Recovering from sickness of the body. The mind will never recover. Short part again I know, but this is the halfway mark! Press on!
----------
[Misato is a busy woman. A working girl, her position at NERV and the
time demands it makes on her is constantly at war with the additional
responsibility of housing and looking after two very odd children.
Misato had never married, nor borne children. Assuming humanity was
still here in a few years, and NERV closed shop, she didn't plan to,
even in celebration. Not that kids couldn't be wonderful things, but you
could have your fill of them.]
[And then there's the Americans. As a tirade against them could go on
for days, we'll skip the irrelevant details and say that she's currently
enjoying an emergency day-off as a result of one of the Arrival's recent
antics. While she's as rested as can be, she isn't willing to get out of
bed yet--besides, her charges and those hated Americans haven't left
yet.]
[Misato is bored. Misato is lonely. Misato is... reaching for the
massager?]
[Ah, and the cordless blender.]
[And the frozen trout.]
[And the melon baller.]
[And she's... okay, let's leave her to her privacy and... er... her
"morning activities."]
----------
[It is a bright, sunny day outside... none of which can be seen from
Misato's apartment. Blankets cover the windows, filtering the brilliant
morning sunshine down to a dull orange glow. The pilots which call this
domicile home are finished with breakfast and are presently dressed for
school, ready to leave. Rei is fully prepared to leave, and the three
Goons are in the kitchenette, drying what few dishes Misato owns.]
{Abrupt transition from above. Should insert a gaming night reference
and that we expect work tomorrow, which is when this scene takes place,
but we aren't at work, and we're happy about it, so we're training.}
Jared: < ^_^ > Nice of the boss to give us the day off.
John: < -_- > He's only giving us the day off because you broke two of
his teeth and he wants to yell at us himself.
Andy: (Dan Hibiki manly forearm taunt) Either that or train a WORTHY
replacement!
Jared: That fool ain't gonna train shit. Now dry this plate, we gotta
move if we're going to escort our students to school.
John: We work for NERV. I don't see why we don't just sign excuse papers
for them and train the day away.
Author: I don't either, except for the little fact that I am the author
and I want to write things out this way.
John: (reading a script) Good point.
[Jared hangs up his towel and suddenly pauses, freezing in place. He
sniffs the air like a hunter.]
Jared: We should leave. Now.
John: Huh?
Jared: < ^_^ > Misato's got a date this morning.
John: Hey, you just used "Misato" and "morning" in the same sentence!
How dare you--
Jared: Shut up and move!
[Jared storms out of the kitchen. Andy and John merely shrug and follow
the Perverted One as he hustles the pilots out of the front door in a
blur of limbs. The group is down the elevator and onto the street
(walking is good exercise, kids!) before anyone says anything of
importance.]
John: She has a date?
Andy: With who?
Jared: (off-hand) With the first two fingers of her right hand.
John: Wha... oh! ... Wait, I thought she was a southpaw...
Jared: (shrug) Whichever.
[Andy follows the group without missing a step, but presses his hands
tightly over his ears and hums the Angel Attack music _very_ loudly. A
two-foot tall cricket mistakes his humming for a mating call and drags
him into the bushes.]
John: (not even noticing Andy's departure) What tipped you off?
[Meanwhile, at the front of the group.]
Asuka: (to Shinji) What are they talking about?
Shinji: (putting on his headphones) Talk to the hand.
[Asuka slaps Shinji upside the head, but he merely ignores her and walks
faster. Rei follows... sort of. Asuka pulls back a bit to listen to the
arguing Americans.]
John: The smell?
Jared: Exactly.
John: Hmm... What did it smell like to you?
Jared: (thinks for a second) Toasted raisin nut bread with real butter.
John: Vivid.
Jared: What about you? I noticed you noticed.
John: Raw cookie dough.
Jared: (raised eyebrow) Really? I never thought of that.
Asuka: What are you evil apes talking about? And where did the maniac
go? Wait, forget I asked the second question.
John: (shrugging) Who cares where Andy went? He's going to get lost once
we get to NERV anyway.
Jared: (over-dramatic) We've just been called evil apes!
John: (calm) Misato had rose early this morning, and was using her time
productively.
Asuka: Doing what?
John: (straight face) Masturbating.
Asuka: AAH! Pervert!
John: (sly look) Maybe.
[Shinji takes a moment to blush and turn up the volume on his new DVD-A
player. Andy rolls out of the nearby bushes in torn clothing, with some
kind of... secretion on him, and drops smoothly into a Kamehameha
stance.]
