[FFML] [Mai Hime, Future] Unexpected Visitor

[John Biles]

On Sat, Mar 7, 2009 at 11:22 AM, Bert Miller <hkmiller at theeddy.com> wrote:

> John Biles wrote:
>



> I finished my library research for my boring paper of the week and then
>> headed back to the dorm to get some sleep.  As I walked, I had a sudden bad
>> feeling of impending doom. I stopped and looked around; hopefully some
>> pervert wasn't loose on campus when I was disarmed.
>>
>>    "Crystal-san," a man's voice said.  I knew that voice, it was my
>> ex-boyfriend Iwao Taiki.  He's tall and fairly strong; he's on the baseball
>> team.  Unfortunately, as I found out when we started dating a while back, he
>> is BORING.  He doesn't look boring, but all he really knows is baseball and
>> bad sports movies.
>>    Plus, he seems likely to grow up to basically be a corporate drone
>> working for his dad.  Not ambitious enough for me.
>>
> For a sixteen-year-old, this smacks of an unpleasant mercenary shallowness
> to Crystal I don't care for.  None of her aunts except maybe Shiho seem like
> they would have tried to foster such a taste in men, as if the size of their
> wallets is ALL they're good for.  Or maybe it's just the way it's phrased;
> if Taiki had actually said "My future is taken care of; I'll work for my
> dad's company when I get older, no matter how boring it is" then I guess I
> could see this, but I'd have thought she would see it in terms of being
> boring:  "At least do something you really want to do with your life!  I
> don't care if you start your own company and fail miserably, as long as you
> tried."


Actually, I  see it's not coming across right.  MONEY isn't the issue here,
it's that Taiki basically is aimless and willing to let his parents push him
into pretty much becoming His Dad 2.0.  Whereas, Crystal has been rebelling
against the parents trying to control her life through not telling her stuff
for a good while now.


Here, I changed this to:

Plus, he seems likely to grow up to basically be a corporate drone working
for his dad.  Not because he wants to, but because he isn't willing to
actually fight to have his own life.  I don't know what I want to do with my
life, but I'll chose it for myself.


(Note that her attraction to Hayao in Unexpected Visitor had nothing to do
with money.)


>
>
>>    Though at least he's not a bastard like Hayao.  Though it would help if
>> Kasumi wouldn't waffle about him.
>>
> Heh.  The way Crystal waffles?


Picky, picky.


>
>
>    I put a hand over my face.  "Iwao-san, it's over.  I've moved on.  Why
>> can't you?"
>>
>>    "But we..." he began.
>>
>>    This was once again reminding me too much of the time Aunt Mikoto
>> watched Grease over and over and over again for days until Mom finally threw
>> the DVD into traffic.
>>
> Heh.  Might consider something like "..Aunt Mikoto watched Grease over and
> over and over again, with big, hypnotized eyes, until Mom..."


Heh!


>
>
>
>>    "Iwao-san. It's over.  Forget about me.  There are plenty of other
>> women; why not date one of the softball women?  They'd appreciate your
>> skills."  I felt very clever I'd finally thought of that.
>>
>>    "But I'm not in love with them," he said, staring at the ground.  He
>> was about to cry, again.  I thought athletes didn't cry!  Unless they're
>> Kasumi, anyway.
>>
>>    "I'm not in love with you," I told him.
>>    "Dan's your boyfriend, isn't he," Taiki said accusingly.  "I saw you
>> helping him."
>>
>>    "He's my COUSIN," I said.  "We're family!  You wouldn't date your
>> family, would you?"
>>
> Well, this tells us how the five feel about each other, but I'm not quite
> sure how well it works as Crystal explaining herself.  For one thing, Taiki
> may know they're not really related; for another, first cousins are
> perfectly legit for several cultures (often preferred, in fact, in some
> [admittedly, by the parents rather than kids], as it keeps money inside the
> family, as it were).  If the point is that Crystal and the others grew up
> close enough to think of each other as brothers and sisters, it might work
> better to have Crystal just burst out laughing here, rather than getting
> angry:


Yeah, they basically regard each other as siblings.  I'll have to think
about that, though.


>
>>
>>  And having just done some rewatching of my own, the name 'Professor
> Sasaki' is uttered earlier, by the school nurse, during the first reunion we
> see between her and Midori, in episode 7 (the Nao episode).  This causes
> Midori to go into a series of emphatic gestures, trying to get the nurse to
> change the subject.
>

Ahh, cool.,
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