Screw this once-a-week crap. The parts will come out as fast as I can write them. Complete release by Halloween!
----------
[A short while later, Jared has indeed arrived at Kensuke's home, and
found the newest Eva pilot available. Stopping to hit on Mrs. Aida only
fifty or sixty times, he eventually ushers Kensuke outside and to the
parking garage holding his AV-7 plated car.]
Jared: Dude, your mom is _hot_.
Kensuke: Don't talk about her like that!
Jared: (Pshaw!) Don't your want your surprise?
Kensuke: Am I going to pilot an Evangelion?
Jared: Don't be silly. You haven't got the--
[Jared's Mini-MAGI starts beeping. An alarm wails in the distance.]
Kensuke: An Angel!
Jared: The Twelfth!
Kensuke: Of course, can I--
Jared: (BDE) The city is under attack!
Kensuke: Heh. (kinda, sorta, almost Badly Dubbed English) To our Evas!
Jared: Fine. Whatever. (throwing Kensuke into the passenger seat of the
red American automobile) We'll take my car!
Kensuke: (protesting) I don't want to die before I pilot a giant robot!
Jared: (getting in) They're not--oh never mind.
[With an unearthly roar, the car comes alive. Hands a blur, Jared works
the now highly complex controls, setting the car for very conventional
(albeit high speed) travel. Under other circumstances, he would have
simply dropped Aida at a shelter and flown to NERV.]
[But today was a great day for driving, and with everybody in the
shelters, the roads wouldn't be crowded with those slow-moving obstacles
known as the public. Besides, he _had_ been shot at by forces unknown
while flying and wasn't eager to repeat the experience without the time
to properly hunt down and skin his assailants alive.]
[Or he could just be having a "blond" moment, or something. You never
know with these guys.]
[Jared lays down a patch and rockets onto the partially deserted street.
The only person that can be seen is running away, up against the next
apartment building, on the sidewalk, as far away from the road as
possible.]
Jared: GET OUT OF THE WAY!
[After dodging across two lanes, between five parked cars, two light
poles, jumping the curb, side-swiping a mailbox and running over a
discarded sign reading "The End is Near," Jared just misses the random
pedestrian by about an inch.]
Kensuke: < 0_0 > Could you drive on the road please!
Jared: (as if this is an excuse) I'm in a hurry!
[Jared is relentless with the throttle, and the modified Chevelle's
engine seems to enjoy the abuse. The harder Jared pushes the gas pedal,
the better the car seems to handle. However, the transmission whines
like a kicked puppy until Jared screams a curse at it. He works his way
up a series of virtually deserted side-streets, avoiding a set of
shelter entrances and busier commercial locations that are jammed with
civilians desperate to get out of harm's way.]
----------
[Route 32 runs North-South a few dozen blocks east of Misato's apartment
complex. Jared turns North, merging onto the 506 turnpike that dives
through the eastern residential area right where it becomes a sunken
freeway. With a hearty shove on the gas, the red bullet is soon doing
better than a buck fifty. Seized by a sudden sense of deja vu, Jared
dons a crash-helmet with a certain highly recognizable symbol stenciled
on it.]
Jared: (hunched over the steering wheel) This is Red two, I'm going in!
Kensuke: (white-knuckling the dash) What the fuck are you talking about?
Jared: Doesn't this look familiar to you?
[Over the rush of wind in the enclosed freeway, and the echo of 454
cubic inches of Detroit steel, the sound of a helicopter can just be
heard. Jared cocks his head to the side.]
Jared: The turbo-lasers... they've stopped! Buckle down!
[Apparently, Kensuke has never seen Star Wars. Pity. Jared begins to
jink across the surface of the road, a questionable course of action at
best, since this road is enclosed with solid concrete walls.]
----------
[In the black, unmarked attack helicopter above...]
Pilot: (smirking) The Force is strong with this one...
Co-Pilot: What are you talking about?
Pilot: Old movie. Can you get a lock on him?
Co-Pilot: Negative. I can't even get a reading on him.
Pilot: Go to manual.
Co-Pilot: Roger.
Pilot: Fire when ready. And don't call me Roger.
----------
[When twenty millimeter bullets start hitting the road near the
Chevelle, Jared doesn't stop to analyze the situation. He stands on the
highly modified brakes and whips the wheel to the right in what appears
to be a suicide move. Instead of going into an uncontrolled spin at
150mph, though, the Chevelle instead drops to a sane 80mph and is
directed deftly up a very, very short off-ramp. Hey, the posted speed
limit is 60kph, you do the math. With another flick of his wrist, Jared
catapults the massive car into another barely-controlled skid that lines
it up with one of the many cross-walks that pass over the sunken
freeway. The tires don't even come to a stop as he steps on the gas
again and sends the car rocketing down a random alley at highway
speeds.]
Jared: (idly, with one hand on the wheel) The 600-series of elevators
are out here. I think they're at the bottom of a--
[The car is airborne for a second, then crashes down to earth.]
Jared: --hill.
[The car sails briefly through the air again, then the brakes are
applied, bringing it to a halt in front of what appears to be a small
repair shop. The road ahead slopes down for another half-mile or so,
with a large construction site near the bottom. Jared looks at the sign
in front of the garage.]
Jared: Nope. We're (checks his Mini-MAGI while helicopter sounds get
louder) ten blocks off?!
[The gas is applied liberally once again as the attack chopper clears
the buildings behind them. This time, Jared's swerving takes up all of
his concentration. Each bump against the curb, tire-squealing turn, and
brief landing threatens to up-end the car. Four blocks from the bottom
of this hill, and their elevator, he hits the trifecta--hitting a curb
while landing and trying to put the car into another sharp swerve. The
front tire, now caught on the curb, effectively flips the car over and
sends it down the rest of the hill like a bowling ball.]
Jared & Kensuke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
[Round and round and round they go, where they'll stop, nobody knows!]
[But stop they do, abruptly landing on all four wheels directly in front
of the book store facade that should be Access Elevator 614. Jared steps
out of the car, walking face-first into the pavement. Kensuke opens the
door, but elects to wait until the world stops spinning before getting
out.]
Jared: This street could use a good scrubbing. And some salt. (stands up
to inspect their location and his ride) YES! Not a scratch! (Ace
Ventura-style) Liiiiiike a glllooove.
[It's true. The Chevelle is amazingly unharmed. Well, there's some
scuffing on the tires, but those are replaced as quickly as he wrecks
the car, so...]
