Chester Castaneda wrote:

In regards to the title... thanks for the head's up. (thinks) But what if I get startled by the
revelations regardless? What would that say about me? 

Nabiki: (shrugs) That you have an inner blonde in you just like everybody else?
 

% Heh

People even had the audacity to suggest (though not in his presence)
that she should be the anchor, as though the frigid bitch could cover
the news better than Toji. It was ridiculous. She didn't possess half
the experience when it came to ferreting out a story. Her delivery was
atrocious. She wouldn't sleep with him. The only thing she had going for
her was luck in being in the right place at the right time, and luck was
no substitute for skill.
   

Heh. I rather liked the 'subtlety' of Toji-san's thoughts.
 

% Well, you know where he stands, that's for sure.

"How can it be that I, Gypsy Moth, one of the greatest super-villains of
our era, am unable to knock over a simple bank?" Gypsy Moth grumbled to
himself. 
   

Though the fact may be irrelevant, you _do_ have a name that made me think of you as being of a
different gender. Or of the same gender but with an alternative lifestyle.
 

% The original GM was a woman. She eventually changed her name to Skein, 
like that was a big improvement. And since some people might not have 
read Defending (the spin off of this), I made one of the GM's his name, 
Teshigawara Suguru from GTO

 

>from the ceiling. The cocoon design was simply inspired. It went

perfectly with his insect motif.
   

So the latter part of my earlier assessment is somewhat true.
 

% Somewhat.

The super-villain released one of the dozen white-faced that had been so
   

White-faced... what? You have a compound, hyphenated descriptor, but no noun to assign it to.
 

% man. Will change, like most of the grammar recommendations.

"You� thought� I� was� another� street� performer� trying� to� muscle�
in� on� your� turf�." Gypsy Moth bristled. 
   

Heh.

Again, I must note (as others have) you gotta do something about those recurring special cahracter
ellipses...

 

% Odd. I thought the special character function was turned off.

mouth dropped open as a hammer flew through one of the walls of the
bank, creating a huge hole, before returning through the aperture it had
made.
   

Y'know, if Gypsy Moth's any good at being a manipulative super-villain, he'd get the idea of using
his powerful foes to get to the bank vault. Or, through a comedy of errors, the same result would
happen without GM's intervention.
 

% Nah, something else is about to occur.

The Hulk turned to Bucky. "Shield Girl is just jealous because she can't
smash through walls like Hulk."

"Yeah. It's all I can do to keep from turning as green as you in envy,"
she said flatly.
   

Heh.
 


 

"Hulk knew," he said smugly.
   

LOL.
 

$ Sarcasm, not something the Hulk easily comprhends.

Gypsy Moth's attention went to each of the newcomers in turn. He waited
patiently until they finished sniping at one another. Once they calmed
down, he postured before them. 
   

It's nice to know that there are still villains who know how to follow villainous tradition.
 

% He's also picking his spot. He wasn't noterity, after all. Also many 
of these anime character villain are not very competent, just powerful.

"It's where some people on it feel it's a team, but others say it's just
a collection of individuals with an ever changing roster."
   

Well, that's nearing fourth wall breakage. That, or you're gleefully banging on the wall with a
sledgehammer. S'all good.
 

% Not really. The Defenders are notorious for being a 'non-team'.

"I knew it!" Bucky shouted, looking like she was ready to turn around
and walk out. "As soon as I laid eyes on that stupid outfit I knew this
guy was a moron. We should have let Daredevil handle it solo. His
rogue's gallery is nothing but losers. Some cloth controlling bug guy
would be a perfect addition to it."
   

And again here. It's like a conversation found in a comic fan convention. 

...I'm sooo glad you pulled it off regardless. :)
 

% Thanks, and actually DD frequently complains about what a bunch of 
losers he's fought before. Ranma is simply following up on it.

displaying divine attributes that were proportional to her six and a
half foot frame. Blood shot out of his nose, spraying upward like a
fountain, while his eyes rolled into the back of his head. He fell
limply to the ground, cracking the floor of the bank with his massive
weight.
   

