2005.5.12
 
It's the day before the convention, but it doesn't feel like it.  Life at Furinkan has gotten steadily worse over the past year;  Kunou-kouchou and I can't seem to get along, and that's no basis for a working relationship.  I've started casting about for a place to transfer to, in fact.  With my mind thus preoccupied, you can hardly blame me for not really focussing on the convention that has crept up on me.
 
The weather isn't really helping matters much.  It's not raining buckets like it was last year when the con opened, it's just grey and drizzly.  It's typical Chicago weather, to be sure, but it's really more conducive for a funeral than a celebration.  In a way, there is sort of a funereal edge to conventions as time goes on; when you've been a regular attendee for this many years, you'll have met a lot of people, made a lot of friends, along the way.  Friends that, for one reason or another, aren't coming back this year.  I'd rattle off names (and some of you might enjoy seeing yours in print here, I suppose), but I'm sure I'd miss a few.  Besides, it still feels like reading off a roll call of fallen warriors at Memorial Day or some such.  It's sad, and I miss them all.
 
It's why I write these con reports, difficult and tedious though the process might be; at least those who can't be here (and you all, readers) might experience the convention vicariously through me in as much detail as I can give you.  Thankfully, for all the reasons these old friends are no longer with us, none of them are absent due to actual death (at least, not as far as I know).
 
But I suppose it's hard to get y'all in the mood for a lively convention when *I*m not in that sort of mood.  Maybe it's just that time of the month or something.
 
***
 
So I'll just turn you over to Konatsu, who's *really* in the mood.  After all, it's been what?  Seven, eight months?  since our last convention.  My kunoichi is *psyched.*  Just to give you an idea of *how* psyched, we watched Serial Experiments Lain for the first time about a month ago.  No, we couldn't figure it out much, whether in English or in Japanese.  But Konatsu was absolutely *taken* by several of Lain's outfits.  Particularly, her teddy-bear sleepers.  So this time, it's Konatsu staying up late at the sewing machine, trying to put together an approximation of those pyjamas.  Or crocheting a stocking cap in the pattern that Lain wears in the opening credits.  Or dying a white chemise red to match one of her *other* outfits.  Lord help us if 'Natsu-chan gets the idea to go around in that negligee Lain wears once she really gets into the Wired; it may reduce the risk of static electricity, but what *else* might it generate?
 
Of course, some of you may wonder about Konatsu-chan.  After all, Rumiko-megami-sensei has depicted Konatsu as tall and willowy; how's my kunoichi supposed to play such a little girl as Lain Iwakura?  Well, that's just the beauty of the ninja arts: Konatsu is a master of disguise, after all.  Has to be.  It works.
 
Besides, Konatsu points out that there's a little bit of Lain in everyone, especially if the plot of the series is to be believed.  Okay, maybe *one* of us actually got it.  Wasn't me, I can assure you.
 
***
 
Another late night at Furinkan; at least Kunou-kouchou's in a relatively good mood.  He actually wishes me well as I head out an hour after school lets out.  It's gonna be a close one as far as making it to all the places we wanna go...
 
...like Mitsuwa.  Gotta stock up on Japanese snacks, after all.  You never know what kind of room party we may be able to pull off this weekend, so ya gotta keep the troops fed.  Dan-chan's with us for this, of course, and about half of what we buy he picks out, so it's not actually coming with us (because he'll want some, naturally).  Oh well.
 
Still, it's enough to get me somewhat in the mood for this weekend's activity, and I needed a curry fix (although Konatsu-chan actually orders an okonomi-yaki.  I'll overlook this small act of treason in the spirit of the convention).  Complete with Dan-chan's udon and a side order of tempura, it certainly does wonders to restore my spirit.  Now, I think I'm ready to deal with an anime con.
 
***
 
But first, we have to get ourselves registered.  Actually, strike that; first, we have to find a place to park so we can go get ourselves registered.  Thank heavens I've been re-reading my old posts from previous ACens:  I found a tip from Gary Kleppe about the CTA parking lot just a block or so north of the Hyatt and the convention center.  Granted, in his reply, he said the fees were only $1.50 (instead of the $10 by the Hyatt), but more of the signs say $3, and I decide not to take chances.  Still, it's $7 saved.  Thanks so much, Gary!
 
***
 
I've dropped Konatsu and Dan-chan off at the convention center to get a place in line, and while they're still well near the back of a serpentine extension when I return, at least the darn thing's moving.  Konatsu tells me that the pre-registration and at-con registrees are all combined in this single line.  Supposedly, when we enter the actual room being used for the registrations, the two types will split off, but for now, it's rather annoying that registration beforehand grants one no particular advantages.  After seven, eight years of this, you'd think there'd be a more streamlined system they'd've hit upon.
 
As we make yet another turn, and the line folds back on itself, we encounter our first fellow fanficcer, Bert Van Vliet, just as he's joining the line.  Just got in, sugar?  "Just got *back*, actually."  Turns out, he'd been here about 5pm, waited in line for at least an hour, only to discover that the computer system was down and they couldn't accept ANY registrees for a while.  Lovely.  Guess we should be glad we didn't get here sooner.
 
We're at least a third of the way through the line when we notice a separate line over by the lobby wall.  Turns out, *that's* the pre-reg line.  We're not the only ones to notice it, either; people start abandoning our line to head for the tail end of this new, shorter one.  More often than not, they wind up knocking over one or another of the poles set up to herd the main line.  The ensuing rattles and crashes are each met with a fair amount of derisive applause.
A staffer acknowledges to us as we make yet another turn that yes, that other line is being set up specifically for pre-registration (and it is moving much quicker than this one, partly due to containing consideranly fewer people and virtually no bends) but ironically, he suggests that, because of all the people cutting out to get into it, that we stay in the line we're in until the dust settles.  It makes more sense as he's saying it than now, as I'm writing it down.
For what it's worth, though, by the time we arrive at the bend again, he is there to open the barricades for us, so we don't make the crashing noises the earlier fools did.  There's a mild satisfaction in being sanctioned.
 
***
 
At least the lines give Konatsu a little time to finish crocheting the flaps on Lain's stocking cap from the opening credits (the zigzag lines at the tips are rather tricky), although we're not without a few distractions throughout the course of our meanderings, including a number of already-finished costumes (which never ceases to amaze me; why are they wearing these, when they're not at the con yet?) and the occasionally witty T-shirt.  One standout (if you'll pardon the expression) is a, how shall I put this, modestly endowed girl bearing the legend "Who needs big tits?"  A timely issue, given anime's fascination with girls having generous curves.  The girls notices our giggling, and points out that the real punch line is on the backside.  Literally.  "...when you have an ass like this?"  Now, I'm hardly a good judge of such things, but hers didn't seem all *that* remarkable.  Still, I give her full marks for being willing to point out (pun intended, I think) her shortcomings and
 laugh at them.  Although 'shortcomings' seems a rather uncharitable way of putting it...
 
Between everything, the process takes about an hour and a quarter, a good twenty-plus minutes longer than it did last year.  Of course, last year, we might have gotten here earlier, so the line might have been shorter because of that.  On the other hand, if Bert is to be believed, things might have been much *worse* had we made a point to hurry over.
 
Meanwhile, by the time we're ready to head out, Dan-chan is absolutely bouncing around the convention center.  You think he's excited about going?  Try again.  He's bored from standing in line.  Truth is, he never really got into this stuff, and even these days, he keeps asking us what the appeal of anime is to us.  But after all this time, if we can't give him what he considers a satisfactory answer (and we *have* tried to give him explanations - for a while he did like Pokemon; unfortunately, now that he's essentially outgrown it, he despises it, just like he has Barney and Sesame Street in turn), I don't suppose he'll ever know.  Would it be flattering ourselves, too, to suggest he may actually *resent* anime for taking his parents away from him for a couple of weekends each year?  With that disadvantage to work from, it's no wonder we can't get him to like something he may well perceive as an enemy, or at least a rival for our attention.
 
***
 
En route home, we realize we've received a phone call on our car cell.  It's James-sempai, wondering where we are, as he needs to crash at the Ucchan for the night.  Well, he's not exactly wondering, really - he knows where we are.  Thing is, he's there, and we aren't.  Which is kind of odd; we'd gone out when we did under the assumption that he'd arrive in the area late and go directly to the convention center to register, and therefore, we could either meet there, or get back to the Ucchan before he did.
 
Turns out, there's been a possibility that neither we nor he had reckoned on.  He got into the area later than expected, and made it to the convention center at 9:10 pm.  That's ten minutes after the doors close for further registrees; the volunteers signing people in have to sleep now and again, too.  Unfortunately, it leaves him out in the cold, both at the center, and now at the Ucchan, where he's cooling his heels, waiting for us to get back and let him in.  He's gonna need to get to bed early if he wants to get registered when the doors open again at 9am - the staffers outside recommended he show up two hours early, like you would for an international flight.
 
***
 
By the time we *do* get back to the Ucchan, though, letting James-sempai in is by far the least of our concerns.  Konatsu-chan may have finished with the stocking cap, but the bear pyjamas are going to require a lot more sewing yet.  Meanwhile, I've just discovered that Dan-chan has a presentation to do on Brazil in class tomorrow; apparantly, he's been assigned to sell the country as a tourist destination (I suppose he could have done worse, say, with Colombia, perhaps, or Paraguay).
 
All I can do to help him is to access several tourism sites regarding Brazil, and flip through a copy of the latest world almanac in our library.  And it helps, a bit - heck, *I* even find out a few new things about the country (d'j'all know Brazil had a space program?) - so that before midnight, we have a fair number of things together for him to use for his presentation, and I prepare him for bed with considerably less complaint than usual.
 
Konatsu, in the meantime, has inveigled L-chan, our old family friend (and babysitter mentioned a number of times in previous con reports) to assist with the sewing and pinning of the bear costume.  Arriving a bit before eleven, she's really rather sleepy, but she can't resist the challenge.  While they go to it, I see no reason to stay in their way, and so I head off to bed.  Besides, *someone's* got to make sure Dan-chan gets up in time for school.
 
2005.05.13
 
For good reason.  Turns out that, while we took care (to the best of our limited abilities and time) of the Brazil presentation, Dan-chan remembers one last piece of homework just as he drops off to sleep.  It won't take long to do, but that assumes he is conscious in the morning, which more often than not is *not* what happens.
 
Then again, neither is getting him to bed before midnight.  Without complaint.
 
And as a result, he's awake when I knock on his door.  In short order, I have him washed up, dressed, and sitting at the table, taking care of the spelling homework left undone from last night.  Somewhere between homework and breakfast, he asks again about anime's appeal.  And I try again to explain it, though I can't recall now what I said.  I doubt it has any impact on Dan-chan, either.
 
James-sempai, by the way, is long since gone.  Hopefully, he got enough sleep; I did hear him showering somewhere between 6:00 and 6:30 (not to worry, sempai, that's when my alarm clock goes off, so it isn't as if you woke me or anything), so he must have taken the staffer's instructions to heart.  Hope he gets in quickly...
 
...because *we* sure as heck don't.  Dan-chan is seen off to school easily enough - he's been an absolute gem this morning, to be honest.  I think he's looking forward to the weekend at the Kuonji estate.  But Konatsu is a bit groggy - having not gotten to bed until five a.m.(!), and *still* isn't finished with the odd button here and there.  That, and I have to finish off my kunoichi's hair.  Yes, just like in 2002, Konatsu has gotten that long mane sheared off, and donated it to Locks of Love (a charity that creates wigs for cancer survivors - check it out on the web sometime).  At my kunoichi's insistence, they left it somewhat ragged, with one lock hanging down on the left side, just like Lain.  I understand they were rather perplexed at the request, since the hairdo looked (to a non-otaku observer) ridiculous.  But y'all understand.
Anyway, I'm to trim the bangs a bit more, to complete the look (There was only so much the Locks people were willing to do - no hair salon wants a customer to walk out with a bad cut, it's lousy advertising).  So after we shower, Konatsu sits down in the kitchen, hair dripping wet and hanging straight down like Sadako-chan, and I do a real hack job on the stuff.  I takes longer than we expect - doesn't everything? - and between this and packing both for ourselves and Dan-chan, it's almost 10:30 when we head off to my parents with Dan-chan's suitcase and what-all.  I start to wonder how long the opening ceremonies are gonna be (and we have to be there by 11 am if we're to get in for 'em), when I realize we've left the program guides - in fact, all the ACen goodies they handed out at registration - back at the Ucchan.  Luckily, we're less than a mile away, but turning around just represents one more delay.
 
It's at this point that James-sempai calls us again, wondering where we are and why we haven't gotten there yet, and we inform him of our current plight.  He has worries of his own, as he's not made any arrangements for accomodations, either.  He wants to find out whether we have a room with two beds, so that he can room with us.  But we won't know until we check in.  And we don't intend to check in until after the opening ceremonies.
 
Of course, we still have to *get* there, so we can *attend* the ceremonies.  And with us leaving Dan-chan's stuff at the folks' place at 11am (which is when the opening ceremonies are slated to start), it doesn't look good.  Then again, they do run on con time.  A good strong tailwind, the standard delays at the con, and we might not miss much.
 
A half-hour later, just as we're pulling into the parking garage, the phone rings again.  It's James-sempai; looks like we made good enough time after all.  Do we want him to hold a couple of seats?  You kidding? 
 
***
 
We do have to wander a bit through the main ballroom, trying to find James-sempai.  What's funny is that, the first time we stop to look around, we hear a "Hey, looking for someone?"  We're looking far and wide for him, and he's sitting three chairs away from where we're standing.  And the other two chairs are empty, just for us.  Now that's service.
 
