Yea, I know what you mean about chapter 2, it was a tought thing for me to 
write because I had to jump ahead. I'm still trying to figure out balance 
for him and adding all of that would add so much writing that I'm a little 
scared to try and take on such an endevor. I'm trying to make it up by using 
a lot of flashbacks.

I've been working on my outine for this story. When I look at it, I know why 
I'm writing this and what I want to do, but not quite how I'm going to do 
it. I hope to rework this chapter in paticular as I work on the rest of the 
story. I mainly want to actually finish a story because that is the hardest 
thing for me to do, get something on paper.

If you think I rushed this chapter to get Ranma to the right age, then you 
are totally right. If you think it's a lousy excuse, then you are also, 
totally right!! :)

So when I do the next revison, I'll keep your thoughts in mind while I try 
to fix the giant holes that are there. It will really help and I hope you 
enjoy it more when I fix it. It's supposed to be an hour or two flight, that 
chapter should feel a few hours long, but I still want it to be interesting.

I think I'm gonna need a bigger pencil!! :)

Numair

"Why is it that Conservatives are always the ones who are against 
conservation???"

From: hmelton@ameriwave.net
To: "Dev Hunt" <numair42@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Ranma][Rev]A New Life Chapter 1 and chapter 2
Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2005 00:20:00 -0500

The comments below are my opinion only.

I recommend getting at least 3 others before following any of my
advice.
----------------------
Nice Chapter 1

It was interesting to read, but I can't help wondering why the
"magical" cat didn't do more to protect Ranma.  She seems very
powerful and was in there with him each time.
----------------------
The Second chapter was a disappointment

I was hoping to see you tell the story of Ranma growing up and
learning under his new teacher.

Instead you jump ahead like 99.99999999% of the writers do, that
doesn't have to be a problem, but in this case I think it is.

You start out with Ranma listing his skills and abilities, like he is
preparing to apply for a job.

If you want the readers to know how different this Ranma is show us
as the flight and chapter progresses.

You want us to know he's good in math and science then have him
watching the Physics teacher set up the questions and equations for
an upcoming exam.

You want to get across he knows several languages including French
have him smile at the words of the man Grumbling in French and at
least three other languages about the airline food.

I'm resentful you hint at the 10 years of experience and all these
wonderful places and events and we only get dust dry overview that
act more as a spoiler.

Sorry for coming down so hard on your second chapter, but that's the
way I saw it.

Look at how Ranma was written, the readers didn't find out about
Genma and Ranma's experience with the Amazons until one showed up.

It might be a good idea for you do the same leave the reader guessing
as Ranma goes about his life. You can have flash backs, but let them
be short and guided by his actions and events he is living.


howard melton

God bless

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