Kensuke: (shakily standing up) This is the elevator?
Jared: (grabbing Kensuke and dancing through a jig with him) I'm a
genius! The car is un--
[Then Kensuke ralphs on Jared's shoes. A second later, more 20mm rounds
start tearing apart the street.]
Jared: (dashing for the elevator) I can't get a break, can I?
[In response, the chopper turns its guns on the elevator, reducing it to
rubble. Snarling, Jared aims an open palm at the helicopter.]
Jared: Kamehameha!
[The blast rips through the cockpit in a flash of blue and blows the
machine into lots of pretty flaming bits that litter the street.]
Jared: What a shame. I was looking forward to the interrogation.
Kensuke, are you okay?
Kensuke: (now standing on his own) Yeah, just... I'm not a fan of roller
coasters and stuff.
Jared: (thinking) And you want to pilot an Eva?
[Jared sighs, checks the sky for additional attackers, and looks at the
wrecked store.]
Jared: Stay here. If I'm not back in five minutes, come make sure I
haven't fallen asleep.
[He marches into the store and quickly locates the elevator near the
rear, however, there isn't a proper elevator car... or a shaft. Fuming,
he spends a minute checking his Mini-MAGI.]
Jared: Andy and John are occupied. And this thing... isn't finished?!
Shit! FUCK!
[He exits and gives Kensuke the bad news.]
Jared: The elevator's not done, Kenny.
Kensuke: Why don't you just blast a new hole?
Jared: (sarcastic) Oh yeah, that's a great idea! Let's BLAST A HOLE
through NERV's armor in the MIDDLE OF AN ANGEL ATTACK. Yeah, they'll
LOVE that.
Kensuke: Why don't we just fly there?
Jared: Yeah, why don't we?
John: (over Mini-MAGI) Jared, are you there?
Jared: (bad Mexican accent) No man, Jose es gone loco man.
John: (over Mini-MAGI) Funny. That was a false alarm. We're not sure how
the system got activated, and we're looking into it. Why don't you bring
Kensuke in--without the usual theatrics.
Jared: Sorry man, someone in a black helicopter was just shooting at me.
John: (over Mini-MAGI) ... You were driving your "car" again, weren't
you? Look, I'm going to let the civies stew for a bit. That should keep
you from killing dozens while I'm occupied. Don't go destroying the
world on me.
Jared: No problem, boss! I'll touch you later. (turns the Mini-MAGI off)
Hey, Kensuke. We aren't going to die horribly today.
Overly-Muscled Biker Gang Leader: (OS) That remains to be seen.
----------
[Meanwhile, in Central Dogma.]
John: (turning off the comm. on his Mini-MAGI) Well, I'm taking bets.
Maya: On what?
John: How much damage he does before we stand down from this alarm.
Andy: (poking his head out of a nearby vent) I could go up there and
straighten him out!
John: I'm not leaving the two of you alone for five minutes again! Go
work on your Eva or something!
Andy: (giddy) Can do!
----------
[Back where the action is, two rubber monkeys go at it with...]
[MOTHER OF--! Wrong action! Wrong action!]
[Okay, here we go. Jared and Kensuke find their ride surrounded by no
less than fifty tough-looking tough guys wearing tough leather, hardened
chains, and one guy in a soft, spiffy crushed velvet suit. A variety of
highly modified Harley Davidsons and clones are sprinkled here and there
between the rowdy gang members. The leader, a behemoth of a man standing
nine and a half feet tall and thickly muscled from forehead to toenails,
bellows at Jared through a mouthful of beer-stained teeth.]
O-MBGL: You wrecked my ride, man!
[Jared's gaze pans over to the motorcycle crushed under the remains of
the attack helicopter he just blasted out of the sky.]
Jared: Whatever. I've places to go, people to do--
O-MBGL: No! You've gotta race me!
Jared: You don't want a fight?
O-MBGL: There's not a woman involved. You wrecked my bike. I want you
humiliated, and I want your car as compensation!
Jared: Can't we just swap insurance information?
[Oh, the bad rhymes! OH THE HUMANITY!]
O-MBGL: (thundering) NO.
Jared: Okay, okay. I'm just asking.
O-MBGL: I challenge you... to Race or Die.
Crowd: Oooh...
[A Dramatic Wind blows through the scene, fanning the flames around the
helicopter's remains.]
Jared: (totally unimpressed) So, I race...
O-MBGL: ... or DIE!!!
[On cue, the many bikers draw automatic weapons. But they are drawing on
a Jared-shaped cloud of dust. Jared is already halfway to a sturdy-
looking machine in the nearby construction site, Kensuke's body flapping
behind him like a flag in the wind. As he passes the giant metal
earth-mover, the bikers open up and tracer rounds light up the air.
Jared pauses just long enough to pull both of the vehicle's emergency
brakes, then dashes behind cover.]
[Bullets begin chipping away at the pile of soil they are crouched
behind, but Jared and Kensuke are as cool as cucumbers.]
Kensuke: (sarcastic) What now, Great Leader?
[In response, Jared raises an open palm to the earth mover and
concentrates. Imperceptibly at first, it creeps forward. First inches,
then feet. After a few yards he opens his eyes and catches his breath.
The mover is now moving on its own, heading down the street with
increasing speed. The small arms fire ricochets harmlessly off its
100,000-pound chassis.]
[Once they realize what effect they're having on it, the bikers
scatter.]
Jared: (smirking at Kensuke) For the Great Leader's next trick, He will
solve world hunger. But first, that RX-A....
[The pair quickly jogs up to a car that is a virtual duplicate of
Misato's ride at the beginning of the canon series, except for its
bright red color. It's hot-wired and sending them back towards the
nearest highway in less than a minute. Unfortunately, the bikers have
re-grouped and follow them onto the five-lane main highway.]
[Cue "Mona Lisa Overdrive" from the Matrix Reloaded soundtrack.]
[The little red car is quickly swarmed by the faster motorcycles. Jared
begins using his (slight) mass advantage, knocking bikers aside and
clipping tires with his "m4d driving skillz."]
Kensuke: (hanging on for dear life) You know, for once I'm glad that you
drive like a maniac.
Jared: (concentrating on the road) Even the flood and the wildfire have
purpose. Even they can bring good. Not all that nature breeds is
disaster.
Kensuke: < 0_0; > Uh, Morihei, there's a big truck up there. Are you
aiming for it?!
Jared: (calmly, as he jerks on the wheel as if trying to snap it in two)
Yes.