Even more so that, the very moment we sit down, MC Carl Horn steps up to the podium as though he'd been waiting for us to show up - which couldn't possibly be the case, as the lighting onstage has got to preclude him from seeing but the first few rows into the audience.
He reminisces about his first anime convention, almost exactly ten years ago; Otakon, back in the days when it was being held at Penn State University ("how many of you recall going to Penn State for an anime convention?"  He describes it much like the early days of AnimeIowa, when it was quite literally in the middle of nowhere).  It was there that he met Ryan Gavigan, and it was then that the idea of an anime convention for the Chicago area was first broached.  I don't think the phrase 'it seems like only yesterday' is uttered... it seems like a long time ago to me, too.
 
***
 
Anyway, on to the guests of honor.  To be sure, I generally don't come to a convention because of the guests, but they can be interesting all the same.  The first guest is certainly interesting in that he has little to do with anime.  He's the consul general of Japan, at least with regard to the Central United States.  He's here to foster further understanding (and increased commercial trade) between Japan and the U.S.  His presence here, however, is like carrying coals to Newcastle; in fact, he admits to being at a disadvantage against the average attendee: he doesn't know that much about anime to begin with.  
 
He does speak on how his country is a blend of the traditional and the modern, and it stands to reason that anime and manga, with its roots in the old woodblock carvings of generations past, and its current computer-generated animations, certainly reflects both extremes of Japanese culture.  He asks rhetorically what the appeal is of anime, and I lean forward to take notes, wishing that Dan-chan could be here to listen to his explanation.  It never comes; I might have known, given his already professed ignorance.  He does insist that he's willing to learn, so Mr. Yoshikawa has that advantage over Dan-chan.
 
Perfect Blue's Hiroaki Inoue greets us with a big "Hello, everyone!" before lapsing back into Japanese.  He thanks everyone for keeping him busy and popular during the twenty-six years he's been in the anime industry.  He plugs his panel, which will be taking place right here, right after the opening.  He says he's open to *any* questions at all.  Gosh, wonder how *that* panel's gonna go.
 
Manga-ka You Higuri enters to big applause, which might be surprising, given that she admits that her material is available in the U.S. yet.  Of course, she *was* introduced as a creator of shoujo and - more to the point - shounen-ai manga, so that may be responsible for the big hand.  In any case, DC Comics will be rectifying the situation shortly, as they've licensed Seimaden and Cantarella.  She makes a plug for *her* panel, and I'm beginning to sense a trend, here.
 
The husband and wife team of Kazuko Tadano and Hiromi Matsushita are introduced together, although most of their credits are separate from each other.  She's done work on Sailor Moon, Wedding Peach, Goldfish Warning and Pucie Puri Yucie.  He's worked on Minky Momo, City Hunter, Cyber Formula, Vampire Hunter D and the Sailor Moon and Project A-ko movies.  She's back from 2003 (I guess I'll have to check my notes from then), while this is apparantly his first time.  As with the other guests, they mention their panel, and the quiz show (complete with prizes) they'll be holding.  Konatsu grins and leans over to me: "Ooh, bribery."
 
Our first J-Pop artist, one Kumiko Kato, bounds onstage and greets everyone in reasonable English.  "Please come and see me," during her concert tomorrow at 11 am, she invites us, "and have fun with me!"  There's a double entendre in that, but I will assume it was unintentional.  It'd be too clever by half otherwise.
 
The next guests are a J-Pop *group*, but with a difference.  Carl Horn speaks of a non-otaku journalist friend of his covering a nameless convention in his area *koff*AnimeExpo*koff* who, upon hearing a *karaoke* version of one of this band's songs, reacted with surprising interest, even for him.  Ladies and gentlemen, you know them from the FLCL soundtrack, making their American debut... the Pillows!  Hey, 'Natsu-chan and I are every bit as excited about this as anyone else.  We don't collect a lot of music from anime series, but we made an exception for these guys.  Finally, a J-Pop group we're *familiar* with!  One fellow (I presume he's the leader of the group) takes the mike, and speaks for all of them: "We are a talented rock band from Japan."  Immodest, to be sure, but for once, I couldn't agree more.
 
And now we turn to the American guests, primarily the voice actors.  Steve Blum, the voice of Spike Seagal, is amazed at the crowd.  Normally, when he's got a microphone in front of him, he's in a small, dark room... alone...
 
Vic Mignogna is back again this year, and the first thing he does is to tweak Carl about the fact that he's wearing a tie.  Carl cedes the stage to Vic, but Vic isn't done with him yet: "Don't leave without talking to me."  He's got something for all of us, too.  Apparantly, he and several others of the English Full Metal Panic Crew got together and did a live cosplay skit, and the DVD is included in the goodie bag we got at registration.  Will have to take a look at that sometime soon.
 
What?  Oh, James-sempai informs me that Vic and his fellow actors from Full Metal *Alchemist* put this together.  You sure, sugar?  I *know* the guy's in FMP, but... well, it turns out he's in both series, and it's not as if the two are related in any sense of the word.  That's gotta be confusing, though, for him to keep straight.  Heck, it's already confused *me*.
"Con 'ho" Greg Ayres can't figure out what to say at first (what, after so many conventions to practice at?).  But he's happy to be back here at ACen; since this was the last convention he attended as a fan, he considers this to be his home con.  Chris Patton, another three-time guest, speaks about how he loves this convention, exhorting the faithful with "Let's all have a good time out there, okay?"
 
He is followed by a pair of first-time convention guests who have something in common: an anime entitled "Burst Angel"  Never heard of it, but it sounds kinda like what Shinji, Asuka and Rei used to do.  Christopher Bevins, the voice director at FUNimation Productions, is looking forward to meeting us all.  Clarine Harp invites us to 'drop by when you have the chance.'
Jan Scott Frazier, the only American to direct Japanese anime, greets us like the veteran she is, and in keeping with being more Japanese than American, invites us to her panel.  Among other things, she's going to conduct a yoga class.
 
Unlike past ACens, Fred Gallagher is actually here for the opening.  You can tell he's not used to this either, as he puzzles over the mike:  "So, how does this work, I talk, and you turn the music down?"  He mentions how Chicago was the first time he was actually scared by fans; while I don't exactly count myself among them, necessarily, I certainly hope he's gotten over his fears at this point.
 
Another returning guest (from 1999, at any rate) who's pretty nervous is the man who more or less became Kintaro Oe, the Golden Boy, Doug Smith.  He invites us to watch him 'sweat bullets' in the Iron Guest competition.  And here I thought that was a competition held for artists.  Maybe that's why he's so nervous.
 
Especially given some of he other competitors: Bruce Lewis, who has just completed a book on how to draw manga, the first one (according to Carl Horn) done by some who actually *can* draw manga.  For his own part, he introduces himself as having done "a whole lot of stuff y'all are too young to remember," adding almost as an afterthought: "oh, and I'm a love machine."  Say what?  Ah, it's his contractually obligatory joke.  I see.  Next!
 
Finally, the last two guests who are present are introduced.  Sally Suzuki and Yusuke Wakanisho are experts in the traditional Japanese performance arts such as dance.  They will be hosting two panels this weekend; well, actually, one dance performance and a panel, which will focus on kimono preparation.
 
Carl reads off a list of those who couldn't make it, either for the opening ceremonies (Beau Billingsley, Caitlin Glass, the DeJesuses and Studio Tavitat) or for the weekend (nearly a half-dozen invitees could not attend at all, most notably voice actress Monica Rial).  He mentions that they *have* added a guest, one Emily Rick.  She's the one-day-old daughter of one of the members of the ACen Board.  I know the tradition is for the convention to be gavelled in by the youngest attendee, but somehow I doubt she'll even be able to *hold* the gavel, let alone do anything with it.
 
Said ACen Board is brought onstage with a thundering music and light show.  Vice-Chair Ron Hogan hopes everyone has had a pleasant couple of days, and thanks us for attending the closing ceremonies... oh, wait, the con's just getting started.  He's evidently been doing prep work for a bit longer than he ought to have, and the lack of sleep is catching up with him.  Lord knows what kind of shape he'll be in come Sunday evening.
 
The crowd is asked for a show of hands as to who is here today, and just about everyone raises their hands.  Then hands go down as everyone is asked if this is our second ACen... our third... our fourth.  I nearly put my hand don at the eighth - I forget whether this is the seventh or eighth ACen - but manage to keep it up and look around.  There aren't many other hands up with us, actually, except for the staffers themselves.
 
Our new con chair, a substantial fellow named Jon Sugerman ("Dancing Man" Frank Sanchez is still there on staff and on stage, he's just not the chair.  He later insists it's his dancing that got him demoted), is decidedly uncomfortable in front of such a crowd - or maybe it's nerves again, as this is now *his* convention to make a success - but he's happy to be here.  He quotes from his predecessor that "I can run a con, but I can't operate a can of whipped cream," before going on to offering thanks to staffers from random stabs at the program book ("I get to embarrass them," he says, "because I'm up here, and they're out there" in the crowd, and can't do anything about it).  He makes mention of a scavenger hunt, which piques Konatsu-chan's interest (uh-oh), before going on to explain the two, count 'em, two program books.  One is a souvenir for collecting autographs and whatnot, and the other is a little pocket guide made up like a TV guide book, which basically covers what's
 happening where and when throughout the convention.  Nice touch, allowing one to carry it around so conveniently.
 
Speaking of the program guide, there is that usual tradition of the 'special seat,' with a program guide taped underneath.  The odds may be slim, but we look, too.  We don't win, but the girl who does could have at least worn last year's prize (a t-shirt autographed by all the guests at the convention), if it were the prize this year.  It isn't, but that's no cause for her to complain; she gets quite a number of convention merchandise, including the now-legendary Sailor Bubba bobblehead (a phrase which Jon bobbles himself, but can you blame him?)
 
Jon also mentions that the ACen board will be meeting this weekend (just like any corporation, I think to myself), but he encourages us to attend.  Either that, or fill out a survey - essentially, they want feedback as to what to add, to eliminate; in short, what to do to make the con better.  Someone shouts out a complaint about the lines, and all Jon can do is offer a rueful grin: "That's inevitable, I'm sorry to say."  Aren't we all.  He closes by encouraging us to have 'a fantastically frantic weekend,' and returns the podium to Carl.
 
Carl doesn't hang onto it for long, as we have one final tradition to perform.  He introduces a girl by the name of - I kid you not - Minmei Burrell.  Yes, that's her real name; she looks to be about ten, so she's younger than Macross - why couldn't she be named after a character?  She declares the convention open, and we are in business.
 
***
 
Once in the hallway outside the main programming, we start running into the most interesting cosplayers.  I spot Rakka... and Kuu!  from Haibane Renmei, and it's all I can do to keep from hugging Kuu.  Her halo even has lights in it that blink on and off.  It wasn't that long ago that I got introduced to that show, and I'm more than willing to admit that Kuu's Day of Flight turned me into a puddle.  I have lost too many people in my life to not think about them when I see it.
Gamendorf and Link pose for photos nearby with... Colonel Sanders?  The heck's *he* doing here?
 
As we line up to register for our room, we find ourselves behind a guy dressed as Nabeshin, but without the afro.  Oh, of course, it's Lupin.  You do tend to forget about him from time to time.  Even as he registers, we notice a guy at the next counter dressed as Daisuke Jigen.  Completely unplanned, this was; the two cosplayer admit they've never met.  Wonder if this is how the *original* Lupin and Jigen first met.
 
We get checked in - turns out we've registered for the executive wing, complete with continental breakfast; I'd forgotten about that.  "Who took care of you?" asks the clerk.  I own up that I made the reservation, but that's not what he means; he means himself, as he's made arrangements for James-sempai to have a seperate bed in our room, and breakfast vouchers for all of us.  Well, Mr. Maurese Nelson, you want the credit for setting us up, I'm more than willing to give it to you.  Minna-san, ask for him if you're staying at the Hyatt some time, ne?
 
We drag most of our stuff to the room - it's on the top floor, in a wing about as far from the main action as you can get - and we struggle a bit getting the computers set up.  Yeah, you head it right, we have a second - and second-hand - laptop computer these days.  One's for showing stuff, the other, ideally, will be for doing a little work on this report while at the con.  Hooking the one computer up to the TV isn't easy, though; as we search for the right channel to use as the auxilliary, we come across "A Mighty Wind," and find ourselves watching *it* for a while.  Some time I've got to take the time to actually watch that; I like folk music better than heavy metal, and I understand it's to folk what "Spinal Tap" is to metal.
 
Finally hooked up, we discover that the Hyatt has a wi-fi setup, and try to access the 'Net.  Not that there's any particular need, we just want to see if and how it can be done.  It's easy enough to hook up, but all you can go to is the T-Mobile site, where you can buy time from them for access.  We're not that desperate, thanks all the same.
 
***
 
James-sempai informs us that a cattle call is going out for Anime Press Your Luck at 2pm, and that sounds good to us.  Maybe we'll see Kim there (she would be, after all, ACen's returning champion, but I don't know how exactly that works).  At any rate, Greggo is fun to chat with, assuming he's the one doing interviews, and hey, wouldn't it be fun to get in on the game and maybe win some free stuff?
 
Actually, this might not be such a hot idea, after all.  The actual show, as it so happens, is scheduled for 4:30pm.  Now, Jeanne Hedge has sent out invitations for the tranditional fanfic writers' dinner, and we're to meet at 4:45.  There is no way we can do both.  And given the likelihood of being chosen for the game show, this isn't gonna be worth staying for.  The final nail in the coffin comes when Greggo leaves for a panel he's a part of, and an assistant shows up.  Now, I mean no disrespect to any assistant, but it's Greggo who's got the personality (it's part of why *he*s the one onstage, after all), he's the one to chat with, however breifly.  With all that in mind, we give up.  Well, actually, I mean Konatsu and I give up; James-sempai decides to press his luck (pun intended).
 
Of course, there's a couple hours to kill now between walking out of the cattle call and meeting the other writers in the lobby (and it's not that far of a walk, either).  Konatsu points out we're right by the room where the scavenger hunt is headquartered; why not check it out and see if we can get in on the action? 
 
