[FFML] [C&C][Ranma][OMG] Happosai's life of DOOM: Chapter 5, Who ya gonna call?

[Jared Waddell]

Haven't read the previous parts, but I've got FFML mail and I have to C&C
something, damn it!

--- Rebecca Heineman <burgerbecky7 at yahoo.com> wrote:

> Happosai's life of DOOM: Chapter 5, Who ya gonna call?
> 
> Ranma 1/2 characters were created by Rumiko Takahashi. Oh! My Goddess
> characters were created by Fujishima Kosuke. Other characters appearing
> in
> this chapter are owned by their respective property holders.
> 
> By Rebecca Ann Heineman, with a tiny inspiration from "The Accidental
> Goddess" by Sinom Bre.

Didn't precisely see OMG influence here, but again, I didn't really read
the previous parts. At least, I do not recall that event, Senator.

<snip>
> As Happosai stood dumbfounded, his tongue sticking out dripping drool,
> a
> group of four men got up from the far table. All of them were wearing
> grey
> jumpsuits and had strange scientfic equipment strapped to their backs.

scientific

> In
> holsters, they each had a large object that somewhat resembled a nozzle
> from
> a gasoline pump. This nozzle was attached to a thick hose that
> connected to
> their backpacks. An insignia adorned the men's shoulder. The patch was
> that
> of a white cartoon ghost inside of a red circle with a red slash though
> it.
> 
> "Okay boys, amateur hour is over, let's show them how it's done." Dr.
> Peter
> Venkman, the so called leader of the group put down his sandwich and
> stood
> up with his of paranormal investigators and eliminators. "This is a job
> for..."
> 
> The four cried out in unison, "The Ghostbusters!"

Woo-hoo! The party begins!

<snip>
> 
> The other three shout. "Right!"

tense shift: shouted,

<snip>

> 
> She was about to say something to the fact that Soun still had his
> health,
> but decided to keep quiet.

LOL

<snip>
> 
> Speaking while crying was a talent mastered by few, Soun was a
period instead of comma here ---------------------> .

> Grandmaster.

<snip>
> 
> The panda sighed.

Strangely, I'm waiting for something to land on its head.

> 
> Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy
> and 
> won't invite the Ghostbusters to your next party.
> 
> Last edited on Sunday, July 1, 2007
> 

Funny, direct, no screwing around. Few minor errors (I caught a handful),
but solid overall.

I give 37.35 widgets out of a possible total of soup!

Later,
Rick "down with Happosai!" Spiff


 
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