Heh. Well, now this is different. Admittedly, this is a better idea than the aforementioned comedy
of errors.
 

% It is briefly effective. Embarassment can be an effective tool.

A woman's voice came from the doorway, declaring in an announcer's
voice, "There you have it, folks. We finally have the answer to the
questions on everyone's minds: is Bucky a natural redhead?"
   

LOL.

...I wonder if they can air it in National Television.

Television Executive: Meh. Put a mosaic effect on it during the reruns.
 

% Oh, it'll be broadcast all right. And with repurcussions.

Thor scowled. "In truth, thy garments seem to magically disappear at times."
   

I'd say.
 

% It's a running gag.

Bucky's teeth gnashed together. "That ain't my fault. Things just seem
to happen." 
   

Author: (whistles)
 

% And it's become a plot point as well now.

Awareness returned to the Hulk when he found himself wholly submerged in
water. Or more appropriately, awareness returned to the Incredible Bwee.
   

(winces at the name) Damn you, Gary Kleppe. Damn you. And if it ain't Gary who thought up the
name, 'Incredible Bwee' (the 'Abramination' bit you credited him for makes me doubt it, though),
then damn whoever thought of it. 

...Come to think of it, damn you too, author.
 

% It just sort of wrote itself.

Annoyance became sympathy. "Yeah, you did kind of get off on the wrong
foot with everyone. I'll tell you what, why don't we become friends?
That should squash a lot of the resentment directed at you for shoving
me around."
   

Aw. Lezzie connotations aside, that's all Akane ever wanted, really. Yet another gal pal.
 

% Heh. True. SHe is friendly.

"No, I haven't." While her lips said one thing, her face turned bright
red in disagreement. 
   

Makes sense. With all the super-heroics they're doing, Ranma and Akane really don't have time to
develop... and, knowing them, there _should_ be some developing or else not much of anything will
happen.
 

% Oh, things are happening, they just think it's with someone else.

Ukyou scoffed. "Hawkeye's the best in the world."
   

(eyes half-lidded) 
 

% She's up there.

Jessie giggled just as girlishly as Ukyou had before. "Oops, looks like
I missed, too. I guess I'm not the best after all."
   

Nice variation of the usual 'dueling' theme.
 

% And that they are evenly matched. As you might guess, Jessie will pop 
up later.

Ranma backed off, not anticipating the shift in topics. "I, ah, haven't
gotten that much time to get to know them, with me having to be an
Avenger and school and everything. They seem pretty busy, too. So it's
not like we've had many opportunities to be together."
   

Indeed. So my assumption was correct.
 

% Yep.

winner would end up with you. There's something to be said about Fate,
you know."
   

(sweatdrop)
 

% It is fate, in a way.

Now, if he was laying the groundwork for
 

pretending he was my real father, then he'd be onto something since
that's exactly the sort of thing you'd do. 
   

Heheheheh. I've never seen Ranma so witty. There are times when intrusive author asides put in a
character's mouth for humor's sake is a good thing. :P
 

% And he does do dumb things like that, even her.

After several seconds, Ranma said, "I don't believe it."

"That I would have second thoughts about endangering Ukyou?"

"No, that there was a reasonable explanation for leaving her behind.
   

I second the motion... but Genma's still being Genma, considering the fact that he still engaged 
Ukyo to become  Ranma's fiancee then dumping her after he changed his mind.
 

% True, but it's not like he could explain why he was doing it here.

Mind you, you were your typical idiot self in engaging me to her so
she'd be my sidekick, but at least you came to your senses."
   

The damage had been done, though.
 

% Yep.

"No! She outgrew it. She said proper girls didn't do that sort of thing.
I can sort of believe it. You should she see her, Pop. I almost didn't
recognize her because she's so girly. Heck, when I was little I used to
think she was a guy, until we switched clothes that one time as a joke.
And even then you had to explain to me she hadn't been mutilated or
something."
   

