[FFML] [www][fanfic][MLP:FiM][Ben 10] "Charmcaster ~ Friendship Is Z" @ MythrilMoth.net

[Gary Kleppe]

On 07/13/2013 11:45 PM, Mythril Moth wrote:

> http://www.mythrilmoth.net/charmcaster.html
>
> This is a crossover idea that got away from me and mutated into
> something resembling a DBZ movie. Or the My Little Pony equivalent thereof.


Despite not knowing MLP nor Ben 10 I had no problem following the story.

I liked seeing the ponies having to deal with a threat far beyond 
anything they've experienced before. I would've maybe liked to see more 
explorations of the locals' reactions. Perhaps some might want to just 
run or surrender and might even discourage the other unicorns from 
fighting back because of the reprisals it might cause? The reactions in 
your story are pretty rational but there should at least be the 
possibility of less sensible ones.

The ending felt rather deus ex machina. I've no doubt that the source 
material completely justifies it, but maybe you could at least add some 
more foreshadowing in the beginning about how friendship is the greatest 
power of all or some such thing.

All in all, I enjoyed it.