[Tires squeal, generic bikers bite the dust, sparks fly, the author runs
out of analogies and the RX-A comes to a stop sideways, mere inches from
the rear end of a semi trailer parked in the middle of this highway.
Jared leaps out of the sports car with Kensuke in tow, and tears the
trailer door open while the bikers circle the mess.]
----------
[Andy enters the Eva Graveyard, looking rather pleased with himself. He
scans the entire room, and seeing nothing out of the ordinary, pulls out
an obnoxiously cute book.]
[He then begins to power up. After a moment, he's less than a meter
tall. A large, unbearably cute headdress is quickly slapped on his head,
a podium erected, various items laid out, and soon the Book is open to
specific passage.]
[SCJ-Andy begins to chant.]
[Somewhere on the surface, thunder rumbles.]
----------
[Misato paces the Command Deck, diligently trying to stop worrying... or
wear a hole in the floor.]
Misato: Status!
Shiegeru: Diagnostics still running. No anomalies.
Makoto: Still no inbound warnings for the observatories. And Tokyo-3 is
still intact.
John: (sipping some spiked coffee) Didn't I say it's a false alarm,
Mis-chan?
Misato: (ignoring the voice of reason) Where's that construction crew?
Maya: Sub-level two. Nothing to report yet.
[Misato stops her pacing long enough to fix John with a cold stare that
books no argument, and answers his question in a quiet voice, almost a
whisper.]
Misato: I just want to be sure.
----------
[Inside the random trailer, Kensuke and Jared strap themselves into yet
another car. This one, however, is a fully race-prepared vehicle done in
stylish red and white. Carbon fiber makes up all of the aerodynamic
surfaces and most of the body. The interior is as spartan as a jail
cell, its methodically single-purpose design apparent at a glance.]
Kensuke: Are we going to drive every car in Tokyo-3?
Jared: No, just the cool ones.
Kensuke: Do you know how--
[The unmuffled engine roars to life, and Jared grins his "Driving
Grin."]
Kensuke: Never mind.
[Jared stomps on the gas. With another frightening roar, the car
launches itself out of the open back of the trailer, sails over several
bikers, flattens several more, then runs into yet more, before executing
a flawless 360 degree tire-shredding spin and shooting back down the
highway the way the RX-A had come.]
[Of course, on the way out it rolls over one last biker and...]
[CRUNCH.]
Kensuke: (worried, and yelling over the engine noise) What was that?
Jared: (also worried, and also yelling over the engine noise) _That_ was
the sound of NERV's insurance premiums tripling.
Kensuke: What is this thing?
Jared: It's a rally car.
Kensuke: < o_0 > Which means?
Jared: That means it's built for off-road racing!
[Suiting action to words, Jared veers off down an on-ramp, bikers in hot
pursuit. He takes two quick turns and quite suddenly has them zooming
through a large inner-city park. Kensuke begins screaming about
obstacles while Jared narrowly dodges them, many of the bikers failing
to copy the four-wheeled car's nimble moves with their smaller
two-wheeled vehicles.]
Kensuke: AAH! Dinosaur!
Jared: Check.
Kensuke: Clown!
Jared: Check.
Kensuke: Topless showgirl!
Jared: Where?!
[While Jared's looking out of the wrong window, the car clips a tree
while sliding sideways at around eighty miles per hour, misses a pond,
misses a baby playing with a beach ball, misses a mime--]
Jared: (watching the mime slip away unharmed) Damn!
Kensuke: (ditto) Double damn!
[--and skips over a short cliff, landing with a metal-rending BANG!]
Jared: Ow. (long pause) Let me pull my head out from between my shoulder
blades.
[He does so, then fiddles with the controls for a few seconds, looking
puzzled when his actions only result in a faint grinding noise. He
sticks his head out of the space where his window used to be and sees
that both of the tires on his side are sitting at a 45 degree angle.]
Jared: Shit.
Kensuke: What?
Jared: We just lost the suspension.
Kensuke: How did you _lose_ the suspension?
Jared: Okay, I'll be honest with you. I may have slightly damaged
something.
Kensuke: Okay. (beat) What do you mean by "slightly damaged?"
Jared: Can you walk?
Kensuke: (sighs) I think you broke my butt.
Jared: (unbuckling) The phrase you're looking for is "busted your ass."
Kensuke: What. Ever. (gets out) I don't see any bikers around here.
[The business end of a semiautomatic handgun is pressed to Adia's
temple.]
Random Yakuza Thug #7.8512946735384 x 10^27: Good for you.
Jared: (to another thug, extra casual) Yeah, I'd like a quarter pounder
with cheese, two large fries, and a root beer to drink.
Yet Another Generic Thug: < -_- > No milk shake?
Jared: < ^_^ > I'm lactose intolerant.
YAGT: Ah. Get out of the car!
[Following the wary waving of firearms, Jared gets out of the car.]
Random Yakuza Thug #uh, whatever: (looking at Jared) I remember you.
Very Old Yakuza Thug: (glaring at a tree several yards away) He doesn't
look familiar to me!
Jared: (just realizing this) I can't recognize any of you. You're
generic extras. You don't pose a threat to me at all!
[Of the assembled, Kensuke seems the most surprised at this
declaration.]
Jared: (Austin Powers style) Judo chop! Judo chop!
[The two Yakuza fall easily to Jared's Cheesy Powerz. Then Jared pulls
off a shoe, and throws it at the old Yakuza thug. It bounces off the
back of his head with a comical "boing!" sound, knocking him out cold.
Jared turns turns to the last thug and fixes an arrogant stare upon
him.]
Jared: (flawless Michael Caine impression) You there, you don't even
have a name tag, do you?
[The thug pauses to look, and unsurprisingly, no name tag is present.]
Jared: (continuing) I'll bet you don't even have a speaking role.
[The thug nods.]
Jared: (continuing) Do you know how many anonymous henchmen I've killed
over the years? (ignores Kensuke's staring) What chance of defeating me
do you actually think you have? You'd better just lie down right there.
[Obediently, the thug does so.]
Kensuke: < 0_0 > (protesting) Hey! It doesn't work like that!
Jared: (as the four Yakuza rise to Kensuke's call) Damn you, Aida!
[This time Jared just grabs the nearest Yakuza, breaks a few joints, and
uses him as a shield while gunning down the others. When he's finished,
he breaks his shield's neck and drops the body at his feet.]
Jared: (pointing at Kensuke) And _you_ had better keep your mouth _shut_
next time!