The Delta room is pretty near empty of people; anyone signing up presumably already took care of that right after the opening, I guess.  There are a couple stacks of papers on a table we're directed to, one with rules that we're to read and sign off on (to show we understand and will abide by said rules) and the other with a long list of stuff we're to find and bring to whoever's monitoring the hunt in order to get points.  Of course, coming it at this hour of the day would be (pardon the pun, I can't resist) pointless, as no one is here to tally things up.
 
It's also a bit dismaying to see a whole bunch of stuff we've left back at the Ucchan.  If only we were still commuting, we could bring back old program books and other such stuff and really clean up.  But we're not, and quite frankly, it's hardly worth it at this point, anyway.  On the other hand, I *do* have all my old con badges stuffed in my lanyard... but again, there's no one to show 'em to right now, anyway.
 
Might as well check out the con suite; besides, since Konatsu slept while I got Dan-chan ready for school, my kunoichi missed breakfast.  So we're talking no solid food all day thus far - and it's about 3pm!  Sure, we're headed for Denny's with the rest of the fanficcers in a couple hours, but that's still a couple hours.  Besides, it isn't as if there's anything else that's caught our interest going on.
 
***
 
The place is nice and spacious as always, to be sure, but the selection of foddstuffs in disappointingly limited.  Potato crisps, tortilla chips, cheese puffs, and fountain soft drinks; the staples, to be sure, but nothing *substantial*.  Still, given that we'll be eating out in a short while, perhaps it's best that there isn't *too* much for us to spoil our appetites on.
 
We aren't there very long before James-sempai catches up with us; evidently, we took longer than we though getting ourselves set up for the scavenger hunt.  He relates the question he was asked as part of his game show interview: what is it that he most looks forward to about ACen?  His response was that the convention basically amounts to Homecoming for him; all the folks from college that he *really* wants to see - John-sempai, myself, Konatsu, Dave-sempai (well, not this year) - are here.  And *that*s what he enjoys the most.  That's so sweet, sugar...
 
Speaking of John-sempai (who we haven't seen since a bare glance of him in the registration line yesterday - I don't hink he saw us, though), James mentions that he's started collecting episodes of the new Doctor Who series by way of BitTorrent.  Didn't even know there *was* a new Doctor out there - oh, only in the UK, ne? - we'll have to track that down shortly.
 
What?!  Look, hon', Konatsu and I were Whovian otaku long before we knew what an 'otaku' was.
 
***
 
We decide not to spend too long in the consuite; after all, there's still the dealers' room to check out.  Just outside, though, is a huge line, and not in the area reserved for registrations.  Is it a line to get in?  No, everybody is queued up to get tickets to see the Pillows in concert.
Hold up a moment.  *Tickets*?  You mean we have to pay extra to see them? 
 
Actually, no.  It's all part of the convention, so it doesn't cost extra.  Just time.  See, like with other big attractions like the cosplay, they figure there'll be too many people wanting to see them, and not enough space in the main programming room to accomodate everyone.  So they're limiting seating (and, for good measure, holding several concerts - they're gonna work these guys *hard* this weekend, it would seem).  It still doesn't sit well with me, and in any case, we don't have time to stand in line right now, especially given the length of the line.  Besides, there's more to see and do, yet. 
 
Oddly enough, almost the first thing we see in the dealers' room (okay, so he's not exactly a thing, but y'all know what I mean) is 'Doc' Pearson Mui, who's just purchased a whole bunch of commission artwork (hope he has enough left over for dinner tonight)  He does remind us of the dinner, so I suppose he's held onto meal money at least, and we assure his that we'll be there.  Granted, by now that's less than an hour, but we haven't any plans to purchase anything just yet, anyway.
 
Not that there aren't a few interesting things floating around.  There's a hat that looks like PacMan eating one's head, a Post Pet Momobin - but unfortunately, no kappa from Kappa no Kaitata (Dan-chan has gotten into that cute-n-silly show for some reason).  There's a T-shirt speaking of life lessons learned from video games, including 'if it moves, destroy it;' 'death is reversible;' and my personal favorite, 'you can overcome most adversaries by having enough quarters.'  Frankly, that sounds a *lot* like real life, if you think about it.
 
***
 
Every year, it seems, the group going to Denny's gets smaller.  The good part about this, if you can call it that, is that it's not difficult to get tables together these days.  We even manage to weasel out of driving the group (we'd really prefer not to have to lose our parking spot, despite not being an ideal one on the top floor of the parking garage) as Gary Kleppe and Todd 'Lorien' Hill offer to drive - and it suffices for the lot of us.  We ride with Lorien and Bert; aside from not being able to open one of the doors (someone hit him recently, and the dent rendered the door useless), it's all good.
 
We mention having just come from the dealers' room, and Bert comments that there's just too much out there these days, and how he doesn't want to commit to any more new series until he knows whether they're any good.  The old stuff was more than good enough to draw him in, but as anime grows to be more and more mainstream, more comes over to our side of the pond, and anime begins to catch up with Sturgeon's Law: "90 percent of everything is crap."
He makes it clear that he's not saying that there isn't good new stuff out there.  There is good writing being done.  Even in non-anime forums, such as Doctor Who (okay, that's the second mention of that show in what?  Two hours?  I've *got* to check it out) and Desperate Housewives.  Konatsu, in particular, likes Terry Hatcher's role as the klutzy one (evidently it's taken from real life, according to her interview with Oprah); we suggest that she's a perfect anime heroine.  Can't you just see the Sailor Senshi, grown up and married, and having those kind of troubles with their spouses and their lives?  Especially if they've settled into domesticity after those years spent fighting youmas and whatnot as teenagers; typical bourgiousie life would get humdrum in a hurry for them.
 
***
 
As I suspected, it doesn't take long to get seated - a couple tables adjoining a booth and we're set - although almost before we do, Lorien offers apologies for all for the bandwidth issues that have recently been plaguing irc.nabiki.com.  It would seem that not too long ago, he was watching out his condominium window as a nearby bulldozer dug up a bunch of cables.  They made quite a snap as they broke, he informs us.  The construction company has been fined, and evidently Nabiki is up and running once again.
 
Jeanne attempts to warn us as Doc gets out his camera and starts taking pictures.  Two problems, though: first of all, Doc's faster on the draw than she is, so he gets in a few candid shots before the warning.  Secondly, I *think* everyone here has been here already, so we're well acquainted with Mr. Mui's photo phetish.  It's an occupational hazard.
 
We find ourselves in the booth, sandwiched (mmm... sandwich) between CatWho and her significant other, Brent, on the one side, and Bert and Lorien on the other.  Jeanne, Doc, Gary and any others are outside of my hearing and note-taking range... for the most part.
Brent and Bert kick off the conversation by discussing, of all things, diets and the death of Atkins (not the doctor himself, necessarily, but the diet craze itself)  Probably has to do with the lack of 'low-carb' entries on the menu - at least, in comparison to this time last year.  Brent changes topic, pointing out that Rosemont is hosting two other conventions concurrently with AnimeCentral.  The optometrists are back again this year (gluttons for punishment, they are), but this year, we are also joined by a convention of folks working on the Microsoft SQL 2005 server.  Between us and them, we've overloaded the geek factor in this town.
 
Not that Brent has anything against the geek convergence.  It so happens that his first exposure to anime was from occasional view of it at hacker conventions he used to attend.  For his part, Bert mentions how screenings of Bubblegum Crisis 'absolutely sucked [him] in' to otakudom; he does add, though, that Bubblegum Crisis 2040 'absolutely sucked, period.'
Back to food, as Lorien and Bert discuss making a run on Mitsuwa some time over the weekend.  I mention that, since the Ucchan is closed for the weekend, there is a place in the food court there that serves a very good okonomi-yaki, along with an excellent takoyaki.  They'd had other plans (another restaurant I'd recommended to Lorien some years back that serves great kimchee; Lorien's assessment, not mine, as kimchee doesn't sit well with me), but they will take it under consideration.
 
It's at this point that Jeanne offers to start a pool among us as to how many people will actually show up for the fanfiction panel this year.  Turns out we're slated for only an hour (rather than the two we've been getting in the past few years) at 5pm tomorrow.  That means that the panel will let out just one hour before the cosplay starts; by that time, the line will be pretty near insurmountable.  Not to mention that getting anything to eat will be out of the question.  You just *know* people will skip the panel to get into the cosplay.
 
There are other complaints about the organization of this year's convention.  The badge processing system comes under considerable fire, for one; among other things the head of registration got called away on business to China shortly before the con, so he's not here this weekend, and that may be a major part of the problem.  Bert talks about his adventures in registration (recall, he'd been there before we had on Thursday and got turned away after a while of waiting in line).  Apparantly, the computers they're using for registration are the same ones they used last year.  Literally, they used 'em last year, stuck 'em in storage after the con, and then hauled 'em out a couple days ago and fired 'em up to handle this year's registration.  Without testing the computers first; they just went live straight out of storage.  
 
Now, I need a little clarification at this point: if the system worked last year, why would there be a problem this year?  Bert admits that yes, computers that are not in use don't suffer wear and tear, but that's assuming they're stored in a climate-controlled environment.  Your average u-store-it place isn't likely to be climate controlled, so they should have expected problems and tested the computers accordingly.  They didn't, and what happened was a bit of a debacle, apparantly.
 
***
 
It's not until we're nearly finished with the meal that it occurs to me: there hasn't been any discussion of anime, fanfiction, or fic ideas the whole time we've been here.  Bert's been talking about the political situation up north; I dunno much about it - Paul, you'd be the expert on things Canadian at this point - but the antics of the boys in Parliament makes our Congress seem almost civilized.  Almost.
 
Ah, CatWho mentions that she's looking for Final Fantasy XI - fanfiction plans?
 
Somehow, the topic moves on to hentai... my notes are sketchy as to how, but perhaps CatWho was considering an FFXI lemon (or having trouble finding any, which, assuming there is an FFXI fanfic base, doesn't seem likely).  Of course, the topic always seems to come up sooner or later.  The really weird thing is where it goes: I mention having seen DVDs with a live-action version of Urotsukudoji in the dealers' room.  Think about it, people: live-action tentacle monsters.  How on earth...?  "Garden hoses and wire," cracks Bert.  Lorien suggests that this live-action flick should have some kind of 70's style 'bomp-chika-wau-wau' sound track to it.  The mind reels, or, more to the point, 8-tracks, at the though.
 
Personally, I'm still still having trouble wrapping my head around the concept to begin with.  The way I understand it, tentacle monsters were created as a none-too-subtle phallic substitute in the days when you couldn't show the *real* naughty bits.  But now that you can, why go back to the bad old days?  Or are there now guys who get their rocks off by watching girls getting sodomized by garden hoses with attitude?  That's pretty disturbing in and of itself, and to think, we have censorship itself to thank for creating this odd breed of pervert.
 
While Bert inquires about whether we're familiar with Cheech Marin's "Dusk to Dawn" (which is apparantly very funny and *very* raunchy - another thing we're gonna have to check out when we get the chance, although Kamisama knows when *that* will be), Lorien talks about the 'door marked "There"': don't go There.  There are some lines that really shouldn't be crossed... at least, not in public.  For instance, he relates an incident at NekoCon a few years back wherein a Bakuretsu Hunter character emerged from an offstage encounter covered with Ivory soap cream - but it was pretty obvious what it was *supposed* to resemble.  All the MC could do at the time was to comment on how "there goes our family rating," but now NekoCon requies that ail its cosplay sketches be vetted before permormance.  As with the ACen ban on Amanda Winn-Lee, it may restore order, but it takes just one more bit of color out of the weekend.
 
Not that all cosplay misadventures have to be racy to be funny.  Bert and Lorien mention how many costumes thy've seen fail - quie literally fall on their face - due to a lack of knee joints and having to negociate the stairs to the platform.  Reminds me of the cartoon of a phalanx of Daleks confronting a staircase: "Well, I guess this buggers our plans to conquer the universe."
 
***
 
As the meal wraps up, and we go to pay, I find myself behind CatWho.  She's looking to find some karaoke as soon as she gets back to the convention, but there's been no mention about whether there is any going on throughout the weekend.  She's even checked with the con chair, and *he* doesn't know.  I mean, it's one thing to not have anything officially scheduled, but to not know whether it is or not... talk about disorganized.
 
Back in Lorien's car, we've been warned that both he and Jeanne want to make a stop for provisions at a local (well, relatively... restaurants and stores aren't particularly close to the hotels and convention center) grocery store.  Not a big deal; I need to use an ATM myself, as it so happens.
 
Being from South Carolina, Lorien is impressed by the liquor section in Dominick's:  "Does it have to be rung up within the department?"  I respond that it depends on the municipality; Arlington Heights *used* to require that sort of segregation, but I wouldn't know about Rosemont.  Apparantly, such restrictions have *nothing* on South Carolina, where hooch is only sold in liquor stores, and there are certain days you can't sell any.
 
We wait for the others beyond the checkout (as we had nothing to shop for - yeah, we get money and don't spend it, while the others do just the opposite).  When Jeanne joins us, the first thing she mentions is Bert's whereabouts.  Turns out, he was in the same line as she was, only two customers behind.  Well, don't worry, Jeanne... nobody expects you to have eyes in the back of your head.  Funny I should mention that, though.  As it so happens, she's a substitute teacher (as is Gary's wife, Nina, come to that), and she's worked hard to cultivate just such an image.  I won't tell you all the tricks of the trade, but with a little forethought as the class comes in, she actually has certain classes convinced of her clairvoyant powers.
 
***
 
Back at the convention, we make another trip to the parking garage to fetch the last of our stuff.  Konatsu couldn't finish half of the sandwich from Denny's, but hates to see food go to waste - old habits from the poor kunoichi days die hard - and hopes to shop the leftovers off on James-sempai, assuming he's back at the room.
 