John: (to Andy) Nice of you to come back, dude.
Jared: (glances at Andy but answers Asuka) Well, some women do that. I'm
not _trying_ to be perverted.
[Asuka glares at the Goon.]
Jared: It's a biological fact! I swear!
[The group continues on in silence for several more minutes. John, not
getting an answer from Andy, follows them. Andy finally stops his vigil
when he notices a ten yen coin laying on the sidewalk.]
Andy: (as if meeting a long-lost love) Shiny thing!
[Andy pockets the ten yen and catches up with the rest of the group.
Asuka is mumbling something under her breath.]
Jared: Excuse me?
Asuka: (blushing slightly) I said, Pop-Tarts.
Jared: Cherry or strawberry?
Asuka: (blushing more) Uh... strawberry.
Jared: Hmm... I've met a few women like that.
Asuka: Oh really?
Jared: Yeah. (beat) Who was she?
[John is about to answer when he realizes that Jared is asking Asuka and
not him. He stops dead in his tracks, his mind folding in upon itself
right there. Andy stops beside him, watching and wondering if he should
finish off the Goon while he's distracted. Up with the remaining pilots,
Rei is ignoring the conversation, Shinji is oblivious, and Jared and
Asuka are actually having a civil discussion.]
Asuka: (blushing madly) I-It was just the one time!
Jared: Oh... but what about Hikari?
Asuka: (shocked) Whaa... how do you know--I mean...
Jared: (lecherous grin) ...
Asuka: Forget it! She actually has her sights set on Sayoko.
Jared: Short, nice rack, straight black hair?
Asuka: How the... you've never been in our classroom!
Jared: I'm NERV intelligence, (points for emphasis) _you_ aren't
supposed to know where _I_ am. So what's with her chasing down Toji?
[Asuka glares suspiciously at Jared for a few moments before she
answers.]
Asuka: Hmph. I think she really just needs someone to chase. And she
does like the guy...
Jared: More like friendship and compassion and mothering than "let me
$&@# your @*!$%?"
Asuka: Yeah...
Jared: Fuck. I don't know if NERV has the budget for another
psychologist...
Asuka: Why would NERV be paying for Hikari's psychologist?
Jared: Uhh... Umm... NINJA VANISH!
[A lonely wind blows through Tokyo-3. Jared goes nowhere.]
Jared: I said... NINJA VANISH!!!
[Asuka taps her foot, looking mildly pissed off.]
Asuka: We're outside, you can't turn off--
[Just then, darkness sweeps over the city; a giant shadow cloaking the
street like a God has closed his hand around the sun.]
Asuka: ... die Hoelle?!!
[Several seconds pass before the pilot's eyes adjust, and once they
do...]
Asuka: (look at the Jared-shaped hole in the air) Kisama! He's gone.
(looks up) Mein Gott... Shinji! We gotta get to NERV on the double!
(looks back) Where did the Psycho and the Maniac go?
----------
[At a morgue in Tokyo-3, Andy IT's into the room with John over his
shoulder. His arrival scares the wits out of a pale doctor who, until a
second ago, was the only living person in the room.]
Doctor: (crossing himself and cowering into a corner) Demon! Ghost! Stay
away from me!
Andy: (nonchalant) That's a new one.
[Andy deposits a comatose John on the nearest table and listens for a
heartbeat.]
Andy: Damn! He's still alive.
[Andy snaps his fingers in front of John's face, then 'slaps' him
several times. Red welts in the shape of Andy's hands form on the
Goon's face, but he is otherwise unresponsive.]
Andy: Who broke this brain?! (the rest of the morgue and the cowering
doctor) Hell-o! Who broke it? (silence) C'mon people, it didn't break
all by itself! (pause) If no-one answers me, (points wildly) you're
_all_ in trouble!
Doctor: Th-th-this is th-th-th-the morgue.
Andy: ( >_< ) GOD DAMN IT!
[Andy grabs his friend and disappears.]
----------
[Asuka, Shinji, Rei, and Toji are running for NERV. Eyes bulge, heads
swivel, and startled looks abound.]
[Hey, it's not everyday that one of your group is singing merrily while
running to command machines of war.]
Toji: (singing in English; feel free to imagine the impact of his accent
on the lyrics) Over the river and through the woods, to giant bio-robots
we go! (normal; to the stares) What? Jared said we're supposed to sing
this song while running to headquarters when the... general alarm...
(realization dawns) He was jerking me around, wasn't he?
