Elin B wrote:

A real pleasure to re-visit this story, especially while knowing there's new
stuff coming.

 

Glad you're enjoying it...

"Oh, Spatula-Girl!  Shampoo thought you maybe got some sense and 
left for good!"

Ukyou turned with what she hoped was crushing dignity and gave 
the Amazon girl a look of cold loathing.  "Why is it always 
'Spatula-Girl' with you?  Or 'Crazy Girl,' 'Bokken Boy,' or my 
personal favorite, 'Not-Nice Girl?'  Are you so incredibly stupid 
that you can't remember anybody's name?"

   

Hmm, I can't recall seeing any of these monikers before. Shampoo usually does
call people by their name in the manga. But maybe it's an anime thing.


 

Probably. Or a fanfic cliche. Shampoo does dig Akane once in a
while in the manga with a "Pervert Girl," I seem to recall, but
the name thing is exaggerated here. I'll gnaw on ways to fix 
that one.

She didn't know what Akane was thinking when they were together, but Ukyou's 
rival for Ranma's affection was hardly ever really at ease around her.
   

Just to make sure I get it: Ukyo doesn't quite know what Akane is thinking, but

she can tell Akane isn't at ease around Ukyo, correct?

 

Making a distinction here between not knowing what someone
is thinking, but having a good guess as to what they are
feeling.

"Well, he came along and challenged me, since he knew I'd clean 
his clock..."

Ryouga snorted.  "From what I hear, he threw the fight."

"What do you know?" Ranma snapped angrily.
   

Ryoga was there at the time of the fight, right? Of course, he didn't know
either that Happosai lost on purpose, until later. Still, "From what I hear"
sounds as if Ryoga only heard about the fight afterwards. Maybe he could say
something like "He obviously threw the fight" or "Don't you realise he threw
the fight?", etc.

 

Ah... yes, good point. I think I'd forgotten that Ryouga was
there. Sometimes readers keep better track of your own continuity
than you do.

and that's all I could find. Not much at all. Takes time to re-read this, but
it's definitely worth it. 

Cheers,

Elin

 

Many thanks for the very thorough scrubbing...

Grayson Towler
http://www.talesfromthevault.com/relentless

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