He is, actually, as is John-sempai, but having gone to the Anime Press Your Luck (and thus missed the fanfic dinner - and I don't think he got picked as a contestant or else he would have said something about it, I'm sure), they had already decided to order pizza.  In fact, they have a leftover slice of their own.  Needless to say, we're not interested.
 
So Konatsu takes the sandwich with us, even as we make our way to the simulcast room for the Pillows' concert (hell yeah, we wanna watch this thing, even if we don't have time to stand around for tickets or to get into the concert room).  We do take a detour to the consuite, and after looking around for anyone inside who's sufficiently hungry, we offer it to the guy at the door - who, now that I consider it, has a pretty lousy job in some respects.  I mean, he has to stay at the door, checking everyone's I.D. to ensure that no one who isn't part of the con takes advantage of the consuite.  He's less than ten meters from the food (or at least, the beginnings of the spread), but with people coming and going, he can't move from where he is to get any.  It's like an otaku version of Tantalus.
 
On the other hand, perhaps he gets a chance to eat during slower periods, as he isn't hungry for the sandwich in any case.  But he of all people is likely to run across hungry otaku; he offers to shop it around for us.
 
***
 
Finding the simulcast room isn't intuitive at first.  The hall to rooms A, B and C is right next to the concert itself, so the sound we're hearing could as easily be coming from the concert itself as the simulcast.  But eventually we do manage to find it, and it's weird how big and empty the room is.  If we all squeezed up tightly (not that I necessarily recommend it), everyone in here could probably fit into an area the size of the Jumbotron that's showing the concert.
 
Really, there may be nothing like actually being in the same room with the Pillows as they play, but here, we can actually see them, larger than life, even.  And with the speaker system they've got, it's still more than loud enough to make your ears bleed.
 
"Are you enjoy?" the lead singer calls out.  The camera pans across a standing-room-only crowd screaming in affirmation.  It's like watching the Ed Sullivan Show for a moment, or something equally historic.  At least in this room, we've got plenty of space to dance in.  Konatsu strips off the bear pyjamas (don't worry, folks - my kunoichi wears the red bustier and black mini that Lain of the Wired appears in from the opening credits underneath the PJs) and shakes a tail feather, while I try to take notes in a 100-plus decibel zone. 
 
When Konatsu sits back down at the end of a song or two, there's still a lone otaku dancing like mad right in front of the Jumbotron, and I can't help but remember Jeff Foxworthy's warning about that sort of activity: "Dancing by yourself way too early in the evening... that shirt's comin' off tonight, I guarantee it!"  Of course, this being a guy, who would care?
 
Another pan of the crowd, and I wonder if there is even room to move in there, let alone to sit down.  On the other hand, with the music going like it is, who could stay in a seat?  The lead singer, in an effort to introduce another song, puts it pretty well: "Long time... I believe... music has... no borders... no race... no time."  His voice crecendoes as he offers this audacious boast:  "And I play... good music... for you!"
 
I'm not really into J-pop, people.  The idol singer du jour generally leaves me cold as ice.  But when these guys say they're gonna play good music, they deliver.  It's weird to be listening to a J-pop concert and recognize nearly all of the songs (if very few of the words).  But this isn't your normal J-pop group.  There's no fancy costumes, none of the androgynous bishounen schtick, no cutesy idol girl.  Just steady guitar-and-drum playing and singing.  It's what they *do* rather than how they act.
 
Another introduction has the lead asking all of us (okay, all of *them* in the room, but for the odds of him hearing us in particular were we actually *in* the room, there isn't that much difference): "Do you like... Furi Kuri?!"  A strange question, of course; none of us would know about the Pillows were it not for FLCL.  But again, the howl of affirmation is raised.  He continues that "I like Haruko.  I waiting for... a girl like Haruko!" before launching into the FLCL theme of 'Ride on Shooting Star'.
 
We're not staying in our seats another moment.  Besides, the speakers are starting to hurt our ears.  There's a large empty space in the back of the room (empty of chairs as well as people, I mean) and we mean to use it.  And use it we do, wearing ourselves out over the next three or four songs.  We only find ourselves pausing when another couple enters and starts doing a *polka* to 'Daijobu'.  "I can polka to anything!" the guy brags (although, should he?) once the song is done.  Well, as long as it's in 4/4 time, anyway.  The pair actually top themselves by swing dancing to 'Little Busters.'  Heh.
 
About half of what little audience there is (although it has been growing thoughout the evening) clears out after the Pillows head offstage.  It's too bad, because they miss out on the encore.  That done, though, we slip out as quickly as we can so we can ride *ahead* of the human tidal wave pouring out of main programming.
 
I've noticed from the program that two of the guys in the group are actually older than I am, while the others are younger by mere months.  Given that, it makes the energy *they* have so much more amazing.  These guys have been jumping around onstage for the entire hour-plus, while we get worn out from dancing to a few songs.  Never really considered how strenuous it was to be a rock-and-roller (and that's not even taking into account the sex and drugs aspects of the profession)
 
***
 
At this point, Konatsu suggests going swimming.  My kunoichi has one more costume to show off: a genuine Japanese school swimming suit.  Granted, Lain is nver pictured swimming, but if you think about it, 'Natsu-chan's one forelock shy of looking like Minamo Kurosawa.
Despite complaints in earlier con reports about its small size and lack of hot tub, not to mention the lateness of the hour, it's actually quite crowded.  So much so, that there aren't any towels available for us should we jump in.  So we pad downstairs to the concierge, where they're at least more than willing to send some up shortly.  Thus reassured, we head back upstairs and jump in.
 
Hope they get here soon, though.  Barely ten minutes in the water, and some well-dressed fellow is yelling at us to get out in the next fifteen minutes.  If we don't, they're gonna dump chlorine in the pool, "and your skin will burn."  Apparantly, it's an automated thing, so at least it's not particularly personal, but still, it seems awfully rude.  And where are the towels, yet?
Well, they get up here with a bin full of them barely a minute before ten pm.  We grab a few and dry off.  Now what?  Konatsu hasn't slept for but two hours in the last thirty-six hours, so I suggest grabbing a couple more before Midnight Madness.  
 
Anime Hell has been amusing from time to time, but as the years have gone by, I have to wonder whether they're not starting to violate their cardinal rule.  AnimeHell.org has their manifesto of what it is supposed to be like; the main thing I come away with is that while the audience may be amused, they may be offended, but they should never be bored.  Trouble is, the best of Anime Hell has been getting repeated year after year (and, for that matter, the worst of it all - I still can't figure out the appeal of Heino.  I understand the concept of 'so bad it's good,' but should we really be encouraging this guy?), and I've gotten bored with it.
So we set the alarm for midnight and tuck ourselves in.  And we get our two hours of sleep - it's not much, but it's better than nothing.
 
***
 
Maybe I still haven't gotten enough, though (gee, ya think?).  I've been padding around in bare feet since going swimming, so I don't bother with shoes on the way to Midnight Madness.  Big mistake.  Konatsu is let in, but I am refused; it's hotel policy: no shoes, no shirt, no show.
It's a long trudge back to the room, while Konatsu stays there to watch the parodies.  What I wind up missing are mostly shorts:  a Croc Hunter ripoff involving camouflage (not quite 'how not to be seen,' but that's the idea); a take on the Sierra Mist 'powerfully refreshing' schtick - powerful like a grenade in the desert; and the Yaoi Eye for the Shounen Guy.  The first feature is beginning just as I finally return.
 
We don't find out these details until the thing is over, but it's a Seishun Shitemasu project: "City Hunter on Fire."  Basically, it's a mob drama set to City Hunter.  And maybe part of the problem is a lack of familiarity with the series, I dunno.  But quite frankly, this is a problem with Seishun Shitemasu productions.  Sure, Ranma 1/3 and Voltron: Hell Bent for Leather are quite funny, but they've also done fandubs of Nadia and Gundam 0800: War in the Pocket that I've seen and walked away wondering if it was supposed to be a parody or a straight fandub.  And really, if you have to ask whether something's a parody, it isn't one.  This is a lot like that.
 
And I'm not the only one with this impression.  The audience is actually getting vocally restless with this show.  For a while, I was concerned that I just wasn't getting the jokes.  The reaction gives me some reassurance that it's not just me.  There is one that's pretty good; when the hero's bullet smashes into a bullet with his name on it, a caption labelled "Bullsh*t" pops up over the colliding bullets.  It gets laughs, but it isn't long before the audience gets back to yelling at the screen, and hoping that the hero gets killed.  He doesn't, must to everyone's disappointment.  At least the hollering keeps one from falling asleep.
 
And one doesn't want to fall asleep, as there are better shows yet to come.  Someone yells out "at last, something that doesn't suck!" as Fanboy Bebop begins.  Ash's griping about the line at the con registration gets a fair amount of applause; for what it's worth, Bert, at least you weren't alone in your misery... not that it makes yours any better.
 
At about this point, I feel my annual rant about Sokodei's release policy welling up.  Long story short, we're *still* hearing jokes that we don't remember from previous showings - either we didn't get them at the time, or audience laughter covered it up.  One time watching this at a convention is just not enough - and I know too many people that couldn't get here to see this at all... why penalize 'em all like this? 
 
Similarly with ReDeath ReDux; I've seen enough of this show to actually anticipate Lorenz Kihl's - er, sorry, Bob Dole's - reaction: "Man, I'm getting sick of [Gendo's] theme song!"  But it's still funny after all these years.  Misato's role finally sounds like part of the action, rather than like the girl phoned in her lines.  And the fight between Pikachu and Ryo-ohki (and I'm not sure which one's supposed to be an Angel) has been extended.  It looks good.  But I can't resist a few hollers at the screen myself: during the elevator sequence, I ask "Hey, Rei, Asuka, what makes you such great Eva pilots?!" in time for the elevator music to answer: "Tequila!"  It gets a few laughs - and a sharp nudge in the ribs from Konatsu.
 
Ryan Gavigan announces his own new project, which hasn't actually gotten anywhere since last year.  The .cosp trailer shows great promise; maybe he wants us all to nag him into finishing it.
 
It must be getting late, as my notes are getting spotty; all I have about NeoBattlePeasant's Lord of the Jewel is that 'Kagome pleading with InuYasha to love is a hoot.'  I know it means it was funny, but for the life of me, I haven't more details as to why.  I think this is another parody I wish I actually *had* in my collection so I can figure out what is so good about it.
 
I perk up as it is announced that this will be the last show of the night.  Even more so as the parody group's email address comes up: kotobuki@flash.net.  Holy moley, it's C-ko!  After 'Koko wa Otaku,' he pretty much disappeared from the scene.  Probably got a life, I would imagine.  Although, what does it mean, now that he seems to be back in business?
 
But no matter.  'Magical Download Girl Pretty Sue-Me' is, if a little tech-y for a storyline, as funny as anything C-ko's put out.  And the satire is really a notch above most parodies: an RIAA official is heard to declare "We'll sue them," referring to computer users illegally downloading music from the Internet, "that'll bring 'em back!"  Among others, Sasami gets subpoenaed: "But I didn't download any music." "Yeah, that's what they all say."  Turns out she's telling the truth; it's her mom that's been doing it, under the assumption that "they wouldn't let you do anything illegal over the Internet, would they?"  And throughout the parody, there are a number of public service announcements about not stealing music, with voiceovers from artists (or rather, folks pretending to be the artists) set to 'Grave of the Fireflies' footage.  It's reminiscent of an Onion article I read once about Kid Rock starving to death because of the lack of royalties on his music, which everyone was
 obtaining for free from Napster et al.  I'm not real big on pop music, as I've said before, so I personally don't see such an outcome as a *bad* thing.  But anyway...
 
Among other things, the President gets involved to try and stem the tide of illegal downloads - although he, too, has to be told whether the current situation is a good thing or a bad thing.  For a while, I'm wondering if it's a case of Bush-tweaking (it's too gentle to be considered bashing) until I realize who's playing the President.  It's Duane Johnson, reprising his role yet again, except this time, he's made it to the Oval Office.  Good for him... I guess.
 
But the main portion of the show is a girl that dips her toes into illegal downloading and ends up in way too deep: a girl with the online handle of beargirl309.  Yes, that's right... our protagonist (if you're on the side of the downloaders as opposed to the RIAA) is none other than Lain Iwakura.  Konatsu and I just look at each other; we're going to get some ribbing on our way out at this point.
 
A month ago, we would have missed a few of these jokes; scenes being introduced with a menacing laugh a la SELain's "present day... present time" with a different twist each time ("Arbor Day... Miller Time!" being our favorite)  At the present, however, we're finding it all that much more hilarious.  The sound effects are missing (we are informed by Ryan that this is, technically, still a work in progress), but otherwise, it's clearly the same old C-ko.  Nice to see you're back on the job, sugar.
 
One last thing on my notes before closing out Midnight Madness, though: there's a word that's getting an awful lot more use than it did once in this place.  Let's just say you can find it at the beginning and end of the word 'firetruck,' and leave it at that.  But it leaves me wondering why it's necessary.  Is it out of frustration from not being able to do this, or is there actually some of it going on, and otaku are celebrating that?  C-ko probably put it best back in 'Koko wa Otaku,' when he and his staff were commiserating over the difficulty of finding female voice actors, since they didn't have girlfriends they could use for female parts: "Hey, if we had girlfriends, we wouldn't be *into* anime."  "Oh, yeah..."
 
***
 
It's after 4 in the morning by the time we get back to the room, and we do our best to skulk in without waking James-sempai.  Turns out we don't need to take such precautions; he's still up, too, although he is preparing for bed.  He'd been up all this time in the video game room playing Cheap-Ass Games.  Yes, I meant to capitalize that; it's the name of the company that produces these games.
 
