the others,

other

At first Ranma was afraid she had climax

climaxed

Akane nodded. "It's his personal crusade. He sees perversion around
every corner."

It seems ironic for Akane to say this. Intentional?

Ranma shook his head. "No thanks. I've had enough vegetables for the
rest of my life. I'm going to bed." He bid the others good night and
headed to bed. Soon he was asleep, though his dreams were plagued by
giant plants with the face of Kunou pledging their undying love for him
while trying to ram their tentacles up his backside

Heh. Great chapter, as usual. I'd be surprised if this wasn't archived in the Sakura Lemon Archives, if that is still running, that is...

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, it's just... an exercise in futility to take a comedic lemon seriously. It read well, and has more plot than the usual lemon, oh, and was very funny. Again, kudos.

(checks email) Too bad you only have a prologue so far for Avenging, but I'll drop you a line for it if I got the time. See ya.


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