DB Sommer wrote:

Munchies
An Azumanga Daioh

	Er... an AD *what?*

Any and all C+C appreciated. You can contact me at:

	Okay.  Just remember, you *asked* for it.  :D

~~The Other White Meat~~

"Fine," Osaka said, then looked at Chiyo closely.

The Chiyo noticed the stare. "What is it?"

	The Chiyo?  Like, say, The One?
	I'd just make it "Chiyo noticed..." myself.

Osaka said, "I was just wondering if you'd taste good with fava beans 
and a fine Chianti."

	"She flips randomly from movie to movie.  I blame cable."
	(from a particular "Night Court" episode)

The young girl's pig-tails shot up in shock.

	Does this ever actually *happen* in AD (I've only seen ~4-5 eps)? 
Because my mental image is cuter than all heck...

Kagura said, "You saw 'Silence of the Lambs' last night, didn't you?"

Osaka was in awe. "Wow! How did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

	Err... yeah.

"Soy sauce and boiled brown rice," Yomi said.

Everyone stared at her. "What was that?" Tomo asked.

"Chiyo-chan. She'd taste best with soy sauce and boiled brown rice, not 
fava beans and Chianti."

	.......oooookaaaaaayyyy...  Isn't Yomi usually the almost-normal one?

Kagura said, "You're on a new diet, aren't you?"

"Wow! How did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

	Ah.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~~Gunning for First~~

"Hell no! Those cooking teachers couldn't tell filet mignon from ground 
chuck," Yukari declared. "Anyway, I'll be the judge, sampling a little 
from each person's lunch. The winner gets my seal of approval."

	Uh... HUH.  Methinks something is ulterior in the prefecture of 
Yukariville.

Chiyo said, "You forgot your lunch and are trying to mooch off ours, 
aren't you?"

	Yep.  She's not a prodigy for nothing.

Yukari drew back, offended. "I would never engage in such activities 
because I forgot to bring a lunch."

Osaka raised her hand. "Would you do it if you were broke?"

	Okay, if OSAKA notices, it's BLATANT.

"In a heartbeat. Especially if that ingrate, Nyamo, wouldn't loan me 
enough money to get by. It's not like I don't get paid tomorrow," Yukari 
said at the same moment her stomach chose to growl.

	Sug:  "'...tomorrow.'  Yukari's declaration was punctuated by a growl 
from her stomach.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~~Can't Miss Diets~~

"Congratulations on winning, Chiyo-chan," Osaka patted her on the head.

Chiyo-chan laughed, but it had an edge of worry in it. "I'm not sure 
winning was such a good thing. Yukari-sensei said she wanted to sample 
it again tomorrow to make sure I keep up the good work, and to bring 
twice as much for judging." She turned to look at the teacher, who had 
remained in the room, walking around in a good mood as she smiled 
contently from her full stomach.

	You know, there are some interesting things you can do with arsenic, 
after building yourself up an immunity...

Kagura said, "If you want to keep your weight down, you should do what I 
do and exercise a lot. I'm lean without being too skinny." She rolled up 
her sleeve and flexed her arm.

"You've got to be careful about that," Yukari said, having drawn near 
enough to overhear the conversation. "Exercise too much and you'll end 
up looking like a muscle-bound gym teacher, like Nyamo, and unable to 
find a good man. Hehehe--!"

	Well, too much exercise can reduce a woman's body fat percentage to 
the point where she starts to lose her curves.  But Nyamo always 
looked pretty good to me.

Yukari's laughter died as a basketball slammed into the back of her 
head, producing a resounding smack of rubber and flesh as it nearly sent 
her to the ground.

She turned in anger at the direction the ball came. "What the hell did 
you do that for?" she shouted at Nyamo, who stood idly in the doorway.

	Sug:  "She turned angrily in the direction from which the ball had come"

Nyamo shot her a level stare. "I was just walking down the hall when the 
ball slipped from my hand."

	Sug:  "slipped out of"

"It shot halfway across the room and bounced all the way back!"

Nyamo shrugged. "It happens every now and then when you're a 
muscle-bound gym teacher."