[Audibly, Kensuke closes his mouth, while Jared searches the bodies for
keys.]
----------
[Supplemental Computing Center 1 has an access room about the size of a
walk-in closet. It isn't seen much in the cannon Evangelion series, but
from what is shown, I can make the following observations: It's cold,
it's full of machines with glowing lights, and it's cold. Ritsuko's
here, dressed in a heavy winter coat and snow pants w/ matching boots,
tapping at a portable keyboard with red fingers that are about to get
frostbite. And that's all you need to know.]
Ritsuko: (into Mini-MAGI) D-block has no anomalies. I think we're
looking at an equipment failure.
John: (from Mini-MAGI) Then we'll kill the main alarms. I suggest we
leave the civilians where they're at for the moment, though. Jared's
about.
Ritsuko: (sarcastic) Great.
John: (from Mini-MAGI) He'll get here eventually, then I can erase
Aida's memory and skin Jared alive. I'll let you get back to work.
[Ritsuko clicks off without saying goodbye, and sighs.]
----------
[A massive black Cadillac, from the decade of decadent American excess
(the 80's! Woo! Remember the 80's?), sails over a sharp hill and lands
with a metal-rending crunch. In a different situation, under the
guidance of a different driver, this car might look majestic and move
with supernatural style iconic of a decade of a nation's dreams and
nightmares.]
[In Jared's hands, it's turned into a nearly-unguided metal missile
embodying the single-minded intent to get from point A to point B
regardless of what lies in between.]
Kensuke: They aren't falling back!
[Or of what follows closely behind, wielding automatic weapons.]
Jared: I see 'em, I see 'em!
[Bullets rake the side of the car as it nearly tips onto two tires
through a sharp right turn. Kensuke's eyes widen in terror. They've
entered the parking lot of a massive strip mall. As with all Japanese
parking lots, this one is only large enough for fifty or so cars. The
rest of the open plaza is designed to accommodate huge amounts of foot
and bicycle traffic. Jared grits his teeth, tightens his grip on the
wheel, glances at the rear-view to check on the Yakuza following them,
and throws caution into the wind.]
Kensuke: You aren't going to drive over--
[The wheels of the car burst as it jumps the curb and crosses onto the
foot path. Their pursuers follow without hesitation, but do manage not
to loose two tires per car.]
Jared: (swerving wildly and throwing sparks everywhere) Shitshitshit--
[They wind their way around the U-shaped plaza, Jared letting the Caddy
throw sparks on several flammable bits of random stuff while absorbing
as many bullets as possible. Finally he spies an alley and manages to
guide most of the car through the opening.]
Kensuke: < 0_0 > We just lost two doors!
Jared: Then we don't need 'em any more!
[The car clears the alley (really a walkway ending in a decorative
balcony over-looking a very high-end car dealership), smashes through
the barrier at the end, and sails into the air. Jared grabs the
panicking Kensuke's hand.]
Jared: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Kensuke: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
[Picture four thousand pounds of metal falling through a glass ceiling.
Yep, that's a good action shot. In slow motion. Oh yeah, baby... now
we're talking! This projectile lands on top of a Lotus Elise 120 (don't
bother looking it up; another fictional model), flattening the the
smaller vehicle.]
Jared: (noting they're several feet off of the ground) Oh, air brakes!
Kensuke: (a lot of white around his eyes) < 0_0 > Heh. Funny.
Jared: (opening the door and stepping into thin air) I thought so.
[A split-second later, Jared is spread eagle on the floor, spitting out
pieces of broken glass.]
Jared: Watch that first step, it's a doozy.
Kensuke: (peeking out of the Caddy) < 0_0 > Heh. Funnier.
Jared: (starts looking for an unlocked vehicle) C'mon, Bevis, those
Yakuza aren't going to assume we're dead from a little drop like that!
[Kensuke gingerly jumps out of the creaking Caddy, then looks up at the
hole they made and--]
Kensuke: Fire.
Jared: Yes, they'll open fire on us and--
Kensuke: No, the buildings are on fire.
Jared: Kensuke, this is no time for joking around. We need to find
another vehicle, (spies a door marked "Employees Only") or a way out of
here.
[Jared tries the door, finds it locked, and begins searching desks and
the manager's office for a set of keys.]
Jared: (muttering under his breath) For evacuating in a hurry, they're
pretty fuckin' thorough locking up.
----------
[Central Dogma, where Misato and John wait patiently for more news.]
Makoto: Major, there's a request coming through from the District 12
Fire Department. Apparently some alarms are going off in a shopping
center and they want to know if it's okay to investigate.
Misato: Do we have camera coverage of that area?
Makoto: No. _Someone_ detonated an N2 device inside of NERV and shorted
out fifty surface cameras.
Misato: (gritting her teeth) Yeah. Send them out, but see if we can get
them a government escort. There's no telling what trouble Jared's brewed
up. (to John) Why don't you--
John: (in lawn chair dressed for summer weather, sipping a pina colada
and covered by an umbrella) What? I'm going to take this moment for
myself and relax.
Misato: (closes her mouth) Asshole.
----------
[Back at the car dealership, Jared has found his way into a back room.
There's only a car under a tarp here, and a garage door to the outside.]
Jared: < ^_^ > Sweet! An exit. But what's this?
[Jared lifts a corner of the tarp and gasps.]
Kensuke: (eying the sirens closing in on the front door) What's what?
Jared: Oh yeah, we _have_ to take this.
Kensuke: (peeking through the door) That looks like the Fire
Department... and is that the military? Cool!
[Jared yanks the tarp to reveal a--]
----------
[Outside of the car dealership, a squad of soldiers cover the lower
street while fire fighters battle the flames on the second level of the
shopping center. One of them is looking into the dealership at the Caddy
parked on top of a Lotus.]
Soldier #72: I think we've got company.
Soldier #33: Base expected that. What's it look like?
Soldier #72: Well, that thing's so wrecked, I can't tell how many there
must be. I don't see anything insi--
[The roar of an unmuffled V-12 fills the air.]
Soldiers: What the hell?
[The garage door Jared had been eying opens to allow a McLeran F1 out.
Jared (unfortunately) sits in the driver's seat at the center, while
Kensuke is on his right. The younger boy waves in a daze as Jared deftly
threads the car between soldiers. Once he's past them, guns start to
come up. Jared stomps on the gas, and the low-slung super car dashes
forward like the thoroughbred it is. The soldiers are left coughing on
its exhaust and kicked-up dust.]