Shinji: (nodding; solemn) Dude, I feel your pain.
Toji: Thanks, dude.
[The pilots continue their flight to the Eva cages.]
----------
[In a women's restroom, not far from Ritsuko's office. Andy appears. As
in the ventilation duct, John is slung over his shoulder like a sack of
flour. Andy looks around, understandably confused.]
Andy: Um... Ritsuko-san?
[A muffled curse issues from the only closed stall. Andy's face turns
beet-red and he marches outside before the doctor can form a more
coherent response.]
[Outside, a few minutes later, Andy has John in a semi-sitting position
against the corridor wall. He's pacing a hole in the floor when Ritsuko
comes storming out of the bathroom red-faced.]
Ritsuko: I don't believe this! I'd expect this kind of thing from--
Andy: Jared's missing and John's catatonic.
Ritsuko: --Waddell so don't... what?
Andy: (repeating) Jared's missing and John's catatonic.
[The doctor stares blankly at Andy, then blankly at John, then at Andy
again.]
Ritsuko: Who what now?
Andy: (folding his arms over his chest) There's a giant shadow over the
city, the pilots are en-route to their Evas, Jared has gone missing
without a word, and John's catatonic.
Ritsuko: (snapping into Professional Mode) Grab John and take him to the
interior hospital's third wing. Dump him in a bed and flag down Dr.
Miyamoto. (into her Mini-MAGI) Misato, what's--
Misato: (from Mini-MAGI, panting) Not now Ritsuko! I'm... I'm... oh...
oh... oh... OH GOD!
[Ritsuko's eyes rival dinner plates. Andy covers both ears, shuts his
eyes tightly closed, and hums the Angel Attack theme so loudly that
Ritsuko's fillings rattle.]
Misato: (from Mini-MAGI, more heavy panting) Oh--YESSSS... Ahh! AAHHH!
Aaah! (from the Mini-MAGI's speaker comes a splashing sound)
AAAAAAAAHHH! Ah... Oooh...
Ritsuko: < 0_0;;; > Did I call at a bad time?
Misato: (from Mini-MAGI, still breathing heavily) It's my... day off
Rit-chan. What's going on?
Ritsuko: Mucha just showed up here with Genoni, and Waddell has gone
missing. His Mini-MAGI signal has flat-lined.
Misato: (from Mini-MAGI) HOLY SHIT!
Ritsuko: Don't get too excited, Misato. Maybe only the Mini-MAGI was
destroyed, there's a chance he's still alive--Mucha, stop that humming!
Misato: (from Mini-MAGI) It's not that, Rit-chan. There's a... a giant
_thing_ floating over the city!
Ritsuko: What? Why haven't the General Alarms gone off?
[As if on cue, a wailing echoes throughout the city and the base.]
Ritsuko: < -_-; > ...
[The doctor taps some more 'keys' on her Mini-MAGI.]
Ritsuko: (reading the display) The pilots are headed for the
Evangelions. Rei sounded the alarm with her panic button. They must
have--
Andy: Seen the shadow above. I think it--
Ritsuko: Shadow? What shadow?
Andy: The--
Ritsuko: Never mind! Get John to the infirmary and leave this to the
professionals!
Andy: It's "John" now?
Ritsuko: GO!
[Andy shrugs, grabs John, and teleports away.]
Ritsuko: I'm going to Central Dogma. How long before you arrive?
Misato: (from Mini-MAGI) Give me a few minutes to clean up.
Ritsuko: (pulling a face) You didn't--
Misato: (from Mini-MAGI) 'Fraid so. I can't wait for Kaji to get back,
he's really--
Ritsuko: (with unnecessary volume, a la Mucha, though she would never
admit it) Yes, yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. I _know_. I'll see you
in thirty.
----------
Author-Jared: Is it just me, or is it PG-13 in here?
Author-John: I'm tempted to argue the inclusion of this scene,
preferably with a large blunt object, but we're not doing any worse
than Eva.
Author-Jared: Yes, that is the right attitude, my young apprentice.
(Emperor Palpatine) Come to the dark side...
Author-John: You watched the Episode III trailer, didn't you?
Author-Jared: (quickly) No.
----------
[Background music: Star Wars theme, John Williams. Performed by the NERV
Philharmonic Orchestra, 2015.]
[The pilots--]
----------
Author-John: ...
Author-Jared: What?
Author-John: ...
Author-John: ...
Author-Jared: WHAT?
Author-John: Be quiet; I'm trying to put a hex on you and you're
distracting me.