We don't take too much time piling ourselves into bed.  At this point, the sooner we get to sleep, the sooner we can get up so as not to miss breakfast entirely.  There'll be time enough to puzzle out how these vouchers work in the morning; if we don't wake up soon enough, we won't get a chance to use 'em at all.
 
2005.5.14
 
So that we don't miss breakfast, we set our alarm for 10 am; for whatever reason, we actually manage to wake up five minutes before it goes off.  Must be all that martial training.
We discuss the finer points of parodies over our meal, as well as recapping the concert last night - one thing I forgot to mention was that the lead singer had the words "I Think I Can" emblazoned on his guitar in big bold letters.  Well, we can tell which song he thinks is *his* favorite.  Konatsu wonders aloud if the story of the Little Engine That Could is familiar to the Japanese (specifically to the Pillows, of course), and whether the song - and the legend on his guitar - have anything to do with it.  Somehow, I doubt it, but then, trains are a pretty integral part of Japanese culture over the past century... who knows?
 
While we knew we'd have no chance in hell of making the cattle call for it, Konatsu would still like to check out Anime Price is Right after breakfast: maybe we could get in on the Showcase Showdown.  But it doesn't happen; we don't finish until 11:30, and by then, there's another huge line in front of main programming.  What's it all about *this* time?
 
The Pillows in concert?  Again?
 
Konatsu expresses some interest in going in, but I suspect we'd need tickets (and sure enough, we do) and it's too late to get 'em for this performance.  Besides, I figure they'll be going through the same set they did last night; this would just be a rerun.  Don't get me wrong - I know there's a difference between being in the simulcast room and in main programming, right up next to 'em.  But it doesn't seem worth the bother at this point.
 
***
 
We wander around the lobby for a bit, taking in the folks in cosplay.  Kevin H from afansview.org is taking pictures, and asks for a pose from Konatsu - oh yeah, the Lain costume.  We mention that this is just one of three, and he's interested, but he does warn us that he may be difficult to find later on.  Well, if it happens, it happens.
 
For now, we decide to trek over to the dealers' room again.  No need to take the skyway this year, it's bright and sunny and reasonably warm.  Nothing like the 57 degrees that had been predicted.  Maybe weathermen should always predict weather to be just a little worse than they expect; that way, when they're wrong, nobody's gonna be disappointed.
 
***
 
I'm buying a lovely pair of dangly purple earrings when Konatsu realizes something.  My kunoichi keeps a water bottle at all times... except right now.  What happened to it?  We had it at breakfast...
 
We check a few tables we'd already stopped at with no success; the least I can say is that, for something that's such a habit, Konatsu is taking this reasonably well.  Dan-chan has *his* own water bottle which he's forever leaving behind in one place or another, and kami help you if he realizes it's suddenly not with him and you haven't anticipated him by picking up after him.
 
For now, my kunoichi is resigned to having to buy a new water bottle after the weekend's over.  It's not a big expense, after all, but it's still an annoyance.  Plus, you do tend to get attached to stuff you've already broken in.  I can't quite relate, but I think I understand.
 
So our excursion is cut a little short in order to go back and look elsewhere, but not before we've dropped a C-note worth on this, that and the other.
 
As it all turns out, it had just been left behind in the restaurant, and the maitre'd is more than happy to turn it over to us after a brief description to prove our ownership.
 
***
 
We drop our new acquisitions off at the room, and consider our options.  There really isn't a whole lot scheduled at the moment that grabs our attention (although Konatsu expresses interest in a panel taking place in a couple hours on how to play mahjongg.  Just what I need - my kunoichi learning another game that ends up in us losing money)  We decide to grab one of the laptops and head to the con suite.  We've seen a couple other people playing their stuff down there, allowing for folks to walk by and rubberneck - why not us?  So we grab a spindle full of AMVs and the like, a few bags of Japanese snacks (yes, generally folks go to the consuite to eat stuff that's there.  But they never have Japanese stuff out, and we've plenty to share), and head down there. 
 
The place is absolutely packed, which might be a good thing as far as attracting attention for what we're showing - assuming we can find a table to sit down at.  Trouble is, there's a screen on the stage area, and it's playing stuff of its own; that pretty much precludes our doing anything like that ourselves.  On top of that, it's not even anime, or anything particularly related to anime.  It's just a series of trailers for the latest Warner Brothers releases (including George Romero's latest installment in the "Living Dead" series, which might be interesting, but still...)  So if anyone was wondering if AnimeCentral has gotten too commercialized, I'd say they can stop wondering.  It has.
 
With that idea out the window, we return to the elevator lobby on our floor and set up shop there.  The idea is that folks would walk by, and get distracted by what we're doing, and stick around to watch.  And it works, to an extent.  Folks do stop and watch, but really, only until the elevator gets there (on the 29th floor, you never know when the next one will arrive)  That, and the fact that this is just one floor, and the most remote one at that, means that traffic is rather limited.  Eventually, we give up, and just as well, as the panel Konatsu wants to attend is just about to go on.
 
***
 
Oddly enough, the panel that's letting *out* is about how to play Go, so this is pretty much the board game panel room, isn't it?  On the other hand, our moderator is setting up a PlayStation or some such, so we're not actually going to be dealing with tiles here today.
 
The moderator is a bit nervous as he begins his presentation.  Apparantly, he'd put together a pretty thorough PowerPoint slide show for this panel, and not too long ago, his hard drive crashed, taking the presentation with it.  So he's understandably at a loss here.  So the PlayStation must serve as a substitute as he has, allowing him to illustrate moves such as 'reach' and 'tsumo' and so forth.  Certainly, the idea of getting sets and runs of three tiles apiece is pretty easy to grasp.  Unfortunately, the logic behind the *scoring* proves to Konatsu that not only is this game every bit as complicated as expected, it actually exceeds my kunoichi's worst fears.
 
On the other hand, merely *winning* a hand is a relatively straightforward thing.  As is the reward for winning - the computer-generated opponant strips off an article of clothing, much to the giggles of those attending the panel.  After a few games won, the computer girl is down to her bra, and the chagrined moderator attempts to skip over the stripping sequence, to a fair number of disappointed groans.  He explains that this is pretty much the basic premise of most mahjongg video games - the basic variation of strip poker (although PlayStations generally don't actually get naked).  The fact that he wins each of the games begs the question - what happens if you lose?  Do you have to take off a piece of clothing?  And how is the computer gonna know?
 
***
 
With that panel over, we meander toward the lobby and the access to the lower levels - the fanfic panel's been relegated to the basement, at the opposite end of the hall from the gaming rooms.  En route through the lobby, we spot a Vash dressed up as a pastry chef, brandishing a plate full of donuts.  Wasn't a chef's hat one of the things on the scavenger hunt list?
Konatsu rushes off to the room first, to pick up a camera; in order to get credit for finding certain things, we need to have evidence.  At least this year we thought to bring the video camera - of course, we have yet to *use* it on anything.  
 
By the time Konatsu returns with the camera, however, I've already headed down to the fanfic panel.  Meanwhile, it appears that Chef Vash has left the building.  Pity, that.
 
***
 
Actually, the panel is underway by the time I arrive; it was scheduled to start at five pm, but since the previous panel let out a bit early, there's no reason for those here not to get settled in.  Of course, not everyone has arrived early; as a result, Bert misses out on someone in the audience gushing about SkyKnight's fics and the Fox Squadron series.
 
I don't know if the pool Jeanne talked about last night ever got put together, but I imagine that Jeanne would probably lose her money if there was one.  Not that she wouldn't be happy too - the crowd's surprisingly large, given our odd location and the proximity to the cosplay time slot (By the way, for those few readers who enjoy my descriptions of the cosplay might as well stop reading at this point - we've pretty much decided that attending the masquerade is out of the question.  The line's probably forming as we're settling in.  Hell, for all I know, we may have been required to get tickets for it, too.  Stuff that.)
 
Someone's watch goes off in the audience, and Jeanne takes that as a cue to begin, thanking everyone for showing up despite adverse circumstances - oddly enough, she mentions eating dinner over such stuff as the cosplay and so forth.  That said, she introduces our panel - Pearson 'Doc' Mui, CatWho, Bert Van Vliet and Gary Kleppe.  Oh, and herself, of course.
The panel kicks off by addressing the latest controversy in fanfiction; that of Fanfiction.net's editorial policy.  Now, I've kept a bunch of my fics there for years, but this is news to me.  What's up?  Well, for those not familiar with ff.net (or contemptuous of it, for good reason, as Sturgeon's Law certainly applies here), the site split into two separate sites a year or two back.  Fanfiction.net, the original site, was to contain stories based on other people's stuff, be it anime, books, movies, what have you.  The younger sister site, FictionPress.net, was set up to contain original stories, complete with copyrights.  In the time since the sites split, Fanfiction.net has apparantly forcing its will on the writers that use it for a repository.  First to go were script-style formatted fanfics (and particularly any MST3K fics), followed shortly by NC-17 rated material.  Then, songfics were eliminated, and now, anything in HTML format is being removed - evidently, ff.net wants
 everything in a standard format.
 
CatWho encourages others to abandon ff.net, but admits that alternatives such as the r.a.a.c. can be rather intimidatingly primitive.  Fanfiction.net is compared to the RIAA, insofar as both organizations seem to be turning on its own consumers.  The rest of the panel is asked whether they use the site, and the answers are uniformly negative, if varying in intensity.  Gary disdains the feedback received from ff.net users - if even Mike Rhea can receive plaudits, the quality of C&C on the site is effectively nil.  He also finds it disturbing that ff.net has pop-up ads; not so much from the annoying nature of pop-ups as from the fact that ff.net is effectively making money from something on which money should not be made (ie, fanfiction).  Jeanne cautions that she doesn't want the panel to turn into a ff.net bash-fest, but doesn't have anything positive to say about the site (it is to her credit, though, that she recommends saying less about it as a consequence).  Bert tells about how
 his fics wound up on ff.net without his knowledge, although my notes don't expressly mention whether this way a deliberate act of plagarism or not.  Doc only mentions the alternatives he *does* use, specifically the r.a.a.c. and the Eyrie website.
 
Gary's mention of C&C brings up the issue of where to get adequate feedback on ones fanfics.  As always, the FFML rates highly among the panellists, and I hardly need to report how the mailing list has revived since, say, this time last year.  Reports of its demise were greatly exaggerated, it would seem.  The opposite side of the coin is discussed; how to *give* C&C without sounding like a jerk.  Doc shrugs that a writer has to have a thick skin sometimes, and endure scathing criticism in order to improve.  Gary suggests that a would-be critic temper their criticism by suggesting that a story didn't work for them personally - other readers might find it perfectly enjoyable, but... Jeanne also recommends concrete examples of what doesn't work for you as a reviewer - after all, it's hard to fix something when the problems aren't specifically pointed out.  A mere "this sucks" is the stuff of pure jerkdom, and not really C&C at all.
 
An audience member working in the InuYasha fandom asks how to keep their work from getting buried amongst the rest of the field, especially considering that the questioner uses ff.net and doesn't know where else to go with their work.  Jeanne recommends posting to the r.a.a.c. by email, while CatWho mentions looking for series-specific webgroups.  Internet communities focussing on a specific series will tend to be both more hard-core and more mature, resulting in a much more thorough and thoughtful brand of feedback.  Most search engines will lead one to a number of groups and sites (although some series are harder to find than others - I have yet to find a writing fandom for the likes of Abenobashi or Niea under 7), and there are still the likes of mediaminer.org, ficwad.com (or is it ficwad.net?) and efiction.  And of course, there are the newsgroups like r.a.a.c., which is no more dead than the FFML, and one can access using Google or Firefox if your email client can't be
 configured to subscribe to them.
 
Someone asks if we can discuss something other than archiving and posting, and after one last mention of freewebs.com as a useful place to keeps one's own fics, they take a stab at it.  Oddly enough, it's about one of ff.net's banned formats: songfics.  The way the question is phrased is rather peculiar in its own right: Is there a good way to do something people don't want to read?  Well, it's true that songfics are difficult to read, especially since people take songs personally (any couple who's ever claimed a song as 'our song' should be able to understand); songs get freighted with meaning that are unique to each individual.  At the same time, there are a fair number of people who aren't familiar with the song in the first place, rendering it somewhat meaningless to them.  But CatWho suggests that this should not be a reason to not write songfics if you are so led to: one should write for oneself first of all.  She appreciates that songfics are essentially anime music videos in
 text format, and suggests that those who know the song and the series will read the fic.
 
Quick shift of topic: what is the difference between a self-insertion and a Mary Sue?  Jeanne nods sagely that this question was bound to come up: common as it is, it's still a good question.  CatWho actually knows where the name Mary Sue comes from (although she does not specify a writer or a fic): it's from the Star Trek fandom, wherein a female author created a female character who was "as brave as Kirk, as smart as Spock, as compassionate as Bones - and sleeps with all three."  When the laughter subsides, Bert reminds us writers and would-be writers that people read your fanfiction to see the original characters in action, not *your* original characters.  But if you *must* create original characters, make sure to give them flaws and fallibility.  Without development, he adds, a fic is nothing more than a bunch of fight scenes.
 
So what is the boundary between a self-insertion and a Mary Sue?  Doc offers that if a character has to be freighted with tons of angst in order to acheive balance, you're in trouble.  "You say angst like it's a bad thing," Bert grins.  Jeanne recalls putting a self-insertion character through Hell and the looney bin, while the audience starts up a redneck-style "You might have a Mary Sue on your hands if..."  Stuff like, 'If you have to violate procedure to give your character a promotion, you might have a Mary Sue.'  It's not good enough to use in a Foxworthy routine yet, but with a little polish and review, this could certainly spice up stuff like the FFML FAQ some day.
 
