I've enjoyed this story a lot; thanks for writing and sharing!

David Barry wrote:

It wasn't the unfamiliar ceiling and walls with decorations that 
were a tad foreign to her that kept her up. 

A bit of an awkward, run-on sentence.

Taking a break from today's lessons, Syaoran laid along side Sakura on the 
  

'lay alongside', I think

ground in the middle of a lush garden at the Li estate. Together they 
watched the clouds drift by.

Sakura could hardly tell that it was the start of winter here, with warm 
breezes floating over Hong Kong from the Indian Ocean. 

Indian Ocean?  That's far from the nearest body of water, and, at this 
time of year, the prevailing winds should be from land towards sea.

She enjoyed just 
being near the boy with her, half-debating to steal another kiss from him 
  

half-debating whether to...

Syaoran let out a hollow chuckle. "Whoever said life was fair? But consider 
this: if one of your friends was to die tomorrow, wouldn't it be better than 
  

better if

Sakura's eyes widened in shock and fright realizing if that had been a 
living person, he would be very dead with his heart crushed. She couldn't 
believe the implications before her. "Are you saying Syaoran-kun and 
Meilin-chan know how to KILL?!"

Wei smiled sadly at the young teenager. "Lady Sakura, the spells Lord 
Syaoran knew when he first met you could kill a man. 

I know you're trying to make a point of Sakura's naivite here, but even 
so, for it to be a surprise to her that Syaoran's magic (or hers, for 
that matter) could kill seems a bit much.

"How does this help me against a guy?" Sakura wondered.
  

This, too, seems a bit TOO naive; she does live in a household with two 
male relatives, after all.  Given the relationship we see between her 
and her father, she must have taken baths with her father in the not too 
distant past.

"You know magic? Could you teach me some?" Kau questioned.

Sakura frowned. "My magic is rather specific to me. It can't be taught."
  

It seems to me that Sakura's more likely response would be "I don't know 
how to teach magic."  She does at least know how to think about the 
creation of new spells and cards.

Kau stared at the girl in shock and horror. "You could burn down this entire 
estate?"
  

Why does this surprise Kau?  Didn't Feimei tell him as much in the last 
chapter?  Or am I confusing him with one of the other two boyfriends?

The trip was not unlike her own trek to school each morning, 
passing by many expensive homes. Though the homes here had a lot more yard 
to walk past, making this trip a bit longer.
  

Umm... the first movie, if I remember correctly, implies that Syaoran's 
family lives at the top of Victoria Peak on Hong Kong Island, where real 
estate prices are comparable, if they do not now exceed, anything you 
could find anywhere in Japan (because land is in much shorter supply).

The school itself wasn't as large as the collective buildings of her school, 
though this one served less grade levels and fewer students. The main school 
  

served fewer grade levels and

Sakura huffed as she wandered around the field. She wondered how often her 
boyfriend played soccer here, and what sort of other games he had 
participated in.

"Who do we have here?" was questioned in Cantonese.
  

She was questioned...

Sakura turned to look to see who said that and saw four boys walking toward 
her. "Ah, hello," she greeted in English.

"Definitely not a native," a different boy stated in English as well.
  

comma after 'stated'

"That should be obvious," the first boy groused toward his friends. "So, 
where are you from? Korea?"
  

Strikes me as an odd first choice.  Japanese tourists are very common in 
HK, and have been for decades.  The boys only really have two choices, I 
think, and Japan should have been the default.  The boys know she's not 
from China proper outside Guangzhou province because she tried English 
rather than Mandarin (and ditto Taiwan), and they know she's not from 
Singapore because of her accent, she's likely not from the Phillipines 
both because of her accent and her complexion.

Yelan led her children along with Sakura, Henry, Wulong, and Kau deep into 
the Li estate. 
  

As stated above, from the movie Syaoran's mother's house sits on 
exceedingly expensive real estate.  To extrapolate an estate that one 
can walk "deep into" strains my willing suspension of disbelief in a way 
that would not be true if I took Syaoran's mother's house to be on one 
of the outlying islands.



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