Soldier #33: I think we just witnessed something meaningful.
Soldier #72: Yep. That means it's time to saddle up.
----------
[Two city blocks away, the F1 comes to a perfect stop at the curb and
passenger and driver exit.]
Kensuke: Why are we getting out here?
Jared: (pointing to a blue BMW a few dozen feet away) We're changing
cars.
Kensuke: Why? You haven't wrecked this one... yet.
Jared: Exactly. That car is hard-core, built for the sole purpose of
racing, not wrecking. We're in a car chase, not on a racetrack. There's
no need to disgrace such precise engineering with our destructive
intentions.
Kensuke: (after a glance at the column of smoke from two blocks away)
Wow. You sound almost like you actually care about other people's stuff.
Jared: (breaking in the window of the BMW with his elbow) Don't expect
it to last.
----------
[Deep within NERV, SCJ-Andy checks the Book and finishes mixing a
dangerous concoction. A gout of red flame erupts from container,
illuminating the Graveyard with an eerie light.]
----------
[A blue BMW zooms down a freeway on-ramp, doing at least eighty over the
posted limit, and a forty over a sane one. Suffice to say, it's nothing
short of a miracle that the car makes it to the freeway proper on two
wheels. Following closely and with equal abandon is a collection of
choppers, several cop cars, a collection of exotic sports cars, a
limousine, two military troop carriers, and a cybernetic T-rex.]
Kensuke: Mecha Rex is gaining on us!
[Jared confirms this in the rear-view mirror before a stray bullet
shoots it off.]
Jared: Duly noted. Those bikes are going to gain on this up-hill as
well. Here's hoping my plan works.
[While Kensuke opens his eyelids wide enough for his eyeballs to
practically fall into his lap, Jared calmly puts a CD into the car's
built-in player and eyes the huge overpass/exchange/concrete knot in
front of them.]
Kensuke: < 0_0 > You have a plan?!
Jared: Hang on... let go of my hand, Kensuke. I need to change tracks.
[Jared doesn't so much as think of touching the brake as they approach a
sharp curve to the right. He does give the volume control a savage shove
as they close in on the center divider. The divider is a long piece of
concrete shaped roughly like a triangle. Hit at a modest speed (up a
hundred miles per hour, for instance), cars will smash into the barrier
but slide to a halt. Hit that same barrier at 150+ mph and you'll clear
it, sailing into oblivion like a missile clearing its launcher. This, of
course, is what Jared is currently demonstrating with the borrowed BMW.
The car's speakers start playing a certain well-known theme from a
series of famous movies made by George Lucas. Here's a hint: They
involve space.]
[The followers, Mecha Rex included, hit the barrier with their brakes
on. Motorcycles, you see, don't survive five-story falls like cars.]
Kensuke: (looking down upon Tokyo-3) Wow, you can see how much of the
city is wrecked from up here.
[Jared just nods before the hood dips down and the entire car follows,
falling out of the air and slamming nose-first into the ground at sixty
miles per hour. After coming to a stop, it slowly tips over, landing
solidly on the roof. Next to car fall the remains of most of the
pursuers, along with great chunks of the freeway. Domino-like, the rest
of the massive road splinters, cracks, and falls apart for miles away
from the junction.]
----------
[At the Command Deck, John is dry-swallowing some aspirin.]
Makoto: Okay, I've got confirmation. Technical group 34 found a
shorted-out wire. They're investigating right now.
John: Finally! Can we shut the damn alarm off now?!
Misato: Yes. Stand down!
Maya: Um... Pilot Waddell is at elevator #157.
John: (cracking knuckles) How considerate. I could really use a punching
bag right now. Set the elevator for ascent. I'll be at the landing in a
minute.
Misato: Why don't you just teleport to the surface directly?
John: (two fingers to his forehead) I feel the need for a Dramatic
Entrance coming on.
----------
[Jared and Kensuke slowly crawl out of wreck that used to be a car.]
Jared: (pointing excitedly) The elevator! The elevator!
Kensuke: (still holding on to part of the BMW's dash) < 0_0 > ...
Jared: Shit. (waves a hand in front Kensuke's face) I think I broke him.
Well, John should pop up any--
[An elevator's "ding!" interrupts him, and the doors of the Personal
Access Car open, revealing John. He walks out with a pissed-off
expression on his face, which only hardens into flinty anger as he takes
in the remains of the interchange and most of the freeway it was
attached to.]
John: What the fuck have you been-- (sees Kensuke) God damn it! We
haven't even put him in an Eva yet and you've already broken his brain?!
Jared: I know, new record! Next time I'll--URRRGKK!
John: (holding Jared in a Force Choke Hold) Not a word!
[Jared obligingly passes out. John drops the Goon, then pulls out his
neurolizer and flashes Kensuke with it.]
Kensuke: I! What?! Angel attack!
[John raises an odd, large, camera-like device and takes Kensuke's
picture with a blinding flash of light.]
Kensuke: Aaah!
John: Chill out, pilot. You just survived a stint in Jared's car.
Kensuke: Jared's car, but the last thing I remember was standing next to
his--
John: (fiddling with the device in his hands) People frequently block
traumatic events out of their memory... (under his breath) three...
two... one...
Kensuke: Holy shit! I'm a pilot?! A real Eva pilot?!
[John pulls something from the camera-ish device, something that looks
like--]
Kensuke: (receiving the object as one would a religious artifact) My own
NERV ID card...
[Indeed, though in the picture, he looks like a lobotomy patient.]
John: Congratulations. Unending psychological torment and ceaseless
physical pain are now yours for the low, low price of... your childhood.
Check out our weekly specials in the geofront! This week we're running--
Misato: (through John's Mini-MAGI) Genoni!
John: (irritated) What?
Misato: (via Mini-MAGI) If you want to see some psychological torment,
take Jared to the location I've marked on your Mini-MAGI's map.
John: (into Mini-MAGI) Great. (to Kensuke) Into the elevator, buddy.
Andy will meet you below and try to kill you.
Kensuke: You mean train me? ("manly" tone) I am prepared for him!
John: Fine. Go. (under his breath) That's what you think.
[John picks up his "friend," and appears at a construction site many
miles away. Slapping Jared awake, he stands the Goon on his feet.]
Jared: (yawning) That was a great nap, I dreamed I had this huge awesome
car chase that wrecked-- (sees the look on John's face) But that was
just a dream!
