[FFML] [Naruto][AU]Clients Lie chapters 1&2 (sequel to People Lie)

[Nugar]

On Nov 8, 2007 6:52 PM, Bastion <bastion at ix.netcom.com> wrote:
$Ooh, comments.  I'm such a sucker for comments.


> >And, somehow, in the time since I posted People Lie, I've forgotten
> >how to best send this to the list and keep my formatting intact.  So
> >if this looks like hell, sorry.
>
> Don't worry, formatting has been a bitch to me and several other posters.  For the most part, the formatting wasn't distracting.

$Well, that's good.  I had no way of knowing, since I didn't get ANY
of the ones I sent to the FFML until today, when both of them and
these comments showed up all at once.  How many and when did you see
it?

>
> As for the story, I like where you're going with this.  I'll be the first to admit that I really don't like Naruto, but your version is so much more grittier and more what you'd expect from ninjas, a bunch of ambitious, power hungry, cold individuals.

$It IS kind of irritating.  I'm not especially fond of Naruto myself,
for all that I've watched nearly all of the anime and read all but the
latest chapters of the manga.  I love the world, though, I see a lot
of fanfic potential there, but the character's attitudes towards
things like assassinations and death and whatnot do seem kinda...
off.  So, naturally, as I write this, I try to put a more realistic
slant on it where possible and I think about it.  The rest of the
logical inconsistencies...  Well, I favor Kishimoto's approach.
Ignore it and maybe the readers won't notice.

>  I think this is a great logical progression from People Lie and it shows how disturbingly effective a cross dressing Naruto is.

$Yeah, and it's also my response to the plethora of fanfics out there
that portray the villagers, at least some of them, as 'evil' for
mistreating poor young Naruto.  Bullshit.  They're PEOPLE.  It's human
nature to fear what you don't understand, and fear leads to hate.
It's an APPROPRIATE response, because what you don't understand CAN
kill you.  Look at how I did it.  The old couple aren't evil.  They're
pretty decent folks, really, modeled after any number of sweet old
couples I've known over the years.  They don't have to treat Naruko as
nice as they do, but they're good people, so they do.  It doesn't hurt
that Naruto is pretty good at faking being charming, but still, evil
people do not consistently behave that way.  But still, thanks to the
heartache of losing children to the Kyubi, they never saw past that to
see that Naruto was just a child.  So they treated him badly enough
that he felt compelled to get a low key revenge on them.  The fun
thing storywise is, this version of Naruto is even smart enough to
realize why they acted that way, and understand their reactions
completely.  But where canon Naruto would shrug and forgive, this one
won't do that.  He's not the forgiving type.  So, I ask you, who is
more evil here?  The old couple who were cruel to a child, or the
grown child who understands that they weren't evil, but uses their
very good nature to hurt them?

Of course, I also understand why many fanfic authors see the villagers
as evil for treating Naruto badly as he was growing up.  Many of us
were social outcasts for various reasons growing up, and identify
strongly with Naruto, and see the villagers as all the kids and adults
who ever picked on us or otherwise made us feel inferior.  That's a
perfectly understandable reaction, too, but when I wrote those scenes,
I just wanted to, in a sort of quiet way, make my opinion on the
matter known.

I put a lot of thought into that, and it was really tricky balancing
out the maliciousness with humor.  Harder even than that was making
Sasuke enough of a bastard to be recognizably Sasuke, but still
likable enough you don't want him to fall in a sewer and die.  He IS a
main character, and it's never good to have your readers hating one of
your main characters.

>  Though I'm still waiting to see how Naruto's childhood trauma is going to effect his sexual identity.  I mean you can see that train wreck coming a mile away with the way Naruko is going.

$That gets a lot into his treatment of Hinata, who actually responds
to it, and the answer to your later question about the saltpeter.  I
think it's a myth, but saltpeter is supposed to make men impotent,
just like tiger penis or rhynoceros horn is supposed to restore
virility.  It takes a pretty messed up person to deliberately ruin
someone's manhood that way.  Yeah, train wreck is a pretty good term
for it.
>
> I also like how you've wrapped Sasuke up in this little power struggle as well as the disturbing possiblities of how Naruto is going to take advantage of Hinata.  I get the feeling that Naruto isn't above having Hinata try to seduce Sasuke.

$Mm, yeah, but Sasuke isn't going to go quietly.  Conflict makes plot.
 Any more than that, well, I'm still writing.

>
> Also, I think you played off the humor very well considering the seriousness underlying the entire chapter and made it play well into Naruto's facade.  It just makes him all the more frightening and makes him truly an anti-hero if that's ultimately his true goal.  However I think Naruto's path is only going to get darker and I think he's more likely to become of the one bad guy's lackeys (I can't bring myself to look his name up right now) like Sasuke did in the canon.

$Orochimaru.  He was a big inspiration for Naruto, as was Zabuza, the
big sword guy from the beginning, and, of course, Ibiki.  I won't get
into that right now, though, since I'd be spoiling future plot points.
 Let me just say that not all of Naruto's assumptions about the way
the world works are true.  We can only plan for so much, and then
something comes screaming at you out of the corner of your eye and the
world changes in an instant.

>
> I do have one question though, the whole episode with the saltpepper is lost on me.  Why exactly did Naruto do that and why saltpepper?  It didn't seem the old man was trying to have any more kids or anything.

$See previous answer.  Old men still like to have a little fun now and
then, and it's one nasty blow to the male ego when certain things stop
working.

>
> Anyway, great story and I enjoyed reading it.  Here's hoping to see more of this in the future.

$Working on it.  Thanks for the comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

-Nugar