Subject: [FFML] Re: [Naruto] One Hundred Days - Chapter Fifteen: The Will of Fire
From: Aaron Nowack
Date: 1/1/2007, 6:06 PM
To: Troy Thomas
CC: FFML <ffml@anifics.com>

Troy Thomas wrote:
Aaron Nowack wrote:
        The much older ninja smiled, and there was no pleasantness in
his expression.  "So nice to finally have a chance to talk, isn't it?"
he asked.

A bit jarring. Suggest,
and there was nothing pleasant in his expression

Will do.

        "The way I understand it," Temari said, "the Rain used some
story about moving the reinforce the Waterfall against the Valley to get
close to the village.  Once they were inside..." Temari trailed off with
a shrug.

Something is missing there. Is it supposed to be...?
about moving to reinforce

That's right; good catch.

Thanks for the comments, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


-- Aaron Nowack "Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis." http://www.mimiru.net/ .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----. | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'