[FFML] [SHnY][..IN SPACE!] The Nightmare of Sagittarius -- Prologue

[Chaeotica]

Well, I was going to wait until I had time to do actual C&C on this, but
given the general tone of the comment chain...

I liked this.  It worked.  I was interested from beginning to end, I didn't
come across anything jarring enough to knock me out of story-mode, the
settings were introduced efficiently and well, and I find myself eagerly
wondering what will happen next.

While the shift between old and new was abrupt, this is a prologue to a
longer story; it still works.  If this were a one-shot or, say, chapter 3 of
a longer fic, then there might be problems.  But it works in a prologue, and
- if you wanted to go the gradual change route - it allows for later bits to
include flashes back to how the change happened, possibly as part of the
characters remembering how the world changed.

Now, as to the "Nagato did it" part... I suppose it _could_ be made more
clear that she's the one who did it.  On the other hand - maybe because I'm
not as familiar with the Haruhi series as some of the others on the list - I
didn't automatically assume that Haruhi was the one who made the shift the
first time I read this.  And - after I reread the actual shift part - I
think that a careful reader can infer that Nagato did it fairly easily,
given that 1) Nagato had the story, 2) Kyon mentions that he feels like he
and Nagato are the only ones in the world, and 3) Haruhi is busy babbling
at/with the computer club president.

Anyway, to sum up:
1) I liked the story.
2) I would like to see it continue
3) I didn't see any blatantly obvious errors on my first read through.
4) Don't get discouraged!  Seriously!  And don't consider it a waste of time
that you posted.

I hope this amuses. :)
>

It amused me, at least.
~Chaeotica
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