Continuing along these lines, Bert points out that an ACC (author-created character) is *not* necessarily a self-insertion *or* a Mary Sue.  To be sure, his trademark character SkyKnight, *is* an SI: "it was a shortcut to use myself."  CatWho admits that by being the writer, one imbues all the characters with a little bit of themselves.  Gary adds that it's not only ACCs and SIs that become Mary Sues: it happens to canonical characters as well, and he uses Kasumi Tendo the hidden genius as a well-known example of this phenomenon (and I suspect he's only a breath away from invoking my own supposed sainthood).
 
No discussion of anime SIs and Mary Sues is complete without some mention of the quintessential example of the archetype, DJ Croft of Neon Exodus Evangelion (which Ben Hutchins to this day swears up and down is NOT an SI.  That's as may be, but I suspect the general consensus is that DJ *is* a Mary Sue).  Gary wraps up the topic by acknowledging that critiquing SI characters is a particular challenge - criticism of a self-insertion character can be much more easily taken as a direct slur on the author, after all.
 
>From here we move on to the non-canonical, specifically with regard to matching up people.  Bert recommends it, assuming a believable case can be made for the matchup.  There are limits, though - some of them physical, as Doc dismisses any Transformers matchups (specifically Optimus Prime and Megatron) as 'just plain wrong;' after all, they haven't the anatomy for that sort of thing (Bert responds with the perfect solution: network cables!  Doc holds up two fingers in Bert's direction in the stock cross-to-ward-off-vampires pose).  CatWho mentions that certain *fandoms* are more open-minded toward any and all combinations; more to the point, Gundam Wing fangirls will leap down your throat if you suggest some sort of blasphemy such as Heero and Relena Peacecraft hooking up (although I still liked DB Sommers' take on a possible outcome of that coupling in 'Yardwork')  Of course, the subject of odd matchups lead to the subject of more odd matchups - more to the point, crossovers. 
 Again, the focus here has to be on whether a crossover or a fusion can be made plausible.
 
"I hate to rip on Fanfiction.net," comes a voice from the audience, but you just know that's what's gonna happen.  It's not a particularly good outing for the ff.net site.  But this is apparantly from someone who *wants* to stay on ff.net, and warns us all of a group that calls itself the Author Alliance.  What they do is to simply go around reporting stories and authors to the ff.net admins, and get them to delete stuff.  And of course, the admins are too busy to check into the stuff they're asked to delete, they just take theses guys word for it and delete the stories.  There's probably another side to the story - the idea of folks roaming through ff.net just looking for stuff to kick off because they don't like it seems awfully petty - but if true, it's a rather frightening development.
 
Back to crossovers and alternate universes: the comment is offered up about the length and complexity involved in setting up such stories.  CatWho cautions that length isn't necessarily any indication of quality (which is true, but I suspect that a story doesn't *become* a long drawn-out epic without a fair amount of support; people have to believe in it for it to be continued and extended).  Gary adds that crossovers need the basics that any good story would: plot, conflict, character development, but with the added requirement that the series involved mesh together.
 
There is a comment from the audience about the difficulty of keeping a character IN character throughout the length of a story.  Gary takes a slightly different tack, that a character must be *interesting*; as an example, he offers up the decidedly out-of-character Ranma from 'Ill-Met by Starlight.'  It's still Ranma, but it's not the Ranma we know and love - but he's still an extremely interesting character.
 
Finally, it is pointed out that certain series simply lend themselves better to various fic types.  Alternate universe stories generally require characters and settings that are well developed to begin with.  Meanwhile, even that may not always be sufficient for a continuation fic; Ranma and Maison Ikkoku are contrasted here.
 
Someone asks if assembling a detailled backstory on an ACC makes for a Mary Sue, because they take up so much more ink than the other characters.  Hardly, says Bert.  In fact, that's just the sort of thing to flesh a character out, and help you as the writer decide how, given such background, this new character will react to a given situation and why.  Granted, one needs to be cautious as to how back backstory to actually write about, and how much to simply keep in mind as one goes along...
 
And once again, the topic veers back to Fanfiction.net.  The ostensible reason why songfics are being deleted is because you're using someone else's copyrighted material in your work.  In that case, the questioner asks, what about songs that you've written yourself?  Will they be deleted?  The panel can't answer that, but CatWho does recommend backing up stories elsewhere just in case.  It isn't as if ff.net is doing some sort of Gestapo-like sweep of its archives to eliminate stories that have been online there all this time - she personally has a script-format fic still being stored there.
 
As for places picking up the slack that ff.net has dropped (particularly in regard to MST3K fics, in this instance), the usual suspects are mentioned: mediaminer.org, Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings (with a warning that SVAM is not presently accepting new submisisons), r.a.a.c., Megane 6.7's homepage on nabiki.com.  Doc Mui suggests using Google to surf USEnet groups for such stuff as well, while Jeanne recommends a search of Yahoo Groups.
 
Do any of the panel have any original material available?  Well, CatWho claims to have twelve novels, all of which are stuck in the first chapter.  Doc has a great Cold War-era novel, but the opening sucks, so it's not out on the Web.  Bert admits that real life gets in the way of writing, so...
 
The panel is asked about the benefits of small as opposed to large fandoms.  CatWho recalls how her first Hikaru no Go fanfic was *the* first of the series, and got a fair amount of attention.  Now that the fandom has grown so, it would have just gotten swallowed up.  Ditto for anything in InuYasha or Gundam Wing: anything one could add is just a drop in the bucket.  Gary speaks of the higher quality of feedback one gets from a small but interested fandom; with a large fandom, one has to compete hard for attention - although there is the underlying thought that if you *get* the attention from a large fandom, you've made it.  Of course, Bert mentions that large fandoms also have the disadvantage of a greater number of 'nutters' you have to deal with, too.
 
With regard to constructive criticism, one person asks how to do it without looking like a jerk (have we been here before?)  Jeanne suggests using direct email, rather than posting criticism directly to the list at large.
 
Someone else asks about names and translations - which version should I use, say, for a Sailor Moon fic?  Doc advises them to use what's comfortable: if Serena feels better to you than Usagi, fine.  Just stay consistent.  Jeanne mentions that author's notes may be useful to let your audience know whether you're using the manga or anime version in certain cases.  CatWho suggests being aware of the fandom you're working in: "Ranma authors can quote chapter and verse from the manga," she warns.  Hey, Jeanne replies, at least that shows they know their stuff.  That's a *good* thing.
 
At this point, a few people start leaving, presumably in order to join the cosplay line - or maybe to eat, as Jeanne suggests.
 
I don't know if that's a lead in to the next topic, but the panel is asked about their pet peeves.  Bert claims not to have any: "I love all cliches."  Doc is something like a reformed smoker, insofar as his first attempt at fanfiction was a *terrible* SI fic; now, he *despises* SI fanfics.  CatWho refers to InuYasha writers who allow anyone other than Kagome or InuYasha to go to the well - I'm not sufficiently versed in the series to understand her passionate dislike for this plot point, but it's obviously important.  As for Gary, *now* he brings up Saint Ukyou - *and* the red-haired Ranma-chan.  Ah, now Bert's thought of something: when the writer kills off all of the characters (he refers specifically to a fic in which the Knight Sabers were resurrected as sex droids)  Sex is also a peeve of Jeanne's as bad limes, lemons and yaoi are all too common out here.  CatWho concurs: "Get an anatomy book, people.  And a thesaurus."
 
So, what is everyone working one at this point, now that we're just about to wrap things up?  Well, Doc has to harangue his prereaders into giving him some feedback before proceeding on his present story, while Bert plans to get Bubblegum Zone XI up... eventually.  Gary continues to work on Hearts and Minds (he wants to finish it while he's still alive) and the Seven Samurai of Anime.  Jeanne, too, has been working on True Love for the last eight years, but continues to make progress on.  And CatWho has a soap opera in the works, based on FFXI, something she's calling 'All Altana's Children.'  Sounds like a parody to me.
 
***
 
Which is where we're going next.  A few years ago, if you weren't watching the cosplay, there wasn't anything else to do.  Literally, everything shut down during the masquerade.  Now, there's all sorts of things to do, including 'Dubs That Time Forgot' (which was funny, but we've seen already) and the parody fandub panel, which is what has our attention.  Maybe I can ask the guys from Sokodei what gives - and why they don't.
 
But it's not *right* away after the fanfic panel, and we actually manage to snag Kevin H yet again, this time with Konatsu in the bear costume - and, underneath, the Wired outfit.  So my kunoichi will be found in three different places in afansview.org shortly.
 
***
 
Our host for the panel is the head of Midnight Madness and Anime Hell, Ryan Gavigan himself.  Besides the screenings he hosts for AnimeCentral, he has earned a place on this panel by dint of his work with Magnum Opus Productions.  With him are three members of the group formerly known as G.R.A.A.C., now renamed Niisaki 9 Productions, producers of 'Bad Scottish Dubbing' and 'Fisting the North Star.'  Andrew Hosking is here from Studio Sokodei, and a fellow named Max (I didn't get the last name) represents Seishun Shitemasu.
 
We open with clips of parodies throughout the years; Ryan has quite the collection of clips assembled on DVD.  Believe it or not, the history of anime parodies goes back as far as 1983, with Phil Foglio's "You Say Yamato."  Back in those days, glitches due to the copy-of-a-copy state of the footage became part of the script.  Pinesalad Productions, who I always thought was the first in the field, didn't put out their first parody until 1986.  Ryan speaks of PineSalad's approach as "designed to offend *everyone*," and is quite pleased that a Carl Macek joke they make still garners laughs.
 
Seishun Shitemasu is next, with most of their work still taking place in the pre-digital days of the early 1990s.  Wonder if that explains part of why 'City Hunter on Fire' stacked up so poorly against the Sokodei or C-ko efforts.  Still, Ryoga's frustrated howl of "Where the f*@# is Japan?!" gets laughs regardless of video quality.  Corn Ponel Flicks' 'Star Dipwads' gets a mention at this point, along with the one-hit wonder 'Fast Food Freedom Fighters:' Kami only knows what's become of Shawn the Touched these days.
 
Last on this list of parody history (for whatever reason, neither Sokodei nor C-ko merit mention) is the G.R.A.A.C. 'Bad Scottish Dubbing' project, which extends from 1997 through to 2003.  The long stretch of time has to do with the fact that for the sake of a plot point (convincing the Angel/Nessie that those battleships are giant Twinkies) they spent a considerable amount of time coloring 1,500 individual frames yellow.  I gotta admit, that's dedication for ya.
 
History lesson over, the panel begins to talk about what is involved in producing a parody.  Video capture cards can be had for about $100, but don't skimp on the hard drive space (the G.R.A.A.C. team speaks of an absolute minimum of 80Gb), and make sure you have a good editing program.  Seishun Shitemasu is even more low-tech, having used S-Video desks for their recording, and just counting the sticks for the cues.  Jen from G.R.A.A.C. admits to having cheated a little for Bad Scottish Dubbing - several of their team worked on a cable access show, and they would occasionally borrow the equipment for their recording.
 
It's at this point that Ryan interjects a note that the technical aspects of creating parody fandubs will be covered in the panel directly following this one.  Konatsu and I look at each other, and silently agree not to stay for it.  For one thing, we still haven't eaten.  In addition, while it might be fun to put together a parody, we have neither the imagination nor the time to do anything like that, more's the pity.  We'd be wasting our time learning how, I'm afraid.
 
Ryan also adds that, following the technical panel, they will be showing more parodies than they could run last night, specifically Nescaflowne and This is Otakudom.  Josh grins that this setting is a lot better than the days when they would hold their 'world premieres' in a hotel room, usually as they're frantically wrapping up the recording in the *next* room.  
 
On the subject of sound recording, there are different ways to go about it.  Ryan uses a mixing board rather than plugging directly into the computer, while the GRAAC team simply uses a mike with a long cord - recording in a seperate room from the computer cuts down on the noise level.  "It's not that hard," Ryan insists; he wants to encourage others to engage in this activity, so there'll be more parodies out there to watch!
 
Also on the sound question, the panel is asked if they generally record solo or in an ensemble.  Again, the answers vary.  Seishun Shitemasu would record in ensemble format as the tape rolled, while GRAAC only has one mike, so they take turns doing their individual bits (to which Max refers to Radio Shack's generous return policy on microphones and mixing boards - I'm not sure if he's kidding).  Andrew Hosking admits that Fanboy Bebop is probably going to be their last ensemble recording - but that approach worked well, with three and four people in a scene, talking at once.
 
Which comes first, the panel is asked, the footage or the script?  Well, Bad Scottish Dubbing started out as an idea without a script, just Evangelion performed with a thick Scottish burr.  When they showed it to Ryan, to get his opinion on it (yes, fan parodists need C&C, just like fic writers), he really didn't know what to make of it ("And I'm easy to please," he admits).  The first thing he told them?  You gotta have a script.  Andrew Hosking talks about having written Fanboy Bebop without necessarily considering whether the proper footage even existed in Cowboy Bebop.
 
Okay, so you start with a script, and then find footage to fit it.  What about improvisation?  Do you give your voice actors free reign, or do you stick to the script?  The GRAAC folks try to always leave room for any gems that the actors might come up with on the spur of the moment - and if the actor's schtick goes longer than the footage, the fact that it loops can become a joke in itself (although they caution that this can only go so far - 30 seconds of dialogue on 6 seconds of footage gets to be a bit much).  Meanwhile, Sokodei's scripts tend to be complex and tight, not really allowing for a whole lot of wiggle room. 
 
Ryan points out that it's always easier when you like the material, and reflects fondly on Fanboy Generation X (based on the classic Otaku no Video).  He expresses admiration for the group that created 'Lord of the Jewel': apparantly, the staff of NeoBattlePeasant aren't keen on *either* InuYasha or Lord of the Rings.  But they still managed to crank out a reasonably good parody.
 