Author-Jared: < -_- > ...
----------
[While the NERV Orchestra wails away in the background, the kids make
their way through a set of rapid-transit elevators and pass through the
changing rooms in record time. In a majestically timed sequence of music
and movement, the four plug suit-clad youth leap into their respective
cockpits and activate their on-board systems.]
Shinji: Unit-01, ready to go!
Asuka: Unit-02, on-line and ready to rock and roll!
Toji: Uh... Unit-07, activated!
Rei: unit-05 is operational.
Other Pilots: < o_0; > ...
Shinji: Rei, you know, (ignores the Demon-Head mode Asuka is
demonstrating on his view screen) you could be a _little_ more
enthusiastic.
Rei: hai...boo yeah.
Other Pilots: < o_0;;; > ...
----------
[Many floors up and more than a mile away, Andy finishes strapping John
into a sturdy-looking gurney. After his unusual silence, the prone Goon
speaks, startling Andy.]
John: (sing-song tone of voice) Do you know? Do you know? Do you what I
know?
[The larger Goon suddenly looks like a man who's seen his own grave.]
Andy: (edging towards the door) < 0_0 > ...
John: (faintly, as his eyes close) Do you wonder? Do you wonder? Do you
wonder what I wonder?
[This time, Andy does not walk towards the door, he runs.]
----------
[Misato strides into Central Dogma twenty-five minutes later. Her
clothes look like they were thrown on in less than sixty seconds, her
hair is a mess, and she wears mis-matched shoes.]
Misato: Update!
Shiegeru: Nothing to report ma'am. The object hasn't moved since it was
first spotted.
Misato: Doctor Akagi?
Ritsuko: (from Maya's terminal) All we know that is that it appears to
be a giant shadow. Our preliminary scan insists there's nothing there.
Misato: Are we all hallucinating this thing?
Ritsuko: Don't be silly. We'll complete a full scan in a minute. Also,
pilot Waddell and his Mini-MAGI appear to be... gone.
Misato: Gone? Waddell?
Ritsuko: Yes.
Maya: Pilot Genoni is moving towards Receiving sector 4!
Ritsuko: What?!
Maya: He was in hospital wing 4-B just a minute ago. Pilot Mucha is...
following him?
Misato: I don't believe this. We're on full alert, Waddell is missing,
and those two are playing hide-and-go-seek on my base?
Maya: Ma'am?
Misato: Yes?
Maya: Pilot Mucha is heading towards Central Power.
Misato: What the... < -_- > Is he lost?
Rest of Bridge Crew: (droning "I've answered this question a million
times" tone of voice) Yes.
[Misato sighs again, then taps her Mini-MAGI.]
----------
[Twenty minutes later.]
Shiegeru: Major?
Misato: Yes?
Shiegeru: (quietly to Misato) I'm reading some low-grade energy
emissions _inside_ of NERV.
Misato: Get the pilots into their Evas.
Shiegeru: Yes ma'am.
[A few minutes later, Andy strides into the room (through the doors for
a change), bows as if receiving a rowdy applause, and gets tackled by
John. John, it must be noted, is wearing the white robes of an Aztec
priest.]
John: (holding a decorative paperweight above his head) His blood must
cleanse this earth! The destroyer has come!
Andy: < -_- > Not this again...
[Andy throws off his friend, then tackles him. A short struggle ensues,
but Andy quickly head-butts John into blissful unconsciousness.]
Andy: I'll... be right back.
Bridge Crew: ...
----------
[Forty minutes later.]
[Ritsuko is hunched over her console, Misato's nervously pacing, and
Fuyutsuki sits unperturbed in Gendo's chair. On the holographic screen
in front of the command deck is a view of the city, over which hovers a
giant black and white ball that looks like someone's idea of modern art
on a grand scale.]
Ritsuko: The MAGI have finished their analysis.
Misato: What is it?
Ritsuko: The image we're seeing is a trans-dimensional shadow of the
12th Angel, which exists as a curve in space-time. The image has no
measurable mass, but deflects light so that it appears solid.
Misato: A decoy, huh?
Andy: (appearing next to the Major and calmly pushing aside the gun
suddenly pointed at his face) We're seeing a three-dimensional shadow of
its fourth-dimensional body. Since the body holds the AT-Field in the
fourth dimension, we have not yet read a blue pattern from it.
Misato: Doctor Akagi just told us that, but in fewer words and without
the needless drama.