(sweatdrop) I think I'll be copy-pasting some of my comments from now on. 
 

% Hey, little kids get all sorts of crazy ideas in their head. Donny 
Cheng had a good variation of that kids scene in Lesbian 1/2.

Ranma began shifting the weight on his feet back and forth, ready for a
fight. "There's no way you'd be taking responsibility for this
willingly. Obviously you're under someone's mind control. Don't worry,
I'll free you by beating you up until the pain drives the controlling
presence from your body."
   

LOL. In fairness, Ranma's accusation has some merit to it.

Narrative Prose: Just so people won't start accusing me of portraying Genma as 'lobotomized' or
'OOC', I'll make Ranma react accordingly to his father's unusual actions.
 

% He's been training Ranma to be a super hero, and some of it did rub 
off on Genny.

Genma began to back away. "I'm not under anyone's mind control."

"That's what everyone under mind control says.
   

Heh.
 

% It's true, though.

 


u can't hide the calluses." He twisted her wrists
 

so the inside of her hands were visible to her. There were indeed
calluses right where Genma claimed. "The only way you could get those
there is if you practice archery constantly. Probably every day."
   

Hooray for the 'talent' scout that is Genma Saotome.
 

% Heh.

Seeing her lost in thought, Genma nodded. "Good, good. It all worked out
all right in the end, as usual. It's nice to know I haven't lost my
touch in making things turn out all right, not that anyone ever
acknowledges it."
   

(sweatdrop) I think I'm going drink some water now. I'm in danger of dehydrating myself from all
this sweating.
 

% Genny is a legend in his own mind. :)

"Hey, Pop. Why are you holding your butt like that?"

"Shut up, Boy!" Genma snapped, rubbing his posterior. "I made the
supreme sacrifice for you today, so show some gratitude."
   

Heh. It's nice to see Genma stealing the scene this time around.
 

% He has his moments. Not like he tries to get in the line of fire as 
Target, the Panda Superhero. :)

on seeing her. Just because she didn't respond in the exact way Ranma
wanted to was the boy's own fault, not Genma's. His conscience was
clear, and his ass sore.
   

Heh. Oh, and suggest: replacing 'and' with 'though' and adding a 'was' in between 'ass' and
'sore'.
 

% I dunno. I think it has a nice flow to it.

"Not at all, Ken," Nodoka corrected. "We're against the immoral and
indecent scoundrels that pose as superheroes. 
   

Uh oh. I think I see where this is going.

 

% Yep. Couldn't be that easy for him.

[End fic]
   

Comparing the humor content of this chapter to all the previous Avenging chapters I've C&Ced so
far this year (All of Act II except Chapter 1 plus the Chii side-story, to be precise),  this has
got to be the funniest Avenging chapter I've ever read. Genma was quite the scene stealer, and the
punch lines that he, Ranma, and co. delivered left and right were comedy gold. 

% This was a 'character building' chapter. But I don't want it to 
overshadow the plot and action either. Trying to mix it up, as it were.

Hell, even though
the narrative prose played standup from time to time, I gave it no mind. The humor helped shut up
my nitpicky self. It's nice to see you playing with your old strengths (comedy) while keeping with
your other strengths (storytelling and fast-paced, non-dragging narrative). I haven't that many
criticisms on this chapter. Definitely looking forward for more.
 

% We'll see when I get around to it. Been a bit busy at the moment, and 
likely to be very busy in the near future, so it will almost certainly 
be a while.

Also, I wasn't really startled with the revelations... pleasantly surprised would be the better
'understatement' to my reaction to the main 'punch line' of this fic. Indeed, the fic showed that
the more things change...
 

% Yep, although Ukyou's anger toward Ranma was mostly tied up here. A 
lot of advancement on various fronts in this one. *Sigh* A pity i don't 
have more time to do the things I'd like to do. Ah well, thus is life.

% Thanks for all the help. it's really appreciated.

DB Sommer

Keep on writing,
Abdiel


	

 

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