[FFML] [PEANUTS] It's good to be the Queen, Charlie Brown

[John Biles]

On Tue, Dec 22, 2009 at 2:20 PM, Richard Lawson <nouma at msn.com> wrote:

>
> Oh man, Biles does Schultz.  This oughta be good.  =)
>
> >     The greatest frustration of Charlie Brown's life at the current
> > time was that he hadn't made the High School baseball team
>
> Ooh, you mean after seventy years, Charlie Brown finally made it to high
> school?  Sweet!
>

Time flows slow but it does flow :)


>
> > in the city's 'Junior League' were stuck in phsyical education
>
> "physical"
>
> DOH


> > This was one of their best years ever.
>
> Poor CB.  Just once he should get to kick the ball.
>
>
Heh.  Schultz really should have ended the strip with Charlie Brown kicking
the ball into orbit.  Or maybe Peppermint Patty suddenly surprising Lucy and
kicking it before CB could :)


> > The coach had pretty much appointed two captains and given
> > them the gear and wandered off;
>
> A good indication of why they lose all the time, neh?
>
>
Yep.


> >     "Alright, let's play a good game," Charlie Brown said to his team.
>
> Finally.  Can't believe I'm saying this of a Biles fic, but the opening was
> bit... boring.  A bunch of flat exposition that's unusual for you.
>
> I had the problem of having to set up my situation; it is a bit clunky.



> > (not to be confused with Peppermint Patty, unless
> > you wanted Patty to hit you, or more likely these days,
> > arrange for you to be snubbed.  Then Peppermint Patty
> > would hit you.).
>
> lol.  This is the kind of Biles humor I've come to expect.  =)
>
>
Heh.


> > She staggered and it dropped into the glove she was holding in her
> > right hand.
>
> Predictable but still funny.  =)
>
>
Hehe.

> >     "You did that deliberately because you are jealous of my
> > naturally curly hair!" Frieda yelled at Angela.
>
> Love how you keep dropping in these character bits.  =)
>
>
I've been reading the Complete Peanuts, which inspired this.


> >     They had become friends, which is to say, Charlie usually got
> > nails driven into his emotions several times a day
>
> This is awkward.  I know what you're trying to say (and I know the feeling
> you describe), but "nails driven into his emotions" just doesn't sound right
> and doesn't carry the weight you're going for.
>
>
I've lived this situation.  I am open to suggestions.


> > except sometimes he would wake up at night screaming about
> > rhino beetles.
>
> A complete non-sequitir but okay.  Made me laugh.  =)
>
>
Long story.


> >     "You didn't have to touch her!" Lucy shouted at Schroeder.  "We
> > already had three outs and she couldn't score!  You never
> > touch me!"
> >
> >     Schroeder ambled over to Lucy as the team began to come in
> > and lightly touched her forehead with the ball.  "There you go."
>
> Loved this exchange.
>
>
David Tai suggested this to me when he went over the first draft, so I give
him the credit as I really like it.


> >     Then he'd managed to get himself depressed about how he'd
> > never really been kissed, but that was another story.
>
> Hehe.  Do tell.
>
> > in the middle of the room was a table and on it was
> > a lemon cake covered in white frosting with the hasty
> > message 'WE WON' scrawled on it in orange frosting
> > that smelled really strongly of oranges.
>
> Aww.
>
>
I will confess that this is the cake I want :)


> >     Charlie Brown turned to dust and blew away in the
> > wind, figuratively.
>
> Heh.  I know this feeling.  =)
>
>
Amen, brother, sing it!


> >     Snoopy had arrived and stuck his head inbetween them
> > and kissed her.
>
> Oh, wow.  Nicely executed, John.
>
>
Thanks.  I think this is one of the most Schultzy parts of it; I didn't use
Snoopy a lot in this fic, but this is my favorite bit with him.


> >     Linus and Lucy's Mom arrived home just in time to take a dog
> > to the face and go down, throwing groceries everywhere, after
> > which the killing began.
> >
> >     Lucy takes after her mother, but is somewhat calmer and less
> > violent, you see.
>
> This elicited a classic Biles-inspired guffaw.
>
>
Based on a friend of mine's mom; I once drove up to his house and he ran out
the front door, shouting "RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN" so I just drove away.
His Mom is okay 99% of the time, but when she gets mad, FLEE FOR THE HILLS.


> >  Fortunately, most of her career plans focused around
> > her strengths--intimidation, shouting, and punching.
>
> Lucy was my least favorite Schultz character but you're making me like her,
> John.  =)
>
>
I like Lucy, though in real life, I would probably hate her.  Lucy is tricky
to write because she's a tsundere who is 90% tsun and the dere comes through
subtly except when she's dealing with Schroeder.


> >     "You call this a fight???" Linus said
>
> Hmm.  I know this is a stylistic choice, but I still feel compelled to
> comment: more than one punctuation mark is grammatically incorrect.
>

I know.

>
> >     "F**k realism," Peppermint Patty said hotly.
>
> Heh.  Your Peanuts are a bit grittier than Schultz's.  =)
>
> They're older and I don't have to appear in a newspaper.


> > Mr. Smith taught Linus' fourth period Sophmore
>
> "Sophomore"
>
> Doh


> > the chance collision sent the ball arcing high into the stands
> > where it hit Big George in the face.  He toppled, holding it and
> > howling angrily, then he tried to throw it at Charlie Brown.
> > The throw went wild and it flew over the third baseman's
> > head and off into the open field beyond.  Jose Peterson yelled,
> > then ran off to find it.
>
> Okay, so, you know this isn't a hit, right?  The instant the ball touches
> anything in foul territory - including Big George - it's a foul ball.
>
> Of course, if we're playing Anime-Rules Baseball, then anything goes.  =)
>
>
See, my baseball expert didn't rule that out.  But this is cartoon baseball
where your clothing can be knocked off by a ball, so I will leave it.



> >     Richard now stepped up and nailed a single.
>
> Go Richard!
>

I have an uncle named Richard.


>
> >     Charlie Brown tossed the ball up and down.  "I'm going to
> > strike you out, Peppermint Patty."
>
> Oooh, you can cut the ambiguous sexual tension with a knife.
>
> Heh.  I'm very happy with how their relationship comes out in this story.


> > Patty fired it to Snoopy, who tagged Richard out with the ball
> > in his mouth.
>
> Ew!
>
> DOG GERMS!!!!


> > Richard had no great weaknesses or strengths
>
> Yup!
>
>
Heh.


> > She'd long ago learned the easy way to tell which child was
> > guilty was to yell and see who runs.
>
> Hehe.
>
>
Totally true.


> >     "It's good to be the Queen, Charlie Brown," Marcie said.
>
> Heh.  Well, I was expecting that ending.
>
> It just suddenly came to me.



> Who ended up with whom?  Will Charlie ever figure out that Lucy is his true
> love, or will he settle for Peppermint Patty while pining over Heather?
>
> That's a story for another day!




> Anyway, a fun little story, with some hilarious moments.  Well done, John.
>
>
Thanks!  It was inspired by my acquiring a goatload of the Complete Peanuts
collection and reading them in a frenzy.
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