Andy: (mo-men-tum!) The only way to destroy it is to drop all of our 992
N2 mines--
Misato: That's 990 now, thanks to you and your missing friend.
[An "ooooh!" echoes through the command deck.]
Andy: (glaring at the Major) --on the black shadow which represents a
portal to this world that is the only physical manifestation the Angel
is capable of. The force of the explosion will--
Misato: < -_- > Annihilate this entire hemisphere?
Andy: (glare) Do you mind, wom--oh yeah... (thinking) I must be missing
something...what did they do in Eva? (out loud) Oh! I meant that we
insert the explosives into the Angel by passing them through the shadow
portal.
Misato: What shadow?
Ritsuko: The observation posts reported a brief darkened area over part
of the city that doesn't match where the Angel's shadow would be if were
made of matter. Mucha, are you (chokes the word out) "saying" that the
Angel can create a portal to the folded space of its body.
Andy: Huh? Whatever, witch. Just send the Evas out and the shadow will
appear. Strap some bombs to one of them... maybe that whiny pilot in
Unit-01, and BOOM! Angel gone!
Misato: That would destroy the Evangelion and kill the pilot!
Andy: (sighs) Morons! Must I make all the decisions around here?! That's
why I said send Unit-01!
Fuyutsuki: Unit-01 is not going anywhere!
Ritsuko: (checking her console) He's right. Insane, but right. An
explosion of that magnitude may do it. The Angel's AT-Field won't be
able to contain it entirely, and for a split-second, its interface with
our dimension of existence will allow the explosion to pass into the
fourth-dimension, and the Angel's body.
Misato: (to herself) I can't believe I'm even considering going along
with this insanity. (to Andy) Where's Jared at?
Andy: My guess is that he's inside the 12th Angel. He disappeared after
the shadow passed over him.
Ritsuko: Wait a minute! Why didn't you tell me that earlier?!
Andy: Because you didn't need to know then!
Ritsuko: I didn't need to know... (clutches her head in pain) Arrgh!
Never mind!
Misato: Uh... Mucha, your plan is going to kill Jared a dozen times
over.
Andy: (non-chalant) Naturally.
Misato: (with entirely too much enthusiasm) Sounds like a good plan to
me!
Ritsuko: (also with entirely too much enthusiasm) Great!
Fuyutsuki: (already on the phone) I'm ordering the N2 devices right now!
Hyuuga: Plotting coordinates!
Shiegeru: Alerting auxiliary forces!
Andy: (shouting triumphantly) And I'll form the head!
[Everyone stops and stares at the Goon. The silence is deafening. The
air conditioning blows a tumbleweed by the Andy's feet.]
Andy: (lamely) Sorry, I... just got swept up in the emotion.
[And lo, he is saved as John swings in on a thin rope and drops to the
command deck like a cat. A black T-shirt has been inventively wrapped
around his head so that only his eyes show.]
John: (assuming bizarre pose) Fear the Shirt Ninja!
Andy: Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital?
[Bets are harvested. Ritsuko blows a raspberry at a grumbling Misato
while fingering a large wad of cash.]
John: (changes to another pose) FOOL! The Shirt Ninja cannot be held by
any mere HOSPITAL!
Misato: (aside to Ritsuko) Uh, is John back to normal?
Ritsuko: < -_- > Define "normal."
Misato: < o_o > Ah.
Andy: (charging) HAVE AT THEE!
[After a brief scuffle, Andy knocks out the younger Goon and drags him
out of the room by his foot.]
----------
[Meanwhile, in the Eva cages, another kind of insanity is brewing.]
Rei: (in Unit-00) orange eva-zord, go!
Shinji: (in Unit-01) Purple Eva-zord, go!
Asuka: (in Unit-02) Red Eva-zord, go!
Toji: (in Unit-07) Pur--uh, other Purple Eva-zord, go!
[Of course, had they realized that Misato had the comm on the whole
time...]
Misato: (over comm.) WHAT THE <censored> <censored> fucking <censored>
<censored> damn <censored> shit can you <censored> call <censored> is
going on here?! What the <censored> <censored> assed <censored> decided
you could fucking <censored> <censored> <censored> fucking <censored>
that God-damned <censored> <censored> <censored> shout that <censored>
<censored> mother-fucking <censored> during a <censored> combat alert?!!
[Silence. Finally, Rei acts as the spokeswoman for the group.]
Rei: we are getting bored, ma'am.