	<snicker>

"Oh yeah, well maybe I'll start working out and become a muscle-bound 
English teacher! Did you consider that? In fact, I think I'll go to the 
weight room and pump some iron." Yukari stormed out of the room.

	Bulked-up Yukari.  I don't know whether to LMAO, or RLH.

Tomo turned to the others. "Five bucks says she ends up in the nurse's 
office after nearly being crushed by a weight."

The others shook their heads in refusal of accepting the bet.

	Sug:  The others shook their heads.  "No bet."

Xxxxxxxxxxx

~~Hitting the pads~~

Gym class rolled around, with the boys and girls changing then heading 
toward the athletics field. As they lined up for the head count, Nyamo 
said, "Okay, class, we're going to do something a little different 
today. It'll be like a sports self-study session. You each get to choose 
an exercise or sporting activity you'd like to do, then you can gather 
together in likeminded groups of people and play with one another in 
that sport."

	ROLLERBAAAALLLLL!!!!  And I mean classic, not that recent wimpy remake.

"How about demolition derby?" Tomo asked.

"We're don't have cars for that," Nyamo informed her.

"What about Yukari-sensei's car? It's been demolished a lot. One more 
time shouldn't make a difference."

	True.

Nyamo considered that. "We'd need a second car."

"Darn!" Tomo wanted to drive the 'Deathmobile' 'as Kaorin had dubbed it, 
at least once.

	Sug:  ...the 'Deathmobile' (as Kaorin...) at least once.

"How about American Football?" Osaka asked.

Nyamo was taken aback by Osaka's selection. "We do have pads for it in 
the equipment room, but are you sure you want to play that?"

"Yeah, I want to try it out," Osaka said eagerly.

	The mind boggles.

Osaka continued, unaware of the effect of her words. "I'm wearing a 45 
because my favorite player, Tamon Nakamura, wears it. I can't wait to 
see how he does this season."

	...okay.  I admit it.  I'm sorry, but I first read that as "Tampon 
Nakamura," and... well, never mind.

Kagura suddenly tensed up. "Um, Osaka, I hate to break it to you, but he 
was suspended yesterday for being on the juice."

Osaka was crestfallen. "I have a glass of orange juice every day, so I 
guess I can't play."

	Oh, the OJ jokes I could make here.

"And you can play with me!" Tomo shouted, emerging from the equipment 
room dressed in football gear as well. She tossed a football in the air. 
"How about we practice place kicking? I'll hold the ball, then you run 
up and kick it."

"Okay," Osaka said, drawing back a distance so she could get a running 
start. She was too far back to see the mischievous gleam in Tomo's eye 
and the low snickering escaping from her lips.

	Uh oh.  Cue that music from "Psycho."  You know the one I mean.  Or 
maybe the "duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh" music from "Jaws."

Chiyo held her hand to her chin in thought. She had this terrible 
feeling of deja-vu, as though she had seen a similar scene played out a 
dozen times before. Something American.

	Ohhhh, boy.

As Osaka ran toward Tomo with all the strength her legs could manage, 
Chiyo suddenly remembered it. "Don't do it, Osaka! She's going to pull 
the ball--"

	I can't look!  <covers eyes>

It was too late as Osaka and lashed out with a kick just as Tomo moved 
the ball up and out of the way, already laughing.

	"as Osaka" what?  There's a verb missing there.
	Sug:  "already starting to laugh"

Her laughing died abruptly as Osaka, who had closed her eyes right 

	Sug:  "The laugh died"

before sending her foot forward, landed a mighty kick right in Tomo's 
head. Tomo's arms went flying outward, sending the ball away as she fell 
backward, nearly unconscious.

	Sug:  "who had elected to kick with her eyes closed, nearly kicked 
Tomo's head right off."  And "flinging the ball away"

Osaka opened her eyes and saw the short distance the ball had traveled. 
Uncharacteristic determination in her features, she turned to the nearly 
unconscious Tomo and said, "That was a terrible kick. Pick the ball up 
and we can try again."

	Sug:  "...Tomo.  'That was...'"