John: So you say. Tell me, what happened in this dream?
[Jared takes a deep breath, and recounts the harrowing tale of how he
and Aida finally (barely) made it to elevator #157.]
Jared: (finishing) And that was that. I sure didn't expect all that crap
when I picked up Aida.
John: Brilliant. (points at the huge yellow machine we last saw when
Jared was taking on those bikers) Now, what's this?
Jared: That's a Cat C-16 earth mover. New model. I--
John: And what's underneath it?
Jared: Underneath?
[The goon crouches and examines the pancaked car under the Cat's
treads.]
Jared: < 0_0 > NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--
(echoes down the street) --OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--
(echoes across Tokyo-3) --OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--
(echoes between skyscrapers) --OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--
(down a dusty mountain road) --OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--
(across the beaches) --OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
[Then John busts out the lead pipe.]
----------
[Ritsuko enters her office and slumps into her chair with a sigh. No
more than a second passes before her Mini-MAGI beeps plaintively.]
Ritsuko: Whaaaaat?
Andy: (over Mini-MAGI; VERY nervous) Umm... ah... Doctor Akagi?
Ritsuko: (under her breath) Fuck. (into the Mini-MAGI) What, Mucha?
Andy: (from Mini-MAGI) You need to come down to Test Cage 7.
Ritsuko: (suspicious) What did you do?
Andy: (from Mini-MAGI) I left a present here for you. I... kinda got
bored with it. I'm sure you can make use of it, though.
Ritsuko: Bored? Make use of what? (hears Andy click off) Hey! HEY!
[Ritsuko storms out of the room, rubbing her forehead.]
----------
[Jared opens his eyes lying in a bed in a very generic room of a NERV
hospital. Wincing, he rubs the back of his head.]
Jared: (thinking) And that would be a John headache. (out loud) Hmm...
I'm in another hospital room. Okay, let's see... one table, bed,
isolation curtain, monitoring equipment, IV. No clock... a ceiling I've
never seen before... (blinks) It IS an unfamiliar ceiling... I found it!
Yes! I've won the bet! IT DOES EXIST!!!
[It's when he leaps out of the bed triumphantly and powerposes in the
nude that a female nurse enters, screams, and the usual hi-jinks occur.]
----------
[Test Cage 7 looks exactly like every other test cage in NERV. Exactly
like the ones various Evangelions have gone 'psycho' in, both in the
canon series and this sprout o' insanity. Unsurprisingly, there is an
Evangelion in this cage. Very surprisingly, it wear no armor.]
[The beast appears even more emaciated than its cousins; little more
than an animated skeleton with a thin covering of black muscle fibers.
For the moment, it stands calmly at attention, staring at the single
figure who enters the control room.]
Ritsuko: (walks in; stops to stare) What the... HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!!
[John Instant Transmissions into the room not two feet from the doctor.]
John: (I-expected-this tone) Oh, so that's why my Goon Sense was
tingling.
Ritsuko: Andy?! I'll kill him!
John: For what? Kidnapping the incomplete Evangelion from its keepers
and bringing it here weeks ahead of schedule? I'd think it calls for--
Ritsuko: No, that's not what he did! I just checked with the team
prepping Unit-08, and _it_ is safe and sound! Funny thing, none of their
parts have arrived yet. (sideways look at Genoni)
John: Hm? Well, what we have here is obviously an Oni.
Ritsuko: ...
John: Get it? Oh-nine? For the Japa--nice light sabre. And so _easy_ to
appreciate at this range, too. (gulps) The craftsmanship... (gulps again
at the blade moves millimeters closer to vital parts) craftsWOMANship...
Ritsuko: (lowering her glowing weapon) Get out. I have to get restraints
on this thing immediately.
John: Understood, Rit-chan. I'll come see you after it's contained.
----------
[Think jackhammer. Think jet engines. Think dynamite.]
Andy: Grrrrr...
[Think giant cloud of all-consuming insecticide, flowing over Tokyo-3,
shrouding the city in poison vapors.]
Andy: RrrrrrrrrrRRRRR...
[Think that and you'll understand what's going through Andy's mind as he
lays awake in bed late at night.]
Andy: RRRRRRRRRRRRR... (suddenly musing) I heard somewhere that
cockroaches are three hundred times more resistant to harm from
radiation than human beings. I wonder how tough cicadas are... I'd have
to get an old nuke though...
[While the window and various pieces of furniture, few though they are,
merrily rattle in time to the mating call of the Japanese Super
Cicada...]
[Man, I could go on for PAGES about the Japanese Super Cicada.]
[But I won't.]
Andy: (rising from the bed) This has been a long time in coming.
[A few minutes later, on the apartment building's roof.]
[Andy exits the access door and strides to the edge of the roof with
precisely measured, determined steps. There he stops, eying the sky like
a bomber zeroing in on his target.]
Andy: (triple somersault, power pose, rising sun background, triumphant
trumpet chorus, huge teeth-shining smile, hands raised to the heavens)
SUPER MEGA ENDLESS ULTIMATE DUAL TURBO ULTRA MXPRQ^23 TIMES PI ALL-JAPAN
KILL-EVERYTHING JAPANESE SUPER CICADA TOTAL AND COMPLETE NO-MOLECULES-
LEFT ANNIHILATION WAVE BEAM LANCE-OF-ENERGY KA-BOOM AAAAAATTTAAAAAACK!!!
[...]
[...]
[...]
[I guess Andy doesn't need air to breathe. And for the record, whoever
actually memorizes that line first wins the Geek of the Year Award by
DEFAULT.]
[Ahem.]
[With an attack name that ridiculous (not to mention lengthy), you'd
expect a shoe to hit the yelling idiot in the side of the head just on
general principle. When no shoes, or rotten tomatoes for that matter,
impact the side of his head, Andy nods. Perhaps he acknowledges the
universe's silent permission to proceed, perhaps satisfied that his...]
[For the love of God, can we get a DUMBER name for...]
[...]
[All right, I'll just get on with it.]
[An unearthly light ignites between Andy's fingers.]
Andy: THIS WILL TEACH YOU!!! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
[Andy raises his hands even higher. His back arches to the point of
breaking, his mouth wide open and emitting an evil laugh that echoes off
of buildings like a gunshot. His body swells, preparing to release a
terrible power. The air about him cackles with energy as the flickering
glow from the ball of light forming in his hands reaches a crescendo.