Misato: (over comm.) ... THAT DOESN'T <censored> <censored> <censored>
EXCUSE TO <censored> <censored> FUCKING <censored> <censored> MY
<censored> <censored> IN THE MIDDLE OF A <censored> <censored>
<censored> ALERT <censored> <censored> THIS SHIT <censored> <censored>
<censored> <censored> I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL SOMEBODY! GOT IT?!!
Pilots: YES MA'AM!
[Misato's clicks off.]
Asuka: Who poisoned her beer?
----------
[In Central Dogma, Misato stands quietly in place, staring at the point
in the air where the pilots' faces were hovering just seconds ago. Her
sizable chest heaving with every breath.]
Shiegeru: Major, pilot Mucha is heading for the surface at an alarming
speed.
Misato: Tell the JSSDF they can fire at will if he gets to close to them
or the Angel.
Shiegeru: Yes ma'am.
[A moment later.]
Shiegeru: The JSSDF reply that quote, it's all yours, end quote. They're
referring to the Angel.
Misato: < ^_^ > Thank you for relaying that, Shiegeru-kun. Tell the
JSSDF to quote, suck it, end quote.
Shiegeru: < ^_^ > With pleasure, ma'am.
[The Major sighs, then turns to Ritsuko.]
Misato: I just realized... if this thing can shift through dimensions,
there's no effective barrier we can place around Terminal Dogma to
protect it from the Angel.
Ritsuko: That's not entirely true. There is a magnetic lock around
Terminal Dogma designed specifically to prevent that.
Misato: What? Why?
Ritsuko: (calmly) Don't you think it's odd that this one didn't attack
first?
Misato: Then _what's_ in Terminal Dogma?
[Ritsuko turns away without answering.]
Ritsuko: You know, it will take some time to gather the N^2 devices. If
we wish to keep up a credible defense, you should let the pilots get
some rest.
Misato: (glances to Fuyutsuki) I'll have them put on rotations.
Shiegeru!
Shiegeru: Ma'am!
Misato: Have the pilots put on four hour rotations, divided into three
groups. (smirks evilly as she turns to Ritsuko) Dr. Akagi--
Ritsuko (thinking) Oh shit. Here it comes.
Misato: < ^_^ > --would you be a dear and check on the condition of
pilots Genoni and Mucha? It would be beneficial to have as many able
pilots on base as possible, you understand?
Ritsuko: (under her breath as she stalks past the Major) Some day, I
shall murder you in your sleep.
Shiegeru: Major, I'm reading a strange energy surge.
Misato: Oh no! Is it from the Angel?
Shiegeru: Checking... no, it's from pilot Mucha!
Misato: No!
Ritsuko: (at the door, but rubbernecking) He's not seriously going to--
----------
[Perched on top of one of the many condemned buildings too badly damaged
to retract during an Angel attack, Andy is in a familiar stance, ki
crackling around his body like living electricity. It flows over toned
muscle and clothing that is blown about by a stiff wind, feeding a
golden ball of light in his hands that rivals a beach ball in size.]
[The light of the world seems to dim as the ball grows larger and
brighter, the sky above the color the dark storm clouds, and the shadow
directly before Andy black as sackcloth.]
[The black sphere is reflected in the unforgiving brown of Andy's eyes,
the golden sphere poised before him like a giant bomb about to
obliterate the world.]
Andy: FINAL FLAAAAAASH!!!
[The light explodes from Andy's hands, rivaling the sun in brightness,
soaring into the sky. A dawn of destruction, it sails right through the
shadow without even slowing down.]
Andy: < o_0 > ...
[... And continues on... and on! It's over the mountain range! Going!
Going! Going... and it is GONE, ladies and gentlemen!]
Andy: < o_0 > Oh well. (shrugs)
[As Andy sits heavily on his little corner of the building, a flash
reminiscent of a nuclear explosion goes off in the direction of the
Final Flash. Andy doesn't so much as twitch.]
----------
[In Central Dogma, the bridge crew is in a state of mild panic.]
Shiegeru: It definitely detonated above the surface. There's a wave
forming, but it's only a few feet high.
Misato: Phew! That little bastard almost made this day worse! What was
he _thinking_?! HE'S the one who just told us that's a shadow! Why--
Ritsuko: (tiredly) Misato, please do not use the Americans' names and
the word "thinking" in the same sentence.
[She leaves. Misato sighs, knowing a headache is coming on.]
----------
[Ritsuko steps into John's hospital room. The Goon is mumbling
incoherently. She stands over him for a moment, and while her face shows
no emotion, it is her lack of commentary that tells us best what she is
feeling. After a minute of watching the Goon sail completely out of
mind, she quietly leaves, wiping at her eyes.]