When you get right down to it, though, there are only two ways to make a parody.  You can either dub straight through, like most of the early dubbers did, or do a piece-by-piece assembly.  The former is a lot easier to edit, but making sure you have jokes that fit throughout the entire anime is extremely difficult.  The latter means a lot of tedious editing, but you can control the length and timing of the punch lines to a much greater extent.
 
There's one fellow in the audience that seems to be asking a lot of the questions; it gets to the point where Ryan asks him if he has any ideas for a parody.  Clearly, Ryan wants this guy working.
 
Some ideas don't work out, after a while of fiddling with them.  Jen from GRAAC talks about using certain ideas that only extend for, say 30 - 60 seconds, as commercials to break up the feature presentation.  Andrew emphasizes that a feature should not be any longer or shorter than it should be.  In its original scripting, Nescaflowne was only twenty minutes long.  There was some concern as to whether or not it should even be considered a feature, at that point, but they went ahead with it.  By the time Sokodei got through with it, Necaflowne had grown to over an hour in length.
 
The panel is asked where their ideas come from (see, it's really a *lot* like the fanfiction panel in some aspects).  Seishun Shitemasu admits to stealing jokes from Pam Buck (of PineSalad) and Dynaman - they recommend borrowing bits and pieces from material you like, if you plan on making your own.  Sokodei's approach is more high concept: they just take a single idea, and build on it.  Case in point: ReDeath.  Most people consider it an Evangelion parody; Andrew doesn't.  It's a parody that uses Evangelion footage and characters, that's all.  Here the high concept (and believe it or not, they saw it on a T-shirt first) is simply Gendo Ikari as pimp.  Everything else builds from there.
 
GRAAC uses a team effort to come up with ideas, throwing concepts back and forth.  Their focus is generally, what *needs* to be made fun of?  'Fisting the North Star' was a good example of taking a series that takes itself *way* too seriously, and turning it on its head (although it could easily be considered a logical conclusion for the whole ultra-manly feel of Hokuto no Ken - what *is* more manly than doing another man?  None of this wussy having a woman nonsense for these guys, no sir).  Ryan asks those assembled to consider Anime Hell as Exhibit A as to how his thought processes work; he does, however, point to 80s and 90s TV cop shows as a major influence.
 
One problem with being a parodist and an otaku: the former starts to overtake the latter after a while.  Andrew, in particular, has trouble actually watching an anime without thinking about how it could be used as fodder for a parody.
 
There is a question regarding approach:  GRAAC talks about making fun of a series, but is it better to be series-specific, or go for a more general humor?  Seishun Shitemasu admits that if you do focus on a specific series, you lose the folks who aren't familiar with it, while Andrew points out that Nescaflowne (the only Sokodei parody actually poking fun at a specific series) had to be written broadly in order not to lose the more general audience.  The GRAAC team admits to being happy simply to make jokes, and the occasional in-joke: they refer to the use of the term 'breasteses' in one of their parodies as a direct lift from ReDeath.  Andrew replies that *he* lifted the word from 'In Living Color.'
 
He goes on to talk about keeping it clean; Sokodei makes a point of avoiding swearing whenever possible.  His attitude is that it doesn't improve the joke the way a good double entendre can.  "Anyone can make Sailor Moon swear like a sailor," he asserts, although I don't know that anyone's actually tried that per se.  Sailor Moon as Popeye, maybe?
 
It's at this point that they start setting up to discuss the more technical aspects of parodies, and we've already decided to head out for dinner, but I have to ask my question at this point.  The panel's reaction is of mild shock: "Wow, we got this far before this question came up?"  I'll admit, the more I hear about all the work that goes into it, and the fact that they do this sort of thing without recompense, leaves me kind of embarrassed about asking them to hurry up and get this into general release, where I can finally hear all the jokes.  It seems like I'm being way too demanding and selfish.
 
As far as distribution goes, though, the attitude is definately down on online bittorrent-style distribution.  A fellow in the audience, identifying himself as Mike from the NeoBattlePeasant group (Lord of the Jewel) is very strict about not letting anyone digitize and distribute their work online.  There are, of course, copyright issues (it's what pretty much banished Sherbert Productions into obscurity), although they cite the fact that Fast Food Freedom Fighters got an okay directly from Central Park Media (who had the rights to Project A-ko at the time).
It's still not made clear to me what kind of problems the parodists have with wide distribution.  Andrew offers the Rocky Horror phenomenon as an example: once it got released for home viewing, people stopped watching it in the theatres.  Personally, my opinion on that is, once people saw it without the crowd reaction, they realized what a lousy movie it is, and stopped bothering.  I can't see that happening to these parodies: they aren't lousy at all (well, some of them are, but not all)  People will continue to attend conventions, and they will continue to attend Midnight Madness, even if they have copies of their own.  Hey, I do.
 
***
 
Well, we've already dispensed with the tradition of attending the cosplay (and even as we take temporary leave of the parody dub room - we'll be back for tonight's showings, after all - we notice a crowd still congregated outside main programming.  So they've got overflow, huh... shouldn't come as a surprise, I suppose)  So we might as well do away with the traditional deep dish pizza as well.  We haven't the time to wait for it, and it isn't as if we can't get deep dish whenever we want; we live here, after all.
 
So, what to eat, then?  There's a little cafe on the ground floor, but it turns out to be little more than breakfast pastries and coffee - no sandwiches or anything like that.  Fine.  So we head upstairs to the sports bar (Konatsu shies away from the steakhouse - not much of a beef eater, and we're both a bit put off by the prices), leading my kunoichi to muse that "this is the most casual birthday dinner you've taken me to in fourteen years."
 
Yes, of *course* I take my kunoichi out for a birthday dinner.  What kind of heartless bitch would I be to make my kunoichi prepare okonomi-yaki for a birthday meal?
 
***
 
I don't know if it's just from being in parody mode, or the commercial is that bad: a guy is eating a hamburger from some joint that shall remain nameless to protect the advertising agency.  He spots another fellow playing a guitar and a harmonica - you know, one of those hands-free mouthpieces?  Anyway, a bit of modification, and suddenly, the guy is using a similar mouthpiece to eat his burger while he works - and other people catch the trend, using similar mouthpieces to multitask likewise.  The catchphrase is "it's that good," but honestly, how good is it if you can't give your meal your undivided attention?
 
***
 
Like I said before, Andrew shouldn't worry about his work - Nescaflowne never gets old.  Granted, it *does* stop for a moment - some problem with the DVD player, I think - but it proves my point about missing the jokes from time to time.  
 
Despite the fact that we already know that tonight's features are almost all familiar to us - the only exception being a C-ko short called 'Who Wants to Be an Anime Fan,' hosted, improbably, by the Jusenkyou guide - we stick around until the panellists themselves call a halt to the proceedings.  The bass *has* been getting progressively louder and more distorted, and Ryan even apologizes for the crappy sound system.  Ah, well.  There are other places we might want to visit.
 
***
 
Outside the video room, we're confronted with yet another line outside of main programming.  It's nearly midnight, the cosplay is over and done with, and there's this line stretching well into the hotel lobby.  What in the high holy hell gives, anyway?  "Soap Bubble," someone explains.  "It's a rave."
 
Does that explain anything to any of you?  I'm not the nightclub type, so this is alien stuff to me.  Anyone that went is welcome to add their two yen at this point, and given how many were waiting to do so, I should get plenty of responses, right?
 
***
 
Just before getting to the elevator banks, we find a flyer just lying around on the floor.  Apparantly, someone's holding a room party.  Well, why not?  We have another place we want to go to, but hey, it's not for another hour.  It's a place to kill some time.
 
And some brain cells, as it so happens.  This room is more like a suite - some big group got together to pull this one off, let me tell ya.  Lights are dimmed, loud music, and a wet bar: this is professional grade party, I can tell ya.  It's also pretty smoky, so we won't be staying long - Konatsu is frightfully allergic to tobacco, as it happens. 
 
I don't see a lot of anime going on, although the bedroom is running a series of AMVs.  Most of the crowd is gathered around a large table in one room - right beside the bar as it happens.  I belly up, and discover it's $5 a glass, or all I can drink for $20.  It also turns out they have three different pre-mixed concoctions, and that's it - no Mihoshis for us tonight, it would seem.  I buy two hard lemonades (won't be here long enough to get money's worth out of a double sawbuck), and look for my kunoichi in the bedroom.
 
Konatsu is surprised I'd bother getting a drink for each of us.  Neither of us drinks much, and Konatsu had simply planned on nipping from mine.  After tasting mine (it's not what I thought it was - no lemons were killed in the making of *this* product, I guarantee that), I'm inclined to agree that I wasted a fin at least.  I do manage to gulp mine down eventually, but Konatsu has had more than enough of both the drink and the smoke, and is ready to leave.
 
On the way out, we spot a curious poster on the wall.  It looks like the periodic table, but on closer inspection, it's more Kama Sutra than chemistry.  Various sexual positions, classified by type, using artist figure models to demonstrate.  How fitting, considering we're off...
 
***
 
...to something they've entitled "Too Hot for Anime Central" in the screening room for AMVs.  Which strikes me as kind of oxymoronic - if it's too hot for ACen, how and why are they showing them? - but hey, it's intriguing.  What kind of AMV can they *do* with adult material?
 
Oh, and I guess I should warn off any kids reading this to move on to the next set of three asterisks, but I suspect any warning on my part will probably be ignored at this point anyway.  Go ahead, rot your minds, see if I care.
 
Oddly enough, one of the first ones shown has *nothing* to do with hentai.  This should be a disappointment - and considering my lower tolerance for violence than sex, rather disturbing - but it's so funny I can't complain.  Basically, it's a series of characters graphically committing seppuku... because the soundtrack won't stop playing Hansen's "Mmm-Bop."
 
A yaoi flick done to a song called 'Prison Bitch' takes the predominantly male crowd assembled here by surprise.  But again, it's funny as a crutch, especially since the 'bitch' in question is a Photoshopped-in Mr. Magoo.
 
A barbershop quartet invites the audience to "take a look at [their] enormous penis," whenever they feel like it.  The song by itself is an absolute scream; it would, ah, stand on its own without the anime visuals.
 
You know, stuff like Colorful and Ebichu probably couldn't, and shouldn't, be a part of general audience AMVs, now that I think about it.  But the footage doesn't *have* to be from a racy series to find its niche here.  Vash the Stampede tells Meryl Stryfe about doing 'cock pushups.'  He only manages to do one (more Photoshopping, I think), but he, erm, points out that "hey, one is all you need to do."
 
Mr. Mackey from South Park discusses the many grammatical point of the F word, followed by a reading of a children's book entitled "Everyone is Different."  True as that may be, this video isn't for everyone.
 
A video mixing Speed Racer and Initial D starts off innocently enough... until Trixie, uh, comes into the picture.  Here he comes, here comes Speed Racer, indeed.
 
I mentioned before that it's not all about sex (although one video shows *nothing* but couples going at it, to the Beatles "From Me To You," improbably enough); one video is simply entitled 'Faces of Death,' and begins with the repeated phrase "i don't want to die," in Japanese... Let's just say the video is every bit as gruesome as I've been told its namesake video series is, and then some.  Frankly, I'm grateful to have my notebook with me, so I don't actually have to watch.
 
Fruits Basket does a hilarious turn on Monty Python's Penis Song (the guy who turns into a snake - I forget his name - is perfect for this bit), but after that, things start to degenerate a bit.  It's time to leave.
 
***
 
Okay kiddies, you can all come back now, it's safe to read from this point on.
 
***
 
Speaking of kids (how's that for a segue?), we come across a couple of them in the elevator back to the room.  They're with their mom, of course.  I can't help asking why they aren't in bed; after all, it's 2:30 in the morning.  But as it so happens, the young boy can't sleep - he's developed pneumonia.  They're going back to their room to get their stuff, and then they're gonna check out and go home.  
 
Poor kids.  All we can do is wish them well as they head out.
 
2005.05.15
 
Another late night out (albeit not as late as Friday night), another late morning snooze.  Ben Franklin would just plotz.  And we're not alone - it's a madhouse as we attempt to get our stuff together and out to the car.  And we're actually the *lucky* ones - we have almost as much trouble swimming against the current on our way back *into* the hotel, despite being empty-handed at this point.
 
At breakfast, I mention that the croissant tastes like Osaka.  The city?  No, the girl from Azumanga.  Konatsu gives me a rather arch look, and suggests I dispell any notions of hot yuri action in anyone's mind: "It's flaky."  Meanwhile, a dark brown muffin turns out not to be chocolate, but rather a bran and blackstrap molasses combination.  It's not as good as I'd hoped, but not as bad as I might have feared.  "Kahnda lahk lahf, iff'n y'think abaht it," I murmur, with an Osaka-esque drawl.
 
It's at this point where we realize how well Osaka lends herself to Forrest Gump; it's a wonder no one's tried to do a AMV using the trailer for that movie and Azumanga footage.  You've got lots of shots with her running (although, to be sure, she ain't nearly as fast as Forrest)  Tomo would make for a great Bubba, reciting different styles of shrimp as she spins that broom around.  But who would be Lieutenant Dan?  Chiyo is Osaka's best friend, and she's pretty short, so she might work.  Then again, Yomi has that drill sergeant temperment that might better serve for the part.  I dunno.
 
***
 
Checkout is quick, just call up the automated number and be done with it.  All that's left to do is to cart the last of our junk out of the room... which proves to be a little more difficult. 
 
We don't manage to show up on time for Anime Password, but after all, we hadn't woken up in time to go to the cattle car in any case.  Still, it's fun to watch, especially as the one fellow manages to win the bonus round for the first time in a number of conventions, if Greggo is to be believed.
 
Vic Mignogna keeps giving "Star Wars" as his answer when he hasn't a clue what the answer should be.  That's right... episode three's coming out, innit?  No wonder that's where his mind is.  Of course, considering the answer (it turns out to be 'yaoi' in this case), he's got plenty of company: only Caitlin Glass figures it out.  Which is only natural, as she's the only female onstage.  The next answer, nobody onstage gets; it turns out to be 'Megatron,' and at least some members of the audience figure it out.  But how are they gonna divvy up the points?
 