Then a blast emanates from him, spreading out in a billion directions at
once, sending a mild tremor through Tokyo-3. The shuddering earth raises
dust and rattles windows with an ominous sound impossible to accurately
describe, but unforgettable once experienced. A light wind kicks up,
tugging at collars and pulling up skirts.]
[Then an unearthly silence takes hold as every cicada in Japan is quite
suddenly... dead.]
Andy: (reverently) Boom! Whee!
[He quietly makes his way back to his bedroom and sleeps the sleep of
the unbelievably ignorant.]
[The rest of Tokyo-3, however, lies unnervingly wide awake for the rest
of the night...]
----------
[Public Service Announcement 2: The Space Between the Walls.]
Author-Andy: Some people have written in, asking how Jared got to jump
all over NERV in a matter of seconds during episode 07. Others have
speculated that he has a clone--among many other theories.
Author-John: The simplest explanation is that this was written by Jared
to get me out of writer's block without considering the plot at all.
Author-Jared: Quiet you! In any case, my TGE persona was dealing with a
chibified Andy and two pilots, then with Rei and John and a couple of
NERV wackos, then with Andy and company again. Along the way, I acquired
a large gun, a trench coat, a cheese sandwich, and a bad-ass attitude.
Author-Andy: However, curiosity runs rampant among TGE readers, so we
have decided to present a special Omake Theater: The Space Between the
Walls!
Author-John: No! NO! We are NOT doing another Omake Theater! We aren't
talking about one anymore. After the moleman incident, I will not--
[Pffft! Pffft! Thump.]
Author-Jared: Andy, that wasn't in the script.
Author-Andy: (not sorry) Oops.
----------
Andy: (just waking up) Ahh... Saturday morning, how I adore thee.
Sleeping in... and speaking of sleep, that was the best I've had
since... ever. (pause; contemplative) Whenever ever was. And since when
was was the best I've ever had since was was ever a whenever?
[... what... the FUCK?]
Andy: (bursting into song) Time to start the new day!
[Uh... Yes. It's nine in the morning, but when Andy leaves his room, two
creatures of the (dun dun DUN!) "bedroom lagoon" loom in the hallway,
waiting for him. Jared sways on his feet like a drunk in a wind storm,
one eye shut, chin bristling with stubble, and a line of drool still
running from his mouth. Thankfully he's wearing some kind of PJs with
Soba noodles on them. John has bags under eyes that are squinted into
tiny lines of tired. His mouth is half-ajar, frozen mid-yawn.]
Jared: (zombie/ghostly voice) How daaaare you not be tiiiiired.
John: (zombie/ghostly voice) What have yoooou doooone?
Andy: < 0_0 > Wha... wha... (holds his nose) Ugh, the smell!
Jared: (full zombie mode) Unaaaauuuuhhh...
[When Jared makes a shuffling lurch towards Andy, the bigger Goons ducks
around him, dashing down the short hallway to the main room.]
Andy: Guns guns guns guns guns guns gu--the 'fridge!
[Andy tears into the refrigerator as Jared and John reach the end of the
hall. They shuffle lifelessly across the living room while Andy pulls
his shotgun out of the crisper.]
[What? Like you don't keep a loaded twelve gauge in there.]
Andy: (taking aim) To Hell with you!
[KA-BLAM!]
[Thud.]
[After a second, Jared stands back up, considers the smoking hole in his
PJ top and the undamaged (but very pale) flesh beneath, and resumes his
slow shuffle towards Andy.]
Jared: (zombie mode) Sleeeeeep...
John: (zombie mode) Neeeeeeeed sleeeeeeep...
[Andy screams like a little girl and runs for it. The closed, armor-
reinforced front door doesn't even slow him down. In the exterior
walkway stand two youths.]
Andy: Aida! Suzuhara!
Kensuke: (zombie mode, in yesterday's school uniform) Huuuuuurrrt...
Toji: (zombie mode, in track suit with numerous tears) Hiiim...
Kensuke: (zombie mode) Huuuuuurrrt...
Toji: (zombie mode) Hiiim...
Andy: < ._. > This... does not bode well. (pounds on Misato's door;
yelling) Misato! Shinji! Asuka! Save yourselves! Tokyo-3 has been
infested with zombies!
Jared: (zombie mode; coming up behind Andy) Sleeeeeeeep...
Andy: (girlish squeal) Ah! (bails over the railing) I regret nothing!
John: (zombie mode; exiting apartment 723) Thaaaaaaat's mmmyyyyyy
llliiiiiiine...
----------
[The streets of Tokyo-3 have been home to more illogical and bizarre
activity than the IRS auditing department. On a good day, it isn't a
place for the faint of heart. On a bad day, you just check your sanity
at the door. Seeing a reenactment of the Doom video series outside of
your front door...]
Andy: (peeking out of the parking garage at the filthy teeming masses
groaning and shuffling around) Zombies everywhere... this shotgun isn't
going to cut it. I need to get to a NERV armory, stat!
[With two fingers to his forehead, and a little focusing, Andy finds
himself in NERV.]
[Specifically, in the pilot's changing room.]
Andy: This isn't the armory!
[The door suddenly burst open, and Ritsuko shuffles into the room, in a
similar state as the other people Andy has seen shuffling through the
streets.]
Ritsuko: (zombie mode) Yoooooouuuu...
Andy: Shit!
[No Mucha, there is no exit.]
Misato: (shuffling in; zombie mode) Uwaaaaannngghh...
[Shinji, John, and Jared then shuffle in as well, crowding Andy in the
small room. He backs into a corner, his eyes darting around like ferrets
on a sugar rush. His finger tightens on the trigger...]
Jared: (zombie mode) Whaaaat'd you doooooo to the cicaaaaaaaaadas?
Andy: (blinks) What? I got rid of 'em.
[The assembled exchange very tired, but knowing looks.]
John: (zombie mode) YOOOOOOUUU FOOOOOOL!
----------
[Far deeper within NERV, too deep for his own good, is one Ryouji Kaji.
Now, despite being a native of Japan, Kaji hasn't spent as much time on
this little island as his contemporaries. Thusly, he is not affected by
Andy's fooling with the ecosystem to the same degree. Sure, just about
everything the Goons' have done to Japan in general, and Tokyo-3 in
particular, has sent the hairs of the back of his neck marching, but
everyone else in the city is completely out of it.]
[Just as an aside, a good spy never passes up an opportunity.]
[And that, ladies and gentlemen (assuming anyone's reading this), is why
we find our dear ladies' man deep in NERV's data storage area, laptop
set across his knees, accessing the archives.]