----------
[Later that day, N^2 mines have been moved into place. The city remains
in a state of uneasy lock down, even though the shadow commits itself to
no more threatening acts. Andy stay on his building, quietly watching
it, occasionally busting out a N256 portable, watching cable, or blowing
up random ground targets with small ki blasts, but more or less just
watching and waiting.]
[Within NERV, the tension can be cut with a knife and served with a
fork. The pilots, sequestered within the staging rooms and sleeping in
shifts, await news from above.]
[And in Central Dogma, difficult decisions are being pondered.]
Ritsuko: It's been sixteen hours, Major.
Misato: (wearing a bowler hat and holding a cane) I am aware of the
time, Doctor.
Shiegeru: No change, ma'am.
Ritsuko: He still hasn't...
Shiegeru: No.
Misato: What about Pilot Genoni?
Shiegeru: Singing nursery rhymes again... songs in alphabetical order,
singing each song in reverse.
Misato: How long has it been since he threatened to steal souls?
Shiegeru: (more keyboard work) Four hours, ma'am.
Misato: At least he's staying put.
[Silence seems to slowly engulf the area, like a rising tide of black
death. Every eye again drifts toward the main view screen, which is
centered on the target of their worry.]
Misato: What do you think our chances of survival are?
Ritsuko: With these odds? I wouldn't even make a bet.
Misato: ...
Ritsuko: ...
Misato: ...
Ritsuko: ...
Misato: He hasn't... said boom whee...
Ritsuko: (looking worriedly at the image of Andy sitting on a
skyscraper) I know Misato... I'm scared too.
Shiegeru: (whispering to Maya) And to think... it's only Monday.
----------
[Well into the following day, hundreds of N^2 devices have been set up
around the Angel. Many hundreds more will arrive by afternoon, and
should all go well, the biggest man-made boom of all time will follow.]
[Do I even need to say it?]
Andy: ...
[Okay, okay... sheesh.]
Andy: ...
[Things do not go well.]
Andy: Woo-hoo!
[Andy jumps to his feet.]
Andy: IT IS TIME!
----------
[At that moment, in NERV...]
Misato: (after recovering from choking on her coffee) What just
happened?
Shiegeru: Energy spike! I'm reading a neutrino surge... and an AT-Field!
[On cue, alarms roar to life.]
Maya: Blue pattern confirmed!
Ritsuko: No! We're not ready!
Misato: All pilots to their Evas! Ground units take cover! Secure the
N^2 mines! Lock elevators 214 through 238! Graph these readings on the
main monitor! Open a direct line to pilot Mucha! Order the air forces to
pull back! Evacuate the mall! Cancel the three-ring circus! And someone
get me some fresh coffee!
----------
[Back at the surface, the shadow does indeed look like it has come
alive. The sphere above seems to writhe and move, curling about itself,
and twisting almost organically, though the surface and doesn't change.
A truly headache-inducing visual.]
Andy: (ready to launch another Final Flash) The moment I've been waiting
for. Just open up, you bastard...
[But instead, the Angel spits out Jared, who streaks through the air
like a missile. He's flown no more than 200 yards when the Angel
compresses it's AT-Field, and hence itself, to an infinitely small
point. Following what passes for physical laws in this world, the matter
the Angel is made of forms a micro black hole. Like other micro black
holes, it "burns off" all of the matter within, turning it into pure
energy in a few billionths of a second.]
[In long form: E=Mc^2.]
[In short form: Boom.]
[The air surrounding the micro black hole is heated so rapidly that
before it has a chance to expand, it becomes a cloud of plasma,
expanding to hundreds of times its previous size before it can push at
the air further away from the former singularity. In the blink of an
eye, a flash bright enough to rival the sun gives way to a crushing wave
of concussive force that hits the city like a nuclear bomb.]
[The shock wave powders buildings like a hammer hitting a gingerbread
house. Further outlying buildings are merely cracked like so many
Butterfinger bars. Andy, along with his Final Flash, are blown clean off
of his chosen building. Massive piles of N^2 mines are tossed around
like pop cans in a hurricane. Andy's Final Flash fires belatedly,
melting a patch of snow off of Mt. Fuji before sailing into the distance
and wiping out the ruins of old Los Angles (thanks to a better
trajectory than the last one). Tanks are kicked around like Legos in a
toddlers tantrum as the shock wave hits them. In the maelstrom of
building pieces, women's underwear, and too many dust particles to count,
Jared's unconscious form passes Andy at 200 mph and hits a tanker truck
full of milk. Andy plows through a squad of JSSDF soldiers like a
tumbleweed and becomes embedded in the side of a furniture moving van.
