davidwj@telusplanet.net wrote:

Kang grunted as he tucked the folder he had brought with him under his 
arm. He barely registered the man as some faceless lawyer lobbyist. But 
the lobbyist�s recognition of Kang�s outward appearance meant his 
holographic projector was working. As far as the world was concerned, 
Senator Victor Timely from Wisconsin was walking past instead of the 
supreme ruler of Time itself.

While there had been a real Senator Timely, 
   

Let me guess.  He campaigned on "Now's the time, and Timely's the man!"
 

% Heh.

 

Delete "subsequently".  
 

Used most of the grammar recommendaitons.

He entered, seeing the familiar face of the president standing next to 
his desk. The only other occupant in the room was a man sitting on a 
couch, someone Kang wasn�t familiar with. He was a handsome sort with 
blond hair and ice blue eyes. Even seated, Kang could tell he was a 
tall, and under his expensive suit was an impressive physique, 
   

Well it can't be Jadeite, then.  
 

% No. Somoene else. Someone not so obvious and Marvelesque only

�It was a tragedy, but we move on. John�s quietly been at my side since 
the beginning, though. 
   

I'm guessing the President only thinks that's the case. 
 

% At this point it's impossible to say, which is intentional

American government had been indirectly responsible for the events that 
led up to it (as opposed to the Avengers, who were directly 
responsible), and there was a chance changing things in the U.S. might 
prevent the incident without making it so Kang never met her. It was 
ironic that killing the head of Kunou Industries before his children 
were born (and preventing the creation of the Iron Rose armor) 
   

Er...killing Kodachi's father sparked the creation of the Iron Rose armour,
didn't it?  
 

% Not directly. She was overseas when he bought it, creating the suit 
then. And if he got wasted at an earlier point, Kang's past self will 
end up screwed.

though I will agree they might every well be that poor hill�s eyes and 
mouth in a metaphorical sense.� He pondered the matter for another few 
seconds before deciding. �Gentlemen, it is clear to me that this monster 
represents a clear and present danger to the world�s environment, and 
must be dealt with quickly and severely.�
   

Of course the Hulkbusters could have in theory had a lot of other applications
once created.  
 

% But with a name like 'Hulkbusters' you knew they were aimed at one 
thing. Sort of like the Japanese military when it confronts giant 
monsters. Flashy but ineffectual.

Jonathon added, �Worse, if this creature does cause some disaster, and 
that had been in the public�s eye since shortly after the end of World 
War II. Despite his sickly nature, he had become one of the most 
outstanding orators of his time. He was extremely outspoken about the 
state of the country, the military, and a thousand other topics. It was 
his sincerity that won people over, and even his most vehement critics 
never cast aspersions on his integrity. It would be the equivalent of 
accusing the Pope of being an atheist.

The only negative point in Roger�s career was his son, Steven Rogers the 
Second, 
   

So I assume that Jonathon Smith is Steve Junior?  
 

% Oh heck no. Steve Jr. was arrested and is currently in prison. His 
face is very well known. John Smith is someone else.

�The homeless population in Japan is so insignificant as to be almost 
non-existent,� Irie said in an almost teasing way.
   

Irie quoted, with a hint of mockery.

(I think you need to make it clearer that Irie isn't really claiming 
that.)
 

% will do so, then.

�Some breeds.�
   

You know thinking about, the Witch Hunters would fit well into X-Men continuity.
 

% Indeed they would.

Talbot and the remaining Mandroid discontinued their attack and turned 
to face the new threat. Standing boldly before him on a nearby pile of 
rubble, the major identified the entire roster of the Avengers, save for 
one female in a suit of power armor of some kind, one much smaller than 
the Mandroids. Since the large, bulky armor of the Iron Rose wasn�t 
present, he assumed this was a new version of the armor. Lighter by far 
than its predecessor and a mix of grey and black instead of jet black, 
it looked too slender to be very powerful.
   

It probably would actually have a rose on it in the way that the real Kodachi
had a rose motif on her leotard.  
 

% Her chest laser forms a bloom when fired. Arthur Hansen did a good 
visual of this version of the armor on the Florestica webpage for the 
Avengers entry.

This snot-nosed punk�s attitude rubbed Talbot wrong in every way 

   

Unit 6 found himself facing off against the Goddess of Thunder. Now this 
was a chick he�d love to go hand-to-hand with, and do a whole lot of 
other things to as well. �You�d better give up,� he warned. �This unit 
is designed to withstand lightning strikes. There isn�t anything you can 
do.�
   

Er...except maybe tear his armour apart with her bare hands. 
 

% True, but claiming to the goddess of thunder that she can't be you 
with lightning obligates Thor to defeat you with lightning.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

While the others had squared off against their opponents, Talbot had 
decided to continue with his primary directive. The Hulk was wounded, 
and if he was killed, the Avengers would lose their reason for fighting.
   

Talbot needs to look up the word "avenge" in the dictionary.  
 

% He's a bit obssessed right now.

Talbot turned off his radio. One of the Avengers had obviously hacked 
into the military�s radio frequency and impersonated the general�s 
voice. Most likely it was the Iron Rose. 
   

Hm.  I wonder how that will work as a defense at court-martial.  
 

% Ah, no, no it won't.

 

% Thanks for the help. It's appreciated.

DB Sommer


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