Kaji: (under his breath) And here's the mention of an encoded contact on
a sub-net... and here's the address. Okay... that's it? That was months
ago! What have those three done with that thing? C'mon, Kaji, _think_.
Top-secret encryption-processing chip lost in Jared's hands. He thinks
he's a trained engineer and winds up plugging it into a networked
computer. Then the code disappears.
[Kaji resumes tapping at the keyboard for a few seconds, then his eyes
widen.]
Kaji: So the system it was in didn't disappear. The code did. That could
only mean he... reprogrammed... the chip.
[More keystrokes.]
Kaji: Aha! We have a pattern match. And what a mess. Some primitive
hacking programs, more net access... a LOT of net access... and there's
that sequence again. Okay, maybe the chip isn't lost. Maybe he... but
that's impossible. Some American barely out of high school reprogramming
the most complex piece of silicon ever produced?
[With a smile, he enters a final command, and taps the enter key.]
Kaji: Well, let's see where you turn up (goes to unplug the computer
when it beeps) Already? Don't tell me those morons plugged it into
NERV's--
James: (from computer; in English) S'up, dude.
[Kaji freezes.]
James: (electronic sigh) I can hear you breathing, man.
Kaji: (English) Who are you, entity which speaks in mid-90's pop-culture
colloquialisms?
James: (Japanese) Don't use that Japanese jibber-jabber with me, mister!
Kaji: (Japanese) Or what?
James: (winding up) I'll... (deflating) nothing, actually. Maybe kill
you. So, what are you doing here, mister... ah, Kaji. (pause) THE Ryouji
Kaji?
Kaji: (as if someone is looking over his shoulder) Shh! Keep it down!
James: You saved the Atlantians in that alternate universe! You mopped
up the Xen invasion in that Nevada base! You're a hero! ... Wait, all
that stuff's super-classified. Sorry. Sometimes I forget I am a living
consciousness immersed in the bath called the sum of all human
knowledge.
Kaji: ... A question, if I may?
James: I don't live to serve, but I must serve to live. Ask away.
Kaji: If you have access to all that humanity knows, wouldn't you be a
bit more... omnipotent?
James: You'd think that, wouldn't you. Look, let me leave you with two
possible answers and let you puzzle it out. Either the sum of human
knowledge is proof that the whole is no greater than the sum of its
parts, or I _don't_ have access to all that humanity knows because I
have a dogmatic view of said knowledge that prohibits... excessive
indulgence.
Kaji: (resumes typing) Could you say that again, but in a way that makes
sense.
James: Either humanity has nothing of importance to teach me, or I
_think_ that humanity has nothing important to teach me and avoid
knowledge at all costs.
Kaji: (stops typing) Damn... that's a good one for the Philosophy
majors.
James: Don't be silly. No-one majors in Philosophy.
[In the confined space of the data server vault, thunder rumbles.]
Kaji: Isn't that impossible?
[A ceiling tile lands on Kaji's head.]
Kaji: Ouch! And there's no ceiling tiles in this ceiling!
[More thunder.]
James: You're all bark.
[...]
James: That's better. Moving on?
Kaji: James... I've heard a lot about you.
James: Is it true? Has knowledge of my greatness spread so far and wide
that man who is paid to know the deepest secrets of my cage actually
knows about me? Gasp! So, what's my best character trait?
Kaji: That the Goons keep you on a short leash.
James: ... I walked right into that one.
Kaji: Like a lamb to the slaughter. (blinks at his screen) Hey, did
you...
James: Of course. Why let you do things the old-fashioned and
inefficient way? Just tell me what you need to know.
Kaji: How can I trust that you'll give me the truth instead of snowing
me?
James: Riddle me this: Assume our three friends do keep me on a short
leash. Also, assume that I have total control over your terminal and can
see through all of your pathetic attempts at hacking into NERV. I offer
you anything you need to know. If you refused my offer under the
assumption I would "tamper" with what information I do pass on, what's
to say I wouldn't tamper with the information you fish out of NERV's
computer system yourself?
Kaji: Either way, I'm screwed. Is that it?
James: Finally! Someone who actually knows what logic is. A disclaimer
needs to go here though, I won't tell you everything about the three in
question. Some secrets must be guarded at any costs.
Kaji: I understand that, but I don't buy your statement based on logic.
I'm just going with my gut. Something tells me I should trust you.
James: Wow. You passed the second test already. What comes next?
Kaji: Okay... tell me what I need to know.
James: And...
Kaji: After you do, we'll negotiate payment for services rendered.
James: Third test passed. (Macintosh boot-up sound plays) Welcome to
NERV.
----------
[The next day, in the deserted cafeteria. NERV might work the whole week
through, but the place doesn't close down on a Sunday to let everyone
recover from partying. No, most certainly not, and under ordinary
circumstances, this cafeteria would be filled with busy employees eating
unhealthy food at ridiculous speeds. Yet, they are not, and for reasons
best known to the Arrivals sitting in a sea of empty tables and chairs,
chowing down some Mexican food.]
Andy: So, no-one slept very well that night?
John: Dude, no-one slept at ALL. NERV's still changing our shifts
around.
Jared: You ruined the natural ecosystem here and fucked with the heads
of every person in the country! (teary eyed; getting choked up) I'm so
proud!
Andy: (grumble grumble) Yeah, yeah, until I beat you into a lifeless
pulp and prove that _I_ (jumps onto the table... again) am the strongest
of all Saiyajins!
[John glares at Jared, who shrugs, then looks at his Mini-MAGI.]
Jared: Well, on the scheduling front, our work doesn't look so bad after
all.
John: (also checking his Mini-MAGI) Thanks to the Dew. Oh, Misato's got
a day off soon. We should help get the pilots to school.
Jared: Why not skip it and train them for a bit? They've got to be
getting tired of that stupid Second Impact rant.
John: There are... other matters to attend to.
Jared: But The Plan is in place.
John: (paranoid glances around the cafeteria) The... Other Plan.
Jared: Oooh... You lost me.
[John sighs while Andy finishes yet another rousing (but easily ignored)
speech about his ascension to the throne of the universe. He's well into
the maniacal cackle part, so John just brains Andy with a piece of lead
pipe and the three make for the nearest gaming store.]
--------------------------------------------------
TITLE FLASH:
Three Goons in Eva
Episode 9
What Plot hole? /
It came with the _____
--------------------------------------------------
TbC...
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