NERV shakes as if struck by a god's fist, and John finally shuts up.]
----------
[In Central Dogma, all goes still.]
[Shiegeru holds onto his console a la Star Trek, the other bridge tech
laying on the floor, one leg hooked over his chair. Ritsuko is bent over
another console, clutching reams of print-out with one hand, while Maya
clings to one of her legs. Misato is sprawled on the floor, revealing to
interested passerby that she's not wearing underwear. Only Fuyutsuki
remains in a somewhat normal position, hunched over Gendo's desk, his
knuckles white from holding tightly to it.]
Shiegeru: ...
Misato: ...
Ritsuko: ...
Makoto: ...
Maya: ...
Fuyutsuki: ...
[Everyone slowly moves into more normal positions. Sensors are checked,
reports are verified, and bets are harvested.]
Misato: (fingering a sizable wad of Yen) What the hell just happened?
Ritsuko: (scanning Maya's console) I can say for sure that the Angel is
gone. I can't for sure say why or how. (shrugs; takes a page from the
Goons' book) It blowed up but good?
Misato: Do you think it's safe to send out a recovery unit?
Maya: There's no unusual emissions.
Misato: Good enough. Send out medical units to assist the JSSDF. Put
pilots Mucha and Waddell on ice. Waddell wants to be cremated, right?
[Shiegeru works the cameras like a DJ on crystal meth and quickly finds
and zeroes in on both Goons, that are beaten, unconscious, but clearly
breathing. Ritsuko begins working her Mini-MAGI.]
Shiegeru: (like a kid who just got beat up by the school bully) They're
both alive!
[Misato drops to her knees and beats her hands upon the floor while
crying out to the heavens.]
Misato: (Charlton Heston style) You bastards! He's still alive! He's
still aliiiive! NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Ritsuko: (after the wailing and sobbing dies down) Are you done?
Misato: (standing and brushing some dust from her knees) Yes. Let's
start picking up this mess. For starters, the PR department left a death
threat on my desk after Waddell leveled that new freeway interchange, so
I think we're going to have to do the creative thinking for the moment.
Does someone have a bright idea for how we're going to explain this one?
[Misato is facing away from sub-commander Fuyutsuki, and thus misses his
enthusiastically puts his hand in the air like an over-eager school boy.]
Misato: No? Okay then, I'm getting out the hat.
Fuyutsuki: (bouncing up and down in Gendo's chair) Oh! Oh! Me! Me!
Misato: (sighs) Yes, Commander Fuyutsuki?
Fuyutsuki: (triumphantly, well... triumphantly for Fuyutsuki) Downed
power line!
Misato: < 0_0 > ...
Ritsuko: < 0_0 > ...
Maya: < 0_0 > ...
Some Tall Guy Wearing a Gi: < 0_0 > ...
Misato: (to the tall guy) Get out of here! (to the bridge crew) You
heard the man, a downed power line that finally came in contact with...
a gasoline tanker, as we feared it might. Big explosion, yadda yadda.
Now get moving! Chop chop!
----------
[Darkness. We hear voices and lots of activity, but all is black for
now.]
Man #2: He's stirring.
Man #1: His signs have been stable for a while now, I'm surprised he
took this long to wake up.
Andy: (disgruntled) Ouch.
Man #2: Relax, sir. You're lucky to be alive.
[Andy's eyes open. We see the wrecked city, a small crater, and a pair
of Emergency Medical Technicians hovering over the Goon with all manner
of highly advanced medical instruments. Little NERV patches are visible
on their uniforms.]
Andy: Luck had nothing to do with it. I am the strongest of all!
[Andy pumps a fist in the air, then notices a long, thin scratch on his
arm. He looks at the Andy-shaped impression he left in the furniture
truck. The outline of the Goon even includes his hair.]
Andy: (getting to his feet and pushing aside the much smaller EMT guys)
Where's Waddell?
EMT #2: They're taking him inside, to hospital unit 2. He's not
seriously injured, but he's a little dehydrated and was pretty
incoherent. Babbling in strings of numbers and something about a
Melanie--
Andy: Fuck! FUCK!
EMT #2: Hey, wha--
[But with two fingers to his forehead, Andy is gone.]
-TbC...
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