Have to admit, as amusing as this is, I prefer Fanboy Feud.  Although it does get exciting when the guy who cleared the bonus round beats a second challenger to get another crack at the bonus... and he clears it again, with sixteen seconds to spare, even!
 
***
 
Sunday at an anime convention is mostly denoument, just wandering around, seeing if there's anything interesting left to see or do before having to pick up and head back home.  There is, however, a whole section of the dealers' room we haven't been to yet: the Artists' Alley is right off to one side, and we take two whole hours wandering through it.
 
While there, we encounter a girl who recognizes Konatsu's costume: "Lain!"  And well she would, as she's dressed like Lain, herself.  But it's a completely different Lain than any of 'Natsu-chan's ensembles - she's got all manner of wires attached to her - it's the wired-up Lain.  Although to be honest, we don't realize who she's supposed to be at first.  With her long, light colored hair, I first assume she's dressed as Chii when she's kidnapped by Dragonfly.  This girl is stunned to hear that Konatsu cut off two years' growth of hair for the outfit - she'd never do that, herself.
 
(Later on, Konatsu realizes one other thing about the girl's getup that may have confused us - in an effort to ensure that we were using the correct pattern for Lain's ski cap, we got some pretty long looks at Lain's face.  More to the point, her hair, and that one long braided lock on one side of her face; this girl had the braid on the wrong side.  Not something that occurred to us as the moment, but it may have been part of why we didn't see Lain right away when we saw her.)
 
For all that, though, it's kind of embarrassing for me; not that Konatsu is going around in costume - that's a perfectly normal thing at a place like this.  No, what's embarrassing is that I'm still managing to upstage my kunoichi.  See, today I'm actually lugging Chiyo-no-chichi on my shoulders for the first time all weekend.  And while Konatsu's been walking around in one Lain costume or another throughout the weekend, it's the plushie on my back that really gets noticed today.  One particular moment is when a girl dressed as Koyomi asks to take a picture of the thing.  She's thrilled when I offer to take the picture of her hugging him.  At the same time, we get a lot of this: "That is so cool! ...what is it?"  It's all I can do to keep from laughing.
 
As we wander through the Artists' Alley, Konatsu gets the idea to pass out Pocky; we never had a room party after the cosplay like we usually try to do (not like our location was at all conducive to that sort of thing), so we still have all our Japanese snacks.  And it's not like we're selling it, so it's perfectly legal.  There is some comment from time to time about how people haven't seen Pocky around, but it's not like it used to be.  I think us ACen veterans have just sort of given up on Rosemont's restrictions on food sales, while the newer attendees simply don't think about what they don't see.
 
We're not the only ones handing out food; one of the artists offers *us* a cookie for having recognized a face in his portfolio as... Jumbo, from Yotsubato.  He comments how people don't generally recognize characters from manga-only series.  Well, that's true for us, too, but come on, this is Kiyohiko Azuma we're talking about, here.
 
We debate about getting a print taking off on the old Kool-Aid Man - it shows a Ramune bottle smashing through a shogi wall, yelling "Oh yeahhh desu!"  Since Dan-chan loves Ramune (he's got a bagful of marbles from drinking the stuff) he figure it'd be perfect for him.  But it turns out the artist can't sell the last print (she hadn't brought many copies, as her boyfriend had convinced her that very few people would get the joke), so we're forced to turn away.  We do get a business card, so we can contact her later.
 
Later turns out to be much sooner than all that.  She manages to track us down (the big orange thing on my back makes me very easy to spot) and tells us that, since she has the original at home, she can sell the last copy she's brought.  Zip, zap, and we have the print.  Hope Dan-chan likes it.
 
Another very amusing print shows the Evangelion pilots dressed up as the Ghostbusters, and Sachiel (I think) as the Sta-Puf Marshmallow Angel.  Asuka is hollering at Rei (like that's anything new), "Rei... when somebody asks if you're a god, you say YES!!"  Perfect.
 
***
 
Actually, we practically have to get kicked out of the dealers' room; the announcement goes out that they are closing at 3, and we have less than ten minutes to get out.  The exact phrase used is that they'll "release the dogs," but since we don't hear any barking, there's no great panic to exit.
 
A good thing, too, because out in the foyer of the convention center is probably the best costume we've seen all weekend.  Some folks think it's a chocoba, but I recognize it as Yupa's emu or ostrich-like mount (I forget the animal's actual name) from Nausicaa.  What's really incredible about the costume is that the person wearing it controls the head and neck, marionette-like, from *inside* the costume.  As a result, the creature leans up and down, looking around, nuzzling a person here, even pretending to bit a person there - despite its mute nature, this creature has so much personality, you might think it was real.
 
Konatsu goes over to pet the creature, and it actually kneels and nudges Chiyo-no-chichi.  It actually wants him to ride her!  Laughing, we try our best to get him up, first on the neck, and then, on the saddle, but he doesn't balance very well on his own - pity our homemade version doesn't float like he's supposed to.  Wonder if afansview.org ever got pictures of this creature.
 
***
 
Also in the foyer, we run into Doc Mui one more time.  The topic turns to Japanese restaurants - he and some of the other fanficcers were at a local one we'd never heard of (imagine that) that he highly recommends.  We tell him about a few of our own favorites (especially a sushi kissaten barely two miles from the Ucchan), and we take down each other's tips.
 
On our way back, Doc learns of Konatsu's birthday, and proceeds to sing a very silly song based off of the Volga Boatman theme, I believe "Pain and mis-er-y everywhere/People dying here and there/Hap-py Biiiirth-day..."  Charming.  Well, safe journey home, Pearson, and we'll see you next year, ne?
 
***
 
We return to the hotel for the closing ceremonies, and we are once again reminded that, like Sesame Street, this convention is brought to you by the letter 'Q'.  As in 'queue'.  Lines, lines and more lines.  I know that I shouldn't complain, as it gives me more time to catch up on my notes (most of what you see about Artists' Alley was scribbled down during the wait - hey, it's hard to write and walk around, unless you don't mind crashing into things from time to time), but it gets tiresome.
 
As we wait, some guys behind us discuss a rumor that there may not be a consuite at all next year.  Evidently food has been taken out of the room, and messes have been made.  Which does happen, I'm sure, but the biggest mess I saw all weekend had nothing to do with the consuite - some oaf had spilled a full can of beer in the hall leading to the elevators Saturday night.  But it would be a shame if a few bad apples were to destroy that for the rest of us.  On the other hand, ACen could probably get away with it - it isn't as if the lack of a consuite would make an appreciable dent in the convention's growing attendance figures, any more than the lack of Pocky has.
 
The guys are also wondering who's to blame for all this.  They suspect it's some newbies with little or no respect for the convention.  On the other hand, I float the idea that some veterans tend to go around as if they own the convention (and they don't argue my logic), so really, it could be anyone.
 
At any rate, it's still just a rumor.  Time wil tell if this actually comes to pass.  I sure hope not... but then again, doesn't everybody?
 
***
 
It's nearly 4:30 by the time the lights dim and we get this last part of the show on the road.  Carl thanks Chicago for giving us much better weather than predicted - not that people need to be outside much at this thing, but hey, it never hurts.  He does apologize that most of the Japanese guests have already left - and while I understand flight schedules and all that, it seems odd that the Consul General wouldn't be here, as he *is* based in Chicago, so it's not like he has a plane to catch.  On the other hand, I guess we should just be grateful for the governmental approval, ne?
 
Kimiko Kato is glad to have been able to perform here, although I recall some discussion on Friday night about the fact that she has yet to put out an album.  It kinda begs the question as to how she got this gig in the first place.
 
Not only aren't the Japanese guests still here, neither is Steve Blum.  Carl groans in mock despair: "I don't think I can go on."  It's up to Vic Mignogna to save the ceremonies, and he does his best, with an enthusiastic "I love you guys.  Thank you so much."  In particular, he's happy to have had the chance to premiere his own film, and for the positive response he received for it.  I think I missed that.
 
Greg Ayres tops Vic by actually glomping Carl.  "I'm beat up, I'm worn out... which means you did your job."  His cell phone rings while he's talking to us: "I'm not gonna answer it, and it feels good."  The fanboy-turned-seiyuu once again celebrates the fact that this is, after all, his home con, and always will be.
 
Chris Patton, by contrast, deadpans "Hi."  Like Greg, he's thoroughly exhausted, and because of that, he doesn't want to inadvertently say something idiotic.  The tech crew seem determined to make him do *something* foolish, as he steps offstage to a seizure-inducing flashing of spotlights.  Chris Bevins calls out "I'm coming back next year!" while Jan Scott Frazier...
 
"This is the best con I've ever been to!" and given who's speaking, that isn't faint praise.  She mentions talking to so many people, despite pretty much having lost her hearing at the Pillows concert (she'd been right up front, right up against the speakers, practically able to touch the guys as they played).  "I could do three more days of this," she says, leading to the inevitable chant: "Three more days!  Three more days!"  Carl actually appears to be considering it; the chart changes to "Four-day con!  Four-day con!"
 
Fred Gallagher is absent yet again (Carl: "You wouldn't think a cartoonist would be so unreliable."  Laughter), although the DeJesuses make their presence known in force, complete with glomps *and* gropes.  Bob, too, was at the Pillows concert: "I threw my room key onstage... nothing came of it, though."  Emily offers to chair the convention for next year - a four-day convention would be the *first* plank in her platform - but Bob warns us that she'd rule with an iron fist.  I'm sure she could find enough of us to support her candidacy in spite of that.
 
Studio Tavicat's fans *scream* as they ascend the platform.  They gush about how beautiful Chicago is, and how well the staff and everyone treated them - except when you're surrounded by Invader Zim fans, it's a little tricky trying to get where you want to go, even if that's your own panel.
 
Some traditions are maintained: ACen veteran guest Bruce Lewis does his Gale Sayers "Brian's Song" schtick as he thanks everyone for their support.  On a slightly more serious note, he offers his appreciation to those that bought his stuff: "It'll all fall apart shortly."  And finally, he warns anyone who might have made a 'love connection' here at the con: "I hope you didn't trade your real names..."
 
Back to the newbies, as Caitlin Glass extends her thanks to everyone, and how she's had such a great time: "I'm just an actress, and I'm so blessed to know that what I do touches someone else."  In contrast to Bruce, she mentions having seen a couple getting engaged in the lobby over the weekend, and wishes them the best of luck.
 
The Penny Lane All-Stars gather applause in abstentia, and in closing for his part, Carl once again enthuses over the actual city feel of Chicago (compared to his home town of Long Beach, California, which hardly counts.  Come to think of it, Los Angeles hardly feels like a city, either).  And for those of us that don't leave the hotel, hey, Rosemont's nice, too - complete with the Ohtori Academy water tower.
 
The convention board are invited onstage for a few final words.  In particular, our chairman seems a lot less nervous than when he was onstage during the opening ceremonies.  Much more casually dressed, too... a weekend like this will do that to ya.  "How ya doin'?" he calls out, to loud and generally indecipherable response.  I should mention that Konatsu's shout back was less than positive: "We're bummed, 'cause it's over!"
 
After a bit of song and dance (well, dance, anyway... Frank Sanchez' feets are fo'ever doin' they stuff), the board offers its thanks to all of us.  All of them are volunteers, after all; the plaudits from the crowd are their only payoff.
 
And what a payoff... the paid attendance checks in at 9,600 attendees.  Once staff, guests and exhibitors are factored in, ACen has actually managed to crack ten thousand for the first time.  With such numbers, our chairman offers his regrets to Emily DeJesus, but he's staying on for next year.  The board does a group hug, Frank does a few last steps with Carl, and the convention is declared closed.
 
Well, not yet.  A staffer comes up onstage looking for a girl named Margaret.  Apparantly the two of them made a pinky promise to dance together before the con was out.  Unfortunately, Margaret does not come forward to claim her 'prize,' and the con is closed now, anyway.
 
***
 
Konatsu uses those ninja skillz to buttonhole the con chair regarding the scavenger hunt.  No, we didn't expect to win, but we'd like to know how we did, especially seeing as to how little chance we had to report in.  He gives us his email address, and who knows, we might even check it out (To date, a month later, we have yet to do so, but then, I have yet to finish writing this report, either).
 
***
 
By the time we pick up Dan-chan as promised (and he's more than happy to see us, although he always loves being with his 'Meema' and 'Poppa'), we starving; we haven't eaten since breakfast, and it's just gone 6pm.  Can't go to that restaurant that I introduced Lorien to so many years ago - they're closed on Sundays.  So, it looks like it's back to Mitsuwa for the three of us.
 
Do I need to tell you it's crowded in here?  Well, it is, the likes of which we've never seen.  But then, it's not like I've ever been here right after the con.  The shelves with the Pocky and other Japanese snacks have been picked clean - well, not like a Soviet grocery store, but there's a lot of empty spaces here and there.  We hope the food court isn't suffering similar shortages.
If they are, they aren't showing it; they've more than enough food for us to order - and we order more than enough food.  Damn, but it's good.
 
A table away from where we're sitting, a mother and her five-year-old daughter look vaguely familiar.  Turns out we'd encountered them in the dealers' room just as we were leaving.  It seems that when the announcement went out at 3pm that they were going to 'release the dogs,' the poor girl took them literally, and she's still a bit traumatized by it.  Mom says she chewed out the guy doing the announcement, but trying to convince her daughter that it's all good is another matter.  
 
It's a peculiar end to a relatively different convention.
 
But I can tell you, I'm in the mood for more now.  Can't wait for AnimeIowa, even it *does* mean summer is officially over.  Until then, minna-san... ja!
 
Itsu mo,
Ucchan  ^_^



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'