Yet more proof that letting me have an idea is itself a bad one.


The Dust-Colored Book
A Mystery Fusion by Nidoking

    A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walked into a bar. It was the perfect
setup for a joke, but nobody so much as looked up. None of them really
stood out from the usual patrons... people in all manners of dress
frequented the bar, and even the most religious citizens of the town
were known to resort to alcohol from time to time to calm their nerves
from the incessant stress of their daily lives. What Bibles had existed
in the simpler times had since had all prohibitions against alcohol
scratched out of their pages.
    The entering priest's Bible, however, had much more than alcohol
removed from its pages. He flipped it open and pulled a six-shooter out
of the hollow cavity. The rabbi flipped his menorah over and slid his
finger behind the hidden trigger, while the nun cast off her robe,
revealing a set of criss-crossed holster belts full of firearms and
ammunition.
    "Thou shalt not move!" shouted the priest. "The rich man cannot
enter the kingdom of heaven, so blessed be he who empties his pockets
and gives unto me!"
    "Every man should give one-tenth of his earnings to the Lord," added
the rabbi. "I'll assume you've all done that and take the other
nine-tenths now."
    "Don't make me discipline all of you," finished the nun. "Anyone who
stands against the Holy Bandits gets an early opportunity to meet his
maker!"
    The priest grabbed a large ashtray and walked from table to table.
"Be not afraid, my children. Give generously, and the Lord will protect
you."
    The bartender sighed. "These gimmicks get sillier every time."
    The rabbi stopped short and aimed his menorah at the back of the
room. "Hey! There's a guy back there laughing at us!"
    The Holy Bandits turned toward the faint sound of chuckling from the
farthest table. There were two people sitting there, but it was the
woman with the long, dark hair who was laughing. The blonde man stared
resolutely through his sunglasses at nothing in particular.
    The priest leaned on the table and stared into the woman's eyes.
"You find something funny, Miss?"
    "Not really," said the woman. "You have a wonderful routine."
    "You like our routine, eh?" The priest smiled cruelly and thrust the
ashtray under her nose. "How about a tip for our performance?"
    "I think it could use fewer guns and more love," said the woman.
    The priest's eyes narrowed. "Eh?"
    "That's a tip to improve your performance," said the woman, pushing
the ashtray away.
    "Don't make me hurt you," threatened the priest, leveling his gun at
her head.
    The woman smiled. "Oh, I don't plan to let you hurt me."
    The blond man, who until this point had seemed completely
uninterested in the interaction, quickly knocked the gun out of the
priest's hand and stood up, knocking the table over. The woman ducked
behind him and opened a book with a cover the color of the dust in the
streets. The book glowed as she pressed her finger to its pages.
"SHASHUU!" she shouted.
    The spiky-haired man leapt to action. He whipped out a pistol and
pulled the trigger several times in the blink of an eye, effortlessly
shooting the weapons out of the hands of the remaining Holy Bandits.
    "Crazy freak!" shouted the nun, unholstering another pair of guns
and shooting at the blond as quickly as she could. He ducked and dodged
his way across the room, ending up right in front of her without taking
a hit. He grabbed her arms and twisted until she dropped the guns.
    The rabbi silently crept up behind the gunman and swung a fist at
his head, but the man in the red coat ducked, and the rabbi's punch
knocked out the nun instead. He stood up again, smacking the top of his
head into the rabbi's chin and laying him flat.
    "Try this on for size!" shouted the priest, hurling the ashtray
across the room like a Frisbee and spilling what little money he'd
collected across the floor.
    "The second spell!" shouted the woman, reading from the next page of
the book. "RISCANO!"
    The blond's left hand flipped down on a hinge, revealing another gun
barrel embedded in his wrist. He took aim and shot the ashtray out of
the air, shattering it.
    The priest cowered in the corner, quivering in fear. "Please don't
hurt me!" he begged. "I'll give you everything I have!"
    The blond's eyes sparkled. "Do you have... donuts?"
    The woman smiled. "Just leave your thieving ways behind and spread a
proper religious message from now on. One of love and peace." Suddenly,
the book began to glow again, and she flipped to the next page. "Ooh,
it's a new spell! WERALGONADIE!"
    "No!" screamed the blond as his arm began to absorb the pistol he
was holding. "Not that one!"

KONJIKI NO VASH/VASH BELL

And stay tuned for our next exciting mystery fusion:

    "I don't know what to do!" cried the boy in the baseball cap. He
quickly leafed through the strategy guide. "Ah, here it is! Pikachu,
Thundershock!"

KONJIKI NO ASH

----------------------------------

Author's Notes: I'm sure this has been done before, somewhere. The
fusion is Konjiki no Gash/Zatch Bell, by Makoto Raiku, and Trigun, by
Yasuhiro Nightow. The second one was Pokemon, although it doesn't work
as well because Ash isn't blond. I was feeling particularly uncreative
when it came time to name the spells, so they're just Japanese-style
abbreviations of "Sharp Shooter" and "Wrist Cannon". I hope I haven't
spoiled anyone too badly.


Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do
it himself.

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