[FFML] [Fic][Ranma][Introspective]To Ranma: A Letter

[d rat]

Once upon a time, i had an über disclaimer, but i misplaced it.
Suffice to say, i don't
own these characters.  Yet.

C&C please!

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To Ranma: A Letter
by dunerat

*****

Journal Entry #2195

     How did she do it?  I'll always wonder, I guess.  I mean, it's
not like I really fought that
hard against it, but still.  I never really thought you would actually
choose her over me,
when the chips were down.  And yet, there you are, walking off into
forever with her on your
arm, while I sit here drowning myself in the sake that no one knows
I've been stealing from
our fathers.  I've been hitting this bottle a little too much lately;
I think it's starting to affect
my control.  I'm not really that upset, after all.  I'd never let
something like this upset me for
real, so it has to be the sake crying.  Right?

     Really it was inevitable, I think.  I just didn't want to admit
it.  That or you're a masochist.
I mean she does hit you quite a bit, even now, two years after that
first, failed wedding.  But
you can't even see that, can you?  You've seen through it like the
rest of us have; you know
it's just an act she plays.  I had my angle too, you know.  But in the
end, I guess it just never
counted for much with you.  I've saved your butt more times than I can
count, but maybe
keeping that to myself wasn't that smart of an idea.  Hers too, by the
way, not that I'd ever
admit to doing it for either of you.  Neither of you think I'm really
capable of that sort of thing
anyway.  Just because I'm not the same kind of fighter as you....

     I'm glad you didn't choose any of the others though.  It would
have been so much worse
for me if you'd gone with that Chinese lush.  Heh, you didn't even
know she had a habit
though, did you?  One more thing I'll probably never tell you.  You
don't need that kind of
thing on your conscience yet.  And if I have my way about it, you
never will.  You're still far
too innocent to know what you've done to that girl, believe it or not.
 Then again, here I am
with the same problem she has, so what does that make me?

     Nah, I don't expect you to answer.  I'd be afraid of what you
might say, anyway.
Especially if you knew half of the things I know about the people
around us.  Like how I used
Ku Lon's fear of you finding out about Xian Pu's problem to convincer
her to go back to China
to get it fixed.  Or how I convinced Mu Tsu that it was his fault she
was like that in the first
place so that he'd leave with them instead of coming after you.   I do
not envy Xian Pu her
"drying out" as Ku Lon called it.  Not one bit, if I know anything
about that old ghoul.  But she's
strong enough; she'll recover quickly.  She won't be back here after
you though, not this time.

     Ukyo will.  I don't think I'll be able to keep her away.  But
she's starting to figure it out.  I
think she's known for a while now anyway, but she doesn't want to put
the pieces together.
I can't blame her: neither do I.  Then again, she's a resourceful girl
with a practical head on
her shoulders.  She knows when to cut her losses, and she knows that
that time is already
a little past.  She really wants to be your friend though, so I don't
think you'll have too much
trouble with her.  Just enough to provide a few small waves, but not
enough to make it rocky.
Then again, the fact that I now own a controlling share of her
restaurant may have something
to do with that.   Not something I'm proud of, really, but if it'll
make you happy, well, blackmail
isn't exactly new to me.  Besides, I just want her to behave, not
leave.  Unlike Xian Pu, Ukyo
is actually quite the likable girl.

     Which only leaves Kodachi, but she was never really in the race,
was she?  More than
slightly nuts, she probably won't be back for a while either.  I'm not
sure exactly which string
I pulled it was that got her put away, given how many I tried.  But
again, I don't really care about
that anymore.  What's one more hit on my reputation now?  Besides,
you'll never know, and
neither will my sisters, so no one can really complain about the
situation anyway.  Except
Kodachi, of course.

     Which only leaves the last two possible choices, that being my
other two sisters.  The one
was right out from the beginning, of course, but the other....  How
was I to know it would work
so well?  I just needed some time; it was too soon, too jarring.  I
know you didn't mean to enter
our lives that way, and I've never held that against you.  But I was
scared, really.  Scared of how
you might affect things in our quiet little household.  Scared of how
you might affect me.
Diffidence is easy for me: I've been practicing since mother died.
Over time though, you became
exactly what I wanted in a man.

     Oh, I know what I said, back then.  But that doesn't really
matter now, does it?  I love you so
bad it hurts, and I can't even tell you.  My sister would be
devastated.  Besides, it's too late now
anyway, and even you can see it.  You both love each other, even if
you do still have a hard time
admitting it.  Well, you're still young; I would have had trouble then
too.  Bah, who am I kidding,
I'm having trouble right now!  Not that you know that, or anyone else
either.  Nor will you ever, just
like all of my other secrets.  They're called that for a reason, after
all.  Sometimes I wish I could rid
myself of them, but too many would be hurt by it, I think.  So I keep
them to myself, especially
the ones about you.

     Well, I think that's enough rambling for one night, so I'm going
to stop here.  I'll love you forever,
Ranma.  May you and Akane never find out.

*****

     Saving her work, she closed out her journal file and powered down
her computer.  She sat for a
moment staring at the picture of Ranma she had hidden on her desk
before moving to get ready for
bed.  Properly begowned, she snuggled into her futon and wished that,
just once, she wasn't alone
there.  Then the tears came, as they had every night for the last year
and a half.  Weeping silently,
Kasumi Tendo, Nerima's true Ice Queen, drifted off to sleep.

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AN: Blah my first published fic and it's practically spam.  Not quite
the start i was hoping for.  Ah
well, better a small start than none at all.  C&C welcome and
encouraged.  This fic came to me
over the course of a standard workday, and by the time i got back to
my pod i just had to write it
down.  And once written, why hang on to it?

--dunerat