Tomo just groaned in response.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Roadkill

	O_O

"How about we go to my house today?" Chiyo asked her friends. "We can 
check out the new satellite hook up to our television. We just had it 
installed yesterday. It gets almost three hundred channels."

	Music Cue:  Bruce Springsteen, "57 Channels and there's nothing on."

Sakaki blushed as she imagined watching cute animals twenty four hours a 
day. 

	Okay, do NOT let her watch DC's "Shark Week."

In many ways, it was better than seeing them in real life, since 
animals on television couldn't bite you.

	Sadly true.  Er, I mean...

"Sex educations channels!" Tomo shouted.

"Sex ed� do you mean porn channels." Kagura asked.

"They're educational," Tomo insisted.

	Only if you really *want* to know about alternative uses for cream 
cheese...

Chiyo said, "No, my dad locked those out."

	Phew.

"Crap!"

Yomi said, "You'll have food networks, right? He didn't lock those out, 
did he?"

"Ah, no, he didn�t," Chiyo said nervously.

	Ah?

"Then count me in!"

Yomi's smile made Chiyo nervous.

	Oh, yes - the Diet.

The party of six headed toward Chiyo's house, discussing what to watch 
first. The discussion started to become an argument when Tomo spotted 
something off to the side of the street. "Look. Roadkill."

Tomo drew closer. "Hey, that looks like Mr. Tadakichi, doesn't it?"

Chiyo and Sakaki both looked like they were about to faint.

	Don't worry, Sakaki-chan!  *I'll* catch you!
	er...  <<_<<   >>_>>  Um, well, I have a thing for tall girls, you 
see.....

Kagura walked up to it and took closer look. "Not unless he grew scales 
and replaced his legs with fins."

Chiyo breathed a sigh of relief, then what Kagura was saying registered. 
"What's a huge fish doing in the middle of the road?"

"Decomposing?" Osaka suggested.

	From anyone *else,* this would be a wisecrack.

"It must have fallen out of a fish truck, or maybe it went bad and 
someone threw it out," Sakaki guessed.

"I can't believe it's a fish!" Tomo boldly proclaimed. She walked up to 

	Yeah, and I can't believe it's not butter.  Your point?  :)

it, nudged Kagura aside, and bent over. She the stood back up and waved 
a large, decapitated fish head around. "Yep, it's a fish, all right."

	/Fish heads, Fish heads, roly-poly fish heads.../

Chiyo recoiled in disgust. "That's gross."

Yomi stared at it. "Wasabi and a side of cole slaw."

	Um....

"You really, really need to get off that diet," Kagura said.

	Yeah.  What she said.
	Hannibal Lecter PSA:  "Remember, *this* is what can happen when you 
take dieting too far."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After abandoning the fish head, the group continued on their quest 
toward Chiyo's home.

As they walked, Tomo began to sing.
~~Fish heads, fish heads~~
~~Roly poly, fish heads~~
~~Fish heads, fish heads~~
~~Eat them up, yum~~

	O_O  Holy-!  I thought *I* was the only person who remembered that tune!
	Okay, DB, hand over the transtemporal mind-reading device, and no one 
has to get hurt.

Yomi opened her mouth, but before she could say anything Chiyo wrapped 
her arms protectively around her pet and shouted, "Mr. Tadakichi 
wouldn't taste good with anything!"

	Yeah.  Besides, canine liver tends to have, IIRC, lethal 
concentrations of Vitamin A.
	What?  It came up in conversation once.  At least I didn't make a 
"Donner, party of five" joke.

The young girl's eyes teared up. "We're having fish head stew for dinner."

	Cosmically bad timing.

Xxxxxxxx


End notes:
Yes, Tomo's 'Fish Heads' song is real. It was done by Barnes and Barnes 
years ago. The video was just plain warped as well.

	Yeah, I vaguely recall that (only saw it once).  But the song got 
heavy rotation on Dr. Demento for a while...

	Now you just need to do an AD fic that works in "Star Trekkin'" or 
"Let's Blow Up The Tow Trucks."



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